It is currently Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:50 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 188 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 10  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 1:11 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:32 am
Posts: 29
good to hear that!!! thats exciting your getting your 30day coin. remeber you can only take it one day at a time to. somtimes 1 second if it helos you more, when think about the future it'll bite you in the ass.

Thx for welcoming me, i'm still on suboxone! 8mgs. But i love AA, dont like NA. i find aa to be more helpful/ friendlier. people don't jugs me because im on suboxone either. People ought to remeber to worry about their own recovery not someone else's. I'm glad NA is working for you. I have 20 days today because i relapsed on cocaine, but the suboxone did its job blocking out the opiate cravings, lukly for me my relpase lasted 3hours. I was just mad 3hours pist away 2.5 months clean time on subs. sad sad sad.

Can't dwell on the past, only 2 more hours tell the days over@


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:20 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hi Folks,

I'm REALLY proud of something I've accomplished over the last few days and thought I'd share my story real quick.

There was a death in my family last week and for the first time ever, I made it through the entire ordeal WITHOUT turning to drugs.

As some of you are aware, I'm Canadian and this meant a 10 hour drive back home. Stressful!! My family and my brothers family stayed at my mom's place....REALLY STRESSFUL(mostly the mom part!!! :D ). The visitation at the funeral home was yesterday.....I was experiencing emotions and feelings that I hadn't felt in a LONG time, but I dealt with them. The church service and funeral were today......today was by far the hardest day, but you know what.......I made it, WITHOUT drugs!!!

Before we even left for Canada, I got my support group in place and used them!! If there's one thing I know about myself at this point in my recovery, it's that I can't stay sober all on my own yet. A lot of my contact with my support group was simply through email or PM's and that's all it took to keep me balanced through this rough time.......ummmmm, plus the fact that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY didn't want to come back to this thread to report on a third relapse!!!!!

I think the support I receive from this forum is amazing and critical to my continued sobriety as well. My wife actually stole a Hillary Clinton line and changed it to suit me, she said, "It takes a village to keep an addict clean......especially one as stupid as me!!!" BAH HA HA, believe it not, my wife really loves me!!!

Thanks again everyone for helping this here addict get one more day of sobriety under his belt!!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:48 pm 
Gosh Romeo.....I'm not sure I've ever said "I'm so sorry" and "congratulations" in the same paragraph! (I know you well enough to know that I can get by with humor with you!)
Seriously, I am sorry for your loss. I have yet to have to deal with that type of sorrow while in recovery, so I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you. I am so proud of you for making it through the grief, the trip and the time with your mother without using ANYTHING!!! That is so awesome! I'm also real proud of you for acknowledging that you needed more support since going off Sub in order to prevent relapse. Many of us are learning through your experiences, so thanks for posting about it......the good, the bad and the ugly!!
Don't you just feel like you're getting stronger every time something like this happens and you've proven to yourself that you CAN do life without drugs?! Something I've been telling myself a lot lately (with the prompting of my therapist) is that I know how to do life without drugs.....I did it for 40 years and my life was pretty good.....I can do that again....I know that I can! But knowing it and doing it are two different things. I'm thinking how much strength I'm gaining just by reminding myself that I can.....Then I think of you and that you're actually doing it and how much more strength and confidence that must be bringing you.
Super job!!


Top
  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject: Good Job
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:27 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:04 pm
Posts: 391
Way to go Romeo...I used to fantasize that if I had a family death it would be the exact excuse for me to use. Who wouldn't at a time like this? Everyone would feel sorry for you and you could get away with one good relapse......so I thought.

Your story is proof that it can be done. For me I read Eric Clapton's book when he lost his son and was able not to use...I remember saying Shit.....that is the one thing I have been hanging on for to be able to use and get a pass. If Eric didn't use and you didn't use........I know I am capablel of the same.

good luck.

Jim


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:18 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:59 pm
Posts: 1039
Good for you Romeo. That has got to be one of the hardest experiences a recovering addict has to face, and you did it. You planned ahead and followed through and you prevailed. Well done!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:12 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:08 am
Posts: 1503
Congrats Romeo. You're doing really well, especially to get through loss without turning to drugs.

It's awesome to see that the meetings are working for you. They have worked wonders for a lot of people. If it keeps you clean, then keep doing it :)

Don't dwell on "clean time" too much. In the time I spent in the rooms, I realised that clean time isn't the best indicator of how healthy, or "recovered" someone is. You know within yourself where you are at, and by the sounds of it, you've got your head and your life together a lot more than your clean time suggests.

You're still an inspiration to a lot of people in here. I look to you to realise it's possible to get off Suboxone, just like you probably look to the 5+ year clean people in the meetings to realise it's possible to get that far.

Stay strong.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:21 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
You know that I'm just SO DAMN PROUD of you!!!! I know this was a very rough time, but man, you did everything right. You watched your back very closely. You acknowledged your doubts and reservations about having to deal with all this while straight and you asked for help getting through it. And you made it!! You just proved to yourself what you can handle without drugs. I don't doubt those emotions must have been overwhelming to endure with nothing to numb them. You had to walk right through them, and guess what? You came out the other side. Your whole family must be insanely proud of you, Romeo. And everyone on here is proud of you too.

(((((HUGS))))))

laddertipper

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:57 pm 
Offline
6 Months or More
6 Months or More

Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:53 am
Posts: 285
Your just so bad ass Romeo....................You need to pat yourself on the back.........if I could I would give you a big one too!!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 11:43 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Thanks a lot everyone!!! I appreciate all the support VERY much!!

Jim, I'm so glad that you came to the conclusion that you DON'T have to use during a crisis!! Way to go!!

You guys all ROCK!!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 11:56 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:59 pm
Posts: 1039
Romeo, you should start a new thread. Every time I see that sad face with "relapse in progress" I think something bad happened!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:27 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hmmm, that's a good idea Lilly!! Everytime I see that sad face and the title Relapse in Progress, it freaks me out a little bit too!!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 11:30 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:08 am
Posts: 1503
No doubt it keeps you on your toes though!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 11:54 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2011 6:26 pm
Posts: 84
Location: London, UK
hey romeo, i've been away from the forum for a few weeks so i have only just seem your recent goings on. i am sorry to hear about your loss, but very happy to hear that you managed to get through the difficult period level headed. well done x


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 11:19 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Let me first say that I update this thread when I relapse in hopes that others reading this thread will learn from my mistakes. Updating this thread when I relapse is humiliating, but if even 1 person reads even part of this thread and chooses not to relapse, then it's worth it to me. If they choose to stay on Suboxone because of what I've wrote here, great. If they choose to still get off of Suboxone, but institute a rigorous recovery program because of what I've wrote here, that's great too. If they learn nothing after reading this thread, then that's a crying shame.

Anyway, I did it again, I did it in a big way this time though.

My wife's family was over this past weekend. I was in the pool hitting a beach ball around with the kids, the ball got knocked out of the pool and I hopped over the edge of the pool to get the ball. I landed on the ground wrong, fell forward and ended up breaking my ring finger on my right hand. I went in the house and took two advil and waited for it to feel better.

I might as well tell y'all now that one of the family members who was over that day.......he always carries pain meds on him.

Obviously, the advil didn't work because I didn't even want them to work. Truthfully, my finger didn't even hurt that bad, but it was too late because I had already whipped myself up into a frenzy about getting some pain meds from the family member and I was gonna get me some pain meds, even though my finger wasn't really hurting that bad!!

I asked him for a Lorcet(Vicoden), he didn't have any, all he had was Opana?? I didn't know what the hell Opana were?? I figured they couldn't be any worse than the OxyContin I used to do. He gave me a quarter of a pill, I swallowed it and waited for the buzz. A half hour went by and no buzz. I asked him for another quarter pill and I snorted that quarter.

About 10 minutes later I was in the middle of a near OD. I knew I fucked up bad and I didn't want to embarrass my wife by getting sick in front of everyone, so I ran around the side of the house where no one could see me and started vomitting in the bushes. Around this time I noticed my breathing becoming very labored.....I had to think about breathing to breathe. The scariest thing was the intense desire to lay down and go to sleep. I could NOT keep my eyes open, I could not shake the ridiculously strong desire to sleep, but I knew if I went to sleep that I was a goner.

Anyway, I survived it. It lasted about 20 minutes or so, then I "came down" enough to where I could function.

It took me from this past Sunday until yesterday to admit that I relapsed. I had convinced myself that I took the Opana for pain, but I didn't, I took 'em to get high and almost paid the ultimate price by taking something that I had never taken before and having no clue as to how strong it was.

I know most all of you are gonna think I'm nuts for this next part, but I'm still not getting back on Suboxone. I have my reasons and that's where I'm at right now.

For those of you getting off of Suboxone, living with opiate addiction is hard as hell at times, I just want you guys who are coming off of Suboxone to understand how easily things can go south on you. Please be vigilant and please, please work a recovery program.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 12:02 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
First off, did you figure out yet what Opana is? It's oxymorphone...it was my DOC during my active addiction. I don't know how many mg you took, but considering you snorted it, I'm not surprised at the reaction you had. You're damn lucky!

I read where you said you still won't go back on suboxone. That is your decision, obviously, but it's clear that you're not doing well without it and you keep relapsing. And now those relapses are getting you dangerously close to overdosing - and in front of your family, no less. Next time it could be even worse - a real, deadly overdose. Let's hope you're alone for it then. I know, that was harsh, but I'm trying to get you to step back and see the bigger picture.

I just hope you keep your options open, for both your sake and your family's.

I respect your decision either way. I'll shut the hell up now.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 12:40 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Yeah, I google searched Opana the next day. He told me it was a 40mg tab. So, I swallowed 10mg of Opana and snorted another 10mg of Opana.

I don't mind the "let's hope your alone for it" statement at all. I guess I feel the same way and that's why it didn't bother me.

I didn't include this in the previous post, but I've been extremely lazy in working my recovery. That's why I was imploring others to work a recovery program.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 1:43 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
I commend you for you honesty. I really, really do. You could have kept your mouth shut and not said anything and not been subject to hearing what other people have to say about it, but you wanted other people to benefit. That's awesome and very stand up of you.

I just want to say something in response to the notion that he should go back on Suboxone. I think people like Romeo are kinda between a rock and a hard place. He didn't feel right on Suboxone and had very good reasons for not wanting to take it forever. Getting off Suboxone was so emotionally traumatic for him that it nearly killed him. Of course, he jumped at an insanely high dose, but he's not the first or last recovering addict who cannot stick to a taper. A know he maybe doesn't detail his experience on Sub and getting off it much on here publicly, because he doesn't want to be labeled as spreading misinformation, hating Sub (which he doesn't) and he doesn't want to be accused of scaring other people. The bottom line is that life on Suboxone is not close enough to feeling normal for a good portion of us. For many of us, there are side effects that significantly affect our lives. So, the decision to get back onto Sub is not as easy as it is for people who feel like they are completely normal on Suboxone and who don't notice any significant side effects.

Romeo I'm sympathetic to your plight and ongoing battle. This relapse was very, very scary. You could have died. It is true. I know you don't want to go back onto Sub, and that is a fair decision. So, you just have to work on your sobriety a whole lot harder....but you already know all this. And you have to stay the hell away from people with drugs, regardless of whether or not they are in your family.

laddertipper

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Again
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:40 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:04 pm
Posts: 391
Romeo

Again.........and this time you were lucky. I remember one time I took Opanna and I had never taken it before. The girl that gve it to me said be careful it is really strong. About 20 minutes later I was laying on her bathroom floor convinced I was going to die. I couldn't move and barely breathe. Finally a friend came in and grabbed me and put me in the shower..clothes and all. I remember telling him I think you saved my life......I think I was going to die.

Was I going to die......I don't know....but you are Romeo if you don't figure out what your going to do about your disease. Sure you could go back on suboxone, go back to rehab or NA or AA. I recommend AA. I really think you will feel more comfortable there but side effects or not.........I never vomitted or felt like I was going to die on suboxone but you have other choices.......even methadone which may not be a good option.

I know you share alot on this forum and you help alot of people but man you are going to die if you don't get your head out of your ass and figure out what you are going to do about this disease you have. It is clear you have people that care about you but we are addicts and we are maniputlators and we know what we can get away with.............Are you ready to be done. You have a wife that loves and supports youi.........a child. Seriously no offense but you gotta quit fucking around and get your shit straight and if you can't then go check your ass into a rehab and lock yourself up until you feel ready to be the man you have been on this forum for so long.

Sorry to be so blunt.....but you scare the shit out of me man............and I don't want to see you die.
Jim


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:41 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:43 am
Posts: 893
Location: AZ
Romeo, I just saw this! I am so sorry I feel like an idiot! I don't really know what to say. You know it all, you have to somehow figure out how to apply it to yourself. You need to care about yourself as much as you care about everyone else. You are a caring, smart, funny, loving man and you HAVE to figure out a way to save yourself. I wish I had something to say that could help.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 1:20 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
This just dawned on me, this forum is here to discuss recovery from opiates whether the treatment is with Suboxone, Methadone or Abstinence based.

I've seen plenty of newcomers to this site who are on Suboxone and relapse, get back on Suboxone and relapse. Those folks are never urged to quit Suboxone and try Methadone or Abstinence based recovery, they're encouraged to get back on Suboxone and try again.

My question is this, why doesn't my Abstinence based recovery get the same respect that Suboxone treatment is given on this forum? Is it because I've relapsed a few times? If so, then why do the people who relapse while on Suboxone get treated differently than me? Shouldn't we be telling them that "I hope the next time you OD that you're alone?"

Baby Doll and Dannyb24k are two members I remember who were on Suboxone and continually relapsed, I don't remember anyone telling them to quit their chosen method of recovery, which was Suboxone and try Methadone or Abstinence based recovery.

All I ask is a little respect for my decision to go Abstinence based. After all, the third rule of this forum is to show respect for the decisions of others.

I am NOT mad at all with any of the responses I have got, I understand that if y'all didn't care about me, you wouldn't even post in this thread. I just ask the same respect be given my decision of Abstinence based recovery that is shown for recovery with Suboxone.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 188 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 10  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group