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PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:06 pm 
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My story begins like many....it was July 3rd 2009 and my husband 2 children and I hosted a beach BBQ for the fireworks display at our local beach. We had the usual BBQ fare of hot dogs and burgers and some friends brought chips and dip and shrimp cocktail. We had a wonderful time! We got home that evening around 1 am and put our sleepy children to bed then went to unpack the car. We we're in bed sleeping by 2am. I woke from a sound sleep at 4 am with sharp pains in my upper abdominal area. I figured it was gas or so I took tums and fell back to sleep. I felt better by mid morning and didn't give it a second thought. Later that evening I started to feel the sharp pain again and got very nauseous. I was up all night in pain not understanding what could be wrong. I called friends who we're at the party and asked how they felt I was worried about food poisoning but everyone felt fine. I spent the next 2 days in pain...I know I should have gone to the ER but Ive never had to go to the hospital before only when I gave birth to my children. I still thought it was gas or a virus. The pain was just under my breasts all along the front part of my abdomen...like a huge gas pain. On the 3rd evening around midnight it got so awful I woke my husband and we drove to the ER in our town...the one I, my hubby and children and grandparents we're born. By the time I got there I was in tears. After waiting an hour they brought me into a room an immediatley put a catheter in my arm and gave me something called dilaudid...that would be the beginning of the end!
After a major freak out due to the burning in my neck and head I literally went from screaming to feeling the best I've ever felt in my entire life...no lie. You know the feeling...like a child on christmas morning riding a rollercoaster. They did all the usual testing...CAT scan bloodwork ect...about 4 hours later the doc came in with a script for vicoden and nexium and an antibiotic and told me that there was nothing wrong with me and I most likely has indegestion. He did say to follow up with my primary care doctor. I felt fine so I let it go.Fast forward to January 2nd. 2010 same pain,same place. Ended up at the ER again and got my dilauidid (yay) but about 20 minutes after the CAT scan the doc came in and asked me "who took out your appendix last July" uh oh! We immediatley realized that he was looking at the pictures from july and I had been misdiagnosed :cry:
It was very chaotic from there. They removed my ruptured appendix and kept me in the hospital on IV pain meds and antibiotics for 5 days.We felt very greatful that they we're able to get all the infection. I was sent home with a very large amount of percocet with 3 refills! All is great until about 6 weeks later...same pain. They did all the tests and everything was normal. I told my surgeon that it felt just like before and he told me it can't be anything to do with your appendix because its gone!
This goes on every 6 weeks for about 1 year...ER visit,cat scan pain meds antibiotics on and on! Finally....after being accused by numerous ER staff that I was drug seeking my surgeon decided to do another surgery and try to find the problem. At that point they had to give me enough propofol to kill an elephant. I woke up to my doctor sitting on my bed telling me how sorry he was...there was an abcess at the site of my appendix and a small piece of appendix left in my abdomen. I was greatful to finally figure out what was wrong. So of course I'm hospitalized for 10 days on IV dilaudid...at this point I needed alot to kill the pain. Not one time did any of those doctors talk to me about the danger of taking these meds for so long. I was released with another huge script for dilaudid with 4 refills. I can't tell you if I was still in pain at that point or if my mind tricked my body into thinking it still hurt...nevertheless...I was addicted. When the last of my dilaudid ran out I found an old bottle of vicoden from an old tooth surgery and so it goes....you know. I told myself around that time.."you better stop...your playing with fire here" I only took it at night to fall into a blissful sleep and then....well you know! I figured out that the bottle of cough syrup in my cabinet from a bout of bronchitis had HYDROCODONE in it! WOW! Lets just say I had alot of terrible unbearable coughs. I believe my primary care doctor was sick of practicing because if you asked for it you got it...sometimes without asking. I remember after his exam he would say...do you need pain meds? I went in with a bladder infection and he sent me home with 20 vicoden. He helped me ruin my life....I sometimes wonder if he took them too! I got severe back pain and the abdominal pain was always a sure thing....dilaudid IV EVERY TIME!
My last visit to my doctor was a sunday morning I had been in a few weeks ago with "bronchitis" and had blown through both bottles of hycotuss. So I walk in and the receptionist explains that my doctor is not in and another fill in doc would see me...uh oh! WELL it was the most humilating experience of my life yet I love this man for saving my life. I got into the exam room and the fill in doctor comes in with a very large stack of papers. He sits down in the chair in front of me and asks what going on today? I did my usual academy award winning speech about how the cough syrup is the only thing that allows me to get any sleep...I have 2 children to care for and I need to sleep at night but this cough is relentless....to which he replies..."Mrs. ****** your not getting any cough medicine today" He had a print out of all the pain meds that had been prescibed to me. He told me that he knows alot about addiction he is a recovering alcoholic and he can help me but I have to help myself. I was crying at that point...I had no way out. He gave me some phone numbers to call to get help and helped me regain my dignity so that I could walk out to the reception area and face all the other staff members who knew what was going on. I got into the car and called my husband and told him everything...he said he thought there may have been a problem and we would do this together.
I lasted about 3 days...I thought I would die. The depression was very frightening it was the first time in my life that I was very worried about myself and what I would do. I had nightmares...awful nightmares! I went online to find something somewhere that could help me and that's when I found suboxone. I called a doctor a few towns over and he saw me the next morning. He was a bit condesending but after the induction I didn't care I felt NORMAL and that all I wanted at that point. He's method was to start out on 16 mg. daily for 1 week then to 12 mg. for 1 week and so on I would be taking sub for about 7-8 weeks. By the time I got to 2 mg. I was craving and starting to feel bad. I knew then that I could either ask this doc to go up again on the dose or find another doctor. He would NOT do any maintenence and was not willing to go up for a few more weeks. I had already paid him $1200 dollars to get on sub plus $250 every 2 weeks and if you did not have that money you would not get your sub...he was very firm on that.
I had been going to a support group and one of the women there gave me the name of a clinic about 45 minutes from where I live but she said they are wonderful and that I would be able to have a say in my treatment. She explained that sub is also used long term...I didn't know that. I made an appt the following day. The collected all the information from doctor greedy and told me because I was already on sub I didn't have to pay the huge induction fee. They told me that 2mg. is way to low right now and put me up to 6mg. and then because I was craving 8mg. They allow me to pay what I can when I can they NEVER threaten with kicking me out of the program. I have never taken advantage of that....I have not had any opiates..besides sub for 2 years now! I love this medication!
We talked a bit last month about starting a taper but no pressure only when I feel ready..I'm not...not yet.
Thank you all for letting me tell my story....I'm so happy to find a forum with supportive members who aren't there to bash sub or to ask how to get high on sub LOL...lot's of those forums out there.

Love,
Dee

PS if anyone lives in CT and needs a good sub clinic please message me and I will give you info!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:59 pm 
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Hi dromano,

I don't know why you never got a response on your post here. It looks like we joined this group about the same time. I was very moved when I read your post. It is so hard to go through all of this and still try to be a good wife and mother. I totally understand that! I am still kind of regulating on my dose of 8mg. I still have cravings, but I started with a therapist yesterday and am hoping to start with an AA group next week. I am trying to prepare myself for the inevitable moment I must taper off. My doc is kind of strict about his tapering schedule. He likes to have his patients completely off suboxone with a year. I am trying to find another doctor in my area that will work with me on this in case I am still not ready when it is time. I don't want to wind up cut off and relapsing because my doctor wouldn't work with me to help me taper when and how I am ready. I hope you are still doing well and hope to hear more from you on this forum.


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