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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 12:57 am 
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I've been reading a lot on the forum about the two opinions whether people choose to stay on suboxone indefinitely or get off of it. Obviously everyone shares the same goal to stay clean but some people require more assistance than other.

I had been on suboxone for 2 years before I tapered off, which only led me to relapsing. It was a tough decision I made based on side effects of suboxone and also simply wanting to live drug free. I certainly wasn't ready to taper and made a regrettable decision. The relapse rate is through the roof and because I didn't do nearly enough to prepare for life after suboxone I contributed to the high percentage.

So I was curious, what's the determining factor for you to live with suboxone for the rest of your life or get off suboxone.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 1:09 am 
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Although I'm living in the present and I haven't actually made a choice about long term, the fact that suboxone does not cause me any bothersome side effects means that I have no strong reason to get off of it. At present sub is a welcome safety net that doesn't interfere with my life at all.

I just mentioned in another thread that I was able to leave active using behind without major consequences. That actually scares me a little bit. Sometimes I wonder if that makes me somewhat vulnerable to thinking that I could use again and be in control. I know that rationally an addict is never in control, but I hope the addict in me remains convinced.

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 4:57 pm 
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Thanks for your reply Amy. I know exactly what you're saying. As addicts we can convince ourselves anything, like thinking you can use again and be in control. For me the biggest factors are money, side effects, and simply wanting to live drug free. All of these reasons aren't enough of a burden to get off suboxone and risk using again.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 6:29 pm 
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My biggest reason was wanting to start a family and I wouldn't/ couldn't have done that on suboxone. I also had side effects but would have probably ignored them longer if it weren't for my desire to carry a child. Most importantly though, I felt pretty confident, clear and strong about the decision to get off suboxone (after 8 years of ORT) that it felt right for me. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't believe I was ready. There were many years where I knew I was better off on suboxone.

I guess for me it was all about timing. How much time I had on suboxone (and away from other drugs) and where I was at in my life.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:15 pm 
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Amy-Work In Progress wrote:
Although I'm living in the present and I haven't actually made a choice about long term, the fact that suboxone does not cause me any bothersome side effects means that I have no strong reason to get off of it. At present sub is a welcome safety net that doesn't interfere with my life at all.

I just mentioned in another thread that I was able to leave active using behind without major consequences. That actually scares me a little bit. Sometimes I wonder if that makes me somewhat vulnerable to thinking that I could use again and be in control. I know that rationally an addict is never in control, but I hope the addict in me remains convinced.

Amy


It does give you that "I did it before, I can do it again" mindset...I know I've thought about it..never enough to really take up more than a couple of brain cells of thinking power though...but it seems a likely stance that since I managed to whoop the awful habit of pills I had.... I could potentially go off and snort some oxy...eat a few or 50 lortabs..then just start back on Suboxone and consider that having a party. Chances are though, doing something like that would either kill me, or make me deathly sick, since it's been nearly 6 years ago.

I think time does the trick..the longer I stay clean and away from that lifestyle...the easier it is for me to forget about it. Sometimes I think forgetting about it is the more dangerous aspect, because it isn't a constant reminder of the potential that's possible for dying from this ...

About the worst thing I can say I've remotely considered in the last couple of years is smoking marijuana. Haven't done it, but the though crossed my mind. I guess I could...since I don't have much worry in the job dept, and if done at the right time, I wouldn't have to worry with the doctor drug test either. It just isn't that important that I feel a high, and that's why I haven't done anything of the sort. My neighbor actually suggested it and I told him that I'd think about it...over a year ago. Just isn't appealing I don't guess.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 4:51 am 
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Thanks for your replies.

Starting a family seems to be an effective and common motivator to become drug free. Unlike what you said tinydancer, I wasn't nearly as confident as I should have been when I began to taper back in summer 2013 after being on suboxone for roughly 2.5 years.

During the time I tapered I kept getting the "I did it before, I can do it again" thoughts that Jonathan mentioned. I ended up relapsing and lied to myself along the way telling myself I would use just this once time and then get back on suboxone if needed. It became a lie I told myself every day for about a month before I accepted the fact I was back where I left off before ever getting on suboxone. After that first use again I Immediately felt defeated and the past two and a half years of getting clean was all for nothing.

It wasn't the physical withdrawal of suboxone that led me to use, but more so knowing it was the first time in years I could actually use and get high without the effects being blocked by the buprenorphine. Although when I was in active addiction I was convinced I was continuing to use, rather than stop cold turkey, to avoid the sickness (which is partially true). The fact remains I wasn’t experiencing this effect and still relapsed after practically ruining my life and going through everything else that came along with addiction. It’s sickening that I ended up relapsing but thinking about this reinforces the fact that this is something we addicts will have to deal with for the rest of lives. As far as suboxone goes I’m playing this by ear and haven’t made any decisions relating to the duration I take suboxone.

Thanks again for your input!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:10 am 
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The single biggest reason why I stay on it is the fact that I AM A BETTER PERSON ON SUBOXONE. The anxiousness that I felt in the past of "where am I gonna get my next high". The $$ I spent on pills far exceeded what I spend on my month doctor's visits.

It also helps me with my depression. I currently take Vibryd (antidepressant) and when I take it with Suboxone, my depression is non existing.

Since I feel better, I want to DO better. I now feel like I am such a better parent and employee , because my mind is not constantly occupied by my active addiction. I can now focus on other things in life.

I have always thought of Suboxone as a Treatment plan. Treating my addiction. I know that my brain will always have an addict makeup to it. I need a treatment for this, and I have very little to no side effects on Suboxone.
I have seen myself change in the past few years since I have been on it. I now workout everyday and eat healthy. It has truly altered my whole life for the better. I have no desire to stop something that has provided me with so much help.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:34 am 
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The single biggest reason I chose to come off Suboxone was because I wanted to take a shot at life completely drug free. I had spent over half my life on drugs and wanted to see what things looked like sans drugs. Little did I know at the time how damn hard completely drug free is for an addict. I totally believe it's possible, but Holy Smokes, it's a tricky road at times.

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