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 Post subject: Re: third go round
PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 6:00 pm 
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mlaikens wrote:
dont think my problem is getting off the suboxone. its staying off the other crap that i have a problem with. its so damn accesible, everyone is doing it, whole families. i wont even think about it for months then someone will out of the blue offer me one and i am pretty much done. so at this point in my life it is safer to stay on this.


I have to say that I might agree with you. But hope your not just sitting back and thinking the sub will do all the work you need to do on yourself. When I first went to meetings I would hear folks say "drugs were not my problem but my solution". I never really got what they meant other then they liked not feeling. BUt now I think I get it.

Dope (street dope) I did use to keep from feeling. I didnt want to have to deal with the normal stuff folks did daily so I would dope and all was cool.

Just a thought. If nothing changes then nothing will change. Then you will have to pay for sub the rest of your life. Just want to suggest you began looking at "WHY" you keep going back to dope when off sub. Maybe if you could take this opportunity to work on yourself you could one day be off sub. Surely your not ready today but your safe now, now is the time to do this work. I know working on myself while on methadone then sub has really made a difference for me today. I practiced calming myself when in traffic for instance... now when I have to drive in traffic I know how to deal with it... so I dont feel the need to do dope. KWIM?

I just hope you use this time wisely,
Birdie


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 1:36 am 
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I think it's a great idea to work on ourselves regardless of whether we plan to stay on Suboxone forever or if we know we want to taper off of it someday.

All of us got to this point in our lives because we used drugs as our preferred method of coping (or not coping, as such) with whatever our personal demons might be. So it stands to reason that all of us could use some work in developing healthy ways to cope with stress, with emotions, with setting boundaries, with forging new, healthy relationships, with creating new interests in our lives. It's my opinion that any work we put into these areas of our lives will be beneficial.

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 9:10 am 
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Exactly! to what Birdie said...drugs were my solution to life. Life and me were the problems. When I first tried to get clean and sober I thought I just needed to quit the drugs. At that time in 1992 I didn't even think I really needed to stop drinking...I only drank wine, good wine, and it wasn't my DOC so that was how I rationalized it. Well, after years of trying it my way I found out that alcohol eventually led me back to opiates and for me opiates are the devil! a drug is a drug is a drug....they are all the same disease. Addiction.

The first time I went to an NA meeting I knew I was in the right place (altho I still fought it for years) and I heard
"One is too many, a thousand never enough" and that helped me open my mind to looking at AA/NA. I knew that statement was true. I used to have using dreams where I'd have a basement full of fentanyl and THAT was what made me happy. How sick is that? and when I realized in my addiction that I didn't care about anything, not even being around my best friends or kids I knew something was seriously wrong.

Alcohol saved me as I was growing up with an emotionally abusive mother. Alcohol made me feel like I fit in and I was ok. Later on after I found opiates they made me feel even better...but then they became the problem. Now, after 8 years in AA I have learned how to cope, like Birdie said. I've learned that my feelings are only feelings...and it is up to me what I do with them. I learned to feel sadness and anger...if I run around it, or try to not feel it will only come back. Like my signature says below the only way out is through....you HAVE to walk through the painful stuff. We've tried it going around....

I used to be afraid of anger. I hated feeling lonely or sad. But they are just feelings. It is up to me what I do with them. No one can make me feel anything....It is up to me. That is why I believe AA works...even more then therapy, unless you have a really good therapist that gets addiction and understands the things addicts need to work on and how to get there...I learned to set boundaries with people and stop being a victim. I never thought I was a victim and one time some woman said that to me...and i was pissed! I thought, you bitch what do you know? Then about 5 years later I remembered what she said to me and she was right. I remember sitting in an AA meeting my first few months clean and sober (I had five years from 2000-20005) and I said something like I hated men. Well, I talked more with my sponsor about my life, about my abusive husband (ex) and she would say to me, "Work on yourself and everyone around you will get better". I had no idea what she meant but I would do just that and it worked! My perspective changed. I stopped focusing on things I couldn't change (others) and changed what I had control over..me...then I started to understand what being a victim meant. I blamed others for what happened to me. So I went back to that meeting a couple weeks later and said, "I don't hate men. I hated me. I am angry at me because I allowed people to walk all over me. I had no boundaries." and I started to change that.

When I put up boundaries at first it was scary and hard. I was a people pleaser my whole life...putting up boundaries meant someone might not like me! Who cares! My integrity, my self worth and self esteem were much more important I realized. When I had self respect others had respect for me. I also understood that the people I had the most respect for were people who had boundaries, who said NO, who wouldn't allow others to walk all over them....and I liked those people and wanted what they had...so I emulated them and eventually learned how to set boundaries. Initially I was pretty aggressive about it...eventually I learned how to be assertive rather than aggressive. It just took practice. I wanted a voice..I had never allowed my voice out and I was sick of myself!

So that is why I think it is important to do this work. We used for a reason...to mask our feelings, get out of ourselves. Some people have become physically addicted due to long term pain...that's for sure. Not all have the similar histories, but those of us who used to escape, my belief is we need to work on why. Drugs and etoh are symptoms of underlying pathology. Mental pathology....and many of us have had childhood trauma's. It is not necessarily important to confront the abuser from the past but it is important to do the work around the trauma so as to have some peace and serenity...

Ok, enough! I'm just a believer in this because i tried it so many other ways...and it kept bringing me back to the same place. THEN I started doing it differently, listening to others, and getting out of my head, helping others in return. It works for me and I feel pretty lucky I've been given so many chances. Today life is good. I still have losses I'm dealing with, but I'm dealing. I'm facing them, I'm feeling the feelings...and I know it will get better. If I use? My life is over.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:03 pm 
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[align=center] For ME right now is not the time to be lookin' back through that infamous rearview mirror, this part of recovery takes longer or shorter for each individual- as most of us know not everyone is the same we are all unique, although we do share the fact that we are going through this life long journey called recovery, we each need to find the time to do it without Suboxone or Subutex on our own time. I respect the fact that some people go a week as others may go years and still be unaware of when the time to taper down to zero meds may be... I'm new here and very interested to hear others stories, journeys and succes. [fade]

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Can't quit until you try, can't live until you die, can't breathe until you choke, gotta laugh when you're the joke... *Life Is Beautiful*


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