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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:54 pm 
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@groove,

I only tell/told the ppl i wanted too and kept it at that. i should have been expecting my moms reaction but it still hurt, but probaly because she was hurt. You want the best for your children and i think it came out allll wrong. Does anyone know other than your brother? how is your wife handling it or have you kept it from her, unless you had a rx this can get very expensive. as far as my boyfriend.. i think i ll keep him ;) he s put up with a lot though this whole thing . i probaly told him i was tapering of percs 100 times to him that was just lies, it wasnt meant to be just the addict in me kicking in. I hope you have someone who hasnt been using that you can tell , hopefully your wife? you need all the love you can get at this tender time in our lives.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:31 pm 
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Hey to Nogroovin and honeybee. I am a newbie to, been on subs for a total of two days. Started at 12mg yesterday, took 8mgs today and sent home with scrip for 8mg once per day till my next visit in 11 days. I am still struggling with cravings, but my withdrawal symptoms are all but gone. What a difference!!!

I just wanted to chime in about the issue of keeping your addiction from your spouse. I was terrified that my husband would find out about my pill addiction for a long time. The thought of him knowing I was not only using, but buying pills when we are struggling to pay bills and maintain a home with three kids scared me to death. But, I finally came clean with him last week. It was the hardest thing I have ever done...starting that conversation. Kind of like jumping into a cold pool with both feet before you have time to reconsider. Before I knew it I was telling him everything. And after the initial reaction of anger and sadness he has been very supportive. I am still struggling with talking to him about it, but every time it gets a little easier. He has been very supportive about my using suboxone to help with my withdrawal. Most of all I am so relieved that I am not hiding this anymore. It is a huge weight lifted off of me and it really helped me to see my addiction from another point of view. Now if I can just get rid of these darn cravings I will be good to go...LOL. Of course I am not judging you for not telling your wife. Lord knows how long I hid it. And I totally was thinking about doing this and never telling anyone...it's just nice to have a little support. And when you feel like crap you don't have to worry about faking feeling good just to keep up a good front. That sucks!

Good luck on your road to recovery!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:01 pm 
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Hey gal i'm pretty new new to this too.Congrats and good luck on your recovery! just got my refill today.. was addicted to pills after back pain issues now on sub.
@groove- where have you been ? everything going ok? hope all is well and hope to hear back
Hey i may start a thread but anyone on pills or film or just bup? does it work well for u


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:22 pm 
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HoneyBee.

Yeah, I'm still here- thanks for asking .. Doing GREAT.. How about you? I'm sure you are.:-)

I'm on the films.. Lately they've been a little weird- almost like they're old.. I asked the pharmacist about it and they said they'd keep an eye out.. I'm lucky- I've been treated like gold by my DR, everyone at his office, my pharmacist (Yep, I go to my local one right up the street-lol).. No one makes me feel ashamed.. Some of the stories about the way people are treated is downright sad... I honestly feel nothing but encouragement from everyone involved in my recovery..

How about you? Films?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:42 am 
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Hey groove! thats wonderful to hear that your are doing well. things are going good for me as well. I know longer feel like a zombie! (aka while on percs) i have a lot more energy and generally am in a better mood. I'm on the film as well. Ive read so much back and forth about the different kinds and which is best here, but i guess it depends on the person. Yesterday at my appt. i was talking with another girl( i never have brought up that kind of convo in a waiting room before lol, especially since he's sees all kinds of patients not just sub ) so long story short we were whispering at how long you wait to go see him and trhen i politely asked if she thought the film was best... this girl must have been around the block , in/out a few programs becasue she's tried subtex, generic, the pill sub, ect and in her opinion the film is th emost effective most potent and most helpful for pain and those with addiction issues . so thast just one persons view but it saved me from trying to ask my doc to give me something without the naloxone in it due to side effects. she told me oits not nearly as strong. now strong meaning not for pain control not a buzz.. lol.. had to make that clear/..
My films have been kind of cracking spliting in the pack like they are brittle, not sure about that. For the most part I am treated pretty well. But i am also well spoken, well dressed and polite . i'm not judging at all but presentation is key. And i'm glad you are getting support. Many ppl now know it isnt just the cliche "junkie" on suboxone or methodone there are like 5 million people addicted to RX meds . They are attorneys, bankers, PTA moms, administrators... a lot of us are have college degrees and live a normal life... not saying it doesnt have a stigma at all but it's not like everyone on sub was shooting drugs in their arm... so happy to hear you are doing well


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:35 pm 
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HoneyBee,

Im glad to hear you're doing great. Talking to that girl in the waiting room was a big step! It signifies that you're totally at peace with this- that's a GREAT feeling. :-)

I couldn't agree more about all walks of life being affected by this. I'm a business owner, father of 3 great kids (my 2nd grandchild is on the way), coach youth football (all sports really, but football is my passion), donate to the local PBA and am always first in line to do ANYTHING that would benefit kids. I'm far from a perfect person, but I'm probably the last person the people in my community would ever think let prescription pills grip them the way I did. My point is its not just loser junkies- its everyone. Yes, there are some straight up trash that's well beyond saving caught up in this/ but there's just as many people like me & you that are good husbands (or wives) & fathers (or mothers) & members of the community. We all make bad decisions- some of them have serious consequences. You spend a life trying to make the best decisions possible and then you make the worst one possible. Can happen to anyone.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:19 pm 
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It's always so wonderful to hear about people who take an active role in different kid's lives! And you're right i'm sure if i meant you standing in line or at a little league game.. i would never suspect lol.. that's the funny thing about pills they can really sneak up on anyone. chronic pain people or social users. you hit the nail on the head with your last post. it's good to hear u are doing well. do you have any idea how long your treatment will be? my doc said hopefully by end of summer,,, but time can pass pretty quick.

I'm doing well.. We bought a rose bush and lavender for my garden. it's really starting to come along.. :)


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:44 pm 
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We have rose bushes all over the yard.. They were here when we bought the house all those years ago and we're never getting rid of them.. I love having fresh roses all over the house when they're in bloom.. After 20 years you'd think we'd be great with them but we still screw them up every year..lol.. I'm just getting ready to the vegetable garden over for the season.. One of my hobbies is growing vegetables.. Last year I had 72 tomato plants.. I had to come up with a way to support them- who the hell can afford 72 cages?!! LOL and I don't even like raw tomatoes..hahaha.. I LOVE growing them though- so much fun.. The smell of tomatoes growing brings a smile to my face.. Needless to say we can a lot .. lol

My sub doc will let me move at whatever pace I want to.. I originally got into this thinking I was going to be off them real quick but I've sort of changed my tune and think I just might get to a comfortable dose and stay there for awhile.. The guy that used to get all of the pills went to jail in January.. He got out last week! I don't want to say I had a craving, but I had a real weird feeling in my stomach and I was NEVER happier to be on subs then I was right there.. I even told my sub doc about it today.. We cut me down to 12 MG's per today- I told him I thought I could do it and he said "then I challenge you to do it" and cut my script.. Shows ya how even with subs we still gotta work at this..

Sorry to ramble, but your rose story really made me smile.. Glad to hear your doing GREAT!!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 11:13 am 
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lol.. how ironic we wanted to start a veggie garden in the backyard (flowers are in front) but we are new to this whole gardening thing we will see how it goes. My boyfriend loves tomatoes, so we already have some chicken coop fencing or whatever it's called lol so we thought we will give it a try ...

also ironically enough on the subject of cravings.. my dosing finally leveled off wasnt sure what that meant at first, but after i read i realized now after i take sub.. i notice no difference.. where as at first i get a bit of an energy buzz and the aches went away ect ect.. now i feel nothing just normal... which i guess is the true test because last week my sciatic flared up really bad i was limping ( i did lots of exercise and worked on house) The pain was getting worse and then the thought came "damn i wish i had some percocet" It was definitely a WHOA moment for me becasue i havent had too many cravings . but i took a step back and realized that those kinds of thoughts may happen to just let them pass. I guess pain is a trigger for me and at least i know that now..

anyway 72 tomatoes is a lot! hot damn you could have a mini farmers market lol. ... i'm only hoping my joey has the green thumb for his veggie garden ;)


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:28 pm 
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HB,

You handled that thought (not a craving- just a thought) perfectly.. We could become like normal, rational adults if we're not careful.. lol..

Tomatoes are easy- can't screw em up.. There are some things that can go wrong but most of those are out of your control.. Like last year for example, we had the wettest summer I can remember on the east coast.. Tomatoes crave direct sun- they just eat it up.. Torrential downpours every darn day ruined the season for everybody..We still got tomatoes, but it wasnt a record "Jersey Tomatoe" type of summer.. Oh well, we had fun anyway.. Just plant them- give yourself plenty of room between plants (something I NEVER do) and feed them a couple times and you're set.. I find I have better luck if I water the roots as opposed to the leaves of the plants.. Water on the plants leads to diseases, bugs, and diseases caused by bugs...lol..


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:56 pm 
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Groove-

What exactally is a loser junkie? You shouldn't judge people into a category like that because I'm sure your pharmacist thinks the same thing about you when you pick up your script. We're all here for a reason , no matter what that is, we come from all stretches of life, everything is relative , anyway, namaste


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 2:28 pm 
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@ oclafsti- not to interject... i know my pharmacist probaly thinks the worst when i get my script..lol.. one of those things i had to just get over and get on... i dont think he meant it like thaT. i can't speak for him ... obviously we are all here because we are all addicts aka junkies, i know im in no position to judge and our convos werent meant to offend anyone... i just was saying doesnt matter if you are rich, poor, or educated or whatever you can be subject to addiction...

also if you want my idea of a loser junkie is a relative of mine, who is a cruel heartless person who beat his girlfriend almost to death with his kids in the house and then passed out from an OD, who has been physically violent to his mother and left needles laying around with 4 and 3 year olds to see their dad passed out with a needle in their arm, he's had so many people reach out to try and help him but he keeps doing the same shit...and maybe we could argue it's the drugs making him do this horrible stuff... but when you are abusing people physically and your children are subject to trauma on a weekly basis, you are a loser.. junkie or not....
yes you can't judge until you walk a mile in another's shoes, a pretty girl who has who whole life in front of her and a year later is turning tricks for dope ... i'm not going to judge... but abusers like example above i will call a loser junkie ... get my point. thats all i mean.. anyway .. peace to you I really hope you don't think i think i'm any better than anyone on this site ... but our actions do define us i've done things i'm not proud of, but i work everyday to be the best mom i can be a live a clean and sober life you cant knock me for that.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 2:40 pm 
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hey, thanks for cleaning it up, yeah well that person is just inherintly a bad person and happens to be junke too, there are business men who beat wives, business owners, ect.. just generally evil bad people, but not every junkie is a loser, if you know what i mean, maybe, maybe not. Namste


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:17 pm 
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OC,

So you're saying there are no loser junkies in the world? Yeah, OK.. Now, if you're insinuating that I said people struggling with addiction and doing all they can but just can't beat it are loser junkies- or even people in active addiction that aren't hurting anyone but themselves- you're just flat out wrong.. I never said, inferred, or even thought anything like that.. But it's just a fact that there's a faction of people out there that don't give a shit who they hurt, murder, or destroy as long as they get theirs they don't care- and never will until the day they die... I know they exist because I've lived with it firsthand (but let's keep this light)..They can be homeless people, Dr's, lawyers, athletes, the average Joe- point is (and was the first time, even though you missed it) they're out there..

As far as what my pharmacist, or you, think of me- well, you're just gonna have to get over that because I'm not losing any sleep over it..lol.. Have a good day, it's spring, get out there and enjoy it instead of sitting on line trying to 'win' the internet..
:-)


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:27 pm 
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HB,

Thanks.. It was pretty clear the first time but apparently some people think it's fun to try to stir up shit where there isn't any..lol. Gotta love the internet- glad Al Gore invented it..;-)

Whoa- that's a HORRIBLE story!! How's your relatives (the loser junkie) girlfriend and kids now? I hope they're alright..That's sad.. I feel horrible for them- they didn't ask to be put in that situation.. Just like my poor grandmother who died homeless because my loser junkie uncle wrote 10's of thousands of dollars worth of bad checks that he stole from my grandmother and she lost the house.. His (the loser junkies) brother tried to sell all of his professional, very expensive, camera equipment to save the house but when he went into the safe he realized it was all stolen already.. My uncle had no intention of stopping and didn't care about the lives he ruined along his ride.. He had plenty of people willing to help- he was my grandmoms baby- she did everything for him and he didn't care about her, or me, or my mom, etc etc. I know you get the point


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:41 pm 
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Wow your so ignorant, thank you to the other person for answering my question. I thank god I didn't have a dad like you I feel bad for your kids ! Change your ways or your poor kids will grow up and be ignorant and uneducated like you. Namaste folks!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:02 pm 
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Lol. You're like 12 aren't you. Run along- let the adults have some computer time now


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 11:42 pm 
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oclafsti- i get what you mean...i dont think every junkie is a loser. i'm a addict i don't understand the bitterness i am here on this site because i was abusing drugs, i assume same for you. no need to make an issue, i'm not one to judge someone i dont know or their situation... not up for bad vibes : /

@groove sorry to hear about what happnened in your family . As for mine. the kids are now with their money and in a better home, and as far as i know my relative is still not any better, but i do hope he gets clean for his kids and himself before something else bad happens, its just sad. and there are a lot of positive i d rather focus on ..like my sons 1st birthday next month. we are very excited and planning a party! this is so near an dear to my heart . I never realized how possibel it was to love until i had kids, i know yours are older but i m sure you remember the feeling of when they were babies!


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