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 Post subject: my story
PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 8:11 am 
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Joined: Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:28 am
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Location: Virginia
My name is John and here is my story of addiction. I started smoking weed when i was 13 with a friend that lived down the street. Never will i forget the days we smoked under the bridge watching the creek flow and catching a buzz. I knew at that point that i was to enjoy much the pleasure of weed and later began to experiment with other drugs. I smoked each and everyday of my life until age of 49. I of course missed a few days when could not find, but very few days. I guess mt second drug was cocaine. I would but a gram at a time during my teens and enjoyed much as well. I am 50 now and have been on 16 milligrams of suboxone for 4 years. I owned a business for 25 years and sold my company in 2005 and the company i sold to promised me the world but much changed after 1 week of working for them. I tell you this because i feel the use of opiates caused me to loose all in my life. I went to the dentist and had tooth work done at the age of 44 and he was a head friend and gave me 25 percocet 5s. Being a abuser of drugs i took 4 each hour instead of 1 each 4 hours as needed for pain. I enjoyed very much this feeling and soon was to meet a friend that had 1,000 of percocets. I started taking 3 or 4 a day and of course i needed more and more to get the opiate high i so much loved. I lived this life of hell for 3 years. I was taking 15 five millgram tabs a day of percocet and my life was much a mess. I would go on spending sprees and there was nothing that could touch me, i felt i was in control and was bullet proof. My wife was much ill at the time with Lyme sickness and she as well took much opiates and got 90 ten milligram tabs of percocet and soon i began to steal from her. She had be perscribed a fental patch, the most powerful kind you could get. Once i ran out of percocet and could not get out of bed and go to work and she was out of percocet also. She said to try the patch and after 1 hour of the patch on my shoulder it made the percocet feel like a asprin. My addiction to fental began!! I would take the left over gel in each patch and eat and learned this was the best opiate i had ever had. She would give me 3 patches a month and of course i had the gel from the patches to eat as well. This all not sounds so pleasant, but a opiate addict will do anything for the high. I played this game for 1 year and after i sold the company i was put under much pressure to be a salesman. I could not perform to there likes. I called human resourses and told them my problem and i entered re-hab. I was in re-hab for over 5 weeks and it was pure HELL. They gave me 4 milligrams of suboxone for 3 days and they handled like it was herion. It helped but it was not given proper, because we know now i needed much, much more. They gave me nothing when i left re-hab and of course i was in a daze after i left and felt like s...!I went back to work and could not make but very few sales calls and was fired after one year. My wife became much worse with her sickness. The extra patches she had she would use 2 at a time and was taking 5 bars of xanax a day as well. Of course this combination this high a dose with a woman that weighed only 100 pounds does not mix well. We slept in seperate bedrooms because i snored so loud. I would check on her often and noticed she was looking very bad and was in a herion like state. She died 2 weeks later of a over dose. I lost my wife of 20 years and my job of 25 years within 3 months and i felt like i wanted to meet my maker as well. But our son 14 was the only reason i made it thru all and of course with Gods help. I still felt very bad and a friend of mine hade the same problem i hade and he was taking suboxone. I went with him 1 day to his doctor and learned about this life saving drug. I forgot to say that i went back to percocet after my wive died because life became to much for me. The doctor told me i must withdraw from percocet and come back to him and he would treat me. Suboxone has been a life saver for me. Without i feel i would not be here. I have taken 4 years and will contiue to take because i only feel normal and can function only with. Excuse my spelling here as i am not the greatest speller, but i hope you understand all i say about my addiction and i can say only good about suboxone, it saved my life and i have no plans to stop in the future. My name is John, i am a addict. Thank you for listening and reading my story.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 10:52 am 
Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for sharing your story John. It never ceases to amaze me, how varied and how great our losses are to opiate addiction. You have lost a lot and I am so sorry. I'm glad you held on if not for yourself, for your son. And now here you are, stable on Suboxone and feeling like there is hope for your life again. For me, that's what Suboxone is - hope! Hope that no matter what you've lost and no matter how much damage has been done - we don't have to let it continue on. We can stop it and rebuild our lives. Although our lives won't look the same as they did before all this, at least we will have a life. We'll be here to finish raising our kids and to contribute something to society. We'll be here to pursue happiness again and have a reasonable hope of finding it! We can stop hurting the ones we love and stop hurting ourselves. I am so grateful for that!
Again, I'm sorry for you losses, especially the loss of your wife. Opiate abuse and addiction, and benzo addiction for that matter, are literally killing people every day. And if they don't kill us literally, they kill something within us that for a lot of us cannot be brought back. It has to stop. There is a great drug available to us now. My prayer is that Suboxone will become more widely accepted and be made more widely available so more and more people can get their lives back.
I'm glad you're doing well and glad you posted. There is good support here!

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