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 Post subject: Shell shocked
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 4:28 pm 
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I had no idea where to put this and I really can't believe I'm typing this. My bf, who I live with and have been with for almost a year now, cheated on me with his ex girlfriend who he used to use with, who's apparently doing well now on methadone. She came back into his life recently as a friend, and since they both lost an old friend to a heroin overdose recently, I wanted to be supportive. He says it happened because he was really drunk and he didn't know it would happen but there turned out to be some unresolved feelings. I want to work things out, we've had a great relationship up until now, for both of us it's been the first good relationship we've ever had, the first real adult one. I don't want things to end just because of this. And believe me, I'm really not one for blaming the other woman and I never have been, but seeing how this played out and knowing that she's the first one, and how she's acted since it happened, she's not so innocent. I mean really she kept saying how sorry she was but I know better, she wanted him to tell me a day before he planned to because she was counting on me breaking up with him. It'd take a long time to explain but she was here at the time and you'd think someone would tread lightly, it's the most insensitive and trashy way I've ever seen someone act while presuming to be remorseful. I know it's his fault, he made the commitment to me, but I know he's not a bad person. And now he's not sure what to do but this happened just days after my mom and step dad moved three hours away, and he isn't sure he wants to pick back up our relationship immediately but he doesn't want me to leave. I just can't believe this happened, I know he used to be much worse than this in his relationships when he was using and never would've come clean back then, but I can't believe it happened now when it's so uncharacteristic of our life together up until this point. I mean really my world was turned upside down hearing about this. Don't worry I'm not going to use. But we were actually planning on having a life together, and I've never hurt this badly


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 Post subject: Re: Shell shocked
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 4:44 pm 
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I just want to say that I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. However your relationship ends up, we're here for you any time you want to vent.

My only advice to you is to take things slowly. Don't make any rash decisions. I'm also sorry that your parents just moved away from you. Do you have a support system you can reach out to?

Please remember this one thing. You are a beautiful person with a lot to give. Don't let your boyfriend's weakness impact how you feel about yourself.

Hugs,

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Shell shocked
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 10:18 pm 
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I'm so sorry my friend. I know how badly this hurts, and I hate to see anyone go through it.

I don't have any advice for you, because there's no way anyone who isn't in the relationship can know what the best way to move forward from here would be. I like what Amy said. Take a step back and give yourself time to think about where you are, and where you want to be in the future. Allow yourself the time to make a good decision that you can live with. Whatever happens, keep in mind that this is YOUR decision. Don't let well meaning outsiders decide your fate for you.

Stay strong, and remember that you deserve to be treated with respect.

I hope you feel better soon!

Q

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 Post subject: Re: Shell shocked
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 6:38 am 
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Just wanted to say hi and I haven't relapsed. I'm pretty sure people are just toxic.


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 Post subject: Re: Shell shocked
PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 4:59 pm 
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Just a quick update since I kinda dropped off the forum for a while after this post except for a quick 2-cents here and there. He made the right decision, and has long since been back to the person I'd known him to be, even if I couldn't look at him like that for a while. We live near a beach and he doesn't talk to her anymore and eventual saw what I saw in her before. His morally questionable friends, months later, do as well. It doesn't help and I don't have much respect for them either, but it tranquilizes the part of you that feels so alone when you feel like you're the only person who can see the apathy and darkness in someone. Trust that I'm saying this about someone who didn't just participate in his betrayal, but did everything possible to make the experience as painful as possible. I'm still afraid of other people.

Anyway, we live in the most awesome place. I've heard from his friends here and there things about her life today, it's a very bleak existence, one i didnt have to create as I saw it coming for her of her own making. I haven't relapsed. Tomorrow I go get my scrip from the pharmacy as it's been thirty days since my last fill. I have 8 leftover.


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