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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 6:36 pm 
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I recently jumped off of Suboxone about 3 weeks ago after about 2 and 1/2mos. daily usage (@ roughly 8mgs daily). The withdrawal process for me took about 2 full weeks to feel my 100%. I'd say I've been doing pretty well up until yesterday morning. I woke up feeling unwell, but do not think this had anything to do with the past Suboxone, as I know it had been totally out of my system for weeks now. Yet, being the addict I am, I knew how much better I would feel if I just took a "sliver" of one that I had in a secret spot. And so I did... When that began to kick in, I took another sliver... a total at roughly 3-4mgs. It completely brightened up my day until I felt the inner guilt of what I had done, and was questioning why I did that stupid shit!

So, to shorten up, I relapsed... but with just one 3-4mg use. I'm not taking anymore, as I threw out the other half of the 8mg tab.. So my question to you guys is "will I feel any withdrawal after just one use??" I'm pretty sure I won't, but that's how we addicts think.. We question every thing we do, even though we (or most of us) have been through these processes many times before, but it's like we can't remember what it was like, or felt like. -Any input?? Thanks.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 6:44 pm 
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I'm not sure the answer to your question, but I just wanted to offer you some support and let you know you ARE strong and you can this. I would say if you feel anything it will be mostly mental so TRY to stay positive! And stay busy too! Best of luck!

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 Post subject: WD?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:47 pm 
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I bet you won't feel any withdrawal, but I couldnt' say that for sure...It does seem like if you're off opiates for a few weeks and then you do some just one time that it might throw you off a bit...you might get some kind of symptoms that seem like WD..but if so, I would expect it really to be light ADN to not last long. Also though, suboxone IS A powerful drug and it lasts a long time so...it might be a couple of days before you really feel back on an even keel. But I just want to offer my support too, so----- you did have a relapse, but that doesn't mean your recent efforts at abstinence have been in vain, the important thing is to move forward, and that 's great that you threw away the rest of the sub you had....I know that can be a difficult thing to do, but I think it's really important that you did it and it's good that now you won't have any secret stash to tempt you again. I too wish you the best!

And I really think I know what you mean about the addictive behavior...why do we keep doing the same stuff again and again? sometimes I even do stuff that I literally dont' want to do and I cannot explain it as anything other than irrational compulsion...sometimes I just completely KNOW that the behavior is not going to have the result I wish for and yet..I do the same stuff again and again...well, that is what addiction is, I guess...and....it can be so hard to KNOW that we actually CAN control our behavior...but..we CAN control our behavior....maybe cannot control feelings and thoughts as much as we'd like, but behavior we CAN control....in your case, throwing out the rest of the suboxone sure will HELP with that though, so that was good work you did with that!

Anyway, I hope you feel better really soon, that is, leave the guilt and the residual effects for the sub behind and move forward....It's helped me a lot to hear from other people on this forum who have told me how they went through some of the same struggles I have been dealing with--and in particular relapses--to know that others struggled with the same type of repeating behavior but managed to get past it....well, it does give me a lot of hope that I can do it too...


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:46 am 
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Hi jh -

I don't think you'll suffer any w/d symptoms from taking the little amount you did. (But I'm no doctor.) I can hear you beating yourself up over this and I'm here to tell you to cut it out! You didn't use full agonists or your drug of choice - keep that in mind. Personally I don't consider it a relapse, but I understand why it might be seen that way.
Try to put it behind you and just move forward. You can do this! We're here for you and we're pulling for you!!

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:18 am 
Hi jh and welcome. Your story reminds me of the experiences I had when i quit pills on my own, before I got on sub. I few weeks would go by and I'd be feeling better and better. Then one day I'd be feeling crummy for whatever reason and I'd go ahead and take that one pill I "saved" or bum some percs off a family member. Luckily, you only took a little Sub. But it's the behavior we have to watch out for. You said you were only on sub for 2 1/2 months. You didn't say what your drug history was before that time, or if you're doing anything to support your sobriety now. So I guess I'm just saying proceed with extreme caution. A real relapse can sneak up on us so suddenly. And it's so easy to lose what we worked so hard for. Keep posting - there's alot of support here.
Lilly


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 Post subject: Thanks!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:14 pm 
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I just finished reading you guys' responses, and I want to add that this forum and the people here are awesome. Whatever thoughts, feelings, or etc. that I may be going through at the time that I feel like posting about, I always get responses. I feel like people are extremely genuine here, and it's completely worth writing about because when I read the responses, they are always positive, and I always leave here in a better mood than when I arrive.

Thanks for everyone's input. Always.. -Later on. -JH.


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 Post subject: not a relapse
PostPosted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:16 pm 
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yeah, actually, I think I agree with Hatmaker and Lilly, you woulnd't have to consider this a relapse at all...I referred to it as a relapse becaseu you did yourself in the title of your first post...but I agree, I think it IS different than if you really relapsed on whatever drugs you had a problem with pre-suboxone. Anyway it sounds like you're feeling ok now, I hope so...and I wish you the best.....


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 3:40 pm 
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Hi jh30904,

First of all, take yourself off the whipping post. You have a progressive, life-long, incurable disease. And it manifests itself in several ways, both physical and psychological. Arm yourself with knowledge and you can fight this disease and keep it at bay. But remember there is no "cure" for it.

Relapse is an unfortunate reality in the lives of almost every addict that has ever or will ever walk this earth. Getting clean is generally not too difficult, but STAYING clean is an entirely different matter and one that almost every addict struggles with at some point in their recovery.

I'm 46 years old and I've been at this recovery thing since about 1985. I've been to prison (for a LONG time) and even THAT didn't stop me from picking up drugs again. So, you're certainly not alone.

I hope you doing ok and my suggestion would be to try to formulate a plan to STAY clean now that you are off suboxone. If you are like most addicts, you will need an effective support system in place. This could include AA/NA meetings (or other groups) individual addiction counseling, group addiction counseling, therapy, etc........I don't want to depress or discourage you, but I've relapsed hundreds of times, mostly because I had an inadequate support system in place, but also because over the many years (really, decades) of abusing opiates, I have literally changed my body chemistry to a point where my only alternative at this point is probably to just stay on suboxone indefinitely. But it's working very well for me.......

I hope some of this is helpful to you.


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