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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 5:59 am 
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Hi all,

Ok, I am struggling a little bit. I don't have actual "cravings" perse - and I hope this isn't against the rules to write this, but I am wanting to come home at night after work and get out of it, get high, put an arms length between me and life/reality/whatever and get in my zone.

I have been on suboxone for just over 3 weeks.

I went from 4mgs to 8mgs to 10mgs (at that stage 10mgs was too much) so I went back to 8mgs but then I ended up going to 10mgs again this Monday because I felt uncomfortable.

The thought of the feeling of getting high takes my breath away in anticipation - should I be like this while taking suboxone?

I was on opiates (in the form of panadine fort which has 30mgs of codeine in each tablet, but 500 mgs of panadol in each tablet - I was taking around 24 tablets of these a day for I suppose a little over 3 years, oxy 125mg a day/150mg a day if I had it - but averaged about 90 mgs a day for only 5 months).

I am on antidepressant, valium. Only taking 1.5 tablets of valium a day now - I was taking 8 tablets before I got onto suboxone.

Please - any suggestions? Anyone else experience this? Open to any suggestions or advice.

Thanks all,

Manda


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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 am 
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Hi SM; Sorry to hear that you're wresting with a desire to use.

Since getting down to 1 mg/day of Suboxone, I've been going through some emotional hell on and off (bursts of sadness & anger mostly), but no matter how bad it's got -- including moments here and there of 'will this ever f-ing end?' hopelessness' -- I haven't had a single craving or desire to use.

I think part of this is because I'm determined to get off all drugs, and if going through a few weeks or months of difficulty is part of that, so be it. But mostly I rely on the strength I've found through a 12 step program.

I know that 12 Step gets a bad wrap in some quarters, but if you go into it with some willingness and an open mind, and do the legwork needed to find groups with people who've found happiness and freedom, it can be pretty amazing. I don't know how I would get through my Suboxone taper without this source of strength.

-- Glenn


Manda[/quote]

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 10:49 pm 
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Early in my recovery, I had trouble when I got off work and came home, too. Getting off work was the cue for my brain to go ape-shit on drugs. To be completely honest, I was pretty unsuccessful with most everything I tried to stay clean during those hours of the day. On a whim, I started exercising during those "witching hours" and it was like BAM, problem solved.

I wish I could just sit home and chill during those hours, but I can't and I've accepted it and done something about it. I think you may need to do the same? Worth a try, don't you think?

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 4:57 am 
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Thanks Romeo - that was helpful :)

Getting home is definitely a cue to my brain - to get out of it and use - but I haven't! And I don't want to. Lots of things are cues - I guess for every addict - when something stressful happens, when someone pisses you off, when your annoyed, when your happy, when your sad. Sometimes at work ill think that I need to go to my bag to get "something" to use, but realise I haven't been using and I don't have anything in my bag anyway, and I don't need anything - I must start writing those moments down - what has happened prior to me wanting to get that "something" out to use.

I also had a presentation to do Monday and just didn't want to think about it, needed my little bubble of just me and no one else, I got through the preparation for the presentation and wasn't nervous at the presentation at all - I just thought - I know what I know and I don't know what I don't know, nothing is gonna change that now and actually went fine.

On 10mgs, saw my doc today and he's happy for me to stay there for a while. I am not looking forward to the pressure of being asked to get off it - which is already happening with my psychologist! I only just started! If he brings it up again next session I am going to put my foot down.

SM

:wink:


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 2:28 pm 
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Is your psychologist trained in addiction? Good grief, I always wonder what these people think is going to happen when you get off sub (especially if you've only been on it less than a couple months), that you've been magically cured? Does he (she) know that you are still having cravings? Maybe that's what you should discuss with him (her), your cravings. If they still want you to get off maybe you need to see about getting another one. Good luck, CC


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 2:51 am 
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Heya CC, your post made me chuckle a little bit - it's so true, if I could use magic to come off drugs I think I would have done that by now LOL! Maybe I would spend my days pulling rabbits out of hats.

But seriously it did upset me as Im only coming up on a month of being on sub and im no where near wanting to taper down or come off - I saw both my psych and my doc yesterday and they both used the phrase "when you start tapering down off suboxone". WHY! Get you on, just to get you off?

Any way for now Im happy, I got through some tricky moments and I'm sure there will be more to come. I really just don't need any undue pressure to reduce or quit any time soon.

And at the end of the day, I just want to be functional and happy - and just for today, I don't want to get high. I just want to be me.

SM


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 2:55 pm 
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supermando wrote:
Hi all,

Ok, I am struggling a little bit. I don't have actual "cravings" perse - and I hope this isn't against the rules to write this, but I am wanting to come home at night after work and get out of it, get high, put an arms length between me and life/reality/whatever and get in my zone.

I have been on suboxone for just over 3 weeks.

I went from 4mgs to 8mgs to 10mgs (at that stage 10mgs was too much) so I went back to 8mgs but then I ended up going to 10mgs again this Monday because I felt uncomfortable.

The thought of the feeling of getting high takes my breath away in anticipation - should I be like this while taking suboxone?



Hi Manda-
What you wrote about anticipation was very well put! I went down to 4mg not too long ago (after starting at 8, then going to 6), and I was really uncomfortable and sick, so I went back up to 6.
At 6, I don't have cravings, but I still get a thrilled feeling with the idea of getting a real opiate high. Thank goodness sub makes those substances useless in my system, or I would have relapsed a long time ago.
But I wanted to send you some support, and tell you I struggle with the same feelings.
I think it's pretty normal to feel what you're feeling.

After work was my time to use as well. Now it's when I take my sub. As much as I want to be off sub, the thought of not having sub to take after work terrifies me.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:39 am 
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ToBeWell, thanks for your understanding, I think taking sub at the same time every day after work is a great idea! Unfortunately I Australia we have to do daily pick ups so I rarely get my sub at the same time every day. Now I'm trying to come off cymbalta and feeling terrible! Consistency with my sub would help, so I am going to have to figure some thing out with my gp and pharmacist.
On another note, my urge for that feeling is starting to subside which is great. But sometimes I still have that "take my breath away" feeling when I think of using opiates, then I think of some thing else and the feeling goes away really quickly.
Manda :-)


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