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PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:08 pm 
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So this is the second day in a row I feel yucky during the day. Achy mainly but today my stomach is a little off. Just took some immodium. I honestly can't tell if it's wd's or if I'm coming down with something. It certainly isn't anything to whine about (even though I am) but hey, i'm a big baby right now so I can do what I want. lol

really though, it's nothing serious...just an annoyance more than anything.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:20 pm 
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Desire,

Believe it or not the RLS does go away, so will the other symptoms. I t just takes time. You are doing fine.

I never really had anxiety issues before, but somewhere early in wd I had waves of strong anxiety hit me. I just told myself it was part of wd and somehow I was able to deal with it.

I've said it a few times before, sex is great for wd. Sex releases dopamine into the pleasure center of our brain and it's like lifting the wd feelings for a while. I encourage you and your wife to 'knock boots' as often as you can.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 12:08 am 
you need to stop taking all that crap and just deal with it. i stopped from 2mg/day, your only doing .5 it is going to be hardly noticable.

you just need
l-tyramine and lots of fluids, lots of vitamin b-12.

i was taking busbar, klonopins, valerian root, countless otc meds, seroquel (which is a damn anti psychotic btw) all it did for me was land me in the damn ER with a $4000 bill.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 1:45 am 
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miragextazy wrote:
you need to stop taking all that crap and just deal with it. i stopped from 2mg/day, your only doing .5 it is going to be hardly noticable.

you just need
l-tyramine and lots of fluids, lots of vitamin b-12.

i was taking busbar, klonopins, valerian root, countless otc meds, seroquel (which is a damn anti psychotic btw) all it did for me was land me in the damn ER with a $4000 bill.


Why do you insist on taking out you'r bad experiences on other people and practically slamming Desire2GetCleans process. Do you honestly think you're better because you jumped at 2mg? I jumped from higher than that, does that make me better than you now too? Maybe you'd W/D is hardly noticeable compared to MINE. Get what I'm saying? It doesn't really matter because there's some people who jump at 4mg and do better than a .5mg jump everyone is different. I'm not trying to be an ass, maybe I am coming off as that but I am simply just trying to help you realize that some of the stuff you have been posting is pretty hurtful to peoples recovery.

Desire2GetClean - Good job so far, can't wait to be where you're at which seems to be close to the end of the road. Glad you'r still updating us on everything. GOOD LUCK, MERRY CHRISTMAS, and happy new year!


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 8:36 am 
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miragextazy wrote:
you need to stop taking all that crap and just deal with it. i stopped from 2mg/day, your only doing .5 it is going to be hardly noticable.

you just need
l-tyramine and lots of fluids, lots of vitamin b-12.

i was taking busbar, klonopins, valerian root, countless otc meds, seroquel (which is a damn anti psychotic btw) all it did for me was land me in the damn ER with a $4000 bill.



While I appreciate the suggestions on the vitamins, I'm not sure what the point is of coming here and acting like that? I'm just telling people what I am going through. It will give people hope or it will scare them away. I have dealt with my feelings and expressed them as I see fit.

I need to stop taking all "that crap". Ok, so i guess i should stop taking seroquel. Something my DOCTOR prescribed and advised me on taking. The ONLY reason I'm taking the seroquel at this point is to sleep. I have an almost 3 month old newborn, a full time job and daily responsbilities so if I have something to help me sleep, you better believe I'm going to use it. Sorry I'm not superman and can't function and help my wife with our baby while on no sleep. If you can, that's great, but I can't and I'm not going to be discouraged by it. I said from day one, mentally I'm not the strongest of people and if you are able to jump off at 2, then kudos...you are mentally tougher than I. you deserve a cookie. Bottom line is, this is my recovery, I will do what I feel works best for me.

For what it's worth, I've tried the L-tyro and B-12 when I tried to stop taking opiates and all it did was give me a massive headache. And I'm positive it was that and not wd's. It always started right after I took it. Energy isn't my issue, anxiety is.


Anyway, to the people that are interested:
Last night, the mental battle began at 5pm. I started getting restless so finally i went and did some pushups and situps to try and release some energy and frustration. I will admit it felt pretty good. I calmed down after a while and then around 8pm it started up again. I was exhausted though so I just laid down and fell alseep for a few hours. I woke up at 11. Was wide awake (but still tired) so I tried to just hang in and hoped to fall asleep again. Unfortutnately that never happened. After about an hour I took serequel and passed out. Oh well, I feel good the next morning and that's all i care about.

I want to point something out too. Sleep has been an issue for me a LOOOONG time. I typically do well on 5-6 hours sleep but actually getting that much was a challenge. I had been on trazadone for a while which did great for me. Then, the day my baby was born, I just stopped taking it. Never had a withdrawal, never had an issue. Sleep became sooooo easy for me thanks to working and then a newborn on top. I am likely going to stop with the seroquel in a few days and go back to the trazadone. One thing I realized yesterday is that the days are dragging by. I've been on vacation for almost 11 days. All I've really done is sit around the house all day going out here and there. By 5pm I'm bored stiff and all I do is look at the clock waiting for bed time. I think once i start back to work tomorrow, life will begin to return to normal. By 5pm I'll be home, just settling in, excited to spend time with my baby and wife. I'll be super tired. Heck, 2 weeks ago around 5pm I'd be rubber necking on the couch trying to stay awake. Big difference between then and now so I would suspect the same will happen when I'm back to my normal routines. In hindsight, I probably should have tried to do that sooner but it's ok. i can use the times that are hard as motivation to never turn back to where I was. The day of induction is the most horrible experience of my life (aside from losing my mom) and that is etched into my memory forever. I will NEVER forget that misery and I NEVER want to be back in a position like that again.

Anyway, typical morning. I feel good. I feel happy. I feel encouraged that two nights in a row I've stretched the night out. I'm even more encouraged that when things started to act up I was able to fight it off for a few hours. I had not been able to do that before. So, living proof. Every day does get better. Even though every day might not be better all day long. The progress of the small things is what matters at this point. As much as I LOVE spending the days with my family, I look forward to getting back to reality.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 8:45 am 
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Glad to hear you're doing better (sounds like you are?). Keep up the good work. You'll get through this before you know it. Remember, we're here for you.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 11:31 am 
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I can say that today, I'm doing better than any other day so far. I tend to have ups and downs but today is more level, without the sadness. I just snowblowed/shoveled out of the mess that mother nature was so kind to leave us and that felt good. Thank god for snowblowers.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 7:08 pm 
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Just want to say that no matter what happens tonight (it's 6pm and I am perfectly fine), today has by far been the BEST day since stopping. ZERO sadness during the day. I was occupied for most of the day. Felt no body aches. No chills. No symptom what-so-ever. i don't care what happens tonight "today was a good day" (song by ice cube)


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 10:21 pm 
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Hello everyone. Sorry if I am placing this message in the wrong place. I want to write a message about using subox for depression as well as addiction but I would rather find out if this is the place to do it. Please let me know how to do things; it would be much appreciated.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 4:26 am 
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You would be best served creating your own post on the forum.

Well, it's 3:20 am and so far I've been able to sleep unmedicated. Woke up a couple different times but was able to fall back asleep. This time my baby woke up and my wife is sick with a nasty cold so I need to do as much as I can. After all she did it for me for this process.

I'm guessing all the manual labor yesterday had alot to do with sleeping. Blizzard conditions take a lot out of you :? I'm tired right now but making sure the baby stays asleep before I try to go back to sleep.

Once again, progress!!!!!!! Any progress is GREAT progress.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 11:48 am 
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Good job Desire, keep moving forward, you're doing great!


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 29, 2010 8:21 am 
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Thanks Romeo!

So sleep is damn near impossible without medication. Last night I woke up pretty much every hour on the hour. Pretty tough to deal with at night but at the moment I don't feel that tired. Mornings are always my strong time of day. Nights are getting easier. I still get small battles with the anxiety but it comes and goes in waves and for another consecutive night, I am able to fight them off. It definitely gets worse as I get more and more tired.

I can't believe in a couple days it will be 2 weeks. I thought I would be through all of this by now but I clearly have a long way to go to be normal again. The thing I look forward to the most is that feeling at night going away and sleep returning which will likely go hand in hand.

So, another day down..still ZERO regrets about my decision to stop and it certainly isn't impossible. I had worried for so long about it being a mountain I could not climb. So far, I believe I have climbed the mountain and am on my decent through the sometimes rocky, sometimes smooth, terrain!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 1:12 pm 
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Same story, different day....

Not feeling sadness. Nights are still my enemy and I can only just deal with them as they come. I can only hope time will heal this and I had not been hiding some other issue with the sub. What concerns me is it's my leg, which I've had trouble with in the past due to herniated discs. It almost feels like sciatic nerve with a combo of restless leg. I really can't tell.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 6:28 pm 
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Boy, I remember those feelings of hating my bed and bedroom. All I can tell you is it gets better. It happened very slowly for me until I finally started taking clonidine, the clonidine helped a lot with the sleep. Months later I was still having some smaller type sleep issues and finally figured out it was my obsessive mind keeping me up. The suboxone seemed to quiet my obsessive mind down nicely without me even being aware of it and of course, when I quit taking sub, my mind went into rebound mode. I'm still working on quieting those thoughts naturally.

As far as your leg issues, I think only a doctor will be able to answer that question properly.

Hang in there, man.


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 Post subject: Desire
PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 9:57 pm 
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It's a pretty big wake up call when someone who was on as little as you were goes off it and experiences significant symptoms. I mean, I know that 1/2 m/g will still lead to a lot of w/d, but it still seems like such a tiny dose compared to the gigantic doses that lots of people are on. I was on 32 mg for so long and if you would have told me that someone would get sick after going off of .5, well, I just wouldn't have believed it. It's good to know this though because it's so important to know what to expect. I've seen lots of people fail because they believe they won't have w/d and when they do, they aren't mentally prepared for it. The thing that you said that really stands out to me is that you have no regrets, regardless of what you have gone through. I love hearing that!!

I maybe do not know you, but somehow I'm still so very proud of you for hanging in there and being an example to the others of us who are trying to get of Sub. Good Job!!!!!!

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 7:27 am 
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Happy New year to all!

I'm very proud to know that I'm bringing in the new year drug free! On to bigger and better things!!!!!

I skipped posting yesterday because I was pretty busy but Thursday night was better than all the rest. I had periods of the restlessness but it was much easier to deal with. It was not so overwhelming. I did the usual sleep routine where I would fall asleep easily on my own. After 2 hours I would woke up and could not fall back asleep. I started tossing and turning with restlessness but the difference is it was out of frustration of not being able to sleep. I decided to take a half of my trazadone and that made all the difference. Slept like a baby for 5 hours until the real baby woke up.

Yesterday had a busy day. Restlessness started in later than usual and it was as easy as the night before, if not easier. I took a full trazadone and slept for a good 6 to 7 hours. I figured the trazadone is safer because I was already on it and I came off it without any issues. As if I was never on it to begin with. So I have to accept the fact that sleep will come in time and until it does, I'll take what works.

I'm convinced the restlessness is all in my head because it goes away when my mind is truly occupied. When I'm not, that's when it's at it's worse but again, the worst at this point has been far less frustrating than it was days ago. I hope this trend continues over the coming days. I look forward my natural sleep returning.

Most off all, I am just happy and proud I made the jump and I have made it this far. Looking forward to seeing what 2011 brings.

My wife said to me yesterday "Can I say something" "You look good...not that you looked bad before but you look like you have regained some confidence, some swagger, you look more happy"

I said in all honesty that I'm not feeling more happy but I think the difference is I'm much more calm/content (at least during the day). I just feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. One thing I realized is how great it is not to have to think before I leave the house "do I have my sub with me" I usually stuff advil in my pocket which is one thing but being out and then realizing you don't have your sub is a cruddy feeling. I no longer have to worry about that and it feels great!!!!!!! it's Liberating


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:37 am 
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Hello Desire2GetClean:

I am sorry I have missed your odyssey through the process of coming completely off suboxone. I've been overwhelmed with way too much work to do at my job. Probably a good problem to have in this kind of economy, but anyway.....

I have read this entire thread this morning and I want to thank you for taking the time to share your experience with us. These kind of threads are crucial to this community and despite the fact that I don't post as often as I used to, I still visit this place at least once each day and I read a lot of what's being posted here. This is one of the best threads I've ever seen here.

I wish you well moving forward. Please remember that addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. You've taken a huge step by getting off the suboxone, and congratulations are certainly in order, but just remember not to let your guard down for one minute. I've been struggling with addiction for the better part of 30 years and I can tell you -unequivocally- that the minute you think "I've got this" well, you might just be in trouble. As recovering addicts, all we ever get is one day. I think it's a philosophy that can serve you well. Just keep staying clean for one day. That's my advice.

Thanks again for your honesty and openness, and best wishes to you and your family for 2011.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:28 am 
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Junkie, I totally agree one the one day approach. I hope/believe I have learned enough to not make the mistake again but I'm not nieve enough to think I never will. What worries me is my back problems or future health problems. I'm sure at some point in my life I will blow out my back again and I can probably tough that out but there will likely be a time in my life where surgery will be needed and pain medication will be a necessity.

I guess if I'm only on it for a short time it won't be as bad but the question is, is my mind strong enough to stop taking it when the pain is manageable. Only time will tell but it is certainly a concern of mine and always will be. I never want to go down this road again so I hope I am strong enough to do what I know is right when the time comes.

As for another day down...I officially passed the two week mark. Today will actually be day 16 of not taking a sub dose. Last night was again better, in a unique way. My wife, daughter and myself passed out on the couches in the basement watching tv. Slept from about 6:30 till 9:30. Before falling asleep I was very content. No restlessness. After waking up I was again content. Took trazadone about 11:30 for sleep and slept for another 5 or so hours. The past 3 days I've noticed the biggest changes since. Both emotionally, physically and mentally. Physically I feel I have a ways to go to get my full energy back but it's improving. Mentally I have more of a desire to become more physically fit and healthy and emotionally for more than 3 days that sad feeling i have had has all but disappeared. Holidays are behind us and now I can look forward instead of back to the things of the past that hurt me so much. Sure I miss my mom every day but with all that I've been through, this holiday was especially tough. I feel I can now work toward getting back my life.

I havent slept in my bed for 2 weeks, tonight I'm going to make that step. I have been on vacation from work and working from home. Tomorrow I go back to work in the office. Well, I'm debating spending the day with my family since my wife has the day off but we'll see...Tuesday at the latest.

Anyway, Even though this has been hard on me. I think anyone mentally tougher than me can get through this a not easier than I did. Like everyone says, we are all different and wd's are different. I have made it this far despite whatever it was I felt at any given time. So can you!!!! Don't be scared to try. If you fail, so what. Try again when you might be ready. Make sure YOU are ready and do not let anyone FORCE you to be ready. Although my financial troubles were a big part in stopping, I was ready and had been for months and months. I was just scared. Don't hold on to fear because you are only prolonging the inevitable. The fear will also make the process harder. Don't let people scare you. I honestly don't think I could have jumped from a higher dose but again, that's just me. i envy those that can. If you are that scared, get down as low as you can but never let yourself think for a minute that you cannot do it. BECAUSE YOU CAN. IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!! Maybe I don't give myself enough credit for being strong, especially after everything I've been through in my life and I'm still trying to push forward through everything. Either way, I know the horror stories out there and I know you can't let them freak you out like they did for me. Just have faith that it might be hard, but it's very doable.

Once I start back to work I might not post every day but I am certainly going to post as often as I can. Not only am I glad that this may help others but selfishly, this was my way of keeping track of my feelings, my days, my story. Something that I can reflect back on and something that can give me strength during times of weakness. It has helped me greatly, just writing about what I feel and having others encourage me on. I love to write so this was my outlet.

Edit: I will probably end up printing this out and showing my doctor. So he can have a better understanding of what one can go through.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:11 am 
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Hey D2GC-

Awesome stuff. Thanks for posting. I myself am tapering down right now but am nowhere near you are being sub free. My goal is to drop from my current 2.5MG per day down to .5 then make the jump. Will be in March.

One thing you were mentioning that I really can relate to is the sadness. I mean it is bad. You will be sitting there and just start crying. Now as a man, I tell myself knock it off. Man up. But then it makes me cry again. WTH! I was thiking about an anti depressent but the last one I had blocked my ability to orgasm and man oh man, bad bad bad.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you congrats and that I can relate to the sadness even while being on and tapering down. Good luck and keep us posted.

JL


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 6:16 am 
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Jleets: Man or not, we have emotions too! lol. I'm past the crying stage thankfully but that was brutal. If I killed a spider I'd cry. I hate that feeling for sure. By the way, Raiders suck :lol:

Another 2 nights down and last night was a great night. I had maybe a 5 minute period of restlesness but it was so minor, almost even barely noticeable. I went back to work yesterday and I must admit, it felt good. Really happy at the progress I'm seeing these past 4 days. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's getting brighter and brighter each and every day!!!!!!!


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