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 Post subject: Starting subs again
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 12:59 pm 
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Hi, so after some deep soul searching I have decided that I am going to get back on the subs again. My doc, who is on vacation, talked with me via text and decided that in light of my recent relapse I should get back on the train. The relapse is still going. In the past week I've taken over 150 norcos. Unbelievable to think I let myself get so deep so quickly. I plan on starting the subs tomorrow morning-18 hours after my final opiate.

I am going to meet with the doc next week and discuss the future. As soon as I came off the subs my old self came raging to the forefront. So I'm starting over. My opiate journey continues. Sorry to those that I let down. I know that most can get off subs and struggle through the wd and move on. I wasn't ready for whatever reason. Frustrating.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:27 pm 
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I think you are making the right choice. No shame in taking it slow...

Also, lots of Trey's new songs are about addiction and overcoming it, I do not really like the newer stuff but that might help. (I saw you were a Phish fan in your other thread)


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 Post subject: Right Choice
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:48 pm 
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I agree, going back on is the best thing to do. The same thing happened to me after some surgery. Tapered down real low, stopped the Sub and was prescribed Lortab 10's. I was a good boy for two weeks until the Sub left my system and I could finally FEEL the hydrocodone. Then the train went out of control and there was no going back. And same as you, I waited about the same amount of time and felt so relieved to be back on the Suboxone and my life returned.

Mostly you have to worry about your liver. With those high doses you could have died from the Tylenol ruining your liver. In fact, my doctor told me that they lowered the suggested amount of Tylenol a person should not exceed in 24 hours. It used to be around 2400 mgs. Now it's around 1500. Don't hold me to those numbers as my memory is not that good, but it's close.

This time, why don't we both work on our recovery. Then we'll know when the time is right to taper and jump.

You did the right thing,

Rule

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:56 pm 
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Rockfield, it just wasn't your time to quit, man. Don't beat yourself up. Get back on Suboxone, let it do its thing and try putting in some kind of recovery work to up your odds of staying off of Suboxone next time you try and quit. I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone on this forum when I say that none of us look down on you or see you getting back on Suboxone as a failure.....you haven't let anyone down.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:26 am 
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You're not alone dude. Real kudos for sticking around here and letting us all know how you're going. Some members taper off, then mysteriously disappear after a week or two. It's great you're still here and open about it.

For me, this forum is the only place I can be 100% truthful about things. I like it that way. It lets me be more dishonest in the real world ... kinda like confession!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 7:57 am 
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Wow. Thank you. All of you. This board is amazing. There is no where else on the web that offers this type of support. It is inspiring.

Update: yesterday I started the subs as planned. Feeling ok. Trying to keep the dose as low as possible.

Relapse is a scary situation. Everything I learned about myself and the tools I had built up to prepare myself against such a situation came crashing down quickly when I got to day 8 or so of sub wd. In hindsight, I planted the seed in a moment of weakness about a week before my jump. I texted a "friend" to ser if they had any Vic's. I was thinking I would need 10 or so to help me get off the subs for good. That "friend" then got in touch with my old pushers and once they found out I was looking it was all over. They came to me daily with offers of perks and the like. If I would have just left it alone and realized I can't take even 1 full agonist this might have never happened. Hindsight is 20/20.

Stephen: so true about Trey Anastatio and the Phish from Vermont. The way he was able to turn his life around after being busted for perks and Xanax and his struggle to get clean inspires me. I think he plays better sober. And drugs and phish go hand in hand. If he can do it I know I can.

So today will be a sunny day and I'll use it to reflect. I'll use it to put one foot in front of the other and strive for recovery. It's the only way.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:39 am 
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^^^^

Pretty sure Trey also had H in his car. He was so far gone, it seems once you start using coke+opiates stuff gets real bad fast.

But anyways, I do want you to know you have not let us down in anyway. We have all been there and all made mistakes. I have been a good boy since I started sub but I cannot count the number of times I said "no more" and then relapsed. I did that for 8 years.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:42 pm 
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I agree with everyone else RM,

There is no shame. Getting off sub is not fun but I think in your situation you made the right choice and it's a good one on your part. You seem like you really wanna do the right thing and not keep screwing up. So good for you! Good Luck.

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“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” -Ernest Hemingway


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