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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:24 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2010 7:47 pm
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Hello to all of the residents of the forum,

Before I introduce myself and give some background information, I'd just like to throw out an off the cuff compliment and express my delight over finding this pleasant, informative and well-maintained online community. Like me, many of you are probably members of (or trolls in) similar online sites, most of which are havens for misinformation, half-baked opinions, and posters addicted to CAPS LOCK. I've been trolling here a while, and being impressed with quality of information and support given to all members, I'd feel almost stupid not to join up. So here I am.

I've been a junkie for going on five years, but my history of self-medication, depression and anxiety, stretches back another five, when I turned thirteen and all of the weirdness associated with growing up began. It wasn't very long before the combination of spastic hormones and social alienation lead me to drinking and smoking marijuana, and not long after that before I was smoking it all day and every day. Those years were difficult, and I pushed many of my friends and most of my family away. I was only interested in getting stoned and being left alone, at any cost, and it cost me what could have been an ivy league education (maybe I'm flattering myself here) and close relationships with people that cared about me. In the last year of high school, with the prospect of escape to university and another city, I stopped the cycle because I believed that the factors that drove my substance abuse were going to be left behind as I moved far away from home. But wherever you go, there you are, and so are all of your issues.

My first year of college was a revelation. I was clean, except for a little drinking, within the bounds any normal 19 year old who is already drunk off his first taste of freedom. Study drugs were always around, of course, and lots of people were getting stoned, but not me. I received relatively poor grades that year, but did well enough to stick around. My second year was the beginning of the spiral. My best friend at the time discovered that his favorite drug, vicodin, was readily available to anyone with $200 and a computer. I had never tried it. This was at the tail end of the heady days of no-prescription online pharmacies, and three days later he had a 90 count of norcos and offered to share. Click.

I'm sure that most of you will relate when I say "click", as in BAM, you are knocked over by the feeling of it. Not just the buzz, but the loopy, giddy feeling you get when it's your first time and you just know that this drug is for YOU. This, these two little green pills are the secret to temporary happiness and joy. I can talk to anyone, do my homework, watch bad TV and just SMILE. Oh my. That should have been a red flag. In short order, I began pinching pills from my roomies stash when he was gone, buying them from any friend who was willing to find or sell any, using my pocket money to buy them off the internet. This was how it went for the first year, and then the internet "connection" fizzled thanks to the DEA.

After that, strictly street level sources. And poppy pods, off the internet of course. And poppy seeds. And pills from my long time girlfriend's medicine cabinet. And her parents medicine cabinet, her aunts and uncles medicine cabinet. A good friend was held at gunpoint for a bag of 100 vicodins. I got caught from time to time, got caught shoplifitng poppy seeds and stealing meds from people. My relationship ended, primarily thanks to drugs. I got booted out of school too, again because of opiates. But an addict perseveres, and I marched forward, picking up needles along the way. Heroin, dilaudid, morphine, anything I could swallow, snort, or shoot, gone gone gone. I got a new girlfriend, and fooled her for a while. I would "borrow" her car because I did not have my own, to drive and score dope. I got caught "borrowing" both my roommates cars to do the same. Lots of other stuff, too much to type.

One day, I just got it. I understood what I was, what I needed to do, and that doing it was necessary. I found the strength to admit everything to myself, and got on suboxone. My doctor, thank god, was no fool. An ex-junkie himself, he knows the score and insists on rehab for all his patients. I did it, and am still doing it, with gusto. I'm clean since the beginning of March, and I'm hopeful that I will continue to be. I'm anxious to build something in my life free from drugs, because I have SO much that I want to do.

Thank you to anyone who had enough courage to read all of this. I have a lot to say, as might be evident, and I think this might be the right place to say it. Even if nobody bothers to read it, I needed to say it. Thanks and I hope to get to know some of you better. Ciao for now.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:36 pm 
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Welcome to the forum......
I can certainly relate to your story and thanks for sharing it with us. March must be a special month because I chose March of last year to go on suboxone and March 17, 2006 I had my last drink. Please continue to share your experiences and your recovery with us. As you have found this is a great place for support, information and fellowship. I look forward to you sharing with us your progress.

I found this site after my dealers girlfriend told me about suboxone...I had never heard of it before and it has truly saved my life. This site helped me decide to get on suboxone and I am gladI found it. There are some great people here that will be there for you no matter what.....Good Luck with putting your addiction in remission and I look forward to your continued posting.

Jim


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:44 pm 
Hello IT and welcome! I'm glad you joined the forum and took the time to post a bit of your story. As I finished reading, I just shook my head and thought to myself (once again) how different, yet similar most of our 'stories' are! The insanity of opiate addiction....how the abuse of the drugs begin, how it changes over time, and how it ultimately ends up....in a complete mess! Funny how opiates work.....at first, making us feel so fantastic, allowing us to function seemingly better, stronger, faster! Then the tolerance.....how quickly it escalates. Then full-blown addiction....consuming addiction! My, what we all have sacrificed to this disease!
I'm so glad you decided to put a stop to it! I'm glad you found a Suboxone doctor who requires therapy and more recovery work than just handing you your script every month. Because although Suboxone alone does relieve the withdrawal and the obsession to use, it does NOT cure addiction. Honestly, nothing outright cures us. It's more a matter of getting the disease into remission, learning how to live without being altered by some substance all the time. It's not an easy thing. Certainly not when, as in your case, your 'formative years' were spent nearly always using some mind or mood altering substance to cope with day-to-day life. It's so fantastic that you're figuring this out now, rather than wasting another critical time period of your life spinning your wheels and not making any true progress in your life. That's not to say that all your time up to this point has been wasted. It hasn't been. Whatever experiences you have gone through were apparently necessary to get you where you are now. You are young and will have learned so much from having gone through what you've been through. Now, you can pick up and move forward, with plenty of time to restore relationships, finish your eduction if you choose to, and begin a wonderful life....whatever life you choose. So good for you!
I'm glad you found this forum.....it is a great place for information and support and I think if you'll hang around you'll learn a lot and also be able to help someone else along the way. Thanks again for sharing your story and welcome!


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