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PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:13 pm 
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I have always read others posts for the past year and said I would never post anything, but as I am winding down to "jump off" day I thought it would be a good idea so I can remember how I felt.. Either physical or mental. Suboxone saved my life on April 18th 2012. Ironically April 18, 2013 will be my first day off suboxone. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband in my life that has taken some time off to be with me. I am scared, and excited all in one. Fear of not
Following through as well as fear of the unknown future plague me everyday. I have the support system I need. I go to meetings and have a sponsor. I have group and individual therapy.
I started at 28mg of suboxone. Crazy huh!! Well today I am on day 2 at 2mg. Never thought I could be this low on this but I am stronger then I was before. Yes last night I had a queasy stomach and this dull backache, but I did sleep for alittle while. I woke up this morning not feeling so hot. Legs shaking, backache, and upset stomach. I took my 2mg and all was good. Hoping for a better turn out tonight!! I want to keep writing on here because I needed to
Remind myself how I got here. I need to remind myself that I won't ever go back. As the days approach the 18th, I need to
Let go of this fear and know I am strong enough to get though this!! I got the skills and support.. Now I just have to let go and use what I have been taught over
This past year.. I feel good right now. I feel strong right now.. Let's see
What tomorrow brings!!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:29 pm 
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Hey there sah....welcome

Great idea on putting down your story and experience so you are able to go back and look at it whenever. It absolutely helps to let you more easily see the progress you have made. Sometimes you just get caught up in the moment and putting all that crap down in writing can be therapeutic.

I started on 32mgs..(crazy for us both huh?) to think of only taking 2mgs blew my mind compared to where I started. How far down are you tapering? It's crazy how fast the dose seems to wear off when you're tapering IMO. It gets tricky.

Anywho I don't know much about your history but I do know you're at the right spot for good advice. If you ever need something, anything at all just ask. More than likely someone has been there before and can shed some light on it.

Good luck and keep us posted :)

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:26 pm 
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Your determination should serve you well! Like Jen said, it's a great idea to have a record of where you're at right now. Jumping from 2 mg is going to be hard, but you can get through it. Hopefully your doctor is prescribing you comfort meds like clonidine, hyoscyamine, xanax, etc. to help you get through the worst of the symptoms.

I'm very glad for you that you have a supportive hubby and other support as well! Even if someone can't fully understand what you're going through, it still helps when they're willing to walk the road with you. (You know, one of us should really write a manual to help guide loved ones in how they can help at various stages of addiction. I haven't seen a book like that out there and I'm sure it could be helpful.)

Please keep us informed on how you're doing!

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:52 pm 
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Hey Sah,

Welcome! It sounds like you have covered a whole lot of ground in a year. From 32mg to 2mg is huge in one year, good for you! I was just wondering how you came about planning your jump at 2mg? Was your taper plan prescribed by your doctor or were you in charge of it and decided to jump from 2mg on your own? Just curious...I wish you the absolute best of luck with your projected jump date.

-Q


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:11 pm 
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Thank you all for responding. I didn't expect one let
alone 3 responses! Actually I came up
With this taper idea about 3 weeks ago. I had enough. I feel like I go to meetings and I am lying to myself. I can't move forward till I am free of anything. It's so werid because last month I could not even imagine being on 1/2 strip or 4mg. I was dependent on it! I feel so different now. I don't need this! I am done with the outpatient and all the money I have spent.. Something came over me and I just feel ready. Yes I am scared. Yes I am afraid, but I have one thing that is keeping me going. Determination.. I am no longer dependent on this! I need me, my sponsor, my meetings, my friends, my family, my counselor who came up with this plan and of course the doc.. who says i will
Fail and i will show him!!! The best thing is, is that they are all behind me. (expect for the crazy doc!!) I am so blessed for this. So please feel free to keep posting. I am so thankful for the posts that I received.
As of today I had no withdrawals. I have my last day of suboxone tomorrow. So many thoughts are going threw my head..Just trying to remember hot bathes, and keep
Calm..
Will post later after my meeting of how suboxone came into my life!!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:57 pm 
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Hey Sah,

Welcome to the forum!!!

When you said, "something came over me and I just feel ready" it reminded me of my decison to get off Suboxone. I can't really put my finger on any one reason as to why I quit Suboxone, but I knew I was quitting, I knew I was going to be successful and yes, I knew it was gonna be hard......but it was my time to quit.

I highly suggest you look into some comfort meds, like Amy said. The comfort meds won't eliminate all wd, but they sure can knock those wd symptoms down a peg or two and make your wd that much more bearable.

I'm glad to hear you have a support group in place already, that's great!!

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:16 pm 
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Amy and Romeo yes I am currently on clondinine and well as buspar for anxiety. Romeo how was your how was your experience getting off suboxone? Was it as hard as you thought?
JenNicole, I was up to 32mg for a long time. Then I got down to 16mg for awhile. I was down to 8mg then had a situation that was unresolved and then started to just take it however I wanted.. This was just in Feb.. I realized I was using the suboxone just like I did pills.. As my crutch.. Finally I got my act together and March I went back to 8mg then two weeks ago I said enough is enough.. See what got me to this addiction of pills was the fact that I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost my left tube. I do have two beautiful healthy kids a boy and a girl.. but I was young and I just knew this was the time for me. I got pregnant right away.. First try! Anyways I fell into deep depression and well the pills numbed me. Now please understand I was always an addict.. I was just able to say ok... enough is enough and move onto something else. I was a big coke head for 10 years and I had no worries quitting that. The pills took everything from me and even some miscarriages along the way. I made a deal that I would NOT get pregnant on suboxone and even though I tried disregarding the docs ordered I had the scare of my life last month. I realized what type of mother would I be if I get pregnant on this? I mean I need to take care of me first and my other beautiful kids. God does things for a reason.. Something snapped in me. I just realized that for the past year all the counseling and support, and meetings just finally all caught up with me. It just was like "BOOM" everything made sense. My life has been on hold for a year.... I am ready to take it back. Sooo my taper program is like this:
4/5-4/7 I went down to 6mg then 4/8-4/13 4mg 4/14-4/17 2mg and than the 18th NOTHING!!! Yea I feel something.. I got the restless leg problem but I am taking hot showers and taking asprin every 6 hours for the cramps in my stomach. Other than that I worked today and went to counseling. I am fine. Not sure how I am gonna be come Friday but I am right now in high hopes and keeping positive thoughts...
After all... POSITIVE THOUGHTS EQUAL POSITIVE RESULTS!!! Will check in tomorrow.. LAST DAY OF SUBOXONE!!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:29 am 
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Hi sah!

You can call me Jen, Jennifer if you want :)

So you feel ready? I hear ya! I got that feeling, too. That's why I choose (and my doctor as reinforcement) jumping from a higher dose after tons of tapering... Which is Not for everyone to do so. I also was reaching over to them as a crutch and I felt my treatment then had run its course. I knew it was time or else i was just going back into old habits. I'm 2 months into it and days are absolutely looking up.

I agree with the comfort meds. Omgosh yes I do. I believe today is your first day?! I remember how I felt that day... It was exciting!!!! It was scary! If I told anyone about how it was my first day I'd start crying with all these different emotions flying in! Lol. It was kinda, in hindsight, I really cool feeling. You've got those beautiful children to look forward to. That's what kept me, personally, grounded. Especially mentally.

I really and truly hope you a speedy, comfortable w/d process.... It IS possible and each and everyone of us is rooting for you, girl! Exercise, hot baths, fluids, music, massages. There's a list that goes on of little and big things that can help you out!!

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:56 am 
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Hey Sah...so how is your day going? What a big day for you!

I just wanted to say that I am impressed with your determination. The fact that you have already been doing this rapid taper and not having really bad WD symptoms makes me think you are going to be fine. Tapering is hard for me, every drop gives me several days of discomfort. The fact that you pushed through that and continued to drop speaks volumes about your determination.

I loved it when you said your doctor thinks you are going to fail but you were going to prove him wrong. I think he unknowingly motivated you to do just that! :P I had a situation a few months ago and my doctor told me if I didn't get a grip I was going to fail. I swear that was a turning point for me...not because I was afraid I would fail, but because it p***ed me off and made me want to shove my success down his throat! LOL.

Sending you happy thoughts today! Don't worry about making it work forever, just for today. :D


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 10:09 am 
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Hi Sah,

My experience getting off Suboxone was similar to being shot out of a canon, straight into a brick wall, then slithering down the brick wall like a cartoon character, but then again, I jumped from a high dose and got exactly what I deserved!!! :wink:

2mg is not the lowest dose we've seen people jump from, but it's certainly not the highest either. I've seen plenty of people on this forum jump off 2mg and make it. Was it rough for a time, yep, but they made it. Some people jumped from 2mg and went to work the whole time, never missed a day. They didn't feel like rainbows and sunshine, but they were able to go to work everyday.

The Clonidine will help you and the Buspar will help you too.

I encourage you to post as often as you wish. Don't be afraid to come on here and bitch and moan and just vent, too.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 10:10 pm 
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Tapering sucks!)(>%#*@!!!

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 10:31 am 
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 2:33 pm 
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Hey SAH,

We need an update!

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 8:53 am 
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Hi Sah!!

How are you doing? Feeling okay? I'd love to hear from you :)

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:57 am 
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Hey all! Well doing ok!! On day 2 off suboxone. Wednesday morning at 7:30am I took 1mg and haven't looked back! Yes I am uncomfortable but went to work yesterday and made it through.. I didn't sleep great last night. I was tossing and turning and felt I was on a boat! Lol!! Talk about
Vivid dreams!! Other then that I have the upset
Stomach and some muscle aches.. Taking hot showers! Other than that I am soo good! Nothing at all
What I expected!! I can do this!! I am actually out and about with my hubby right now.. Doing errands and out
Of the house.. Never in a million years did I expect this! When there is a will there is a way! God is being good to me right now. Like my sponsor says.. U have today!! Just be in the moment and don't think of tomorrow. Will keep posting.. Thank u for all
The positive messages and thoughts and prayers. I need this! Enjoy the day today!! Will
Post later! 👍👍😃😃


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 9:03 pm 
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Today is day 3 off subs!! I am tired but NO restless legs, no aches or pains!! I feel awesome but just tired. Cravings are very high!! Wasn't expecting this!! I thought I was ready to take on the world and BOOM the cravings are intense.. Starting to over think my ability of staying
Clean. Thank god I have an amazing hubby who locked up all mind altering drugs as well as my suboxone. I will say I have been having moments of weakness trying to look for the key to the safe but then I start to think what am I doing?? Definitely anixety meds are awesome which kills all thoughts of relapsing. I just say to myself if I even attempt to relapse I will rather take the subs then go back to that world! It's a true miracle drug and I thank my lucky stars that the withdrawals well the physical ones were only 2 days and the exhaustion well hoping that this will be better tomorrow cause life does have to go on. Just like this weekend. I was still able to get out and do boyscouts and errands with my hubby. Today I just had no energy for anything and to me this was my relaxation day and to reflect how lucky I am to be here, have wonderful
Kids and one awesome hubby who puts up with me. I am truly blessed!! My message to anyone reading
This that this can be done!! I am living proof!! Will post more tomorrow until I get past the exhaustion! Hope my story will effect someone else's life!!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 12:12 am 
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Hey Sah,

Thanks for the update, glad to hear you're doing well.

About those cravings......don't let 'em bite ya in the ass. If I may, I'd like to suggest you think about working with an addiction counselor or maybe attending NA/AA or something. We've said this many times on here, "getting off drugs is one thing, staying off those bastards in another." Once off Suboxone, I was able to hang on by my finger nails for about 9 months before I slipped. For me, I had to learn and practice recovery to have a shot in hell at staying clean. Just something for you to think about.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 10:53 am 
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Hey Romeo, ya those cravings got the best of me last night. I ended taking .25mg of suboxone and now they are gone but I guess the whole process is over and I will have to withdraw again. I told my hubby to get the safe out of the bedroom so I am not thinking about it. I don't have a key for the safe but I had no problems looking for the damn key all day yesterday. Back to the sneaky ways!! Soo pissed at myself!! Hoping that the withdrawals won't be so bad in the next few days. I don't have the time to take off. They weren't bad just the cravings hit hard last yesterday and boy I was not ready!! I am in AA with a sponsor and yes I should of
Called her and I didn't. I have been practicing this for over a year and I just lost it. Well hoping today I won't slip up and waiting for the withdrawal to just set in again! Wish me luck!!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:44 pm 
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Hey Sah,

Don't beat yourself up too bad for taking a little Suboxone last night. BTW, you will not have to wd all over again. You kinda just put things on hold last night. You're not going to have to start back over at day 1.

I know how you feel, I took some Lorcet during my wd. Wd is a bear, it's pretty normal to slip during that time, you just don't wanna make a habit of it or you will end up starting all over again.

That's kinda funny how you went looking for the key to the safe yesterday. My wife and I tried the same thing with me while I was on OC's. I ended up busting the safe open.....not an easy task!!! LOL!!!

I'm glad to hear you're in AA, that's good. I'm gonna go ahead and relate this part of my story to you, even though it may not apply to you. When I was in NA, I had all the fancy little sayings and creedo's memorized. I could spout off "one day at a time", "clean and serene", "an addict alone is in bad company".....blah, blah, blah. But what I wasn't doing was practicing my recovery. I had all the knowledge in my head, but I wasn't putting any of it to practice.

Well, after a few painful slips, I FINALLY started doing recovery instead of just blabbering about it and whadda ya know, it started working.

Again, I don't know if any of this applies to you, if I'm way off base just say, "shut up you Ding Dong", I'm used to it!!! :D

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:03 pm 
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Romeo, thanks for the reply and NO by no means are u rambling. I though this was gonna be easy especially since I went through minimal withdrawals and BOOM out of no where the exhaustion hit and mental part hit which I might add I never experienced because the one time I had to withdraw from the pills I went straight to suboxone 2 days later so as the physical portion hit me I was on subs. I am in awe at how bad I felt exhausted couldn't get out of bed. Then hubby had to work today and my son has baseball game.. So I ended up taking .25mg again. I can't believe how much better this small chip was. I jumped at 2mg! So with that said I learned that I cannot do this at home without someone here 24 hrs for at least a week taking care of the house and kids. Not possible. The worst
Part is my hubby doesn't even know I took this. He thinks I am just better! So upset at myself. Well, I tried and this week I will talk with my counselor and parents and doc and find out plan B. I have the desire to quit. I expect to be not happy for awhile but in no means was I prepared to NOT be able to get out of bed nor mentally want some type of drug. I forgot how suboxone blocks that. Will keep u posted on the outcome! Please share as much as u can! Thanks!!


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