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 Post subject: My Story
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:32 pm 
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[font=Georgia] [/font]Hello to all & hope you all are having a Good Day!!
Well, here's my story. It's taken me awhile to post it, so here goes.

I abused Lortab for about 5-6 years. It started with having my gallbladder removed, then knee surgery, then onto a broken foot onto a bad fall that injured my back. At each occurrance a doctor would give me Lortab for the pain. At the end when I hurt my back I was up to 5-6 Lortab's a day. My back doctor finally cut me off. I never knew that Lortab was a form of Opied. I just knew that the more I took the better I felt. I've never taken illegal drugs other than smoking pot in my teen years in high school.

On 3/1/08 I lost my job and career to a vision problem. I previously lost vision in one eye to a virus in 2007 and was told that I was making too many mistakes. And that I needed to leave and file for disability. What a slap in the face.... I filed for social security disability, was declined and am still fighting.

On 9/12/10 I was at the bottom of the barrell or what I thought was the end of the road. After calling different facilities for help and even going to the hospital for help, which turned me down, made me feel like the scum of the earth, I check myself into a drug treatment center. I was scared to death. My husband did not participate in this. I did it all by my self....

It was at this drug treat center where I was introduced to Suboxone. I didn't know what it was nor did I care at the time. All I knew was I couldn't take anymore.

The treatment center was HORRIBLE. It was like being in prison. Being told when to get up in the morning, when to eat, when to take a break and when to take meds... Thank God I was only in the center for a week. I don't think Iwould have survived if I had to stay much longer than I did.

At this center the nurses were RUDE and the doctors would not explain things. I felt like a horrible person.

Lucky for me when I was released I was able to get in with a wonderful doctor. He's so caring and is always willing to listen to me. We work together as a team, as it should be.

I've now been on Suboxone for 1 year now. I take 12mg a day. It has been a very good dose for me. I've not relapsed at all. I do on occassion have dreams of craving. My typical dream would entail making sure I have my usual dose of lortab in my purse before leaving my house. I never take any in my dream....

Now I sit alone each day. I don't have the energy or ambition to clean house, go out with friends or visit out of town family members.... Even though I'm married, I feel like my husband and I are roommates.... He never ask how I'm feeling, nor does he attend any of my doctor visits... I'm sure that this has all hurt him and I'm sure he feels like he didn't sign up for this when we got married 27 years ago..... I've told him how sorry I am more than I can count on both hands. But I feel it goes on deaf ear... I'm now a financial burden to him or that's how I feel.

I was able to file for unemployment due to a medical condition. And that's enough to pay for all my medical bills.

So, here I sit on the side of the bed trying to make sense of it all, wondering if I'll ever get back to the life I loved before lortab.


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 Post subject: been there
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 3:08 pm 
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I can understand how you feel. I was their for a period of time. I was such an outgoing person loved being around others and outdoor activities. I really have to give you my opion and it sounds like your depressed to me. Live throws us alot of balls and we make choices of how to handle them.

I had to mentally take my life back. I told myself I was not going down that way. I needed to take control of myself and my life and that is what I'm doing daily. I've been going up early making myself get dressed even if I have no where to go. My daughter and I take a afternoon walk weather I feel like it or not.

Your husband my feel like thier is nothing he can do to help you. I would have to say you need to make the first steps to getting back control of yourself and your life. Because it will past you by and day after day you will lose it,no memories. I ask that you try to make yourself do things you say you dont do anymore visit family and friends and when you do it then you will see what your been missing

Good luck, I've been there no more I choose how my life will be and so can you
Mel

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:25 pm 
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I was going to say the same thing - that I think you might be battling some depression. Especially after you described what's going on in your marriage and how you've lost interest in things, etc.

For months after I started suboxone I was doing the same thing with my husband. I kept apologizing and asking him what I could do to make things right. He wouldn't (or couldn't?) give me an inch. Not a hint. Finally, about 10 months later, we got into marriage counseling. For us, it was exactly what we needed.

You'll find your way. Just try to keep the communication open and honest as best you can. Hang in there.

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: SSDI
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:23 pm 
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Please PM me about social security disability. You must hire a lawyer and they will take their fee off the top, and you have been disabled for several years. With your condition and blindness. You must remember they will ALWAYS deny you the first time, that is why you need an attny. They will not charge you. I filed and was approve for SSD in 8 months and never had to see a judge. I got a 25,000 check when approved. They paid my attny off the top $6,000. For 8 months.......

Get as much information reguarding the vision problem. go or write to the hosp or doc that can say for sure, your vision was affected. Get your medical records, call the facilities and get them and then ask for your personnel records from that POS hospital........from human resources especially around the time they asked you to leave and why...........

Suboxone will either make you depressed or happy. I am glad you are off the Lortabs and Suboxone should help with pain.

Get on the internet and find a female attny that handles social security disability claims and make an appt. The first should fee should be free. (by law)

Good luck. I am PMing you because I don't care for a certain Moderator, she had nothing to offer you....she is BS


Robin


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 1:48 pm 
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robinfa wrote:


Good luck. I am PMing you because I don't care for a certain Moderator, she had nothing to offer you....she is BS


Robin



What does this particular part of this post have to do with the original post in this thread?

I , for one, feel (yes- I still have my feelings while on Suboxone) that this "dig"
at one of our own Moderators is disrespectful and inappropriate.

Furthermore, I think that this part of this post can be considered a personal attack;
and- isn't THAT against the forum rules?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:20 pm 
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Just a thought, maybe you can ask your husband how he feels and try to figure out what issues he is dealing with right now. When a person gets into recovery like you did (congratulations BTW) he or she gets treatment, counseling, meds and often a lot of support from friends or family. But the spouse has been through a lot, too, and they most often don't get any treatment or counseling or support. At one point in my treatment I was having issues with my husband and my doc offered to have him come in. Maybe you could arrange something, and maybe your husband would be willing to go if he knew it was to talk about HIS concerns.
And I agree about the possible depression. Please talk to your doc about it. And post here as much as you want. Sometimes just typing out what is on your mind really helps.
Hang in there,
Lilly


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 Post subject: Seconding Exorphin
PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:38 pm 
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Sorry to get away from the original poster's issues but I just have to say thank you to Exorphin for speaking up, I too feel that a statement like "I am PMing you because I don't care for a certain Moderator, she had nothing to offer you....she is BS " is inappropriate, to put it mildly. And i do not understand why anyone would say such a thing,

Catlady, I do hope you will start feeling better soon. To me too, it sounds like you are experiencing some bad depression and you may want to try antidepressant medication. Also, I have found that diet and exercise are critical for me in managing my depression.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:55 pm 
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Robinfa,

This is an official warning. Personal attacks are not allowed on the forum.

If you have a problem with one of the moderators there are several things you can do:

1. PM another moderator

2. PM Jamez (the forum admin)

3. PM Dr. Junig

If you continue to post personal attacks on the forum, your posts may be deleted or edited and you may be banned from the forum. If you have any questions about this, please contact me via PM.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:27 am 
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Hi cat, I too am sorry you are feeling so badly and agree that you are probably suffering from depression. I too was depressed and just like you said, I didn't want to go anywhere or even get dressed. My sub Dr is a psychiatrist and he put me on lexapro and said I had to make an effort. So I made myself get up, get dressed, get out and with that and the lexapro I slowly started feeling like my old self. Today I do feel like me, I am happy and running like crazy again.

I was lucky and have an extremely supportive husband. I am sorry you are having problems. I agree with Hat and think marriage counseling could help. It could help your husband to open up about the pain and struggles he had thru your addiction and in turn can help him understand yours and the fact that this was not as simple as deciding to take pills everyday. I hope you can get the help you need and can get your life back.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:58 am 
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Let's get this thread back on track....


Catlady - how are you doing? Please update us on how things are going for you. Been thinking about you.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: When I read your post...
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 11:29 am 
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Catlady, when I read your post, my stomach sank, my heart ached. I too remember all too well, sitting on the edge of my bed, crying and saying "who am I, where did I go, where am I going to go and with who?" I personally don't remember the person I was before opiates, but I do recognize a depressive person. Not only does addiction make you feel bad, it makes you feel guilty and ashamed. The way you were treated by the original doctors and nurses added to your shame and guilt. The lack of support from your husband now is prolong those feelings. I'm sorry catlady, that you are going through this but at the same time, it wasn't as if you woke up one day and decided to change your life for the worst. To me an addict, unless they have really hurt someone, should NEVER apologize for themselves. Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health. If your husband was able t help you during your surgeries and other illness, you need to expect the same help with this. Its a sickness and is life altering. That all being said, you have it in you, obviously, you've already been through a lot. Please don't doubt yourself or your abilities.no matter if we are just words on a computer screen, we are here for you. In sickness and in health!
Good luck and be strong, like you have already proven to be.


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