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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 2:27 am 
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Hey all! My last post was a few months back when I abused oxy for a year and used subs in a rapid taper well I was clean for 3 months and fell off the wagon I began using the second time around in smaller doses because ill never forget how bad it was This time never going higher than 45mg a day stayed on them for 3 months then switched to hydro condone because I've read that it's not as strong as oc's and easier to come off(dont quote me please i know very little) I tapered them from 45mg down to 5mg in about 2 weeks and jumped with little to no withdrawal I was amazed I stayed clean for 2 weeks and then fell off again the third time was what I call a binge I binged for 8 days never going higher than 30mg of oc (now this is where I'm confused!) I didn't really taper but days 7 and 8 I only used 15mg jumping from 15mg to 0 and boy were my withdrawals bad I pretty much went threw them all except for hugging the toilet(throwing up) in fact I'm on day 6 clean and still have minor physical symptoms....here is my question Why were my withdrawals so bad after the 8 day binge and not after the second time with the taper? The only thing I could come up with was the 2 weeks I was clean in between wasn't enough even though I had no physical symptoms( btw I always took oxy orally never even chewing them) thanks all for reading any input would be great sorry for the bad grammar


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 2:37 am 
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Even if no one has the answer it was nice to just get that off my chest! Thanks again everyone for reading


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 4:22 am 
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There's quite a difference bettwen 5mg of hydro and 30mg of oxy really...

Good luck staying clean, it's not easy...


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:30 am 
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Hi Pleasepassby,

I would say the difference was the taper...makes sense, no?

The main thing I wanted to ask was if you have figured out yet that you need to be doing something for your recovery? I went back and looked at your old thread. Your last post was in May...4 months ago. You said your first relapse lasted 3 months, two weeks clean, then another week of using. So, out of 4 months it sounds like you only had three weeks clean. That's scary dude! And actually, it sounds less like a relapse and more like you just took a couple breaks from using in between.

I also noticed that during that whole thread, not one of us mentioned to you that you needed to be doing something for your recovery if you were going to get off the subs. I apologize for that, it's something that should have been brought up. So, that's my question. What do you plan on doing differently this time around?

To have success at staying clean you HAVE to get a plan. This fits the old saying -Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

I hope this didn't sound harsh...It wasn't meant that way. But I wouldn't feel right if I didn't say these things to you when you are coming here for help getting sober. I am concerned for you, and I want to see you succeed!

BTW - How are you feeling today? Are the WD any better?

Q

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:08 am 
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I've endured OC wd several times and it's the most brutal wd I've ever experienced. Hydrocodone doesn't hold a candle to OC wd, in my experience.

Qhorse asked you a great question. To stay clean, what are you going to do different this time? Whatever you've been doing isn't working too well.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:07 pm 
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Hey all thanks for the response and yea my last post was may 27 when I was 30 days clean I stayed clean threw june and prob part of july so your right my numbers might be a little off and im sry maybe my second binge was less than 3 months like I said im sry and your right agian what am I going to do? because honestly I thought I learned my lesson the first time I just hope after going threw these withdrawals I wont go back because they we're the worst though short lived compared to coming off subs getting high for a week was not worth feeling like shit for a week thanks for the imput its all appreciated


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:17 pm 
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Today being day 7 ive gotten a few waves of hot and cold flashes but that was it I know im pretty much over the physical part its the paws and the relapse im worried about at this point...the only thing im doing differently this time is going back to the gym after work which helps thanks all for listing and you weren't to harsh every little bit helps


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:29 pm 
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OC is definitely a harder withdrawal, hands down. But also, the more times you go thru withdrawal, and longer your duration of use, the withdrawals get worse. It's like hangovers. When you start out drinking all night in your teens/ early 20s, you barely feel the effects of a hangover. Fast forward a bit and each hangover is worse than the last.

It's not the perfect analogy but it fits.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 12:43 am 
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Hey PPB,

I know it's frustrating, and I most certainly didn't mean to make you feel down on yourself for your situation. We have all been through those endless cycles, it kind of comes with the territory. But, I know you CAN get clean and STAY clean. Millions of people have done it! You just have to find some kind of a recovery program to work.

Have you tried AA/NA, or SMART recovery? There are also some really good recovery groups that meet in churches around the country. AND, another great option would be an addiction counselor.
Maybe you could find someone who you trust and ask them to be your accountability partner. Just check in with them every day, and make sure they are willing to ask you the tough questions. You have to be prepared to be brutally honest though. If you mess up you have to fess up! LOL...I kind of like that saying...I think I just made it up, but it sounds like something AA/NA might say. :D

Good luck dude. Just don't give up!

Q

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 10:18 am 
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Going to the gym after work is good, but I don't know if it will be enough?

I'm curious, do you think you can use opiates successfully? Do you think you can play around with them once in a while and emerge unscathed? Do you have enough self control to toy with opiates and be OK?

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:00 am 
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I am going to have to jump in here and say that working out is great and all but you need to work on the" mental" status. I happen to be a big therapy person, but going to meetings would be good also. Its so important to go somewhere on a regular basis to remind you of the path you are on. Good luck with everything!


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:48 pm 
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Hey everyone thanks for the words of encouragement but I fell off the wagon 3 days ago I was doing so well I was totally clean for over a month but I had a death in my family lets just say we were very close growing up and I couldn't handle it so I ran to my doc I feel like crap I know if I stop now the w/d won't be so bad but I'm afraid to feel right now I don't know what to do I'm completely lost by the way I took 15mg oc day 1 30mg day two and 30mg on day 3 I feel like such a failure again I have 10 blues left and right now I don't even want them I just don't wanna think about it anymore please help!


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 19, 2013 10:32 pm 
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If you stop now, you'll have very little consequences, other than trying to figure out how to move forward without relapsing. Whether that is more maintenance time, meetings or therapy/ counseling is up to you. If you finish out your remaining pills, it will not only be harder to stop the pattern but harder withdrawal-wise as well. I won't pretend that throwing out 300mg of oxy is an easy choice as an addict, tho. You'll likely finish them. I hope you don't, but if you do, wean down towards the end to make for a softer landing. This is pretty hard to do as well but it is what it is.

Sorry to hear about the death in the family and I'm sorry for your loss. That would get to many of us. Good luck, you have some hard decisions to make.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:14 pm 
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This cycle will keep happening over and over again, just like it did for me, unless you make some real changes. Stopping the drug isn't enough, as you've come to find out. Whether it is a week, a month, a few months, etc. you will find yourself using again. I relapsed countless times. But in the last few months I have made some major changes that I feel will stick this time. Of course, there is a possibility I may find myself back in addiction, but I truly believe this time is different. What changes did I make? First, I am getting help from a program. This program is helping me think and behave completely differently. It has surrounded me with good clean and supportive people. Second, I got the vivitrol shot. Even if I want to use, I can't get high for 30 days. It has completely taken away all cravings and has given me the chance to focus on my program. Third, I am becoming a responsible person, taking care of my health and changing my unhealthy lifestyle. All these things make me feel as though I am a completely different person. A recovering addict for sure! Good luck!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:07 am 
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Hey dude,

Well, I'm sorry you had to go through this again...but I'm not really surprised. As I said before, you are kind of doomed to keep repeating this cycle until you do some real recovery work. Quitting, as hard as it is, is actually the easy part! Staying clean for a lifetime requires some real work. I hope you get it this time and figure out a way to get some kind of a program in place for yourself.

Don't dwell on the mistake though. Get past it, and do some real work! The guilt is toxic to your recovery. Be careful with what you have left, I agree with Tiny. I would say flush them, but the odds of that happening are probably small. I would have a hard time with doing that too coming off the back of a relapse.

Living had some great advice for you. He is a good example of someone who got it and did the work to make concrete changes in his life. I have faith that you will figure it out. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Q

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 9:57 am 
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Getting off drugs and staying off drugs are two different things. You're now in the phase of figuring out how to deal with you while off drugs. For some of us, that's a tall order.

I understand that you're afraid to feel, but if you'll give yourself a chance to feel those emotions, you'll realize that they're just uncomfortable, they won't kill you. Once you've dealt with that emotion a few times, it gets easier the next time it comes around. It just takes that willingness to experience it.

You're 3 days into your first slip, my first slip was 4 days. You can end this now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on, I did.

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