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 Post subject: Staying clean
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:38 pm 
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Hi just joined the forum today and am interested in seeing what I can learn from all of you that are dealing with the same things I am. I have been seeing my doctor since September 2012 and am thankful for the program. I struggle with other areas of my addictions from time to time because I have been addicted to other narcotics besides opiates. I pretty much liked all the drugs I tried ... anything that helped me feel numb. Now I am learning what it's like to feel normal again and experiencing life the way it should be. I am glad all of you are here today and not out there. I love hearing other people's stories and sharing my own but I always had trouble speaking in meetings because I get nervous in front of groups. I thought I would try this forum and see what I can get out of it while sharing my own experiences.


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 Post subject: Re: Staying clean
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 11:24 am 
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Welcome! Good for you on staying clean. So, without further adue, share your story! :) we all have interesting life stories to share. I was addicted to oxycontin, been free of that for just about 6 years when I entered a suboxone program, and now I am off subs, living and staying clean and enjoying life to the fullest ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Staying clean
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 11:30 am 
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Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
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Hi JNA, thanks for checking in.

I was also cross-addicted (heroin, cocaine, alcohol, and pretty much anything else I could pour into me). No matter how bad things got, I was totally unable to get clean and stay that way by relying on my own will power (which is basically the definition of an addict). I constantly relapsed.

People like me definitely need a powerful source of outside help to live not just a clean and sober life, but a life of freedom and happiness.

Personally, I rely on 12 Step; not just the meetings, but also doing the step work on a daily basis. Other people on this forum will have other suggestions.

-- JI

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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 Post subject: Re: Staying clean
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 8:18 pm 
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Hi justanaddict, welcome to the forum. I came here at first as well because I was facing the prospect of group therapy as a bundle deal with suboxone, both or nothing. And I needed the sub. I have social anxiety in general, and always have. I hesitate to call it severe because I can generally live a normal life now, but it was severe to me and the driving force behind my addiction to opiates. They fixed it for me.

Here's a link to my intro thread if you want to read about me personally:
http://www.suboxforum.com/well-when-you-new-you-introduce-yourself-t9900.html

It sounds like you have been around the block for a couple years with treatment, so I don't mean to preach about it to you, but here was my personal experience with my group.

I have now completed the 4 month group, meeting three times a week three hours each time. My apprehension was completely misplaced, it ended up being fine and even easy. I turned out to be the most stable and committed person there (all props to my great family, girlfriend, and flawless support structure) so within about a month I was the senior member and watched others come and go.

The best thing I got out of it? The counsellor listened to me and worked with me my on my social anxiety when other members' attendance was light. The single biggest thing that helped to get over it to a large degree was a simple concept - I belong. I belong there in the group, I belong at home, I belong at parties I choose to go to, I belong at my workplace, I belong just about anywhere I choose to be. I've been walking around my whole life like I don't belong anywhere and nobody wants me there. Like I wasn't just another human being with human worries, problems, and feelings. Like an unwanted houseguest everywhere I went. No wonder I was anxious and uncomfortable around almost everyone.

Now, whenever I feel that anxiety, I remember to stop fooling myself. I think about whether or not I'm really out of place as badly as I feel. I think about if there's even a single person there who is about to stand up and ask me to leave. And then I start to feel like I can speak and move and do what I want, without needing to go to the bathroom and stick a needle in my arm first.

So, I've no idea if by "I get nervous in front of groups" you meant you have social anxiety, and I'm even less sure if any of this could apply to you, but I hope you can open up here and tell your story, and then in group as well some time. Because you belong in both places. We're all just addicts too.


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 Post subject: Re: Staying clean
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 10:00 pm 
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Thanks Airhead. I think that is helpful. Yes I do have social anxiety to an extent. I just have some weird fear of telling my story in person to a group of people. However I did attend lots of meetings a few years ago and somewhat was chairing them... I was the only person there that wasn't on probation so I signed everyone's papers. I just never felt like I had anything valuable to add to the topics besides yes I agree with this or yes that's a valid point. I never wanted to get too personal with my story unless I was talking with one person or a very small group .

With all that said yes I've definitely been around the block and been in the program a few times through the years it was different this time though...I'd had enough. I almost lost everything I had including my own life and I just couldn't live like that anymore. I was doing meth and morphine together and adding xanax and other shit to the mix on a weekly basis. I thought I was enjoying my life the way I wanted to but then I started losing friends here and there they one by one began passing away by overdose it was crazy that I continued to use even after that. There was no defining moment really and I don't have an exact sobriety date because I kept relapsing and relapsing and then i woke up and got help I called my doctor who told me that before he would see me I had to be off the methadone I was taking at the time for a week. That week seemed like forever...I cried and pleaded with him to take me sooner but he insisted that the methadone and suboxone didn't mix well. I went in with a couple or few days clean and ever since I have been clean from all the hard stuff. Once I quit the meth my life slowly got back to "normal" but I definitely think that had I not made that appointment with my doc I would still be out there. It took my husband a few months before he would make an appointment but now he's been going too for nearly a year. Life is so much better now and while it's not perfect ... I am enjoying every moment. I struggle with memory problems still and every once in awhile I will really wish u had that intense energy I used to get but that's why I'm seeing my psych and she is helping with that.

My story is long and I don't know if I will ever get to tell it all but I will leave bits and pieces here and there. Sometimes just talking about some of the shit I'm still trying to clean up gets me choked up and real emotional...so that means that there is still alot of work to do I guess. But I'm working through each day one at a time and I've really come a long way... I'm a successful businesswoman that goes to work more often than not and I have a decent salary that I can support myself on and life is just so much better but cleaning the wreckage of the past just simply sucks and takes a long time. A whole lot longer than it took to make the mess in the first place.

So obviously I love to write and thanks for reaching out. :-) keep on trucking my friend


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 Post subject: Re: Staying clean
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 11:01 pm 
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Social phobia is probably top 3 most debilitating state of mind. I had it from age 8 to about 19, and i still kindof have it, but i just go with it now. I feel your pain! I completely understand how that fuels addiction too. Most people get to a point where they gain a better perspective and snap out of it. Ive spent so many hours doing research about it when i was a kid because i couldnt really talk about it! Smetimes you just have to accept things how they are to actually move on. It took some pretty bad stuff for me to get away from that awful anxiety. I hope everything goes smoothly! Btw feeling emotional during sub wd is very common into first ten days. Take care


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