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 Post subject: I'm so scared....
PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:53 pm 
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I'm about to go see my doctor this thursday and talk about tapering off of my 8mg a day dose of suboxone. I've been on it for about 9 months now and I feel like it's time to get off this stuff and get healthy (I'm pretty overweight) and live a life where I'm not trapped to a drug.

But.... I'm so scared.

So is my girlfriend.

I've tapered before last year and I relapsed after a month of being clean. I thought "just one more time". What a load of bullshit!

I'm scared of depression, I'm scared of being tired, I'm scared about how it will effect my stutter (been stuttering all my life and it's really bad when I'm anxious or depressed), scared about how I will perform in bed (if I'm not on suboxone sex literally lasts 1 minute. It's upsetting for both of us.) I'm scared I'm going to be so depressed and anxious I'm not gonna want to be touched.

Am I ready to taper off? It's so expensive to stay on this stuff and my insurance is awful.

I'm ashamed I got myself into heroin in the first place, I wake up and I see the scars on my arms every morning and it haunts me. I can't go back to that life. I won't.

I'm crying while I'm writing this cause I just found out about this forum this week. You guys understand what is going on, finally someone.....

Suboxone saved my life but also trapped me.....


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 Post subject: Re: I'm so scared....
PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 10:01 pm 
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Welcome to our forum. I'm not an expert by any means, but I understand the fear and feeling trapped that goes along with addiction, feeling scared is totally natural, but take a breath, it'll be okay. it's exactly the way I felt before I stopped taking my drug( s) of choice, and was getting ready to begin my treatment with Suboxone. I was afraid I'd never get out of the trap the drugs had me in, and I was certain that since nothing had ever worked before that the Suboxone wouldn't work either, but I'd tried everything else, so I went for it, and it has truly been the best thing I've ever done to end the misery I was going thru. Almost instantly my nearly everything in my life changed for the better. I'm not anywhere near ready to think about tapering or stopping any time soon. I'm certain that I'd relapse, the odds say I will, and so does my head. I'm going to therapy and working onthings that I tried to numb with drugs. If being off Suboxone is what you truly want to do and you feel that you won't return to the H, then of course everyone here will support you in that effort. However, from the fear that you express, and the fact that you've tried before and relapsed, and have only been on Suboxone for 8 months, makes me think that maybe now isn't the best possible timing for you to think about tapering. I'm not saying that to discourage you, as I understand the fear of being trapped by a drug, but try to remember how scary things were when you were trapped by H., then thinkof the freedom from those cravings, obsession and withdrawals that Suboxone gave you. also want to say to you, There's no need to feel shame here, we are addicts, we have a disorder, nothing to be ashamed of, and although recovery can be hard, try not to be scared as you are not alone, we'll be here for you to help and support any way we can.
most people who a re successful at tapering and staying off Suboxone have taken it for at least a year amd usually longer, have taken many steps to change addictive behaviors, cut off all tires to using friends and dealers and other access to opiates, have developed hobbies and healthy habits, and have otherwise moved on with their lives so far that the person they were during their active addiction is unrecognizable to them, having said that, I don't know if it's a good time for you to stop subs or not, however, in my opinion,I would stay on a bit longer.
After you have tapered and stopped taking the subs, what plans do you have to continue your recovery? Do you plan to attend meetings? many people find that they have to have some plan in place for when they have cravings, using thoughts, one more time ideas, etc. in order to remain clean after stopping Suboxone.
there's an excellent article written about how long a person should take Suboxone to which I will provide a link, that can day much better than I can the point I'm trying to make. I truly wish you all the best, on or off of Suboxone. And I'm sure others will be along to offer advice and support as well.

www.suboxonetalkzone.com/how-and-when-t ... -suboxone/

http://m.choosehelp.com/topics/suboxone ... boxone-doc

http://www.suboxonetalkzone.com/help-i- ... -Suboxone/

http://www.suboxonetalkzone.com/Suboxon ... or-a-drug/


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 Post subject: Re: I'm so scared....
PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 12:27 am 
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I know what you're feeling- I was there during the fall of last year. It is very psychological- the fear about coming off suboxone/subutex. You're scared about what life will be like in general without having suboxone there to help you. I have mixed feelings about your situation though, similar to the previous post. If you are really worried that you have a high chance of relapsing, it might not be time to think about getting off just yet. You could still taper a bit lower to help with the cost of the medicine, but still stay on it. I was on around 1.5mg for a good 8 months alone before I eventually tapered down to .5mg and jumped (which I know many people consider to still be a high dose).

It's inevitably up to what you feel comfortable with- in my situation, I was on subutex for 4 years this time before jumping off. I too had gotten off before and relapsed, so I stayed on it for a long time now to really detach myself from the using life style. On December 26 I stopped subutex, and it has been 77 days. If you are going to get off, I recommend getting a prescription for clonidine (a MUST have), Valium (or other benzodiazepine), and a sleeping pill (I did ambien). They helped me through those first three weeks, and I don't know if I could've gotten through without them. I've been off all meds for awhile now, though, and feel better than I have in my life!

I went through a period of crazy weird emotions and thoughts while my body/brain acclimated to being off the sub. I was depressed, anxious, restless, scared of my responsibilities, manic, giddy.... It was a roller coaster. At the 30 day mark things started leveling out, and I got back to my normal self. For a period (probably day 21-28) I thought about getting on an antidepressant, but I pushed through with vitamins and good nutrition). In retrospect I am so glad I didn't get on one because my body eventually normalized and an antidepressant would have withdrawal too. Sleep took a little longer to stabilize, and there definitely was a good amount of fatigue- but it all passes. Every day was better than the last and before you know it, you forget that you ever had those symptoms- they will pass.

I am currently finishing up my last semester of school (taking 7 classes which is very stressful) and I work 30 hours a week. In the beginning I didn't think I could do all this without sub, but I am... And sub or heroine never enter my mind. I am more productive than I've ever been, I exercise every day (which I hadn't done in years), I'm eating healthy (which can make all the difference in your mood- if you're getting enough nutrients), and I'm happier than I've been in quite some time. I laugh constantly, I enjoy being around people, and I'm just a better person all around off the sub. It really does dull you, and it is still a drug- which I told myself for years that it was not.

You have to decide if this is the right time and if you're ready to deal with life without sub. But it is worth it, and you can come out the other side. If you want to do it, we will all be here to talk you through- this forum got me through a lot of dark days during my withdrawal. And now I can sit here and say I feel amazing, and it was totally worth it.

Good luck and let us know what you decide! You will be ok; I know it's scary, but you will make it through.


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 Post subject: Re: I'm so scared....
PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 11:13 am 
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I am sorry you feel so scared and trapped. I would like to offer another option for you. Have you thought about staying on Suboxone but maintaining a lower dosage? Instead of taking 8mg every day, you can taper to 2mg so your meds will last longer and you will still be getting treatment for addiction through this life saving medication.

Another option is to go the generic route and move to Zubsolv. That is what I take and there is a $75 off coupon that goes with the medication every month and it is cheaper that Suboxone and works the same.

I hate the fact that medication is expensive. I can only hope that with time and other generics will drive the price down.

Let me ask you this...if you could get this medication for free, would you stay on it? If the answer is yes, I would try to stay on it but at a lower dose that is more affordable.


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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