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 Post subject: Relapsed after 4 days
PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 3:36 pm 
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Not sure why i did it. I was doing great and felt awesome. Took 4 norcos an hour ago. I do feel it thats for sure. Last sub dose was last night. Maybe im just not ready yet i dont know.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 3:59 pm 
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I'm so sorry to hear that. If I were you, I'd go over everything that surrounded the relapse and try to figure out exactly what happened. Was it a known trigger that you can learn to deal with? Was it a "friend" who came by? Was there a significant stressor in your life? Even on Suboxone with much reduced cravings we will still have to deal with temptations and triggers. We need to learn new coping skills. That's why so many of us have either addiction counselors or therapists.

The reason you "felt" them was because you haven't been on suboxone long enough. Your opiate receptors obviously weren't saturated yet. Don't beat yourself up too much. Instead, brush yourself off and get back on that horse and try again. You CAN do this. Focus on today and maybe tomorrow, but not yesterday. Good luck!

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:04 pm 
Dang it i hate that this happened!! Not to sound harsh but we live and we learn. Instead of getting down about it an thinking your not ready, grow from this experience so you can prevent this from happening next time. It can happen to the best of us. You just have to get back up and keep it movin!! Believe in yourself and dont let this horrible disease win. You can do this and were here to help you through it!! Let us know whats going on


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:31 pm 
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Relapse is not a failure it is an opportunity....and you still have a good chance of getting back on the road to recovery and not allowing yourself to continue on....Don't let your addict part of the brain tell you that you aren't ready!

The reason relapse is an opportunity is, like Hat said, it is a chance for you to now look over what has been going on with you the past week or so....do you notice when your mind starts to change thinking? Did a stressor occur?
Relapse doesn't just happen....it happens long before you pick up and use...it happens in our brains when we start to let go of recovery and start thinking that using is a better option....it took me a very long time to shut all the doors of my addiction....all those little places I used to say, well, I can use if my daughter dies, or I can use if so and so does this....whatever it is....it's important to recognize where the chinks in your armour lay. Only you know.

Where were your vulnerable? Is it loss, or anger, or fears...all those kinds of things. I always used to use over loneliness. Always. it took a long time to learn how to deal with that feeling...

Keep talking about it here...don't give up. We are are miracles here in on this forum, that we have lived to tell our stories and help each other....so hopefully you will continue to utilize the forum...and its great that you told us. Good for you. that takes a lot of courage.

Keep moving forward.....


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 Post subject: That's o.k.
PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:50 pm 
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Don't wallow in pity now. It's O.K. It's the nature of our problem Relax, don't worry and concentrate on starting to fix it tomorrow and maybe get back on subs.

I remember when I relapsed. The first thing I felt as soon as I swallowed the pills was remorse. "Why did I do that?" I started thinking that now I start all over again to chase the high. Where do I get more pills, my next high and soon I will be back in that hell called withdrawl. I was miserable and hated myself.

As soon as you go back on your subs, you will be fine. Just chalk it up to life's lessons and try to remember what triggered it so you can watch out for that.

If you want to talk, I'm here. PM me or if you want to go to chat lounge, let me know. I will be there right away. You can send me an e-mail & tell me if you want to chat.

Don't let it defeat you. It will work out.

Love, Queenie


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:30 pm 
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Thanks everyone i appreciate all the support. I really have no reason for doing it other then i was just sitting home bored and started thinking about it. Tomorrow when i wake up i plan to restart the sub treatment. I have already gotten rid of what i had left of the other stuff. Ill keep everyone posted.

Thanks alot again everyone.


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 Post subject: I think you are ready!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:49 pm 
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I truly believe that if you were not ready to stat your recovery, you would have just kept running and never posted here again. But you didn't do that. You came back and fessed up, which is such a hard thing to do, yet so important. Honesty truly will set your free. As everyone pretty much said, it's not the end of your recovery. You just shake it off and learn whatever you can from it and keep trying. It's only over when you quit trying. So what? You slipped, but you did not quit!

I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I relapsed a whole bunch of times. Looking back, I can see how each time got me closer to the time when I finally got it and stopped for good. Please, please, please do not beat yourself up!!!!! I have so much respect for you for coming on here and sharing this. Maybe you just inspired someone else who is struggling to do the same.

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject: how are you doing?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 2:43 am 
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I am going through one of my insomnia bouts and I thought about you & wondered how you were doing. Hopefully you went to sleep and tomorrow is another day and you start to live again.

I know exactly how you feel. Relapsing had a big impact on me. I think about it everyday and say to myself, "Never, never again". It's not worth it"

I can't believe how miserable I was. Not only that. I kept thinking how my primary doctor looked at me when I asked her for percs. I gave her one of my drama stories, which I am always good at, and she saaid "O.k but, you have to get back on the Suboxone and tell Dr----(my sub doctor) that you have so much pain you decided to try percs again. I also remember how understanding my Sub doctor was when I told him I "Messed up". But since then I'm back on track and I put it behind me.

Don't beat yourself up about this. Put it behind you and look forward. Soon you will be looking back on it like I do.

Like my mother used to always say to me. "You're gonna make it".

Love, Queenie


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 Post subject: I forgot
PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 2:47 am 
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Oh, I forgot to tell you. You have taken the first & the biggest step by getting rid of the Norcos.

I had to call my cousin and ask him to come over & flush my percs. I just couldn't do it. I kept trying to but I couldn't. It was like what if I want them later or tomorrow. I thought about what somebody in withdrawal wouldn't give to have them Man, that was a crazy day.

Just wanted to tell you that.

Queenie


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 8:36 am 
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Queenie, thank you for all your support. I do appreciate it. I have restarted the sub this morning with a 4mg dose. Already I feel better its unbelievable. And yes it was very hard to get rid of the norcos but i knew I had to. Thanks again everyone i am back on track now and for good this time.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 8:51 am 
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You are awesome! Congratulations for getting back on track. I'm glad you're feeling better. You stopped that relapse before it got out of control. That's determination, if you ask me. You should be very proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 9:23 am 
This is great news to wake up to!! Congragulations!! It will get better so just try to be patient and fight through it!! Im glad your feeling better!!


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 Post subject: YES!!!!
PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 1:31 pm 
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You have made my day!!!!!

You should feel so good about yourself. That's what I call being brave & strong. Relax the rest of your Sunday and enjoy feeling better.

Keep in touch.

Love you, Queenie


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:37 pm 
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Hi alans,
Welcome back to the Forum and more importantly Welcome back to the rest of your LIFE!!!! I haven't read all the replies to you so if mine is a repeat I'm Sorry. IMHO If the "Norcos" that you took were yours from a previous script then you are Right your NOT ready.:( If you kept the pills around for that "Just in Case" moment then that moment was Bound to come!!! We are addicts. The most Normal thing for Us to do is USE! That being said I congratulate you on disposing of the rest of the pills and getting right back on your Program. For me the Suboxone is a Lifesaver NO Doubt. But, I also need my counseling and my meetings... (I'm an Alcoholic as Well.. Lucky me :lol: ) If you weren't doing some kind of counseling them THATS what I would change this time and maybe it will stick for you. I Really wish you the Best. This disease SUCKS and it wants to KILL us. Just like my Alcoholism wants to KILL me as well. But if we use each other and the Medication that is given to us by our DRS.!!! then we have the best chance to put the Disease in Remission!!! Best of luck on your Recovery!! Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing..... Take Care!

God Bless
TW

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 Post subject: alans1976
PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:51 pm 
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Hey, you are my hero!! I'm serious! It takes a tough person to come clean after a slip and a very tough person to get rid of Norcos!!! :wink: Your actions speak volumes about your desire to be in recovery. Look at how fast you came back! Look at your honesty!

Please stick around
laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:21 pm 
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thanks for the support everyone. i do agree i should not have kept them around, and it did prove too tempting to pass up. but they are gone now and no more narcotics in my posession---except the subs. which i did continue and am still on right now. its looking like a double dose, 4mg am, 4mg pm is working fine for me. still having the anxiety side effect but its not as bad as it was. im sure evrerything will only get better. thanks again everyone.


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