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 Post subject: My Story
PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:22 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 12:04 pm
Posts: 34
Location: Rocky Mount, North Carolina
Wow where to begin... Well I am 30 years old, and I have been using or abusing substances of some sort for probably close to 15 years. I tried a little of all of it, but when I found opiates like most everyone here I fell in love. I was in a few bad car accidents and suffer from a genetic connective tissue disorder called Marfan's syndrome, so chronic pain has been an issue for my whole life. What we wrote off as "growing pains" it turns out are caused by this disorder.
Anyway like most I spent the better part of my early adult life so stoned on pain pills that I don't remember big chunks of it. I know I robbed my family blind and repeatedly ruined their trust in me.
I had lost my good job, my doctor fired me, and it got impossible to find pain pills in my area. This all happened in late 2009. I got arrested and spent from Christmas of 09 to my birthday (April 1st) of 2010 in jail for a stupid misdemeanor but because my parents had cut me loose I had no one to turn to. All of my "friends" were done with me once I ran out of pills and money, so I detoxed from about a 300mg/day methadone habit in jail. That was miserable. And once I got out I vowed to never use again.
But we all know how that turned out.
I ended up getting a second chance job from a childhood friends parents working for their "mom and pop" independent pharmacy. For the first year I wasn't allowed near any meds mind you, I worked in the patient assistance dept, actually I was the patient assistance dept. Once I got a pay check I started messing around with pills again, but I knew where this would end up, and started on Suboxone in late 2010. I have been on it ever since, and though I've had my ups and downs I still thank God every day for this second chance at life. Once I got stable I took and passed the national pharmacy technician certification exam, & have kept that up to this day. It has always been funny to me that with my addiction I am able to work around pills all day, but I have no cravings. And with the presence of mind to know where slip ups lead, I have not had one since 2010 before starting Suboxone.
I have rebuilt relationships with real friends and family, and found an amazing fiance. I graduated nursing school #1 in my class in 2014 and I now work as an RN in a local emergency room. I am working on my BSN degree and once I am finished with that I plan on getting my Masters degree and becomming a Family Nurse Practitioner.
Life is pretty great these days, except....
I have been with my fiance for 3 years, and while I have been totally honest about my past and taking Suboxone, she has never seen me in active addiction. I don't think she understands that addiction is a lifelong disease because she feels like since I'm doing so well that I can come off the Suboxone. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop, unless something better comes along.
I have tried comparing it to both diabetes (would you want me to stop my insulin because my blood sugar is well controlled) and to hypertension (stopping hypertensive meds because of good blood pressure), and even with her background in healthcare (she is a nurse as well) she still doesn't understand.
It kinda shows how poorly educated most healthcare professionals are about addiction.
I guess that's about all for now... I have been a reader of both this forum and STZ and have posted once before, but I wanted to introduce myself to the group.
Oh and btw I am posting this from my phone, so if there are any spelling mistakes I apologize. :-)


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 Post subject: Re: My Story
PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:42 pm 
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Hi Duke!

We're glad to have you here and congratulations for turning your life around!!

I'm sorry that your fiance is having trouble understanding addiction and your need to be on bupe for the rest of your life. I know that you've read extensively on STZ, but has your fiance? If she would be more interested in the science maybe you could get her to read some articles and information at the NIDA website. They get very specific about the changes that occur in an addict's brain.

Nursing school was once on my agenda as well, but I changed career focus when I acknowledged my addiction. My ultimate goal had been becoming a nurse midwife, complete with prescribing privileges, and I thought that would be to much of a temptation to me. Now I'm in grad school for addiction studies and I'm really enjoying my classes (even though they're kicking my butt!)

I hope you stick around, Duke! It's always good to have people here with a medical background and I want you to have support since your fiance might lack the knowledge to be supportive.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: My Story
PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 8:03 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 12:04 pm
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Location: Rocky Mount, North Carolina
Hi Amy,
I totally understand your concern about prescribing, I worry about that too. But I pray I won't be tempted and I think that as long as I focus on my recovery I will be ok. I have found a small group of professionals who happen to be recovering addicts using suboxone and methadone, and between that and the support I see from you guys I'll be fine.
I think Addiction as a field is very interesting, and as we all know there will always be a need for qualified and compassionate professionals. Keep up the good work!
As for my fiance, I love her so much, but she is stubborn and set in her ways in some regards. I just don't think she sees me as an addict, even though I have been totally open about my past. She has never seen me wasted, in jail, or in rehab. And I think she feels that those things are behind me.
However she has agreed to go with me the next time I see my doc(who is awesome btw) and I'm hoping he can turn her opinion around.
Well that's all for tonight, gotta get up early tomorrow.
Good night all!


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 Post subject: Re: My Story
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:41 am 
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Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2013 5:05 am
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Hiya Duke,
Well done on turning your life around, you have many reasons to feel good about being you!
Hope you stick around!


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