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 Post subject: Setting myself free
PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 4:47 pm 
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I've been on Suboxone for 8 days now and took my last pain pill 9 days ago. I have been on heavy doses of opiates for 5 months now. It all started after having several ruptured cysts and getting a terrible/painful blood infection which caused me to have daily IV treatments at the infusion center in the hospital. That went on for weeks until it was cleared up. My ob/gyn first started me on percocet for my pain. Ruptured cysts are very painful. Before they found my blood infection I was in the ER twice and they also gave me pain medicine. After my ob/gyn stopped giving me medicine I made an appointment with my longstanding pain management doctor to manage my pain during treatments. He had me on lortab elixir. About 1.5 months ago I finished treatments and ran out of medication. I started going through w/d's and they were terrible. I worked as a medical assistant for a surgeon and started calling in my own medication. I then started writing my own RX's because he has signed RX pads laying around in the drawers. I started off with vivcodin 5/500 and then increased to 7.5/750. I would take 5 at a time and would take between 15-30 a day. One day I took the whole bottle. It came out to be 15,000mg of tylenol! My intention was to never kill myself and I never had suicide intentions, but I just wanted to block out my emotions. I live with my boyfriend of 10 months and he had no idea what was going on other than the fact that I never felt good and was always sleeping. He's also a surgeon and had NO idea what was going on (he's 32, I'm 25) I woud go to a different pharmacy every 2 days and I used 6 different pharmacies with 6 different names. I was caught 1.5 months after I started because one of the pharmacist called to ask a question about an old RX but I was never caught in the act. There was an intervention that night at my house (my sister, boyfriend, and the doctor I worked for). In that short period of time I had taken over 400 pills and used close to 20 RX's. I gave up my pills that night and agreed to get help the next day. I saw a doctor and was started on Suboxone 16mg. They upped me to 24mg now. I see a therapist and psychologist and I'm also on some meds to stabilize my mood and prepare me for when I come off the suboxone in 6 months (that's what they're thinking). My doctor isn't pressing charges against me nor reporting anything--he was very worried about me. I WILL get better and I want to get better. I have a very loving, supporting family and a boyfriend who is the most amazing guy ever and has stuck by my side. I live in NY but am currently in CA visiting my parents and brothers for support. I lost my job but I think this was a blessing in disguise. Desperate people do desperate things. I never thought this would happen to me. I've learned a lot but have a lot more to learn. I'm a recovering addict and have a very LONG road ahead of me. I'm feeling really good about myself and this situation. It feels good to have my emotions back and be able to feel again. I was so worried that people would judge me but I know I'm not a bad person, it was the drugs but I do take full responsibility for my actions. Thank you so much for reading.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 12:00 am 
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Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2011 6:14 pm
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hi! I also just introduced myself although I have been reading this forum for a few months. Isn't it crazy what we end up doing? If someone would've told me that I would end up doing these things, I would've told them they were crazy! I also did the pre signed script thing, but didn't get so lucky. I remember the feeling of relief while sitting in the back of a cop car. And I can't believe I just said that. I come from middle to upper class environment, other than under age beer drinking, would never think of breaking the law. I also took a whole bottle of vicodin in one day, just because I wasn't getting high enough. Good for you that it didn't go on for years, like some. Suboxone is fantastic, just strange to see clearly again. Hopefully this will all be behind you shortly so you can get on with your life. You have found a great forum!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 1:40 am 
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Isn't it such a relief? Weren't you relieved when you finally admitted your problem to other people? I'm so glad that people responded well to you and were immediately supportive. I had a similar experience, in that I received a lot of grace and support. When I reached out to that first friend and asked her for help, I cried in fear, shame, and sorrow. But I also cried in plain relief. The fact that I wasn't alone in knowing about my addiction anymore was priceless.

I started suboxone 4 months ago. I'm supposed to start tapering the end of April. The thought of cutting back is a little scary, but I'm also not adamant that I ever have to quit. I know that I can use suboxone as a tool whenever I need it.

Welcome to this forum! I have found the people here to be informative, caring, and supportive. I plan to stay here long past the time I stop suboxone, if I do.

Amy

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