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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 7:37 pm 
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I am a 40 year old female that has been taking pain meds since I was young but been a heavy user for the last 5 year. It started (just like a lot of others)with a visit to the dentist when I was young and immediately fell in love. I bought here and there, would quit for a while then I would go on another binge, just a vicious cycle. Then I was diagnosed with a herniated disk and bi-lateral stenosis, started taking 5mg Percocet then moved up to 10mg. Then went to pain management. After building up a tolerance I was/am going through a 90-120 script in less than 2 weeks. In between scripts I am spending money like its coming out my ass.
I have called the sub clinic 3 times and never kept the appointment because everyone said "You know that you will be stamped as an addict and NEVER be able to get another script filled EVER!" That scared me, I am in actual chronic pain and the thought of being without pain relief scares me almost as bad as the thought of going through WD's.
Then last week I had, I guess what some would call "A moment of sobriety". I am on the phone, texting everyone I know, pacing the floors, can't focus at work and panicking because I knew I was going to be out in a day or so. then I just sat on the side of my bed and cried, really cried... I started thinking OMG "look what you have done to yourself, you make good money, have a great career and are slowly washing it down the drain. Your boyfriend is an addict and alcoholic, what the fuck is wrong with you!"
Then I walked into the living room and told him, "This is it! I am done! I cant live like this anymore, we cant live like anymore, I getting help! Your either in or out, please, please do this with me, lets go to the sub clinic and seek counseling?.." I can't believe he looked me straight in the eye and said "No". We discussed it back and forth but he says he is not ready. What should I do if he doesn't want to get sober too? I told him I am going anyway and am NOT BACKING OUT this time. He still said "No".
Anyway I called the clinic today and not only do they treat with sub they require you have counseling as long as your are in sub maintenance. I made am appointment for Thursday and I AM GOING! I told my boyfriend about it today and he dosn't seem real excited that I want to get clean, and I really think this is because our "hook ups" are my friends and this may mean that the Pill Mill may be slowing way down. What should I do? Should I leave and get away from him since he has no interests in getting clean. I know that I cant be around it once I stop, I have an addictive personality and know I will use again if its in my environment.. Please any thoughts will help... Also, what am I going to expect for my first visit?


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 9:34 pm 
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Hey Addict, or sister addict. Ya, we addicts, and we need help to stop.
I did.
We all did here.
I know that "money out the ass" thing oh to well. In the end, at the end, I had to 7.5'sin pocket and ten bucks. Sad. Retirement, stocks, house and wife gone!!
DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU addict!
You have a real chance here to get it going forward and not lose it all. You do. Oh, I'm doing great now. 3years,10months on sub treatment. Wonderful stuff that works.
So, boyfriend not ready? Tuff choise , you and your clean future or high boyfriend a day all that go's with it on the lowdown. I'm sure he is a great guy and all but in this fight, hard choise have to be made sometimes. Think about your crying fit. Think about him saying goes NO. think about where this can an Will go without changes. I've been there. I had to let young girlfriend go. She was helping kill me. And my bank account. Now, I did all this to myself, don't get me wrong. I hurt me. Worst, I hurt my wife. A great woman.. She forgave me more than I could forgive myself..

Labeled and addict?, hmm, well ya, we are. Pain relief? Sub isn't great but it works for my aches and hand pain.. You are on your way to bigger bottom if you don't get help ASAP. Imo. This will work for you Addictdenal..

TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST. I tried to drag others with me to treatment. None of them are clean today.
And that life of chasing and phone calls an driving all over the place.. And THE MONEY!
you will be so happy when ya see your account fill back up..

Hope some of this is helpful. I owe my life to subs. And other things.

I have no clue what your Dr or clinic will do Exactly on first visit.
You should hopefully get a script.
What I would do tomorrow is CALL them and ask. And above all, at this point, be as honest with those who want to help you as possible.
I gave some back ground on me because I wanted you to know that you too can be successful AddictD..

Please go and get started. And the boyfriend?, deep inside he is in a panic. He s got a be. I would be.. Hell I was.
Welcome to the best forum on the net. Others will be along to help too. We have good mods who can be of service too..
I believe in this lifesaving medication. I've seen it work in my clinic were I go. Good luck..


Razor56..


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 11:25 pm 
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razor....
Thank you so much for replying back to me... I been watching a lot of Suboxdoc on youtube and I am so glad that I have found a place that I can go... here... I have felt so alone for such a long time, been in denial for the last couple of years and thought I had it under control, thought I could beat this and stop when I was ready.
After many times of trying and telling myself I am going to get though this withdraw and I am done, needless to say I couldn't wait to get my hands on the next script or text message from someone saying "I know someone wanting to get rid of some 10's".
For over a year now I have spent op to 400.00 to 500.00 a most times a week just until I get to my next script. It started with a couple of hundred here and there to a couple of thousand a month. It literally makes me sick! I dumped 7,000.00 from my 401 6 months ago, with well intentions to get out of debt, but I can's really think of one thing I have to show for it.
Here lately the addiction has caused havoc in my personal life... My boyfriend and I are constantly at each others throat over pills and money and who owes who what and how many. This is not a healthy relationship and honestly he doesn't know it yet but I been gone for a long time, he has just been to drunk and high to realize it.
I am SCARED TO DEATH right now but excited at the same time... At this very moment I am sitting up trying to educate myself on recovery and my bf is in bed half drunk and stoned on Xanax and Norco. He just cussed me out because I am not paying enough attention to him tonight like I usually do and make sure he doesn't fall on his way to bed and break his freaking neck..
I just can't live like this anymore and can't believe that something less than a size of a dime has completely ruined my life emotionally and financially... I want this more than anything right now... I am depressed and hate who I have become. Hell I got into it with my suppose to be "Best Friend" today because I told here I wasn't going to give her the 500.00 that she gets from me every month to buy her script. Guess you find out who your friends really are when your ready to get sober.... I just cried, and been crying... Really that is not me either, without giving to much info about myself just yet... I work in a man's world as a Supervisor and feel like shit every time I go to the morning meet and talk these men about being responsible, accountability for their actions and what they can and cannot do... Then as I am walking away I think "Who the hell am I to tell them about being responsible and being accountable for your action, when I can't even do that myself."...
I am going to bed because I have to be up around 4, but again thank you soooo very much for responding, I think I may sleep better knowing someone knows what I am going through.
Oh, I have made arrangement to have a place to go because I kinda thought he would react like this.... I just really, really wish that he would have thought survival of our relationship and doing this together would mean more...
I will call the clinic first thing in the morning and will return here as soon as I get a chance tomorrow and update you and anyone else who has read this and wants to see an update... Until then good night...

Again Thanks..
tamtam


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 11:31 pm 
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Well addict, not a whole lot to add to what razor already said. .. he's absolutely right! If you're committed to making a change, this could be the end of all that madness. No more spending all your money, no more panicking at the thought of being out and getting dopesick. This medication can be a real lifesaver. In two weeks I'll have one year clean, and I couldn't be happier or more proud of myself. That can be you too, addictindenial. Although, it doesn't sound like you're in denial about this anymore. . You know what to do. ..I know how tough it can be to have someone you love also in active addiction, but not ready to seek help yet...I had so many friends that I really wanted to join me when I decided enough was enough, but alas, it wasn't to be... and sadly I had to let them go. Hopefully, one day they will be ready, but I have to accept that I can't make them want it and I can't allow myself to be around still using addicts. My new life and recovery are far too precious to me. I didn't realize this until after I started my treatment. I thought I could change, and keep those friends and they'd see me change and do it too, but it didn't work out that way, and all they wanted were my subs to help them out when they were sick. I had to let them go. You have some tough choices ahead, that's for sure, but I think what you need to do will become clearer to you once you start your new clean life. Trust that you're making the right decision for yourself and congratulations on deciding to make a new and better life for yourself.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 11:32 am 
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Thank you for your kind thoughts Lizzi and Razor...
Today I think that I have calmed down some, was so upset last night and really appreciate you guys responding so late, it really helped me feel better.
I spoke with the clinic this morning and the lady said that I do not have to be in withdraw when I come in "Phew!" :roll:
She said that I will sit and talk very openly with my doctor and we will come up with a plan for suboxone treatment and counseling. That I will receive a script and be able to take this script home with me and wait aprox 20 to 24 hours depending on the severity of my withdraw and take my first dose when I am around a 5 or so. She said the doctor will give me very specific directions for my first dose and every dose there after.
I was glad to hear this because I DID NOT want to be in withdraw going into the clinic. I get very sick, the stomach issues (practically living in the bathroom), mussel pains, head ache, sometimes vomiting and spiked blood pressure, Just miserable.... I am sure you guys know exactly what I mean but literally feeling like you skin is going to crawl right off you...
Anyway I just took a quick break to update you guys. The real hell starts Thursday night, I plan on not taking anything after tomorrow afternoon and going home and wait for the withdraws to kick in. Kinda scared, sometimes that happens within about 12 hours, not severe but bad. Then around 16 hours I am rolling around in the bed with aches, pains and freezing to death.
I am so glad I will have a place to go, here… while I visit hell on Thursday night.
Thank you guys so much... I hope everyone is having a blessed and beautiful day!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 12:57 pm 
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Hey AD74,

Your going to be fine.
Better than fine.
Sounds to me you have a good dr/clinic to work from. When you said a 5" I'll assume your talking about the cows scale. Good.
Like my pal Liz said, some people just won't come along.
Our drug use comes with consequences. Until those become a hurt or pain in our lives, change doesn't happen. Maybe, just maybe you BF will see this in time.
Anyway we are all here for ya and it be OK.
I tapered a bit just before my induction and things went swimmingly!
Keep posting...


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 2:04 pm 
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It really sounds to me like your ready to ditch the old lifestyle and start really living again. I know it will hurt if your BF doesn't follow your lead and get clean too, but you'll see that not living in the nightmare of active addiction anymore will be worth most any price we may have to pay. And who knows, maybe with time, he'll see how well you're doing, and want that for himself also, or maybe he won't. I think you know what needs to happen, and what will be best for you. In my experience, when one person in the relationship goes on suboxone, and the other one continues to use, the person who is trying to get better ends up feeling sorry for the still actively addicted partner, and sharing their sub to keep the other from being sick when the drugs or money runs out, and that kind of co-dependency usually never works, for either one, and could put your recovery at risk as well as get you into trouble with your doctor. Not worth it, but you know that too.
I'm glad you've got a doctor to give you precise instructions on how to proceed with your induction, and I'm sure it'll go smoothly! Just remember that new life is right within your grasp now, so don't let anything or anyone hold you back from it. You're ready, you're worth it, and you're going to do just fine! :)


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 3:15 pm 
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Lizzi! Wow, I am so glad to hear from you!
I was typing at you were posting LOL!

I gotta run, but please read my last post :)

Lizzi I am so ready, really ready to make this change. I am going to need you and razor and who ever else wants to jump on this train with me.

Lots of Love XO!!

I will get back on this evening and talk some more :) :) :)

Tam


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 4:11 pm 
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I don't want to get to far ahead here, but like lizz also stated, and I have be though myself, people or loved ones still using will want your medicine so there won't be sick.
Important to guard against this 74.Again time will tell just what and when or if BF comes along.

I've had this happen to me at the clinic also. People run short, etc..

I believe the number one person to work on is You.. And your doing just that!!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 5:36 pm 
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Lizzi and Razor

I was thinking about that today, he runs out all the time too. I have had to get a safe and lock my pain meds up, which he did not appreciate at all. But I can see that happening, him wanting the subs during his withdraws.
I contacted a friend today that I have made arrangements to stay with if needed and I really think I am going to have to do that. I have shared with this friend what I have set my mind to do and he (yes he - older gentleman and mentor from a previous job) is all for this and thinks what I am doing is very strong of me. I know his place is a safe place to stay, no drugs, no alcohol and drama. I could sleep for days and never be bothered if wanted.
So... now that I am starting to open up a little, I will give you a little history on me and the boyfriend. I moved to where I am now while I was chasing "Shutdowns.", 5 years ago. I was then offered a position that made me a pretty superior Supervisor, this is how I met him. When I first met him he showed no (hid )addiction (s) and I was clean at the time. I would not move in with him because my daughter was still in high school and a good school at that. I did notice that he drank quite a bit and actually wouldn’t see him for several weeks at a time because, he was just ugly to me when he did. Of course he hid in the corner during meetings and gave me a scolding look every time we crossed paths, but I just shook it off.
Move up 10 months....Then my daughter graduated and by this time I was back on the pain meds and was not yet abusing them too bad. So he called me one night just to talk and before you know we are back together and I moved in with him. Things were with like any relationship trying to live with an alcoholic and the pain meds were candy, we had a lot of problems. Then I started trying to figure out why I was running out of my pain meds so quick and started getting suspious, needless to say I busted him red handed. This was a big problem and when I bought the safe. Well since then he has had a double bypass and 3 stints at 47 years old. I have found needles that he claims were for B12 shots and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Well now we both have ended up with a huge pill issue and it has got really bad... Out of control bad...
1 year ago I was offered an even higher position just down the road but with the same company, and with him in his position is able to visit where I work to work on equipment.
But at least I do not have to see him every day and I am hoping he will have enough since to leave me alone, if he does come to work on anything.
I just want to be left alone once I leave. But you know? I don't know if I could go back to him even if he did decide to clean up his act.... I am just so angry with him right now since I have been thinking about all the shit that has been said and done out of pure hurt and spite...
I think I am just going to get away and get on a good path and worry about him later, I hate to be like that but it is just how I feel...
Any thoughts?
Hope all is well this afternoon :D


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:21 pm 
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I think you've got the right idea tam. And the lock box is an excellent idea for anyone on scheduled medications, especially if there's a remote chance of someone else getting their hands on your meds. Aside from that, Now is the time to focus on yourself for awhile. Sure it would be nice if he could come along and be supportive of you and your efforts but he's clearly not going to do so . If the threat to his own health and life (bypasses and stents),hasn't been enough for him to see what he's doing and change, then I'm afraid losing a relationship won't either.

Now, not to be nosy, but this older guy you're talking about staying with, I know you said it's a safe environment where no one will bother you, and that is good, but are you 100% positive that this man's intentions are pure? I only ask because I've been in a similar situation, where an older guy who always was a good friend and gave me stellar advice, whom I really looked up to, ended up wanting more than my undying gratitude/friendship in return, kwim? He did lots of things for me, gave me $ when I was broke, even paid a few bills, and promised to help me anytime I needed a hand, but when his intentions became clear... he used all that he'd done for me as a reminder of what and why I owed him what he was asking for, and I had become so dependent on him, that I felt I had to oblige. I ended up resenting him and myself in the end. Just be sure his intentions are noble tam. Sounds like you've been hurt enough already. I just would hate for you to go through what I did. It hurt. I thought he really cared and was sorely disappointed. ... yet again. Make sure you have all positive people in your corner right now. K, That's enough outta me, lol!

I'm very happy for you tam. I really think you're gonna do great. Keep posting. I'm looking forward to hearing how your induction goes Thursday. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask, we'll do our best to answer! Let the countdown to your new life begin..... less than 48 hours to go now!....you can do it!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 7:21 pm 
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Liz
I have thought about that and he has mentioned it in the past, he is 66 and I am 40, big age difference. We had lunch last week and I told him that I know he is in love with me and I will run like the wind if he pushes a relationship on me. I told him I was going to go and rent an apartment, he insisted I stay until I get though some of the adjusting to subs. In the past he has offered $ and other things and I have always told him "no" because of what you are talking about.
My x husband was 15 years older than me and I went down that road at the age of 22, and yep he never let me forget what he did for me. I ended up divorcing him x2 lol. Now that is stupid hu?
I really hope that my friend does not go down that road... and I have fully warned him that I can't have any drama right now, I just want to relax and think about my next move.
I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago and sex (excuse the personal life) is very painful and of course I have nooooo sexual appetite after all this drug use and surgery.
Oh, reminds me... Will I ever get that back? I have men all the time wanting to know my status lol, but hell Brad Pit could walk into me bedroom and get naked and I really do believe I would turn over and turn out the light lmao!
But yea that is gone, long gone...
If he does think I am going to go down that road, I will have to put my recovery first and foremost. He says he completely understands and just wants to see me happy again.
YES OMG 48 HOURS! I am going to take my last pain pill tomorrow mid afternoon and then stop. I go into withdraws fairly quickly maybe it is because I take over 150 to 200mgs a day. Tomorrow evening I will be in mild to moderate withdraws then on Thursday 10am is my appointment. I think I am just going to go home after filling my script and wait til I cannot take it anymore and take the first dose after 2pm or so, that should be around 24 hours, but I am not going to get ahead of myself just yet... Will see what the doc has to say and how to take it...
Liz you sound a lot like me... thank you for replying... Hope I am not driving yall crazy yet lol.
Thanks,
tam


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 7:47 pm 
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We do sound alike don't we? I've had a hysterectomy also,at 32. but it hasn't affected anything important if you catch my drift girl! Yes indeed my man is a lucky guy! Lol ! Guess I've always had a thing for older guys too cause my fiancé is 55 and I'm in my mid thirties, but this guy is a keeper! He's stuck by me and my4 kids through soo much! We've been together for 5 years. Anyway, my point is I'm pretty good at figuring out people's intentions, and I caught on to the fact that he probably has feelings for you from a former experience I had. They sounded a lot alike. I didn't mean to overstep my bounds or anything, just offer a little of my experience in that arena. You sound like a sweet lady, and like me it can be hard for you to say no, even when you want to, for fear of hurting someone's feelings. I'm getting a lot better at that the further I get in my recovery, but some guys can just sense that quality in women, and play on it, so beeeeeee careful!

I hope you'll post as much as you can while you're feeling bad waiting for your first dose. Remember We'll be here to listen (read)/reply if you're feeling like you just can't do it, to cheer you on! We're excited for you and know you can do this!

Btw, you're definitely not driving anyone crazy, that's what we're here for!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 9:34 pm 
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Liz and Razor

Real quick, please tell me what you think and I am going to stop obsessing for the night.

I been reading a lot of post and I see that you guys are a big part of a lot of peoples life's. I feel really lucky to have found this site, you guys are becoming a big part of mine even though I never met you and I am sure we will be a big part of each others lives for a very long time.

I realized just now that I have not eaten in two day, guess it is because of stress or because I have just forgotten to eat and have my head into my recovery, but will eat in a minute lol ;)

I was in here til after midnight last night lol. But felt like I have the tools I need to get through this today and that is you guys...

I had something happen to me today that I was going to share with you earlier but did not know how some people feel about religion. But here goes any way...

This morning I sat in my office and shut the door and actually closed my eyes and prayed... Nothing just real emotional just a prayer.
Just a little bit before lunch I was walking to another part of my work. There is a mid aged black man that has only been on there a couple of weeks and I stop and check on him almost every day, just a short chat and have a safe day type of chat.
But this time I noticed him and his crew was pretty busy and just kinda gave a little wave and "whuz up?" nod and kept walking. as I was walking I could hear someone calling my name "Miss T" Wait up!" and here comes him trotting over to me. He walk up to and just looked at me for a second and said "Miss T, you have a heavy heart don't you? I can see it"... I was just kinda speechless and I said "Yes, Vance I do, is it that noticeable?" he said "no, not really but I just can feel it." He then asked me "Miss T, do you ever pray?" I said "Yes all the time and a lot more often here lately." Is was just real calm... strange... The he asked me "Miss T, can I pray for you?" hesitantly I said "Yes, yes Vance you can."
Now I have not been in church in over 10 years and am not a holly roller, but do believe there is something out there beyond our reach that is the reason I breath the air I breath and watch the sun rise every morning.
But let me tell you something, this man laid his hand in mine and began to pray. I had this flood of emotion come over me and I just almost hit me knees... It was like he knew... After he said "Amen" and looked up at me, I know he could see the tears rolling out from under my dark safety glasses. Then he reached into his back pocket and handed me his number and said "Please call me if you need to talk, and remember that God loves you when you think no one else does." Then he turned and slowly walked away, I was almost frozen watching him walk way...
But it made me think that maybe someone is hearing my cry for help.

I have tears in my eyes as I write this...

Just wanted to share this with you.

Thanks for listening
tam


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 9:46 pm 
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OK, well let me give you my point of view here. A d I should know, I was that guy once. However, I DIDN'T hold anything over my young friend. Oh I wanted it to happen. I gave her money, fixed her cars, bought her a truck, all of it. The difference in the beginning was she came after me. I was married at the time. She saw in me a way out of her problems. She gave me some of my first pills. It start fast then I chased it for TWO years. In the end I lost.. Lost all of it. Wife money house, life, respect of well everyone. She was 27,I was 49..the shame of it all and the pain I infected on my wife.. My god...

I guess I'm saying this man friend of yours still has hope in his heart. The difference here is it seems that You Tam can stand on your own feet. And you have been up front with him. He may indeed be a great help to you at this time. I truly hope so.
I'm back with x wife by the way. 32 years together. Talk about a high power I guess. I changed back to the better. OK that's my story on that..

Sex, well no comment.. Lol

Any chance you could pull back a bit on your MG intake some.? May speed up the process in the next 36 hours. Just a thought.
Razor


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 10:11 pm 
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Oh Tam, that was wonderful..
I got a lump in my throat reading it.
Help comes from many places. From places we can't see.
Vance was indeed this kind of help.
In the recovery fellowships it's called a higher power.
Mine is ANYTHING that helps me stay clean. I use a basket. I put things and people in this basket. Any thing greater than myself. I'm not a big 12 stepper today, but I did learn somethings there. And praying is in the basket too. You too are now in this basket as is lizz and everyone who has helped me or Let me help them. I grew up in a church. I'm a PK, preachers kid. Lol.. And look how I turned out. Lol. Anyway God's in that basket too.. So is my sub and sub Dr, the clinic.. Vance is a gift. How lucky you are T. We here to help though. Idk I'm Ramblin again... Sheeh... Piece of mind.. That's what we are looking for..
And it's out there..

Razor..


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 10:32 pm 
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I know I said last time a minute ago but wated to reply to your response.

That is a great story of your road recovery and I am so glad you have your wife back, I am sure that in it's self means the world and was worth every minute of that road.. :D

This man that I am sure sincerely cares is a widow of 6 years and he just lights up every time he lays eyes on me. I have been very honest with him and do not want anything other than his support at this time. Maybe down the road, way down the road I may consider his offer in his happily ever after, but then kicks in that independent side of me. I have been divorced since 2000 and even though I have had many offers I couldn't give up that independence.
I grew up on am Indian reservation in Oklahoma, its not what people think... Drugs, alcohol and abuse was a everyday life. I had my children at a very early age by a man that would make love to me one minute and beat me the next and I stayed trapped on that reservation and thought I would never escape.
I finally broke way and ran for my life to texas and now I live not to far from texas. Then straight out of that I married a man that promised me the moon, this is the one that was 15 years my senior and I am sure it works for a lot of relationships but he treated me like I was a kid and made me dependent on him, I divorced him twice! wow still so stupid...
I decided that I would NEVER depend on a man EVER again, and I may have men issues too... idk. But thought I found the right one a few years ago and here I am stuck in addiction and an unhealthy relationship. He is scared right now, like you said... I can see it, I seen it tonight when he asked me if I was really serious about what I am about to do. I told him "You bet I am!" and he knows that I may be an addict but I am bull headed and don't back down from much, maybe it is that Indian in me. Hell last week I got lit up by a swarm of wasp and the guys thought I was crazy because I told them to kill them all and to bring one of those bastards lol... I think they really think I am just a mean Indian women... so the rumor is lol.

Anyway I am happy you shared with me, I know I have shared more on here than I have shared with anyone in a very long time...

On the MGs I will try, I actually start withdrawing around 8 hours and sick in about 12 to 14.. But I will for guys on here.. You really think it will help?
I told my boyfriend just now that I don't want to see another pill after tonight and he had some real soul searching to do because I am not messing around this is going to happen!

Have a wonderful night everyone... I will post again in the morning sometime til then TTYL.. "Smiles"
Tam


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2014 11:35 am 
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Liz and Razor

Good morning, hope this message finds you doibg well today :)Soooo I have dicied to cut my dose down to 70mg today, 30 When I got at 4:30am, 20mg at up a and will take my last pain med at lunch time at 12:00pm.

The clinic just called to confirm my appointment and I told them that I will be pretty uncomfortable by then, so they suggest i have someone drive me, so my friend that I I spoke of is picking me up from my house at 9:30AM.

Razor,
the other night you mentioned the Crows Chart and I looked it up, I see what you were talking about :). I am sure I will be around a 25 - 27 on that chart by 10am in the morning.
I think the lady was refering the other day to a 1 - 10 in being uncomfortable.

Any thoughts?

Less than 24 hours to go! Let the countdown begin!

tam


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2014 3:24 pm 
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I worked late today and just read your post...yay! Less than 24 hours now. You won't believe how much better you'll feel and how quickly things in your life will improve. If you're like me as I think, you'll be amazed at how much money you will accumulate and how fast you'll do so, not spending it to stay out of withdrawal! I was so happy and proud of myself at first when I was able to hold on to 2 whole paychecks,1st I paid some important bills, which felt great, btw, and then I treated myself to something that I really wanted but couldn't buy while I was using cause I always had to keep enough money to buy my damn drugs! Buying myself that new handbag felt awesome! So, after you get settled into a new routine and a stable dose. ..treat yourself to something nice. You will deserve it! You've made a wise decision to treat your illness, and have much to feel proud of.. you'll see!

Yes 25-27 on the cows scale sounds more like where you'd need to be to be safe from precipitating withdrawal. Just remember that you're only going to feel bad for a little while. .. hours, that's it, then you'll take your first dose and feel much better soon! You're in the home stretch now tam! Keep us posted!:)


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2014 7:13 pm 
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ohhhhhhh liz it is so good to hear from you, really really good to hear from you...
I just lost it a few minutes ago and have a complete emotional break down.
The BF know I am not feeling just real good right now, it has been since a little before lunch since I had any pills. He offered me some Percocet to make me feel better and I just completely unloaded and fell completely apart, actually he was crying by the time I said my last words. But... He still is not ready and I told him I did not want him to take me to the doctor and I had already made other arrangements. I begged him almost on my hands and knees to please , please come with me and get help too and he just looked at with tears in his eyes and said I can't right now...
I am really emotional right now... can't stop the tears from flowing but I know I can do this liz, I know I can even though I know I could within hands reach I am not going to do it.
Is this normal? Should I feel like I am going to loose my damn mind right now? I know a lot of it is because I am scared and a lot of it is because I have to let him go... I can't help him, I know I cant... And that hurts too. :( :( :(


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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