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PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 5:22 pm 
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HI...JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY STORY AND PERHAPS GIVE PEOPLE HOPE AND COURAGE....I STARTED OFF DOING DRUGS AT THE AGE OF 15(MARIJUANA AND ACID)AND GOT DRUNK FOR THE FIRST TIME AT 13....I CANNOT TELL YOU WHY I DID THIS BUT PERHAPS IT HAD ALOT TO DO MY RELIGION(WHICH I BELIEVE) AND UPBRINGING....MY PARENTS ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL PARENTS IN MY EYES(MARRIED FOR OVER 40 YEARS NOW)....I WAS SOMEWHAT SHELTERED AS A CHILD AND FELT THE NEED TO BE ACCEPTED....BY THE AGE OF 21 I WAS ONLY DRINKING(ALOT) WHICH CAUSED ME A D.W.I. I THOUGHT I HAD LEARNED MY LESSON-BOY WAS I WRONG....AT THE AGE OF 22,I GOT A REALLY BAD TOOTHACHE AND THIS WAS MY INTRODUCTION TO METHADONE....I COULDN'T SEE THE DENTIST FOR A WHOLE MONTH....SO,SINCE I TRIED EVERYTHING(TYLENOL,TEMP. CAVITY FILLER ETC...)AND NOTHING WORKED,I FIGURED WHY NOT????..... I HAD NO CONCEPT OF ADDICTION....DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT AT THE TIME....I THOUGHT AN ADDICT WAS SOMEONE WHO JUST DID DRUGS(IN OTHER WORDS,I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW POWERFUL AND CUNNING IT IS)......SO,BY THE TIME WAS 23,I WAS INDEED A FULL BLOWN ADDICT-LIVED TO GET HIGH AND GOT HIGH TO LIVE....BY 24,I WAS TAKING 3 AND 1/2 WAFERS A DAY(140 MILLIGRAMS)...I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD....THANK GOD FOR MY SISTER TELLING MY DAD I NEED TO GO TO REHAB....SO, I DID A SUBOXONE OUTPATIENT PROGRAM(YES,I HAD ACUTE WITHDRAWALS SINCE THE DOCTOR DIDN'T TAPER ME DOWN TO 30 MILLIGRAMS OF METHADONE BEFORE SUBOXONE WAS ADMINISTERED)...THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL DAYS IN MY LIFE-I THOUGHT I WAS DYING....EVENTUALLY,I GOT BETTER AND STAYED ON SUBOXONE FOR ROUGHLY 2-3 MONTHS AND WAS TAPERED)....THE WITHDRAWALS WERE THERE BUT AT THE TIME I DIDN'T KNOW THAT'S WHAT IT WAS....I CONTINUED MY OUTPATIENT PROGRAM AND STAYED CLEAN FOR ALMOST 9 MONTHS....THEN,A RELAPSE ON ALCOHOL,MARIJUANA AND EVENTUALLY CRYSTAL METH AND METHADONE....THIS IS BECAUSE I CHOSE TO GO SOMEWHERE AND IT WAS THERE....I THOUGHT I HAD MY ADDICTION BEAT....WRONG AGAIN.... I HANG AROUND ANOTHER YEAR HIGH AND DECIDED TO TRY TO GET CLEAN AGAIN(I WAS ON 20 MILLIGRAMSOF METHADONE THIS TIME)....WENT TO ANOTHER OUTPATIENT PROGRAM AND SUBOXONE WAS ADMINISTERED....I DID OK FOR ROUGHLY A WEEK AND THEN THE DOCTOR TAPERED ME TO .5 MILLIGRAMS AND AFTER 1 DAY OF NO SUBOXONE I WAS IN WITHDRAWALS AND THOUGHT I COULDN'T HANDLE IT.....SO,HERE I GO AGAIN-RELAPSE.FIRST IT WAS JUST SOME LORATABS BUT EVENTUALLY I WAS BACK ON METHADONE AGAIN....IN 2007, I GOT BUSTED (INTENT TO DISTRIBUTE-6 WAFERS-METHADONE) EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE HONESTLY FOR ME....WENT TO JAIL FOR 2-3 DAYS AND MY DAD GOT ME OUT ASAP....THIS CHARGE IS A FELONY IN LOUISIANA.... IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE WAFERS WEREN'T GIVEN TO PAIN PATIENTS ANYMORE AND THE METHADONE 10s WAS ALL I COULD GET WHICH WAS GETTING HARDER EVERYDAY TO FIND...I TRIED SUBSTITUTING AND SNORTING OXY80s AND HAD NO RELIEF....THIS IS WHEN MY BROTHER AND I DECIDED TO GET ON SUBOXONE(HIS FIRST TIME-MY THIRD TIME)....WE WENT TO A DOCTOR AND HE GAVE US EACH A SCRIPT FOR 90....WE WERE DOING WONDERFUL,SO I THOUGHT....I CONTINUED ON MY PATH OF RECOVERY FOR YEAR AND A HALF WITH A FEW MORE RELAPSES...BUT MANAGED TO GET ON TRACK FOR QUITE A WHILE UNTIL----THIS YEAR JANUARY 3 ,2009 MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY OF AN OVERDOSE ON METHADONE,OXYCONTIN AND VALIUM....I CANNOT EXPLAIN IN WORDS HOW DEVASTATED I AM..I STILL CRY EVERYDAY...HE WAS SUCH A HUMBLE AND COMPASSSIONATE PERSON...HE NEVER LIED A DAY IN HIS LIFE WHICH IS VERY UNUSUAL FOR AN ADDICT...(IN MY OPINION)....HE WAS A HARD WORKING PERSON,GRADUATED VALEDICTORIAN FROM LSU IN PETROLEUM ENGINEERING,SKIPPED A GRADE IN HIGH SCHOOL,AND WAS SUCH AN INTELLECTUAL PERSON-HE LOVED TO READ!HE LIFE WAS TAKEN AT THE AGE OF 34. I UNDERSTAND I'M GOING THRU A GRIEVING PROCESS BUT I NEVER IN MY LIFE THOUGHT I WOULD LOSE A CLOSE,LOVED ONE TO THIS DISEASE....I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT IT WILL KILL YOU..ADDICTION IS NO JOKE...IT IS CUNNING AND BAFFLING....AND WE ARE POWERLESS OVER IT....I DID USE THE DAY MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY...THAT WAS A TURNING POINT FOR ME....I TOLD MYSELF THAT I COULDN'T DO THIS AND I AM POWERLESS! I HAVE TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT AND LIVE A CLEAN LIFE...I CONTINUED ON SUBOXONE UNTIL I FINALLY GOT CONVICTED OF THE CHARGE FROM 2007 AND WAS SENTENCED TO 2 YEARS OR DRUG COURT...I CHOSE DRUG COURT....THAT DAY THE JUDGE DETAINED ME AND TOLD ME TO STOP TAKING SUBOXONE THAT DAY...I WAS TAKING 16 MILLIGRAMS/DAY.... I STOPPED COLD TURKEY AND HAVE NEVER LOOKED BACK....IT HAS SINCE BEEN OVER 3 WEEKS AND I'M DOING WELL-TAKING IT A DAY AT A TIME.....I STILL MOURN FOR THE LOST OF MY BROTHER BUT I KNOW I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN AND HE WILL BE FREED FROM HIS ADDDICTION...I MISS HIM SO MUCH THAT IT REALLY HAS LEFT A HOLE IN MY HEART-BUT I HAVE FOUND HOPE THRU MY GOD....AND THE BIBLE PROMISES US THAT WE WILL BE RESURRECTED AND BE UNITED WITH OUR LOVED ONES....I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT I AM A VERY WEAK-MINDED PERSON AND I DID STOP SUBOXONE COLD TURKEY....I'M NOT SAYING IT IS FOR EVERYONE BUT WHEN YOU HAVE 2 CHOICES-JAIL OR NO JAIL-I CHOSE TO TAKE THE RIGHT WAY....I DID HAVE WITHDRAWLS WHICH STARTED AROUND DAY 5/6 AND THRU DAY 14...AFTER THAT YOU CAN SEE THE LIGHT...I BECAME VERY DEPRESSED DEALING WITH ALL MY EMOTIONS AND THE DEATH OF MY BROTHER..I DO RECOMMMEND SOME ANTI-DEPRESSANT OR ST. JOHN'S WART.....SLEEP IS NEXT TO NEVER BIT I UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THIS TOO WILL TAKE A TIME....EVERYDAY I FEEL SOOOO BLESSED TO HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT LIFE-MY BROTHER DIDN'T.....THE ADDICTION WON....MY TURNING POINT WAS LOSING A LOVED ONE-I REALLY HOPE IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY FOR OTHER ADDICTS....IF I CAN DO IT,ANYONE CAN....IT JUST TAKES TIME AND PATIENCE.....I REALLY HOPE THIS STORY WILL HELP THE STILL SUFFERING ADDICTS IN THIS WORLD AND HOPEFULLY ENCOURAGE SOMEONE TO GET CLEAN....TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME... PEACE AND LOVE.....


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:29 pm 
Wow NewOrleans! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story! I am so very sorry that you lost your brother. What a wonderful thing it is to have faith in the knowledge that you will be reunited with him in heaven. You are so right - addiction is a cunning enemy that knows no boundaries! It can grip anyone! Even the highly intelligent, well-educated intellectuals like your brother. How I wish everyone could understand that fact! Addiction is not selective in the slightest! Many of us are quite intelligent and just generally good people who would never intentionally hurt anyone. We are doctors, nurses, lawyers, mechanics, police officers, school teachers, homemakers, mothers, fathers, husbands and wives, all variety of people! Many of us have never committed a crime. I would say none of us decided one day that we would become addicts and screw up our lives and hurt the people who love us most! If we had only known when we took that first pill what the future would hold - we certainly wouldn't have done it!
Like you - I was raised in a wonderful home by terrific parents, led a pretty charmed life until I got ahold of opiates at about age 40! My addiction has cost me dearly. But I make a choice every day to look at what I have instead of what I have lost. I remind myself that in order to keep what I have - I must stay clean! It is a difficult journey to say the least.
And on top of it all, you must carry the additional heartache of mourning your brother. But what a wonderful testimony you have a chance to make of his life - by staying clean and living your life righteously. I pray that you keep your recovery your number one priority and continue to carry the message to others.
It makes me so sad to know that people are dying from this horrible disease! Congratulations to you for getting through a rough few weeks off Suboxone and continued success to you!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:51 am 
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hi setmefree! you are right...we have to stay sober in order to live a healthy life...we have no choice-jails,institutions and death.it's guaranteeed this will happen eventually....i am so happy for you and your recovery.....and your right-addiction has no preference-it will grab ahold of anyone....i also wanted to say that i am not recommending getting off the way i did....i hadda do this or eventually i would be in jail.....i am in no way a doctor....i just want to help in anyway possible-i have a love for animals as well as helping anyone that needs it...i just want to encourage people that do not feel they have the self worth and hope....setmefree-your story has truly inspired me as well....you take care and take it a day at a time.....kindest regards,neworleans1979


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:04 pm 
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There are so many sad stories out there about addiction and what it can do to us. I am so sorry about your brother and will keep you in my prayers. Sometimes it takes something as devastating as that to make us realize what we need to do so that we can live a life that is meant to be lived. I had my 4 children removed from me,but that's what it took for this addict to get help. I am grateful to say that I did get my kids back about a year later. Also, I noticed some of the things you mentioned sounded familiar, as I have gone to N.A. meetings also! Anyways,keep up whatever you're doing, it seems to be working for you! Best of luck.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 12:19 pm 
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drg74-I AM VERY HAPPY YOU NOW HAVE YOUR KIDS BACK....WE ALL HAVE TO HIT A BOTTOM IN ORDER TO GET CLEAN(I BELIEVE).... I DO ATTEND N.A. MEETINGS ABOUT 3x/wk......I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR PRAYERS AS I KNOW I NEED THEM....I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS AS WELL.....GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW JOURNEY WITH LIFE....AS I KNOW IT IS A BEAUTIFUL ONE FOR ME!! TAKE CARE....


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 Post subject: Thanks for sharing
PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:28 pm 
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It looks like you posted not long ago:
Thank you for your story. I have been on subs for 3 yrs now.

Sorry about your brother. I have had to deal with loss quite a bit. Be it death, or loss because of divorce etc.
I think that is the hardest thing. I never made peace with my Pop. I cannot even talk much about him because I get so emotional. So, I can understand.
I am simply glad that you are clean and safe. If you read my "precipitated withdrawal" post, you will know a bit more about me.
That is great that you go to meetings. I have had a lot of difficulty with meetings, even though I had a period of total sobriety from 2001-2006 while going to AA. But I did not work the steps...
I just moved back to Maine, and am having trouble adjusting and feel sort of lonely and that sort of thing.
Im glad we have this forum, it really helps. There is one guy, and I keep forgetting his screen name, but he is a moderator.
He really made my day possible today. He made a difference in my life. Amazing, just by reaching out.
I am going to try and be active on this site, since it really pertains to my situation:
Opiate head/junkie and on suboxone, and all the issues and questions that arise from that. Maybe I can help someone get through their day at some point.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:40 pm 
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Thanks for sharing your story Neworleans and for being an active member of our community :)
I wanted to share how much empathy I have for you, my brother passed away in 2004 at the age of 22. It was the summer that I graduated from highschool and while I had been using before that it really spiked after. I remember how many people tried to tell me they were sorry and that things would be ok..... it almost made me mad at times things weren't ok....the fact of the matter is now matter how hard I tried to forget about him and what happened I never could and no matter how much I used my heart still ached. Opiates lessened the pain at first but then as we all know it created even more chaos and destruction in my life and ultimately after O.D. ing several times I decided that I had to get help because I didn't want my parents to have to suffer the loss of two children.

Try and hang in there though I can tell you that now as much as it still hurts I can manage and I feel like I've been able to try and build a semi-normal life again. I'm so sorry that you were forced off the Suboxone if it was helping you, so far it's been the only way I've managed to be clean for more than a few months and now I finally feel free of the desire to use. I really wanted to tell you that I feel your pain the only thing that helped me after my brothers death was talking to other people who had lost close family members. I still wish we could forget about the past but at least things are halfway manageable today. We're all hoping things turn out for you and just know that even if you think no one else cares about you and what you've been through I do :wink:

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