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 Post subject: Some of my story
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:44 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:44 pm
Posts: 25
I have never been worse dose-wise than 70mg of hydro a day (give or take)

First, my take on "induction"
The very first time I was "inducted" I took 40mg's of hydrocodone very early in
the morning.I had seen the doctor and filled the script and took my very first dose
by 2pm and it went fine. I was once in a treatment center that used Suboxone.
I picked the place because they advertised as using suboxone rather than
letting you go cold turkey. I had to practically go NUTS and piss alot of them
off before they were even convinced I was in withdrawal. I was taking Ultram
then as well as hydro. and the worst part of w/d for me is the deep deep
depression that goes along with it. They finally put me on a too fast 10
day taper. They INSISTED that if I were not Sick sick sick it would "put me
into bad w/d" (which I was already in!) I cannot express how frustrating it can be to have to work
with mental health professionals that don't know what the heck they are
talking about or stick to a stupid regimen. You have to treat every patient



Since then ( that was about a year after Suboxone came out) I have had to
go back to regular pain management with hydro. 3 times. The first time
I could not find a Doc closer to me than a 12 hour drive so after a couple
months I could no longer afford it, so it was back to pain management and all that
hydro. I hate short acting opioids, especially the crap that is mixed with
that poison Tylenol.

The next 3 times I went off of Suboxone was because of my Doc losing his
license( yah 3 different docs). There is something about Southern Illinois and Sub docs. I think
the drug task force et al would rather have the illegal diversion so they
can get more grants to get closer to a Big Brother society than anybody
actually get some help.

Maybe I am wrong but if you look at either of the Sub Doc location sites, Indiana,KY,
and MO are packed with Sub docs and down here we have One doc
in this end of the state and he wants very expensive ( and IMO not necessary )
psychiatric baby sitting and you have to show up at the office every
DAY to get your pills. That would be a 2 hour drive every day so I am lucky I
found a good doc in an adjoining state.

I am gonna stop before I start to say too much, but what if the DEA "won"
the "drug war" ?? They would be out of jobs. So they let enough illegal
activity go on for them to look busy, no matter how many &*()&*(^'ing
$15,000(or more) German trained Shepperd's they buy, no matter how
many hours illegally tapping your cell phone. Paying snitches to
bother you. Whatever. I am just mad at myself I guess. If I don't play
into that shit I don't have to worry about it. I don't have to like everything
about the state/county/world I live in.

I am just pissed that I can function very well on Suboxone ( This last doc was the first to give me Subutex
Taking Suboxone, IMO, is totally unnecessary unless you were or have
a tendency toward IV'ing.I have never put a needle in my arm so why should I pay for, and injest
all that naloxone? ) and have had so much trouble keeping a doctor. Usually it's the other
way around.

Now that I have been given another chance, Subutex seems to work better and in
my body at least I think that some of the naloxone that is in Suboxone it IS absorbed orally and I think it counteracts
a lot of what bupe. does. I have not experienced the depression and other negative things
associated with what Suboxone has done to me in the past now that I have gotten the chance
to take Subutex. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow.

I am just thankful I once again have hope. Now if I can just get this one pill pusher
to stop coming to my house I will be good. I told him a few times to not come back
but they don't listen. He's a payed snitch I just found out and that is why I am on
sort of a rant. I am not perfect but I am doing the right things.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 8:56 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:44 pm
Posts: 25
My sincere apologies for letting so much negative energy come out verbally here. I am have
no one to blame but me for most of what I am and have gone through. I in no way wish to
bring negative vibes to a board where nothing but positivity is needed.

With that in mind, I hope I can find some support here.

thanks for reading

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:29 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 6:52 pm
Posts: 71
Welcome to the forum!

There is no need to apologize! We are here for you, and we are here to help you, and if you need to vent, or let some anger out, then I will be very happy to listen to it, as long as it makes you feel better.

I totally understand why you are frustrated with your doctor situation, and I can't imagine having to go through all of that crap just to get the help that you are very much in need of. The fact that you DID go through all of that crap, and that you had the will to go through all of that crap shows a very high level of commitment to your recovery, and that's a wonderful thing to have. I can't believe that you had to go through so many doctors. That's a shame. Hopefully the one that you are with now ill be able to stay in business. It makes me grateful that the doctor that I get my Suboxone from is less than twenty minutes away and is willing to keep his patients on Suboxone as long as the patients feel that they need to be on it. I'm in Indiana myself, and in my city, there are at least ten different doctors that an addict can go to! I can't believe that there would only be one available doctor in your area. That's terrible. Something needs to be done about that.

Anyway, I am glad that you joined the forum and that you are feeling well on your Subutex! Don't feel bad for venting here; we all understand, and I personally think that your anger is justified. Keep us posted on how you are doing, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I haven't been here too long, but the people on this forum are all very helpful and understanding, and I think you'll like it here:)

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