It is currently Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:18 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 53 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:11 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Feb 08, 2014 8:54 pm
Posts: 60
Well, maintenance isn't for everyone, God bless you with your choice, I wish you the best.

It sounds like you've got an awesome support system on your side. That's a plus. Just make sure that you are making the right choices for YOU and not based on someone else's projection of what they think your life should be.

People maintain sobriety without maintenance all the time....its just a tougher road to follow, especially with your brain (sometimes) screaming out for something.... I would make a plan for those tough moments because they're definitely going to come, the question is just when. That's the beauty of maintenance, those tough moments are fewer, further between, and the roar is duller.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 2:56 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2014 1:28 am
Posts: 85
Location: Reading, Pennsylvania
you can do this gemma, i know you can...now that you know what led to the relapse...you will be able to fight it this time.

REMEMBER, the average craving peaks in intensity between 10-15 min. and falls out by 30 min.

just getting past that first 10-15 min usually means being in the clear...do whatever you gotta do with your mind as soon as a craving starts...make a plan NOW, make it for a few different scenarios, make a plan that "for the next 20-30 min, i'm gonna do this..." if i'm at home, i'll do this - if i'm at work, i can do this" believe me, this will be a HUGE TOOL to get through the next few months....and as you beat them, they will gradually become less over time...it will be a long period of time, but remember that you can get through it...you are in control..when the craving gets intense tell yourself"i do NOT need a pill to make this feeling stop, it will be over soon and i will be fine" you can even keep a stock of your favorite candy, or ice cream or favorite snack on hand...that has been a big craving killer for a lot of people...it satisfies the craving to an extent b/c its a reward to your brain...and it takes time to eat(getting through the 10-15 min range)


keep on praying too!, there is power in prayer and there is power in the name of JESUS (as the song says) and i will continue to pray for you man...you got this

_________________
It's All God's Children Singing Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, He Reigns!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:07 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
I had my main dealers phone number burned in my memory, too. Hell, I haven't made that phone call for almost 7 years, but I still remember his damn number!! I knew that knowing his number was a problem for me, so I ended up telling him that if he ever sold me drugs again that I or my wife would call the police on him immediately. He never again took one of my calls, imagine that. :)

I also wanted to mention that it's been my experience that a slip/lapse/relapse usually starts well before we put drugs into our bodies. Using drugs is usually the last component of a lapse. Do you know what drove you to use this time? Had you been entertaining the idea of using in your head for a few days? Or did you simply get the impulse to use and off you went?

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 2:51 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2014 1:28 am
Posts: 85
Location: Reading, Pennsylvania
same boat for me romeo...i still remember my main dealers number...what i did was purposely burned him for a decent amount dough so as to never want to go back, if he would take the call i'd have to give him a couple hundred just to be even before getting anything from him...thats been enough to keep me from calling him for the last 6 months

_________________
It's All God's Children Singing Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, He Reigns!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 5:04 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
Great stuff guys and gals. Thank you.

Romeo. I got the thought and urge, disgraced it or prayed and made a call or two. This went on for a few days. Finally I said ok "just once" go feel a real opiate and get it out of your system. And also get a day of rest from this wd. Wd was def mild at this point but I wasn't back to normal. I'm laughing now just writing that.

Two things I'm gonna do different this time. Going to meeting earlier in the day. There's a great lunch bunch near me if I can get to it most days. Second I picture the thought as the devil. And then I picture god, Jesus, and my 2 passed away siblings literally pushing him(the thought) out. That's 4 on 1! Lol

Other then that it's just like someone mentioned about the cravings and 15 durations. I find that I'm fine during the day. It's at night that it gets tough. The second those rl start there shit I flip out. Hopefully it won't be that and this time.

So far I took the least sub I had too. .5 the first day and .25 yesterday. I'll take .25 today at like 5:30 and jump. My stomach has had issues but today is day 3 from any dillies which usually leave your system fast! I'm praying for mild discomfort once the sub is completely out of my system but not counting on anything.

I don't know if it's the sub (because such a low dose) but I've had no cravings at all. No desire to go use. It's gotta be the sub now that I think about it.

Ps

Watching my buddy leave the house with 13 films the other night was painful. I said dude you can't through those out! Give um to someone! Lol.

What a waist.

Gemma todd


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 5:07 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
Also Gary and Hope! How are you'll doing?!! What day you on?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 6:31 pm 
Offline
6 Months or More
6 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:54 am
Posts: 215
Location: NY
Hey man. I'm doing pretty good, thanks. Nineteen Day's in. :shock: haha . Just now starting to feel somewhat stable! Once in a while ill get the chills up my back, usually when I'm stressing. Other than that I'm good bro. Nice to see your back on track! Keep it up-> gL

_________________
Fear is Temporary, Regret is Forever


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 7:58 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:41 pm
Posts: 178
Location: Canada
Hey Todd,
I'm glad you are back in the fight. We all know we are in a battle. We can get wounded but we are strong enough to get it back together and continue the battle. I'm proud of you.

We will always be here for you my friend.

I'm doing ok, at day 6. Sleeping is sporadic, brutal, the RLS has simmered down its more now my whole body gets restless. The worst part of the day for me is late afternoon throughout the night.

Other than that I'm doing good. lol I usually put the headphones on at night and crank the music up, it kind of relaxes me before trying to get some sleep.

Stay strong, Gary


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 10:33 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hey Gemmasub, I have to say how great I think it is that you're already able to see your lapse started before you put drugs in you. It took me a good while in recovery before I figured that one out. And I didn't do it alone, I had several members of this forum basically screaming at me trying to teach me that slips/lapses/relapses usually begin well before we use. That brings me to another point.....sometimes we're the last one's to see we're about to slip. Our addiction is a master at hiding shit from us. From an earlier post, I see you have a sponsor. I hope you have other people in your support group, too. Early in recovery, it'll probably be those closest to you (your support group) who see you're about to screw up. If you're anything like me, your addiction and the denial it puts you in will hide sick behaviors from your very eyes. Until you're better able to see these things, you're going to have to depend on your support group to help you.

I totally hear ya on the "just once" train of thought and wanting a break from your wd. I used that excuse, too. Just once never happens, though. Your just once went on for 8 days.

I also understand the 15 minute period a craving lasts, but early in my wd, 2 seconds of cravings was all I needed to become locked and loaded. I had to learn to dismiss those thoughts almost instantly. Again, a member of the forum taught me this technique called "thought stopping." That's basically a fancy way of saying, "whatever the hell you're doing when a craving lasts longer than a few seconds, stop and do something else PRONTO!!" Physically and mentally, do something else.

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I also hear ya about things getting tougher at night. I'm guessing it was after my 3rd or 4th slip that I finally figured out, "hey, late afternoon, early evening is my worst time of day." My fix, I go to the gym and workout like a maniac most late afternoons/early evenings. By the time I get out of the gym, I'm so wiped out that if you offered me drugs, I'd probably slap your face clean off your head. :)

I guess all of this verbal vomit I'm spewing is saying you have to learn to live without drugs. In NA I used to hear the saying, "an addict not using drugs is in an unnatural state." The good news is, with lots of work you can get to the point where living without drugs feels completely normal.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Fri Feb 14, 2014 12:38 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
Romeo

Thanks buddy. All of that I read is right on for me. I will do the thinking exercise you suggested.

I've had no thoughts or desires to use. It's now day 4. I have one peace of .25mg sub left. I'm feeling better each day. I'm praying the shit doesn't hit me hard come Saturday night. That's about when the sub will be low enough in my system that's it's not protecting me anymore. Although my stomach seems to have no problem with movements, not sure what that means. On subs I'm usually constipated

So tomorrow will be day 1 of the true test for me I think. I've been taking my vitamins and L tyrosin and potassium daily. I'm going to hot yoga tomorrow am with the wife. Then noon meeting.

God please keep this devil away from me. Please I'm begging you!!!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Fri Feb 14, 2014 3:33 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2014 3:09 pm
Posts: 8
Gemmasub, I have been off Buprenorphine for close to a year with no relapse.

What worked for me is meditation to float over cravings. Instead of fighting your thoughts about using (which is very difficult because we all tend to obsess and catastrophize), you simply do not think. Not a thought in your head.

There is a great "how to" video from Eckhart Tolle on Youtube. Just search for "How do we break the habit of excessive thinking". It takes practice but it works for me.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 15, 2014 5:50 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
Thanks Galitin, I already checked that out. Def has ne thinking different today. Hot yoga was also really good this am. I got a good sweat going. I feel pretty good. No obsession and not thinking about it.

Here's my questions family:

It's now been 29 hours since my last dose and I'm done.

So 1 week dillie use followed by .5mg sub 1st day, then .25mg next 3 days.

Could I expect that this is the worst of it, cause this is very manageable. Much different then when I jumped from subs last time after long term sub use.

Or is tomorrow gonna be a better indicator of how I feel?

I'm doing my best not to think about it but you know how that goes

Todd


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 15, 2014 9:11 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Gallatin brings up a good point about meditation and not fighting the cravings, but rising above them. In the end, we all have to do what works for us. I encourage you to find what techniques work for you and shit-can the rest.

As for how your wd is going to be, that's pretty hard to say. I'd guess you'll pretty much pick up from where you left off before you used the dilaudid. Again, it's almost impossible to say, though. You may get lucky and hit the ground running. That's what I'm hoping to see happen to ya!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:11 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
Thanks Romeo. 36 hours. Some Aches and mild restlessness. About where I left off. I'll see how sleep goes tonight and hopefully hit the ground running tomorrow.

Right now. No cravings thank god. I so don't want the roller coaster of pain it brings me.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:30 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
This night was terrible. Up all night, rls bad.

I don't know I can do this. And all my subs are gone. Fuck


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:03 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:41 pm
Posts: 178
Location: Canada
hey Todd, you can do this, get mad at those thoughts. I found the best thing for me is putting on my headphones and listening to music.

it takes my mind off everything. I just drift into a pleasant place.

I wish you all the best, you were the start of my inspiration that gave me confidence to get this done.

Stay strong, you can do this.

Gary


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 1:20 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
You're right Gary. I'll try the headphones tonight. Last night was long and frustrating. It's so strange how it's only bad at night? I made it though, fell asleep at 6:30am and slept like 5 hours.

I just lose my head at night. I was mad as hell.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 5:09 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
Well 52 hours now. Feel good I made it through last. I took 2 showers and 2 baths last night.

I don't want to use. I just can't stand this feeling!

I'm just gonna think about today. It's already 4pm and spent the day at the beach. It was a nice day and I'm hoping the sun helps kick my ass


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 5:28 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:41 pm
Posts: 178
Location: Canada
Hi Todd

I feel for you. The tough days are just that. I have faith in you. It's a battle every day. But a battle YOU can win. I know it's hard staying positive every day but what you are doing is well worth it in the long run. :)

The only magic potion we have is ourselves right now. We are right there with you. I wish I could do or say something to take away those shitty demons in our heads but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that I believe, there has to be. In the end this will be the greatest accomplishment we have ever achieved. Stay strong my friend, I am praying for you.

I have never been a religous person but have started to read the bible. My life is changing for the good. I honestly believe that.

Gary


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: SCREWED UP!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 1:33 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:58 am
Posts: 52
Thanks Gary. 72 hours in. Woohoooo. Last night wasn't as bad. I just have a routine now. Bath at 2:30, more netflix if I can't sleep right after. Then hot shower at about 5:30 then I fell asleep.

Woke up at about 10. I'll take it. Gonna stay busy all day, and only worry about today.

I could be mind fucking myself but I feel if I can get past all the acute and back to normal sleep I'll be less likely to want to use. But I know a sitting duck will get shot eventually. Going to meeting tonihjt and actually church on wed!

I'll try anything and everything. I just don't want to use!!!

Sick and tired of sick and tired.

Gary. I have the bible on my desk somewhere underneath my big book and daily reflections. Maybe I should actually dust them off. Lol

Love ya buddy. Thanks.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 53 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group