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 Post subject: My Story...
PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 7:22 pm 
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Hi Everbody,
I've posted a little info about my history, but I would like to share the whole story with everyone as so many of you have.

Let's start in junior high. I smoked my first joint with an older neighbor when I was 11-12. After that I decided that it was bad and I shouldn't do it ever again. A couple of years later I started to hangout with one of my bestfriends from grade school. He had an older brother and he was smoking weed a lot. Having smoked before I was like "yeah I smoke" so I got high with him a few times. Then when I got to high school I started to smoke all the time me and my friends would take pain killers,muscle relaxers, and benzos if we came accross some, but we were "potheads" and that was my DOC at throughout high school. After high school I kind of lost my taste for weed. I began to notice it's negative effects more than the positives and I didn't like the way it made me feel anymore. Anyways, I drank alot for a couple of years, got arrested a couple of times, tried cocaine an extacsy, and in general acted like and idiot for the first couple of years after high school. Then I cleaned up my act and decided to go to college. For the first couple of years I was in college I was very well behaved. I was doing well in school and I could go out every now and then have a few beers without getting hammered and have a good time.

Well, it was the start of my third year in college that I started to take some lortab/percs on the weekends for fun. I loved the fact that they made me so happy and me and my friends would talk and really enjoy each others company. The friends I had began doing this with were my best friend from high school and his wife whom I also had known for a while. Well our habit go a little more regular and we started to do methadone and oxy every once and a while. During this time my friend got a new job that he had to get up early fo so he would go to bed early a lot and leave his wife and I drinking wine and taking pills. We would talk and watch tv, nothing ever happened between us. Needless to say this began to wear on my friend to the point he had had enough. However, at no point has he ever told me he had a problem with it. He always told me trough her. Our friendship has never been the same. About a year ago it got so bad that she told me we couldn't be friends anymore. I was crushed, I knew what we were doing was wrong but she had become my best friend.

By this point my habit way an everyday full blown addiction. I was taking alot of whatever I could get my hands on which unfourtunatly was almost always lortab. I prefered methadone. After out friendship had to end I was very sad and depressed about the whole situation. I had lost my two best friends. They had become pretty much my only good friends over a period of 3-4 years. I started to take more and more pills to kill that pain.
Then I met a girl that was a friend of my little brothers. She was 18 I was 24 at the time. We hit it off and we were inseparable for months. I told her upfront about my habit, but minimized it so I didn't sound like a junkie. I told her it was just something I liked to do to have fun, like her friends drink or smoke a little weed. She was cool with it at first until she started to see that I was using all the time. At this point she told me that "she loved me, but she couldn't be with someone who was in love with drugs". I loved her so this scared me to death. I told her that was all I need to hear and that I was done taking pills. I really wanted to quit for her and for me. I was happy with her and I didn't want to mess it up.

We moved in together about 4 months after we started dating. This was the beging of the end. I hadn't been able to quit and as you know it's impossible to hide this addiction from anyone. I tried, but when you are intimate with someone they can tell when your high and when your not. I would fake orgasims. I thought she had know idea what was going on but she did. She confronted me on it and we broke up for the first time. A few days later she came over to pick up her stuff and we got it a tearful conversation, told each other we loved each other and got back together. I told her I was going to quit again and this time I did. The problem was I had already lost her trust and I'm sure some attraction because of my addiction and my lies. I was a different person sober and our relationship started to change. I started to become needy and I wasn't very fun to be around because I was withdrawn and depressed. We ended up breaking up again this time for good. This was in November.

Needless to say, I started using again, but I wanted to stop. I was devistated about the breakup. Finally, in January I got on suboxone. I was hopeful that if my ex saw me cleaning up my life she would want to get back together.

I've been on subs for about a month and I feel so much better about my life. I'm back in school and I'm doing well. My relationships are healing. My friends from earlier in the story are back in my life. My ex and I have been on a couple of dates and are going to be very good friends. She dosent want to get back together but I can't blame her. I let her down big time. She had been very supportive in this first month of my recovery. I have been on a couple of dates with another girl in the past few weeks. Life is good. I'm so greatful for suboxone.

Thanks for listening!


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 9:14 pm 
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hi whodat,
Isn't it great to feel good! You have made the first steps in getting your life back together, that's a major change right there. Suboxone is great, but it's no good without the desire to change, and you seem to have that covered. Glad to hear that you are still friends with your ex, she will be a good force in your life, knowing you as she does. Also it's good to know that you're back in school, this shows that you want to make something of your life.
Congrats too on your first month clean, that is a milestone in itself! Keep it up, things can only get better from here on in. If you ever need information, feel worried about something or just plain need someone to talk to, we are all here for you on this site. All of us have been the same places as you, and can understand perhaps better than most how drug addiction can affect a person.
Best wishes man, and welcome to the club!


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 9:41 pm 
Thank you for sharing your story Whodat! I am proud of you and I don't even know you! I can imagine how proud your loved ones are! After watching you spiral downward for many years.....to now see you on a much better path must be fantastic! I'll tell you what, we do find out who really loves us after going through this stuff and putting them through all our stuff! In your particular situation, I would imagine that there are some good people from your past that you can keep in your new life, but there are surely some who you're better off leaving behind too! I would encourage you to be careful about who you remain involved with. It would be hard to let go of old friendships, but anyone who is still partying a lot and even just using recreationally, you're better off avoiding in my opinion. I think a big part of recovery is taking the opportunity to do a hard-core evaluation of the people in your life. If the relationships are not healthy in any way, you might need to at the very least not hang out with them for a while. You can't afford to do anything that will jeopardize your progress.
You're still so young....You can finish your education and start a wonderful career, fall in love, start a family someday. So much for you to do and so many blessings to come your way as long as you stay on the right path! I have kids near your age who thankfully have not gotten deterred by substance abuse. One is in his mid-twenties, finished his degree at a good college, is working for a very large oil company and already making six figures! He's got the world by the tail because he did things 'right.' Another of my children is already in the last semester of grad school, will have a Masters degree before reaching age 24! They are good, balanced young people and I couldn't be prouder of them. This should be how it is for all of you young people! I know different situations offer different opportunities. But there will be NO opportunities for you as long as you're hooked on drugs!
Sorry, got off on another ramble!! Whodat, you are doing great! Keep up the good work!


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