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 Post subject: Single Dose
PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:55 pm 
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Well after reading the dosing section, I am going to (attempt to) drop down to a single dose of suboxone tomorow. I have realized that I am addicted to a change in a feeling or a fix wether it be caffine, nicotine, food or suboxone, I look for it all day and I don't know how to quit. I can no longer be content with just being, I always want some kind of change and too often it is a high I want. I have been on Subs for almost 2 years now and I'm ready to get off. I need to learn to be ok without always looking for some change in feeling or a feeling of fullness to be content. I am now on nicotine patches and weaning off subs. I'm down to 4mg two times a day if I don't slip and take extra. I am going to try and do the single dose in the morning. I'll post the results. Wish me luck.

Lamerjay


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 Post subject: Keep moving forward
PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 10:31 pm 
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Your feelings so much remind me of myself. That change in feeling I desperately crave sometimes. Accept life on life's terms. I wonder in my adult life if I ever have. But and one big but I am making positive changes that are leading me away from past behavior. So as long as I am moving in the right direction; which it sounds like you are too, then we have to love that part of ourselves that so much wants what is right for us. Going to once a day wasn't hard for me. I started at 8mg, went about three weeks went to 6mg and down to 4mg once a day and now to 3mg once a day. Occasionally I'll have a small piece in the PM if needed but not very often. All in all I've been on Suboxone three months. I'll keep moving forward and feeling good about it and you should too. Keep moving forward and start to love yourself for the positive you've brought to your life. Blessings.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 7:30 am 
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Hi lamerjay and welcome to the forum. I think what you're describing is quite common among addicts. We don't like to "feel" our emotions, so anything that changes how we're feeling is what we're looking for. My concern is once you get off suboxone, will you be at risk of relapse when you want to change how you feel? Do you have a recovery plan in place in addition to the suboxone? Many of us here also go to therapy - it helps teach us coping skills and how to deal with life without popping a pill (changing how we feel). I'm just concerned if you're struggling now, what will you do when the opiate cravings come back? Don't get me wrong, I want to see you succeed. I'm just trying to be honest about what I'm seeing from what you wrote.
Again, welcome to the forum and I hope you stick around, post often, and share more about yourself with us. Best of luck to you!

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 Post subject: me too
PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:52 pm 
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Yes, what you describe sounds pretty familiar to me too. I've been struggling to get down to dosing once a day too, and lowering my dose. Teh main problem I've had is my compulsiveness and also, desire to reach for something every time I'm upset. But I hav e been doing much better for the last couple of weeks. The ;people on this forum have been great support for me too, I hope you'll find that too. I just wanted to mention also that I'm on Chantix to help with quitting smoking. I havent' quite gone down to zero cigarettes yet but it's helped amazingly--I was a chain smoker before (I don't want to discuss exactly how many cigarettes per day, just figure I always had a cigarette in hand) and now I'm only smoking a couple a day, still trying to quit all the way. Chantix isn't cheap but it's cheaper than what I was sending on cigarettes. Chantix helps more for me than xyban, which is the other quit smoking medication. Anyway, I just wanted to mention it to you, maybe you co uld ask your doctor if the nicotine patches don't work well enough for you. Chantix has a lot of potential side effects, but I haven't experienced any. Anyway. sorry, I don't eman to wound like a medication commercial here, i just wanted to share with you what I've found helpful in that area. I'm glad you've found the forum and wish you well with all and I hope you keep osting.


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 Post subject: Thanks
PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 7:49 pm 
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I appreciate the tips and support. I will keep you posted on my progress...


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 Post subject: Update
PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 8:54 pm 
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First a quick bitch. My sub doc is the same doc that gave me the pain pills I got hooked on to begin with. As far as Subox goes, she just gives me whatever I ask for, and usually over the phone. I hardly ever go in. So I decide to go in last week to talk to her because I am severely depressed and I want to talk about tapering. Any questions I had about the best way to lower the dose, she said I really just don't know, I will have to get back to you. I have asked enough times to know she will never know.


@ hatmaker510: I agree. I am not ready to come off completely. I did go to a psych to help me get further along though.

Where I'm at today: Well I have been taking more and more Subs lately. I don't have to worry about running out because like I said, I have an endless supply. I know this isn't a good thing but my success comes down to the choices I make. The reasons I have been taking so many, I believe, is because I am depressed. I started a new depression med (from a good doctor) on Friday, and I am on a stable dose os Subs again. 1 x 4mg, and 1 x 2mg a day since Friday. I am wanting to go to a single dose of 6mg a day. What I am not sure of is when to take it. I prefer to take it in the morning but I have to take my anti-depressent first thing in the morning since it is a time release. Anyway, that is a separate issue. The last two weeks or so I have felt like I have almost gone crazy at times and damn near in tears, but I feel much more stable now. My goal is to become content with the daily changes in my feelings and not look for a pill to fix it before coming off the Subs. I do think getting my depression under control will help. I think I am in a cycle of self medicating when depressed, and becoming more depressed from too many meds. I think I am out of the loop though and looking ahead. Thanks for listening...


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 Post subject: Up and down.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 6:05 pm 
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My anti-depressent seems to have helped me extremely and I have had some really good days. I have been taking 4mg in the morning and 2mg in the afternoon and it was working really well. I have been content and felt pretty good. The depression and anxiety I have been feeling is gone. As always though, once I got comfortable and had any kind of un-pleasentness, I take an extra sub. Even if I think I don't need it. I am back to my normal dosing but just wanted to tell someone I slipped.

I seem to do best if I take a small dose in the afternoon so I am going to stay with that for now. After a few more days of 4 and 2mg, I will lower it to 3 and 2mg. My goal is to go for two weeks without taking any extra starting tomorrow. I was really close.

I didn't get much sleep last night and feel pretty shitty today. The point is I have taken some extra subs today as my escape. Keep me in your thoughts starting tomorrow. I am going to try and get this thing under control by myself as well as talking to a therapist. That being said, this is my group.

Thanks again for listening.

Ever feel like a loser or wonder how did I get here?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 8:58 pm 
Hi Lamerjay! I'm sorry you're not feeling too hot right now. This whole deal is just really difficult! I think anyone (who is being totally honest) will admit to having taken an 'extra' dose now and then, essentially self-medicating with their Suboxone. In my opinion, it's just part of the process for most of us. We set goals for ourselves and then often fall short. It's okay. It's not like you're relapsing to full-agonists or doing something really dangerous or putting your recovery at great risk. So try to keep things in perspective.
As to your closing question: Yeah, pretty much every day I feel like a loser and wonder how I got here! That has probably been my number one hurdle in my recovery.......guilt and shame. It is essential that we keep trying until we get past it! We have to do the old "accept the things we cannot change" thing every day. We cannot change the past, we can't undo the damage we've done, and unfortunately we cannot erase the memories of what all happened because we got addicted to opiates. What we can do is try our best to talk it through with each other and/or a professional, make amends as best we can, and eventually, hopefully, forgive ourselves and 'box it all up' and put it away......and not pull it back out every stinking day and beat ourselves over the head with it over and over and over. What's done is done, we've learned what we had to learn and we're trying like hell to get better. That has to be good enough! I say all this as much for myself as I do for you, for I struggle with the very same issues as you are......disappointing myself for taking another little dose when I promised myself I'd stick to the one, setting a target date for decreasing my dose and watching it come and go with no real reduction, feeling 'stuck', etc. You're not alone. The thing is....you will get there. It may not be as fast as you'd like, but over time if you keep, even on some days, reducing your dose a bit, your overall dose will eventually begin to decrease. But we have to remember, although these are perfectly fine goals to have, the bigger picture is that we STAY off the other stuff! That being the case....it takes as long as it takes to wean down.
So try not to be so hard on yourself. Keep talking to your therapist and working on other actions to take when you are feeling that need to take that extra dose. Old habits die hard, after all! We've gotten ourselves in a pattern of 'more is better' and 'if I feel crappy, I'll take something and I'll feel better.' It takes time to break through all that. But we're doing okay really. We are getting better.....not there quite yet, wherever 'there' is!! But you're doing okay.
Thanks for sharing and again, you are so not alone! Keep posting about it's going for you!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:08 pm 
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Hello Lamerj,

Just wanted to send you some positive energy!!!! Good luck tommarro!! Your not alone, I seem to be going through the same thing lately. I am trying to go from 8mgs to 6mgs, today was going to be my first day. You know what I did I took 10mgs, I haven't taken more than 8mgs in 2 months. I don't even know why????? I wish you the best!!!


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