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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 7:08 pm 
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I never thought I would be writing this post but it's time. I have been abusing my sub for years at least 2 years taking a little extra here and there because well I needed it right, sound familiar. I'm sorry I feel awful that I have been doing this and just got caught I would like to say I feel bad because it was wrong and I think a little part does but I know I would have kept doing it if I wasn't in the position I am now. I have been on subs for 6 years I can't believe It's been that long and I was good for years never took more than I was prescribed I honestly can't say why I started to it was pointless. The pharmacy knows I filled elsewhere last month side note I always filled a week early always saw the same dr anyway they said can't fill until the 15th so I have 7 2mg strips to last u til then. I am prescribed 6mg a day a 2ng three times I was taking a 4th each day. I know I need to be off I have a great hubby who is supporting me and have the next three days off work any thoughts on what I can do to minimize discomfort? I feel like a jerk asking I feel like I don't deserve the help this drug saved me and is saving so many and I'm the one ruining it by abuse. I know I will feel pain and I'm ok with that I understand it is the price I must pay for getting myself in this situation. If anyone can offer advice I would truly be grateful. I am sure there are others like me that lurk around these boards as I have for years so I will post updates in the chance that it could help another. Thank you subox forum community
Luvmythree scared and ready


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 9:13 pm 
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I'm sorry, luvmythree, but that is pure bunk! You absolutely do deserve to be on sub! You deserve all the treatment options available! You've been misusing it, yes, and it sounds like you got found out. Did you sub doctor stop seeing you? or are you going to be able to get a refill on the 15th?

You are an addict. Sometimes we make mistakes! Did you know that there are parts of your brain that have changed because of your addiction? You will always have the impulse to use because of these brain changes. However, that doesn't mean that you are doomed to relapse forever. It doesn't even mean that if you're on sub that you have to be on it forever. I have no plans to get off right now, but I might in the future. I don't know and that's OK.

So, lets go over what you've done. You started to take more sub than prescribed. I would bet that at least 75% of us have done the same thing at one time or another, including me. I have to ask, have you been doing anything else for your recovery besides being on sub? Because that might be the missing element. Many of us either go to some sort of support group, some have addiction therapists that they see regularly. Others check into this forum every day. As you go forward, whether you decide that you have to taper off right now or not, you need to add a piece to your recovery efforts. It's important that you get your rational side involved in some support.

Do your circumstances dictate that you must get off sub right now, or is that what you're willing to do because you know that you messed up? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being on a maintenance medication, but it sounds like you need to renew your efforts to use sub as a tool, not a cure to every stress you have in your day.

You are very welcome here! I'm sure that another member will come along with more specifics!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 9:34 pm 
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Hi Luv, I don't have answers for you, I wish I did! What I can say is I have found myself taking an extra here and there. More recently I have been focused on cutting down. I started subs one yr ago at 24 mgs. I have weaned myself down to 8mgs per day. I do want to go lower but have not tried it yet. Why do you want to go lower? When you feel that you need more, what are you feeling? Are you lonely, frustrated? I know that when I was pmsing I would look to dose again at night. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Maybe take some time to look at whats happening when you are feeling like more. I don't think you should feel deserving of withdrawl. Can you discuss this with your doctor? Please stay around and let us know how you do!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 9:59 pm 
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thank you for the replies it is really helpful to hear. No my sub dr hasn't stopped seeing me I honestly don't know if he will even know about this. I just kind of shrugged it off at the pharmacy like oh ok I will be back on the 15th no biggie. If he did find out that I take more I don't think he would keep seeing me as nice as he is he is very judgmental and strict. I have been wanting to come off for awhile and think that i needed to have a reason and this might be my sign that it is time. The thought of withdrawal to me is the scariest part. I know I will never take pain meds again I just don't ever want to be in this position again. I can vaguely remember what things were like when I didn't use anything and I want that back so bad. As I mentioned i have 7 2mg left and in an effort to ease the withdrawal I thought I could take 1mg a day and then pick up my rx and give it to my hubby and try to keep going at 1mg and gradually go down, it seems as though others stories I have read have the most success when dropping to the smallest amounts before stopping completely

I also want to say I think sub is great and certainly saved me, I was doing some awful things when I was using but for me personally it feels as though i am dependent on my subs and need to be off everything

I have done counseling and maybe i just didn't have a great counselor but it didn't really do much for me also tried aa, na and didn't find that worked well for me. I think this form will be my outlet.

I know everyone talks about how there is this long 1/2 life honestly I don't truly understand it. I felt ok today really kind of tired and dopy feeling but from what I have read the sub is still in my system so maybe that why i feel ok.

Im really just worried about work, I just started a new job so calling out sick wouldn't be the best for me, if I had to I can but would really like to try and make it Tuesday. If anyone has thoughts on ways to relive symptoms I would love to hear

thank you


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 5:06 pm 
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Hello Luv,

I don't have any experience on coming off suboxone, but I do know that a huge majority of us have taken extra and abused it at one point. It's nothing to be ashamed of imo. Ur an addict, and addicts have trouble controlling those urges. I feel like sub is for ppl like u. I understand that u want off and that's ur choice. But if for some reason u decide different, there's no shame in that. I doubt the pharmacy will tell ur Dr but I'm not positive about that.

I'm just glad u still have ur script u can pick up on the 15th. That way, if u change ur mind, u have the option to go bk. Addicts make mistakes and it's ok. I just wanted to comment and tell ya to not beat urself up too much over taking extra. Whatever u choose to do, I'm sure we'll all give u the support u need. Glad ur here!!!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 2:49 am 
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Yes, luv, it would be best if you're going to taper to go as low as you can before you come off. You have the 2mg films? Those are very easy to cut into small pieces. If you're going to taper it pays off to go down slowly. You might want to consider bouncing up to 4mg if the withdrawal symptoms start bothering you from dropping so quickly. If you want to taper off subs we are here to help!

You've already heard that you don't have to taper off and if you want to recommit to taking sub correctly you can. Once you are off sub it will be important to work hard on your recovery. I know that you can't imagine wanting to take pain meds again, but relapse statistics don't lie. Sub has put your addiction into remission and taken away your cravings. Just know that you can go back to sub (maybe on a lower dose) if you need to.

Best of luck on your taper and keep us updated on how you're doing!

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 12:35 pm 
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again thank you to all that have replied.

Update: last night was icky. I have been taking 1mg a day in the am but yesterday I could not sleep, hot baths just felt so twitchy I took a sleeping pill which honestly made it worse because then I was so tired but still couldn't sleep. I took another 1mg at 11:30pm hoping it would ease me enough to sleep and i did for a few hours. Woke up this am and took 2mg this morning and I feel ok now. I am not sure if I should have taken 1mg and then another 1mg at night but I really think I need to only take this once a day the whole taking bit by bit throughout the day seems to not do well for me, so please don't take offense if you take your meds more than once a day, for me I just think its not good. So now I a down to (5) 2mg left until I can fill my rx. hoping that the 2mg on the am will be enough to keep me functioning enough to go to work this week. If I am stuck on the weekend with nothing its ok I can lay in bed and manage its really just the work week that I am concerned with. I figure if i can make it untilI get my rx, I will keep trucking along with 2mg a day and then gradually go down. I really didn't think that 6-8mg a day to 1mg a day would be that big of a jump but it sure feels like it.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 3:12 pm 
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another icky night. sleep is becoming impossible which is why I think I feel so gross. I am wondering if I will stabilize at 2mg anytime soon. I know it hasn't been long but feels like it has. here is the rundown

Friday took 6mg (this is my prescribed dose)
Saturday took 1mg
sunday took 2mg (1mg in the am and 1mg at night, late i think like 11 maybe its kinda blurry
Monday took 2mg
Tuesday took 2mg (took in the am at 6:00am, had been awake since 3am)

I really can't call in again tomorrow so hoping that taking 2mg in the am can keep me through the day, or does anyone think it would be better to take 1mg in the am and then 1mg in the pm?

Thank you


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:18 pm 
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You could definitely try taking 1mg in the morning and 1mg in the evening. It might help with your sleep situation until your body gets accustomed to the lower dose.

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 8:51 pm 
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I wanted to give an update to everyone and thank all that have replied the help that you provided means more than you will ever know and I am truly grateful.

So the past few days, were rough, no sleep couldn't function I felt so depressed and honestly thought that something was wrong. I have never really been through withdrawals not like a lot of people I went pretty much from pills to sub right away with only a few days of discomfort this was also so long ago and isn't it always the current pain that is the worst pain ever???

I was able to get my rx yesterday, I was a total addict and straight lied to the pharmacy about going out of town they let me fill it, it was 4 days early. I feel disgusted that I did it, its showing me that I am not even close to better.

I had been taking 2mg a day, I tried once a day I tried splitting it twice, splitting it three times, but no matter what I felt awful. I don't understand how I can be great on 6-8mg (lets be truthful I am fine on 6mg) but dropping to 2mg can make that kind of difference. I went 7 days the first two only taking 1mg, I thought I would have stabilized???

So yesterday I took 4mg and took 6mg today. I do not want to go back to taking 6mg, I went through so much pain I feel like all of that would be for nothing. So I am going to try and take 4mg for the next 10 days, 2mg in the am and 2mg in the planned then hope to drop to 3mg stay there for awhile.

I am going to try and start seeing a therapist again, it certainly can't hurt right, and I need to know that I am actually working at this recovery not just telling myself I am but really doing it.

After this last week I am so scared that I will never make it off, which is not what I want. I can't fathom how someone can take 1mg and be ok, I really am not baby when it come to pain, I have never felt pain like i did last week.

Just wanted to share and hope that this can help someone else. I know so many stories on the board have helped me and hearing from everyone is really helping a lot right now.

Thank you


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:58 am 
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Hi LM3,
I hope you are feeling better after taking the 6 mg, I'm wondering how you felt on 4 mg? I have never tried significantly lowering or stopping sub, but comparatively, have some experience coming off methadone which was very painful. LM3, try not to be so hard on yourself. You had a very rough week of cutting doses and I can understand the measures you took to simply ease the pain and insomnia you experienced.
Stick with the dose plan you outlined and see if it works for you.
I admire your commitment to work and appreciate your choice to taper off sub.
We are here to support you anyway we can.
Be kind to yourself, you are absolutely worth it!
X


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2015 9:37 am 
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Hi Love, Katipo is right on! Stop being so hard on yourself. Try stabilizing at 4mgs for a couple of weeks. Then drop 1mg and see how it goes. I started at 24 last August and wanted off by this August. I am at 8mgs. Each drop felt like my brain was telling me to do it. I want to go to 6mgs but have not tried it yet. Please, be gentle with yourself! And, remember the people with the most success go very slowly!


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2015 11:19 am 
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Hey Luv,
I agree with the others, You are beating yourself up way way to much here.

Luv, you are in servival mode right now. Theres nothing wroug with that. You have a great new job now and need to be at your best. Sorry you had such a rough week, but it is good that you were able to get your script Now.
Buprenorphine is such a potent medicine. However, a jump to 1mg from Any number above the ceiling effect is going to cause discomfort. It is believed the ceiling is in the 4mg range. Any amount uder this number ,if not taperd Slowly can cause some WD simptoms.

IN my Opinion I hope you can take some time here and stablize on a dose that you are comfortable with. If it is 6mgs, fine. After two weeks or more drop it another mg to 5Mgs and so on.

After you get below 4mgs then really slow it down. Even take it to the half dose. 3 1/2,to 3 etc..

Have you read any of the taper threads here in the Stopping section? There are many good ones there. The folks who do very well go slowly.

May I also suggest looking over in Dr Junigs Talkzone blog to find and understand more on the ceiling effect and half life.
If you use the sites app, check out a section called BTZ, Best of the talkzone, or use the sites Search boxs. I didnt really know much about this great med till I found this place over 4 years go . I like that the true facts are here and of course all the support.

So..imo, I guess id say slow down, get stable.. and then proceed over time. . .

Have a great Sunday...


Razor


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2015 11:35 am 
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Hey Luv :)

Ur dose has been up and down last week or so, it hasn't had time to adjust to 2mg I guess and that's why u feel crappy on 2 right now. But honestly, don't give urself such a rough way to go, we're addicts and we all make mistakes. And I'm sure in everyone's mind, they'd like to think of a time in the future where we wouldn't have to take anything anymore and just be "normal" like everyone else. But if it doesn't work that way or isn't as quick as u were expecting, it'll be ok. Even if u were to stay on suboxone for life, that's better than relapse or bk to the old ways of active addiction again. Anything is better than that right?? Don't beat urself up just because it's taking longer than u wanted it to, or because ur disappointed that u don't feel good at 2mg, just know it's a process that's different for everyone and ur brain and body will let u know when ur time will be.

I think that u seeing a counselor is a great idea. Sometimes we get so comfortable with sub, we forget that we still have to work at recovery every day. I definitely do that too. I have sub meetings I go to at my clinic, just sitting around with a room full of ppl exactly like me lol (that's an image isn't it). U wouldn't believe how much something like that helps when ur struggling a little bit. Just remember, it's ok, no matter how long it takes it'll be ok and we all make mistakes :)

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 10:44 pm 
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so its been a week and i have taken 6mg each day. I know I shouldn't be disapointed but still am a bit. Although I am very proud too I wanted so badly to take more and didn't. Yeah!!! I just told myself I don't need to and its not ok to do so and guess what I am fine. I have been feeling a little icky flu like in the afternoon might just be getting sick. I have been taking 2mg 3x a day as prescribed.

Going to try and drop to 5mg maybe even 4mg this weekend

Thanks for all the support, hope everyone has a terrific weekend


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