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PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:17 pm 
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HELLO TO ALL. I HAVE NEVER USED A MESSAGE BOARD BEFORE, BUT I AM LOOKING FOR SUPPORT AS I START THIS NEW JOURNEY IN MY LIFE. I TAKE AROUND 30 10/325 PERCOCETS A DAY AND NO ONE KNOWS. I WENT AND MET WITH A DOCTOR AND I AM STARTING SUBUTEX IN THE MORNING. I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT HOW I WILL FEEL. I AM SO WORRIED THAT I WILL BE IN PAIN FROM THE WITHDRAWLS EVEN ON SUBUTEX. I KNOW THATS THE POINT OF THE MED AND I WILL JUST HAVE TO SEE IT WORK TOMORROW. CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FIRSR FEW DAYS WILL BE LIKE? IS THERE A PLACE ONLINE THAT YOU KNOW OF THAT IS A SUPPORT GROUP TO HELP YOU GET THROUGH THIS, ANSWER QUESTIONS AND HEAR OTHER PEOPLES EXPERIENCES? JUST VERY SCARRED AND WORRIED.

THANKS!
FASHIONSUN


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:29 am 
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Hi fashionsun, welcome to the forum. Don't be worried about your induction. I know it's scary to be making such a big change, but you are really doing something positive by getting treatment. As long as you are in mild to moderate withdrawal (look for physical symptoms like large pupils, goosebumps, sneezing, runny nose, whatever your particular symptoms tend to be) then you shouldn't get sick.

At my induction, my doctor gave me half of an 8mg pill and then I had to wait around for about 30 minutes. By the end of that 30 minutes I felt so much better - I could of kissed that man. Since I tolerated the first half of the pill well, they gave me the other half. After that, I felt better than I had felt in a long time. I went right to work. The next day I was on 12 mgs, then up to 16, which I only stayed at for a short time. Sometimes you have to adjust the dose a little.

Suboxone wasn't really a high or euphoric feeling, it was more like relief. I also felt that my depression was lifted and my thought process was much clearer. I had no physical w/d symptoms and almost no cravings to use. Any cravings I had were easy to resist. I was coming off a dilaudid and oxy habit that was comparable to the amount of opiates you've been using. Seriously, going on Sub was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

Good luck and let us know how things go.

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 Post subject: SECOND DAY!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:38 pm 
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Thanks Jack for responding to me. It helped to hear your story.
Its not been as bad as I thought, but awkward and anxiety about it all. I started at 14 mg on the first day and for the second day (today) I will end up at 24 mg. Then not sure about tomorrow,, but I know 32mg is the max. then doc said I stay at the third day dose for one week and then start to taper off by 2mg every third day until I am off or I can stay at 2-4 mg for a month or two. What do most do? stay on it for a month or so? I am also having cravings of that "high" and I do hate that. Its so weird because everything I have done over the past few years...I mean EVERYTHING, I did while on pain meds. Now I feel awkward and then the craving for them whenever I do simple things, such as on the computer, talking to friends on phone, etc. whatever I do to relax and well even things related to my job. ANY ADVICE is greatly appreciated. I just hate the cravings.....ugh!!!!


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 Post subject: Cravings?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:44 am 
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Hi Faishonsun sp? sorry ...lol

I'm on day 2 too of suboxone....gee you are taking way more than I am....how was day one like....I took it too soon like always, and was sick as a dog all day....tossed and turned in beg with RSL and back ache, real instense feelings.....today is better.....I just took 4Mg when I got up 2 mg 3hrs later. and I will only go up 2mg at at time to a max of 12 -14mg for the first 3 days...then start to taper down to 10 and my plan is to be down to 8 in 10 days...

I am not planning on coming off so soon...a month is kind a short time for the brain to heal and thento be able to function normally with nothing.....the brain does heal onot he sub so if you have been using a long time, you may want to talk to you doctor about staying on a bit longer.....ONe thing I have heard is that docs prscribe way more sub than one actually needs, and some folks do better on a lower does.....

Anyway lets keep posting to support one and another ont eh road to recovery....the cravinigs will pass....it's still so soon....you have to be commiteed to wanting to get well....the suboxone will help tremendously but won't do it allfor you...you need to contribute to your getting well....opiate addiciton is serious business....deal with it now so it doesn't ruin your life....sorry don't mean to lecture..it's just that we have to get over those cravings, and the sub helps alot....so the rest is minor....just sya to yourself giving inot that craving will just set you back to where you were....and you didin't like that didi you....

WEll good luck...tomorrow will even be better.....and remember the higher the dose does not always mean the better y our iwll feel....with suboxone less is usally better.....

Debra


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:02 pm 
Hi fashionsun and want2befree! I am now on day 6 of Suboxone. My doctor had me start at small frequent dosing the first day then each day slightly bigger doses further apart through the day, by day 4 to end up at 8mg three times a day. So far it looks like 16mg a day will be enough. I don't know if in general the doctors "want" us on higher doses than we
really need, as some have suggested, or not. My doctor told me that it really depends on how I'm doing, but only "rule"
was to never take more than 32mg a day. He advised me during this first week or so, to dose based upon whether or not
I am having any withdrawal symptoms or any cravings. That made good sense to me so that is how I've been doing it.
Yesterday I took 8mg at 8:00 am, 4mg at 2pm and 4mg at 9pm. That seemed to hold me quite well. I have had very minimal cravings or withdrawals symptoms at all. Praise God! Like you guys, I'm sure, I craved opiates all the time and
had horrible withdrawals at any attempt to quit. So far, Suboxone has worked great. I feel real good - not high at all, just
normal, or what I recall normal to have felt like before I got addicted! As far as how long I'll be on Sub. Who knows. Of
course I hope not forever. But I figure, it took a while for me to get as far as I did in my addiction, so it's gonna probably take a while to crawl out of this mess. For me, I just have to tell myself it's okay. I'd rather be on this stuff for a while than to go back to active addiction which has cost me dearly!!
Hope everyone is having a good day!


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 Post subject: support!
PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:21 pm 
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So glad you are on the same path with me!!!! I do feel that I am on a high dose, but the Dr. said he thought that would happen to me since I was taking such a large amount every day (either 30 10mg Percs or sometimes up to 60 10/325 Lortabs). how in the world did I let this happen to myself???? Either way it is going better than I expected. I had leg cramps last night for about an hour even after the subutex doses, but the 4mg before I go to bed with a xanax makes me sleep. I have woken up fine the past two mornings. I am thinking the key is to keep myself busy so I dont think about the cravings and talk to others like you are great. How are you feeling? what do you do to overcome the cravings? I know I wont go backwards, but I just want them to go away!!!!! Keep me updated! Good luck and we can do this!!!!


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:43 pm 
I'm going to lunch w a friend, running late. I want to talk to you more - will get back w you this afternoon or this evening.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 3:06 pm 
Back from lunch. How nice it is for me to have lunch with a friend without worrying about whether or not I've had lortab or a percecet to take beforehand! I was the same as you as far as cravings. They were fierce - just had them all the time - for everything. Like you said, I wanted (needed) them to relax, talk on the phone, visit with people, get through work, get through housework, just whatever! I had gotten to the point where there were not enough pills to be had to satisfy me.
I don't know if you read my first post on this site, but in it I gave a brief overview of my history. I was a nurse for 18 years which gave me access to potent narcotics. A little less than a year ago it was discovered that I was diverting (stealing) drugs from the workplace. My addiction was so strong that even with fairly large amounts of pain pills, I began
using stronger stuff from work. Talk about disgusting! I lost not only my job, but my entire career. And more importantly, I lost my self respect and the respect of everyone with whom I had worked all through the years. people who have never
been addicted have no idea the lengths to which we will go and what we are capable of sacrificing to continue to seek that
"feeling" that opiates give us. I was so full of shame, remorse, regret and self-hatred that I could not sustain an abstinence based recovery. I tried for 10 months and could never get more than about 30 days at a time "clean". Even
though my physical withdrawal symptoms would eventually abate, the cravings never seemed to get any better at all.
So for me, the Suboxone has been a miracle. At this point, only 6 days into it, I really have only minimal cravings. My
doctor told me that if i have a craving, I am to take extra Suboxone (as long as it's been at least 2 hours since my last dose and my daily dose does not exceed 32 mg) It has been working great!
As far as your comment about "how did I let this happen?!", I can obviously relate. I am sickened by what I let happen to me. I think we just have to try to focus on moving forward. My hope is that with the Suboxone, I will be able to approach everything with a clearer head. And maybe come up with some answers to that question and make some true progress in
my recovery so that I will never go there again.
That's all for now. Talk to you soon.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:31 pm 
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Thanks for sharing your story. As my doctor told me, this is not who you are or even your character, but a flaw that everyone has in their life and we chose to ignore it. Now we finally see the flaw and know that life is so much better without the worries of addiction, how to get my next pill, planning my day around the pills, destroying relationships, jobs, etc.
I started all from a doctor who got me hooked and left me hanging. I would doctor shop until I was flagged then lay off and buy off the street and the back to the doctors and so forth. I have put myself in enough debt that would equal 2-3 nice cars. I am so worried because my husband doesnt know about anything (pills or subutex) and I just cant bring myself to tell him. I know he is going to one day notice that I am constantly using my money to pay bills or get to the mailbox before me and see the statements. He is not very understanding at all of these things and I have doubt that it could lead to the end of an otherwise wonderful marriage. Oh the elephant on my chest!
I did better today, but still cant kick the cravings and feeling doing things while I am not "high". Its like I am not sure if I will enjoy anything because i dont have that euphoria. I just cant wait for the day to pass and I am 100% happy and no pills crossed my mind!!!!


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 9:35 pm 
Oh man! I am so sorry that you do not have support from any of your family members or friends! I kept my problem a secret for a really long time too. For 3-4 years I was taking quite a bit of lortab and/or percocet. Like you, it started
innocently enough - back injury, doc with a pretty loose Rx-writing hand and next thing you know, even with the fair amount he was writing for me, I was still running out early and getting pills from other sources. Like I mentioned before,
eventually (in the fog of all the pain pills) I made that horrific mistake of trying some hospital meds. Try as I might, I just could not stop myself from using more and wanting more and using more until it all crumbled down around me. As
you can imagine, I will never forget the day I had to tell my poor husband what I had done. Poor guy had to learn in one sitting that his wife of 15 years was a drug addict, a thief, a liar, and unemployed! I seriously would not have been
surprised nor would I have blamed him if he had kicked me to the curb. Thank God, he didn't. He has been so understanding throughout all of this. As if that weren't enough, I had to tell him a few weeks ago, that my attempts at abstinence based recovery had failed. I had been trying at that approach for 10 months - went through an intensive outpatient program, attended NA 3-5 times weekly, worked with a sponsor and so forth. And I couldn't get past the
cravings, couldn't remain abstinent. Yes, I got "better" for a while, but before I knew what hit me I was back to using the lortab and/or percocet every day. So I had to confess that to him when I decided I wanted to try Suboxone. Again, he has been so understanding. I know he's losing his patience though. I have just got to stick with this program. He is the only one who knows I am on Suboxone. He is actually the only family member who knows about my addiction. There is a part of me that longs to tell my parents (we are close) but they are in their 70s and I think it would just destroy them.
I do have some close friends who know (the few who stuck around after the drama went down at work), but i've not told
them I was unable to stay clean after the initial attempts so they don't know about the Suboxone. Perhaps I will tell them when I get a bit stronger.
Anyhow, all that to say - I wish you had just one person you could tell. I think you would feel so much better if you had someone who had a least a clue of the suffering you have been enduring. As far as your strong cravings go - my doc told me that if I was having bad cravings or any cravings actually, then I was not on enough Sub. Maybe you need to go up to the 32mg a day here at first. As I said, my cravings are well-controlled. And let me tell you when I tried to remain off all drugs the cravings were so bad that I seriously thought my life was not worth living that way. I had such anxiety and was so depressed. Those are issues I have never had before (anxiety and depression that is). With the suboxone, I can honestly say I am having no problems. And I don't think you really should be either. Perhaps you should call your doctor tomorrow and just let him/her know how you are feeling. Maybe they will have some suggestions for you. Let me know.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 3:28 pm 
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I have told a few friends and my mom. They have been supportive through text messages and phone conversations. However, I just dont feel like talking about it to them much bc they dont understand. I am doing a little better on the cravings. I just want to be able to do things without thinking that this would be more enjoyable if I had THEM in my system. It does go away, but I guess its the recovery part of learning how to enjoy life without pills and knowing that this is a much better way to live. I couldn't go back to where I was and couldn't afford it even if I tried. Geez....the debt! I do feel horrible that I havent told my husband, but I just dont want to deal with what would happen right now while I am so fragile. How are all of u today??????


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 4:40 pm 
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My name is Shelly and I run the support group here that is available online Monday and Wednesday evenings at 7:30 (EST). I strongly encourage all of you to attend being new to this process.
There are many exciting education sessions I am working on, along with the support session. This is not a 12 step based format, but is aimed at working specifically with people in medication assisted recovery.Please join me for this feature, if you have any questions, you may send me a private message.

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"It is never too late to be what you might have been!" - George Eliot


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:08 pm 
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I am about 4 months into my Suboxone treatment and I feel so much better. I ran out of pills after my first refill and it was a week of hell. I plan on staying on this for a few years since it relieves all my feelings of depression and anxiety. It just sucks that you have to take medication just to feel normal. I am sick and tired of battling these wars with depression and anxiety.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:03 pm 
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hi guys! i am writing to those of u who r new to suboxone. i will tell u a little about my story later for now i guess i will work backwards. i have been on subs for 4-5 years and i strongly disagree with short term use. you will never be cured of this disease so taking a small amount of medication everyday compared to what each of us went through is a very small price to pay. one of u said that u were clean for about 10 months and it was awful so a few months on suboxone and then trying to stop that is unlikely gonna help things. these are all just my opinion based on my experiences but first i would recommend doing some research and finding a doctor that doesnt have a problem with long term use if thats the way that u decide to go. in my 4-5 years i have been to 3 different docs, about 11/2 years ago-i found the right one. i mean right by he will prescribe long term and he doesnt treat me like a criminal everytime i walk in the door and actually wants to learn about the medication and learn about me and the underlying problems that helped me become an addict. im not sure about ur cravings i know that i did not have any after the right dose for me was prescribed. i agree that u may want to ask ur doctor about a higher dose and then maybe a slow taper and i have remained on 4-8 mgs. for a long time and i have no problems with sobriety. no anxiety or anything for that matter and not for 1 single day do i ever think about when im going to stop. i just dont worry about it at all. the success rates of people who do 12 step programs or think they can do it on there own are very low and i know that if i had to stop for some reason that i could not live everyday life without taking something or deal with reality witout getting high. i have never had any major side affects at all. i just strongly believe that if there is something out there that can help us along and anything is better than what we were doing than whats wrong with that? there is a big difference in being dependant on something than being addicted to it and you wouldnt take away a diabetics medication away. i know i got carried away with my strong opinions on the matter so if u have any specific questions about my past or present or experiences with suboxone please just ask. i wish both of you all the happiness life has to offer!! ps-i just found this site myself about 2 weeks ago and it is better than any meeting, even better than my visits with my shrink lol. i strongly suggest u keep posting and read about everyone elses stories too


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