It is currently Tue Aug 22, 2017 5:42 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 38 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:33 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
My first post here, but I've been reading the forum for a week or so and it's filled with a lot of nice, caring people. I appreciate that, as I'm sure many folks here do..

I won't bore you with the details of my addiction- we've all seen, heard, and experienced plenty of that already.. I will say that I wish I could claim that I got hooked on opiates as a result of some old injury, surgery, or even chronic pain.. If I said it I'd be lying thru my teeth.. Nope, nothing like that at all.. I was never abused as a child, or went without, or even struggled- actually things always came pretty easy to me (until I tried to quit these darn groovers that is). I'm the only one to blame for the mess I've created- I took these things knowing the risks but thinking I was gonna be the exception.. I thought I could be the one that could actually control these things..lol.. Silly huh? It didn't take me long to figure out the devil himself cooked these pills up and I was in way over my head..

It didn't take me long to figure out I was in over my head but it sure took me a long time to figure out how to stop.. After years of abuse, failed attempts to quit, many withdrawals & relapses I drug my sorry butt into my family Dr and asked for help.. I'd known about suboxones but I didn't know that my family Dr was licensed to treat.. I didn't know how lucky I was- all I knew was that I had been snorting 20- 30MG percocets ("blueberries") a day just to avoid being dope sick and I hadn't done any for 4 days now and cold turkey wasn't going to work much longer.. I figured I could hold out long enough to get a referral to a sub Dr.. Little did I know I would walk out of their with a prescription for 16MG of subs per day and within an hour I had hope again..

Sure, it's expensive but I managed to keep it together long enough that I hadn't lost everything.. I'm lucky in so many ways and I've been off of "Blueberries" for close to 3 months now and have managed to taper down to about 12MG of subs most days.. My Dr would like to have me down to 45 strips per month on my next visit (29th of March) and I think I'll have no trouble getting there.. We're definitely doing a slow taper and I'm glad my Dr's doing it this way.. I'll do whatever he wants, but he says he has the most luck with a slower taper..He has a brother that practices there with him and he uses a much faster taper.. I'm lucky (there's that word again) I got my Dr instead of his brother..lol

Anyway, I've rambled enough, just wanted to introduce myself and thank everyone here.. This is one of those forums that probably has a HUGE number of lurkers and I wanted to thank the people that openly post- it's a huge help..


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:14 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hi nogroovin,

Congratulations on taking that HUGE step off the merry-go-'round of active addiction and onto Suboxone. It sounds like you're Suboxone treatment is working really well for you, as it did/does for many, many right here on this forum.

If I may make a suggestion, take this time that you're on Suboxone to get a good headstart on your recovery. It sounds like your doctor is going to taper you off of Suboxone at some point in time and the more recovery you have under your belt, the better off you'll be, IMO.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:24 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
Romeo,
Thanks for the encouragement & support. I'll take all I can get that's for sure. When you say "work on your recovery" what do you mean? Do you mean try to stay on top of my taper so I minimize my risk of relapse when I'm completely off the subs?

Thanks again- I've been reading the forum & getting quite a bit of knowledge.


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:00 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Recovery and quitting drugs are two separate things. Quitting drugs is.....well, quitting drugs, but recovery is the thing you do to NOT use drugs again. Often times, an addict will quit drugs, but all those "addict" behaviors are still there. So, you may be off of drugs, but still living a very unhealthy lifestyle. Know what I mean?

I know quitting drugs was just the first step in me "getting better." Once I quit drugs, I found a lot of things about life to be very overwhelming and ended up slipping and using drugs again briefly.....4 times. Personally, I had to get my butt to NA to get a better handle on WTF I was doing and why. NA/AA and SMART recovery are the most popular "recovery" organizations that I know of, but there really is no one perfect path to recovery, we each take our own path. You could always check into a Certified Addiction and Drug Counselor (CADC) too.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:57 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
Thanks Romeo. Those are all great suggestions. My sub drs has some pretty interesting support group activities & get togethers that I plan on checking out. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless at the thought of life without getting high. Sure, it's exciting finally being able to wake up and not have to either get high, score, or scramble to prevent myself from getting sick- but it's also overwhelming. Without a plan that can eat you up that's for sure.

Just trying to stop thinking like an active addict is a challenge for sure. It took me a couple days to manage to take my subs once a day- its a start. Baby steps. Old habits die hard and it's going to be a challenge. I believe I'm up for the challenge now and am looking forward to this journey. I'm sure I'm going to lean on this forum in the coming months for more support & encouragement as well as advise.

Thanks again


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:28 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Progress, not perfection, Bud. That's the name of the game. Just keep making progress.

I hope you do stick around and participate on the forum, it has proved to be very beneficial to my recovery, I hope it can be for you too.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 1:55 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:08 am
Posts: 62
i replied to you hijacking my intro :wink: welcome and it is good there are other newbies. I started sub mid jan this year I Hope you find all the info and support you may be seeking here.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:31 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
LOL Thanks HoneyBee.. The subs have saved my life so far.. Once I figure out a way to get the daily dose squared away I'll be happy as can be.. I've read about the others having some side effects and that's a shame. I'm really lucky that I haven't experienced any issues so far with them- I can just concentrate on learning how to live sober again.. :-)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:14 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:08 am
Posts: 62
I think if i get my dosage correct and comfortable i'm hoping side effects will subside or once my body adjusts to it..not sure which one it will be .. i agree i think the hardest thing is start living a whole new lifestyle ..one without a buzz.. for me i was already living a stable life had a baby, a boyfirend and a little home to take care of.. i was already all settled down :wink:
gave up the party lifestyle awhile ago. and even in that time i didnt get hooked on anything and i sure as hell never experienced a w/d ..maybe a few hangovers but nothing like this. Percocet gave me the energy and pain free feeling to do everything i needed to do... but it got way out of hand obviously because i'm here. I dont know if u have a bf/gf or close friends that dont use? i would pick up a trade or a hobby whatever ur into and hone in on it. My B.f is a huge gamer and painter. Stay away from anyone who uses, take this time to realize you have a chance to live a great life now and make the best of it. Figure out what the deeper issue is and try and heal.. Hope this helps.. sorry this is soo damn long as u can see i don't get to bring this subject up with anyone really..


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:44 am 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4137
You've found a great place, Nogroovin! I have gained so much by reading about others' experiences, both tribulations and successes. Most everyone here is very supportive, but at the same time, they don't let you get away with any crap addict thinking. I've been on sub since last October, and in the last few days I've gone from 16mg to 12mg. I haven't noticed feeling any different, but it's only been 3 days.

I'm with you when it comes to not knowing how I'm going to live life without getting high again ever. I can imagine staying away from percocet, but I don't know yet what I will do if some falls into my lap after I'm off the sub. I hope I'll be strong, but I'm trying to work on the reasons I would relapse in the mean time.

My best advice to both of us is to really listen to the advice given here, and learn from other people's mistakes. Romeo, and others always tell it like it is. We just need to be open to their advice, even if it feels uncomfortable. Good luck on your taper target!

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:44 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
HoneyBee, Don't apologize for being long-I whole heartedly agree that it helps to put these thoughts together and type them up to share with other people that are going thru the same thing.. I couldn't agree more about the groovers giving energy.. They gave me a personality too.. I was a functioning junkie that's for sure.. I loved them- problem is you have to keep doing more & more to avoid being sick.. Gets too expensive- I guess that's why people often switch to heroin..

Amy, I know what you mean about temptations.. That's why I've accepted that I'm going to go with the "I have a disease" type of program for a little while... If I wasn't on subs and pills came my way I would take them, so I'm just going to avoid that temptation until I'm much further along in my recovery.. I figure this is a life long thing I'm going thru so I might as well take all the time I need :-)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:22 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Amy said, "how am I'm going to live life without getting high again ever." Truthfully, that was a thought that scared the heck out of me for the longest time.....even after I quit Suboxone. For me, taking it one day at a time is the best approach. If I try to imaigine myself not ever taking drugs again, I get tripped up, it's too big a thought to comprehend and deal with, so I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

I also used my time on Suboxone (almost three years) to change my lifestyle, change the people I hung around, etc. I tried to eliminate as many "triggers" as possible. I don't think you can eliminate all triggers, but you can whitle those 1000 triggers down to 10 or 15 and you have just vastly improved your odds for success.

And remember, these changes we're trying to bring about in ourselves don't happen overnight, they take time....Grrr! LOL!!

I also wanted to say how impressed I am with the recent posts from all of you. You guys seem to really be open to recovery and giving it some serious thought. That's so very encouraging to hear!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 7:17 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:08 am
Posts: 62
@ groove- thanks i def know the whole functioning addict thing.. it can go on waay to long and the scary thing is you convince yourself for awhile u have it under control.. meanwhile you're taking 100-120mg of percocet a day.. well in my case i was! all the while working , keeping up a home , and taking care of my son, but it's no real quality of life at all..it's numbing not fullfilling and now im realizing all these things.. I try very hard not to be hard on myself during this time overwise i feel like i will never heal..

@ amy HI! and its good to hear you dropped ur dose with no effects so far. hope that keeps working for u!

@ROmeo- thank you def giving it all serious thought...I'm a mommy now and My son deserves the best not a closet pill popper. The questioned has crossed my mind and scared me little regarding how strong i will be after subs . what my back will be like and i pray the time with sub will give me the time to not go back to percocet.


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 9:07 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
HoneyBee, Don't be hard on yourself- there's nothing we can do about it now except do whatever we have to do to make sure we don't let this get like that again.. This stuff aint no joke.. I gave up alcohol, meth, and weed over the past 20 years without so much as a second thought.. Sure, I was younger then, but it was nothing like this.. I've gone cold turkey (well, I tried to taper off from a ton of pills snorted up my nose to just a lot of pills snorted and swallowed.. Nice taper ehh ) and lasted just over 3 months a couple times and I gave up because after 3 months+ I saw no hope... That song from Guns & Roses often rings in my head-"That ol man, he's a mean motherfucker"- sums these groovers up perfectly.. Subs are that hope for most of us.. It still takes learning to live again- and part of that is learning to deal with the guilt- but some things are better dealt with later- after we get our thought process more stable.. For me, I'm focusing on getting everything right, then I'm gonna deal wih the guilt.. That part is coming, but right now I'm not ready to face it- but I know how you feel..


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:15 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:08 am
Posts: 62
you are so right on about this ,, thank you i needed to that. have you found things to keep you busy that aren't triggers?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:31 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
Honeybee,

I'm pretty lucky as far as triggers go.. I kept everything a secret from my family (again, more guilt to deal with later) so the only trigger I really faced was getting dope sick...lol. That is a pretty big trigger though isnt it? ha.. My wife & kids have kept me so busy for the past 25 years that once I stopped the double life it fell into place pretty quickly.. I've been soooo ready to quit for so long- mentally- but just couldn't do it because those darn withdrawals ate me up.. I think I'm gonna be a lengthy suboxone patient- that's fine with me..If it keeps those withdrawals & cravings away it's worth it..

How about you? I don't remember if you said your boyfriend (fiance?) knows? Take it from me, it's VERY hard to do this without the full support of your family.. I'm going thru that now.. I come here to get stuff off my chest, or to my brother.. No one else knows yet and it makes it tougher.. Hopefully you've got support and understanding on the homefront..


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:04 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:08 am
Posts: 62
@ groove
i hope your wife has been supportive. My Boyfriend and i are not married yet and we have a 1 year old son and live toegether. long short we got into a bad car accident right when he came back from california he was barely hurt, i was worse. i had my seatbelt on i was in the passenger seat and got hit on my side andit was an old car with no airbags on my side. So after the accicent i was on pain meds for awhile and then 3 months after the accident i found out i was pregnant had to stop all meds, had a very tough painful pregnancy because of the wreck and after my son was born went back to the meds daily about 2 months later and it was a daily thing until this jan. started sub for a week then freaked out and didnt like the panic attacks and went to percs for 2 weeks. my boyfriend was so upset, then my pills ran out and i went through the worst withdrawl ever that i had to take my son to my moms house to stay the night and i just remember the way he looked at me big beautiful smile..it just broke my heart .. after that i decide no marry go round got back on the subs and have been on them since...
at first my boyfriend didnt believe i would stay clean even when i begged for his support he said no i tried that once and u let me down your on you own this time, you got to earn back my faith u can do this. and i think i have becasue he s been talking more to me again (not just the usual baby, car, bills ect) and he spent all weekend working his ass off to prepare a flower garden bed for me to grow flowers and bought a bunch of starters and seeds. His way of giving me something to help me heal.. as for my mom who is the only other person who knows she was pretty shitty about it and told me 100 times now remember your an addict now u cant take anything that can be addictive again. when i asked her to not tell anyone she said "i'm too ashamed to tell anyone" so you can see how that went. well sorry for book but i that kind of sums it up of where i am now


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:55 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
Honeybee,

It sucks doesn't it? They don't understand- they think we can just snap our fingers and it's all good. What you just explained is why Im not sure I'm going to tell them at all. What good would it do? It wouldn't make them feel any better (what they don't know won't hurt em & all). Not sure what I'm gonna do with that yet. I feel for you. I told my brother because he was right there with me- so he understands. I'm not sure how I would react if I told someone and they acted ashamed- that's the last thing we need. Shit, we got enough shame all on our own without outside sources giving us more!

That is pretty cool your boyfriend did that for you- goes to show you that as long as you're making progress he's willing to try. He sounds like a keeper. This is tough on our loved ones too. Maybe soon you'll be able to open up to him without fear of scaring him. That's prolly why he doesn't like to hear you talk about withdrawals & cravings- he's scared. I can understand that.

Hang in there.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 10:59 pm 
Offline
One Month or More
One Month or More

Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:13 pm
Posts: 31
nogroovin wrote:
My first post here, but I've been reading the forum for a week or so and it's filled with a lot of nice, caring people. I appreciate that, as I'm sure many folks here do..

I won't bore you with the details of my addiction- we've all seen, heard, and experienced plenty of that already.. I will say that I wish I could claim that I got hooked on opiates as a result of some old injury, surgery, or even chronic pain.. If I said it I'd be lying thru my teeth.. Nope, nothing like that at all.. I was never abused as a child, or went without, or even struggled- actually things always came pretty easy to me (until I tried to quit these darn groovers that is). I'm the only one to blame for the mess I've created- I took these things knowing the risks but thinking I was gonna be the exception.. I thought I could be the one that could actually control these things..lol.. Silly huh? It didn't take me long to figure out the devil himself cooked these pills up and I was in way over my head..

It didn't take me long to figure out I was in over my head but it sure took me a long time to figure out how to stop.. After years of abuse, failed attempts to quit, many withdrawals & relapses I drug my sorry butt into my family Dr and asked for help.. I'd known about suboxones but I didn't know that my family Dr was licensed to treat.. I didn't know how lucky I was- all I knew was that I had been snorting 20- 30MG percocets ("blueberries") a day just to avoid being dope sick and I hadn't done any for 4 days now and cold turkey wasn't going to work much longer.. I figured I could hold out long enough to get a referral to a sub Dr.. Little did I know I would walk out of their with a prescription for 16MG of subs per day and within an hour I had hope again..

Sure, it's expensive but I managed to keep it together long enough that I hadn't lost everything.. I'm lucky in so many ways and I've been off of "Blueberries" for close to 3 months now and have managed to taper down to about 12MG of subs most days.. My Dr would like to have me down to 45 strips per month on my next visit (29th of March) and I think I'll have no trouble getting there.. We're definitely doing a slow taper and I'm glad my Dr's doing it this way.. I'll do whatever he wants, but he says he has the most luck with a slower taper..He has a brother that practices there with him and he uses a much faster taper.. I'm lucky (there's that word again) I got my Dr instead of his brother..lol

Anyway, I've rambled enough, just wanted to introduce myself and thank everyone here.. This is one of those forums that probably has a HUGE number of lurkers and I wanted to thank the people that openly post- it's a huge help..





hello! i am new here too. sounds like you are doing great. i have been on 16mg since jan. 1st. it feels great to me and ive been thinking of sticking here for a while longer then going down to 12mg.
ill probably stay at that for another year;)

glad you are here!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 8:58 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:34 pm
Posts: 173
Poppie, thanks for the encouragement. I read your story and have been meaning to comment on it. I know what you mean about north Philly. I grew up in northeast Philly (academy road) and you're so right- north Philly is no place to be hanging around. Glad to hear you're doing better. I think I'll probably stay at 12 for awhile- that's when I get down to 12 consistently. I get there for a day or 2 and then end up right back at 16 for a few days. I'm prolly over thinking it a bit.

Good to here from a fellow Philly area person. What a winter huh? Loving this. ;-)


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 38 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group