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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 6:54 am 
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Some of you may know my story from my 'Ive relapsed and feel so shit' topic.

Trying to stop Heroin for once and for all is the hardest thing I have ever had to try and do. I am so fed up with it. My emotions are so bloody up and down I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I am also very frustrated at the lack of help out here for an addict like me in the United Kingdom. I went for help with my addiction to this like government funded organisation. I registered in April 2011 and had an appointment with the doctor who asked lots of questions and tested me and i got my prescription for Suboxone. Then for about 4 months after that i had to go once every 2 weeks to see a key worker - they were useless - I asked time and time again if there was any therapy sessions or counselling sessions i could go to because i was still finding it so hard. all they would day is 'oh i'll speak to so and so and let you know the next time we meet', and i would chase them up and still nothing. I have not been given any advise or help with therapy and have only seen the doctor again once since last April. Think they have drug tested me 3 times since the beginning. I'm not trying to make excuses as i totally know the hard work is down to me but i am desperate for some proper support and don;t seem to be able to find it here. Of course there's loads of help and therapy for people who do not work and have all the time in the world to bum around the treatment centre, but i am lost. I don't know what to do, where I can go and no wonder i am still struggling with using drugs. all the group sessions are in the day time and i can't go because i work. I work in London and its an hour for me to commute there each day. So its not like i could take a longer lunch hour and fit it in that way. Honestly I am pissed off with the whole thing so much. I have days when i think i'd be better off dead than living this shitty life. My husband is an addict too and its seriously getting to the point where i cant see a future with him. He's trying to stop as well but is no more sucessful than me. It's too hard there being 2 addicts in a relationship. God i just dont know what to do or which way to turn anymore.

Needed to rant and await some words of wisdom xxx


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:22 am 
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Hey babydoll. Fuck I know all that too well, really. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place with what feels like no options. But there are always options it just comes down to what you're willing to do.

Just don't give up trying to give up. Everyone who is now years clean, even on Suboxone, spent their fair share of time toe-to-toe with their demons just like you are now. The ones that get through are the ones that keep fighting.

Some couples do manage to get clean together, but it can make things a lot more complicated when you really need things to be simple. The only way it works is if both have an intense desire and willingness to get clean, and help each other as much as themselves. I've known two couples who literally kicked it by themselves in an apartment and are clean years on. But most of the time, one person wants it more than the other. If you're both trying to get clean, and he's the one to always cave which then brings you back down... it may be time to move on for the sake of both your recoveries.

To get clean, people often make huge changes - they move interstate, they change their jobs, the break up with their partners, divorce themselves from their parents, become religious and stand on their head for hours a day. You gotta do what you gotta do and it takes some guts. The remaining years of your life are much more valuable than any job or boyfriend. Addiction makes us so afraid of change, and of growing up and being responsible over our lives. But every day/week/month/year we manage to stay clean, with or without Suboxone, we become the adults we were meant to be all along. I'm a believer that every day we "hold on" tooth and nail and don't use, the stronger we become.

I get the feeling here in Aus we have more in common with the UK than we do with America. I'm guessing your clinic is a public clinic, but there are private prescribing doctors and clinics as well? If finances permit, could you possibly look into something like that to get more personal care? It will likely cost more $, but it's worth it to have a doctor that actually cares.

Also look into SMART recovery or even NA. There are meetings everywhere all over, most often in the evenings. You may get the help you're seeking from there, no appointments necessary. Try both, and see what you prefer. If not, there's always Suboxforum! :D

For most people, it's not about stopping 'once and for all'. It's about putting in real effort to stay clean each day, then over months and years your clean stretches get longer and longer and using becomes rarer and rarer until one day ... you have a better job, better boyfriend, better life... and using just doesn't appeal anymore. You don't go to bed with a broken arm and wake up the next morning completely healed, ya know?

You've probably made more progress than you realise.


Last edited by tearj3rker on Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:33 am 
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Hello, and thanks for the quick reply. I've just been looking on NA (UK) and there is a meeting tonight at 6pm a couple of miles away so I am going to go (scared, nervous) but i am going to go. I just asked my other half if he wanted to go but he was like 'No, i am not going there in case someone i know see's me' Fair enough I will go myself. I have to do this myself now and be srong. He will find his own way if it is what he really wants too. It is hard but i am slowly coming to terms with the fact there may be no future for me and him if we both can't sort this addiction shite out. we have tried and failed doing it together thats for sure. Thanks again x c x


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 Post subject: dry river
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:20 pm 
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Howdy Babydoll.,,, god, wish I could give you some wisdom, but I understand where your at, cause some days arn't worth breathing, and the world rolls on, totally oblivious to your predigament. Your right, there is zero support for addicts, when it comes down digging your way out of the hole, the lack of understanding in general doesn't make it any eazier. Maybe tommorrow might be a better day, but one thing's for sure ,I know how you feel today.
Good Luck


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 1:46 am 
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Didn't make it to NA last night. This is so bad and something that goes hand in hand with being addicts. There was only enough fuel in the car to get my husband to and from work for the next 2 days!! And we ain't got 2 pennies between us to rub together. How frigging bad is that? So Any way there another one at 7.30 tonight which I am goofing to try go to.

Thing is I'm really nervous and just don't know what to expect

Can anyone tell me briefly what happens at these things, especially as it'll be my first time?


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:06 am 
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Just rock up, make a cuppa, sit down and see if you identify with what people are saying. You don't really have to take part in anything, but every meeting I know likes people to take part in the around the room ID - which just means saying "I'm *insert name*, and I'm an addict." If you want to, you can add on how long you've been clean (1 day / 2 days / 2 years / whatever), or if you've used that day, you can just leave it out entirely. If you don't wanna ID, you can always go outside and have a smoke and come back in after half-time. You don't even have to share if you're asked. You don't even have to put money in the basket if you're skint.

As a newcomer, I'd suggest hanging out with the women in the room, especially the women with some clean time - 6+ months at least.

If you find you leave meetings wanting to use more than when you arrived, then I'd suggest maybe looking into other recovery groups like SMART.


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 Post subject: REPLY FROM SLIPPER
PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 8:39 am 
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Babydoll wrote:
Didn't make it to NA last night. This is so bad and something that goes hand in hand with being addicts. There was only enough fuel in the car to get my husband to and from work for the next 2 days!! And we ain't got 2 pennies between us to rub together. How frigging bad is that? So Any way there another one at 7.30 tonight which I am goofing to try go to.

Thing is I'm really nervous and just don't know what to expect

Can anyone tell me briefly what happens at these things, especially as it'll be my first time?





Did you know that AA and NA are listed in the phone book and you can call the number and someone will pick you up and take you with them to the meeting..and take you home...There are many people for reasons just like yours that cannot get to a meeting and they will certainly pick you up...and you think you are bothering these people...but it helps them more than it helps you...they get to see where they have been..big wake-up call.

Tear is right on about the meetings...you can just say pass..and not talk at all if you do not want to...people talk about their experiences just like here on the forum... you will probably hear everybody telling your story as you think..I did that and that and that...etc...The people are very friendly...and if you see someone you know well..so what..why do you think they are there...and there is a code ..what's said there..who you see there stays there. It is a good counseling session and itis free...they pass a basket at the end where most people put in a dollar for the coffee and rent on the building...but you do no have to and no one expects you to...people will know you are not financially able at this time....

Did taking the bup help you at all? That is the only thing that has really helped me in my addiction is taking the bup about 8-10mg. a day. It stops my cravings for opiates and covers me all day long,

I also agree with others here that you may have to go this alone to get sober...if he won't reaooy try to get sober then he will only bring you down

I wish you the best of luck and remember we have all been there!

Slipper


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 3:29 pm 
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everyone has given you real good information here,
and slipper was right on about getting a ride to the meetings. Here, where Im at in the U.S. Ive actually volunteered to give rides for people to the mtg I go to once a week. It totally makes me feel good to 'give back' it helps relieve some of the guilt I still feel for all that bad shit I did. So dont EVEN think you are bothering someone, not for a second!!

Anyway, I think anyone of us, who has ever battled with thier adiction, knows exactly how you feel.

The one thing that helped me, was someone told me

"you gotta work JUST as hard at your RECOVERY as you did getting HIGH"

which is the absolute truth. Its gonna take just as much, if not MORE effort, to get this done. Im not gonna lie and say its easy, cuz its not!
BUT it IS worth it.

and like tear said, dont think about it as "quiting for good this time"
You gotta think about it as the day comes, sometimes the MINUTE, sometimes each BREATHE you take.

Its OK, theres a reason people lose everything to drug adiction, its NOT easy to quit!!!

there were plenty of times I woke up in a good mood, thinking Id have a relatively easy day, then later all I wanted to do, or all I could think about was USING.
So, Id tell myself,
If I can just not get high for the next hour.......
Ok one more hour...........
one more...........

Its whatever you find that works for YOU!! I did not have the challenge of my spouse to go along with it. although, he was very unsure 'what to do' becuase he had gotten so used to 'taking care of me'
so that was a whole other issue in itself.

But we do make progress, and we do get better. YOU CAN DO THIS!!
I know you can.......

BEST of luck!!!! My heart goes out to you, it really does



so I just realized that slipper wrote on here recently, but the thread was started a few months back......
makes me wonder how everything ended up???

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:55 pm 
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Below is a link you can attend NA or AA meetings online and even participate if you have a webcam but if no webcam you can still sit in on the meeting and at least see how meetings work. just put the address in your web browser or copy paste. It is also a forum 24 7 you can chat etc...

www.intherooms.com

Just for the record and only because I don't want you to get frustrated and turned off on the first meeting just leave the fact you take suboxone out of any conversation at least until you feel the place and people out some people have the stupidity to shame people on Opiate Replacement Therapy. You will find individuals it will be okay to discuss this with just sit back and learn at first. Twelve Step meetings and the Twelve Step recovery community can be very therapeutic for some people. finallyachance is my name in this In The Rooms Community look me up and IM me we will talk. Good Luck.

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Wishing you the best in love and life. Finallyachance.


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