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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:07 am 
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Ahh guys it's been great reading all your kind words, especially now it's in the new years. Yeah I used for a day 2 days ago. I'm still alive. A bit spiritually bruised.

Orange doll thanks .. you nailed it 1000% about letting go, not overthinking. Definite a cause of a lot of my worries when things start getting rough.

Things are looking up maybe as there's been a couple of things happen in my personal life that might be turning things back positive. Taking it one day at a time for now.

Happy new year :)


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:11 pm 
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TeeJay wrote:
I'm starting to think alcohol is NOT good for my mood, even in moderation.



I know you already know this but alcohol is a depressant. It will not help if you are already suffering from bipolar/ depression. I firmly believe some people can drink after getting clean (in moderation) but I really think you should try to cut that out of your life as well. It's not doing you any favors. I'm sorry you go through these cycles. Chin up, we're here for you.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:45 pm 
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TeeJay wrote:
Bad news. I ended up using lastnight and this morning. FUCK.

I don't wanna blame my mood episode, but I am still definitely mood cycling. I spent a few days feeling really good about myself and my future, then lastnight after a few beers with some friends, I just got all dark in my head and made an excuse to go home. And that's all I really wanted - to go home and sleep, because I didn't feel social. I'm starting to think alcohol is NOT good for my mood, even in moderation.

Anyway I get home and started feeling all fucked up and lonely and missing my ex so I made a call and went adn got on. I dunno if bipolar played much a role ... but it's fucking annoying in that it's so hard for me to know where the normal / situational feelings end and teh bipolar begins. The weird thing was that ... even though I'd had my Suboxone 6 hours beforehand it still worked.

I dunno. I think since breaking up with my ex I've lost some of my need to stay clean. Like, when I'm feeling like shit and don't value my own life, at least when I was with her I cared about her being hurt, and that was enough to stop me doing this kinda thing. But now she's not around and that consequence isn't there, there's less incentive to say no. And to be honest I felt that safety net go the moment we broke up.

ESPECIALLY now during the holidays, with work off and no study, and friends who are going through their own troubles. I actually can't wait to return to uni ...


Sorry it took so long to get back to this. Since there's no "threads user has posted in" list in our profiles like on other forums, I often forget which ones I've posted .
Today was ridiculously hard for me, I moved out of my house, told my dad I hated him because he wouldn't let me bring my bed to our new house and ive just been crying most of day and i think about suicide sometimes but thats not something I'd actually tell my doctor. I'm surprised my doctor doesnt look more into the mental health of his patients before prescribing not that suboxone causes suicide but everyone reacts different. For me, it makes me more confident to follow through with things which isn't good. My whole life has been utterly pitiful and I've only just begun working on rebuilding it. I have haad quite the fucked-up life. I don't know. My bipolar is acting up today. I'm all flustered.

Steven Wilson's solo stuff has helped me through the past 3 months and has been really insirational for my music.

Oh and i take 200 mg at once everyday. If I ever forget to take them, I will go crazy!


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:50 pm 
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Not that I'd ever commit suicide but my bipolar tendencies cause me to think about what that might be like sometimes, to elaborate on that last post.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:38 pm 
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Hey Healingwaters . I think us bipolarbears have a knack for getting through the hard times. Because at least we can hold onto a belief that the mood we're going through is transient. If you can remind yourself that the depression's transient while going through it, yet forget that the happiness is also transient while experiencing it ... we end up on top.

Sorry forgot to ask. 200mg of what medication? Sometimes I wonder if certain people experience phases of depression / difficulty / relapse at the same time ... kinda like it's in the stars or something? I definitely noticed it while in NA.

I recently kinda resumed my relationship with the girl. We'd broken up for maybe 3 weeks? I'm kinda grappling with the fact in that time she slept with 5 randoms she met over the internet. She says it's her way of getting over a guy, only apparently it didn't work this time. I can't really hold doubts about her fidelity because we were broken up at the time, and we both believed we were well and truly over. These days I find it hard to have random sex while I'm getting over someone else. Apparently she's not the same. I don't doubt she loves me, or question whether she can stay faithful because she takes vows and commitment very seriously. But it's still not a nice thought, esp when a couple of these guys are still sniffin around and msg'ing her phone. But part of me does want to just fuck off, maybe start afresh with someone without this stuff hanging over.

Not to mention the fact I'm a bit concerned about how sterile the spoon was when I used. The thought of getting hep C again is heartbreaking. Alcohol consumption and safe injecting doesn't mix well apparently.

Anyway.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 12:54 am 
I literally just had a pysch appt with the doc at the VA. Along with ativan 0.5mg and ambien 10mg. She also seems to think I am 100% biopolar. She is filling a script for lithium. and i am really scared to take it. Scared to mix it with suboxone. She does not know i am on suboxone. And i don't wanna tell her either. It's besides the point since what i explained to her is what i was like my whole life even before my brief 3month oxycodone abuse/run. Now i have a friend who took lithium when she was in foster care and it gave her hyperthroid, hair loss, and made her gain a fair amount of weight. i am really really scared to take this medicine. Some days i am on top of the world and can go a week or so doing good. Then i just seem to get into this daze and funk for almost a week after. I'm really getting freaked out by these up's and down's. Now i'm starting to think i may actually be bipolar. How does lithium work for the members here for bipolar? Does it zombie you out and dull emotions? This scares me about the effects i have read up on and what my good friend has gone through. Are there any serious interactions with suboxone? Good luck getting through these downs... As i absolutely know how isolated and lonely of a place it can be. And i also used opiates for a short while noticing that it brought me outta of these situations. 0-0 Not anymore though. I am done using. And after suboxone and tapering i will be using tramadol for about 2 to 2 and a half weeks just to lighten the w/d a little bit. I learned the tramadol trick from a previous sub detox place. ; ) it's nice because you can buy em online very easily and it is not scheduled so it helps.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 5:10 am 
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healingwaters wrote:


Sorry it took so long to get back to this. Since there's no "threads user has posted in" list in our profiles like on other forums, I often forget which ones I've posted .



There actually is a way to find posts by a certain user. To go to someone's user profile go to one of their posts and click the computer at the bottom where their signature is. Once you are at the profile, look on the right side under "All about TJ" (for ex.). Go further down to where it says, "Find all posts by TJ", click it, and it will show you a page of TJ's posts, starting with the most recent. Hope this helps!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 6:14 am 
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Hi will,

Im on lithium and sub. I think its a great combo for me. I have not gained weight. I feel great! Im super happy and am not tired or zombie like.

I have made other changes though since i have been on this combo. I got an awesome job and go to two support groups a week. I made sober friends and take care of myself.

Im not sure about interactions but doc says its ok.

Its,better that your doctor knows all the meds you are on. He ahouldnt judge you.....its just to better help you.

Good luck, I hope you feel better and figure this out.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:04 am 
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Lithium and Sub is fine.

I've heard a lot of "lithium fear" voiced all over the place, even on this forum ... mostly from people who don't have bipolar and who know little about it. Lithium is just a psych medication, no more hardcore than any other. I think the fact people associate it with oldschool psychiatry kinda turns them off.

Most people I know who've been on it - whether they're still on it or have moved on - believe it was definitely one of the better medications. There are so many benefits to lithium. I like the idea that it's a natural salt mined from the earth and not made in a laboratory. It's also by far and wide the most effective mood stabiliser around. It was the first psych medication ever discovered, and it's still the "gold standard" treatment for bipolar (dunno if that says much for psychiatry).

Side-effects? Hand-tremor. This one can get a bit annoying, but adjusting the timing of your dose, or taking slow-release makes it more manageable. One of my "unique" side-effects is I think it effects my verbal memory, or the ability to remember names of things / people. But this can also be managed by timing the dose.

Lithium's also been found to be the most neurotrophic / neuroprotective substance around, meaning taking it can both prevent damage to the brain and help neurons grow.

That being said, it doesn't work for everyone. Some people find it doesn't help their mood cycling at all. It's important to get your levels checked as well, esp if you stop or start taking another medication, or feel its side-effects have increased.


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