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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 3:01 pm 
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Hi Todd,

I don't believe I've seen anyone fight as hard as you continue to do my friend! Very inspirational that's for sure, and very, very impressive! I'm hoping and praying so hard for this to be "your time" as you truly do deserve it. There is no quit in you is there? :D

I just wanted you to know that even though I don't post much to you that I'm still reading and supporting you in this. I'm quite certain there are many others doing the same too!

You keep fighting ok Todd. I hope your wife realizes how difficult this is for you, and how much effort your putting into this. I know you can do it.

Karen


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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:06 pm 
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Nice to see you still have a sense of humour. Laughing is always good for the soul. Getting off this stuff takes every bit of will power, focus, positive thinking (that's the hard part) and support from our friends here that will make it all worth while in the end.

Not every day is a good day, but when I have a good day its one step closer. I know sometimes it's one step forward and 2 steps back. But eventually it will turn the other way. It's hard but we have to take one day at a time.

Stay strong my friend, I'm rooting for you, you will do this. We are all in this together.

gary


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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 8:36 pm 
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What's up bro. How you doing man??? Get back to me

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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 3:32 am 
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Hello everyone. Thank you Karen for your nice post, feels good to hear that kind of support. It's like a shot in the arm. Gary and hope love you guys.

I felt better today then yesterday. A little sluggish and concentration still a bitch but I know that's normal. My sleeping pattern is still whacked. I basically fall asleep around 5am and can't wake up at my usual 8am. So I get up between 10-12. Luckily I have a really flexible boss but I can't do this forever. Plus I only make money when I work so I'm hoping that gets back sooner then later.

I'd prob be better if i just forced myself to wake up @ 7am everyday and I would stabilize faster but when I can sleep I take it because I know that's when you repair.

I went to the endocrinologist yesterday. My test levels were very low when I had them tested recently so I wanted to see an expert. He has retested and I will follow up in a few weeks to discuss treatment. It might be wishful thinking but maybe that's one of the underling issues. I'm sure subs hurt my levels but i have a feeling they were low before. I've read plenty of testimony on this issue from subs.

Ok the next episode starts in 8 seconds gotta go. Fucking netflix!

Todd


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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 5:24 am 
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Hi Todd,

Sleeping has been my biggest nemesis. But in that way I'm kind of lucky. It's dosen't matter when I sleep or get up. Usually get 3-5 hours. I'm ok with that.

Trying to change your sleep pattern may be difficult. It's probably worth a try waking up at 7am instead of 10am. It's getting to bed earlier that could be difficult. Hope it works out for you.

I worked shifts most of my life. 8 hour shifts, then went to 12 hour shifts. Finally ended up working 8 hour days for the last 5 years. Never had trouble getting to sleep but staying asleep was a problem.

Really happy you had a better day yesterday. There will be more to come down the road.The bad days are bad but the good days are better.

Peace & love, Gary


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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:24 pm 
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Good am peeps

I'm thinking today, I have the final test of CPA exam Tuesday, as in 6 days. My concentration sucks and this is my last shot at this test before having to start from the beginning.

Would it be bad if I took subs maybe every other day this week, like .25mg?

I know it would be a setback as far as my wd process but might be worth it if I can't get studying real soon.


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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:50 pm 
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Hey Todd, when I got off Suboxone, my sleep was horrendous, too. The first 10 days I was only getting about 20 minutes of sleep per night, then somewhere in the second week or so, like you, I was able to fall asleep around 5am and wake around 9am or so. This sleep pattern went on for weeks and weeks, it was driving me nuts. At 30 days off Suboxone, my doctor gave me Clonidine and that helped me to be able to fall asleep closer to 3:30am. From there, I had to retrain myself to sleep earlier. If 3:30am was the time I could fall asleep, I would try laying down 15 minutes earlier, say 3:15am. I would do that for a week or so until I was falling asleep at 3:15am, then I'd adjust my bedtime earlier by another 15 minutes. It took a long time to retrain myself to sleep properly, but it worked.

I hope your sleep disturbance clears up without having to resort to doing what I did.

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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 1:44 pm 
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Romeo

Did you ever change the time you would wake up. Another words if you had to get up at 7am everyday maybe you would begin to fall asleep earlier and earlier because you were exhausted.

I know if I wake up at 10 everyday I'll normally fall asleep around 3. So I think I got to get out of bed earlier. But that's very hard for me to do.

Also when did you feel completely normal again? 3 months? Thinking sleeping etc

I m beginning to think that it's when the sleeping comes back that's when you really repair

Just some thoughts.

Also did you ever get sick of it and think of taking a sub?

Todd


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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 3:22 pm 
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When I went back to work, I was still only falling asleep around 3:30am or so. I asked my boss if I could come in around 9am so I could at least have some bit of decent sleep under my belt. I did that for a week or so then went back to getting up at 7am. I really don't remember if getting up earlier meant I fell asleep earlier, but I'm thinking it did.

My sleep stayed buggered up for a long time, Todd. I was about 9.5 to 10 months before I was kind of sleeping through the night. At that time, sleeping through the night meant going to bed around midnight, waking at 2am, back to sleep around 3am and waking with my alarm at 7am. By 1 year off Suboxone, I was pretty much able to sleep through the night without my 2am wake up. But you also have to remember, I had abused opiates for 10 years, was on high doses of Suboxone for 3 years and jumped off Suboxone from around 5mg-8mg.

During my wd, I never once thought about taking Suboxone. My wd was pretty brutal and because of that, there was no way I was going to take any opiate and have to repeat that wd. Interestingly enough, it was exactly when my sleep improved to almost sleeping through the night, 9.5 months, that I had my first slip with Hydrocodone. It was like I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel and said, "yay, time to reward yourself for all your hard work" and I used.

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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:47 pm 
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@Romeo. Unbelievable.. 1Year? The fact that you kept pushing through says A lot about you. I had no idea you struggled that bad.

What's up Todd.
You need to come out of this on the other end bro. Accept that you'll get cravings, and prepare for them. It's not unusual. We all share the same characteristics regarding cravings. Push yourself harder and further than you can imagine. This is All Mental. The Physical crap is simple. Retraining yourself is Key. The older you get, the more difficult it gets to change habits, I see it all around me. I've seen people step out of addiction, and come out the other end with a greater appreciation for life and living amazing lives.

My buddy Brian had Everything handed to him, grew up in a 500k $ house on the lake and took pills because he wanted to be Popular in High School. I watched him throw everything away, lose everyone that cared about him. I remember watching him when I was a Junior and thinking how scary it was. It took one blue oc40 to take me down that slope. That was 10 years ago. He quit everything, Including Sub and Xnx. last year. He started his own business fixing PC's. When I think of getting myself out of this, I think of that. It sounds corny, but it's fucking inspiring. Focus on the success stories. I have faith in you bro, and I know you'll rise from this. Someday you'll look back at these posts and get the chills. Keep your eyes on the future. BTW I'll answer your question. Yeah, We get cravings. We took SUb because we have addictive personalities. You will be Fine. You don't need sub. Your endocrine system will get back to normal after a short while. That's a serious problem to have, and then throw Buprenorphine on top. I'm here for you bro. Keep it up.

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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 7:24 pm 
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@Gemmasub as I am sure you have already seen this place has some WONDERFUL people in it. I have only been a member since the end of January, but you would swear that I have known these people all my life from the love and support they show me. In fact, there is a group of us that seem to be getting really close. I am not sure if it's because we all joined around the same time, we all started keeping up with the same threads, or if our stories were similar enough we felt a sort of camaraderie , or if it was some of all three..... anyways, (and not trying to hijack your thread) b ut I though about asking the others if they wanted to set up a day or days with a set time that we all hop into a chat session (think we can do it through this site) and "meet"... I mean, a few of us are using this as group therapy as I don;t do well in traditional groups and that way we didn't have to keep posting in threads and get the thread off topic... *cough *cough I do realize the irony).

So that is my official invitation to you and I am sure the others will read this, but I'll PM them as well. So, if it sounds interesting, let me know and I'll keep you updated if/when the idea comes to fruition.

I will start a thread in the Meeting Announcments (meeting-announcements.html) section and see if we can get a regular meeting going. I even have a ventrilo server we can use for those who would like to talk via voice chat. just a thought. We'll see what comes of it...

Sorry again to Hijack your thread.... Reading all of the posts from friends and seeing the support they are showing just reminded me how great of a place this has been and how much better I feel when I am here and talking with someone that I just had to post the idea of a regular group meeting.
Stay strong, every day is a battle, but one that you can win.

Much Love,

John (reprieve)

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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 8:58 am 
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Hey Todd,

How's it going brother? Haven't had an update from you in awhile, and you seemed to still be struggling quite a bit when you last posted. Are you okay?

Please let us know. I know this is hard, but even if you slipped again, it's ok. We won't judge, we just want to be here for you.

Q

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 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 11:43 am 
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DITTO to the above post, Todd,

Been close to a week since you last updated. Hope your ok, but like Q said, if your struggling there will be no judgement, only support. Get on here and let us know how your doing!

Karen :D


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