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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:26 am 
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I just first now read and found out what happened! So sorry to hear about it - and concered as well. I've really been hit by a virus that has been floating around the area for months and it has knocked me on my ass. This Wednesday night will mark two weeks. I'm back at about 75% now but I swear, it has really been slow going. This is not about me so I'll move on - I just wanted to let you know why I have not jumped in before.

I have all sorts of concerns and questions but will focus on my main one: What happened to the Naltrexone? I thought sure as hell that you were taking Naltrexone on a daily basis at this point? Did you stop? Well, obviously you must have, but when? And Why?

I am also concered about this "friend" situation. That one is just not passing my smell test there buddy, but we'll leave it for another day.

I hope you continue to get yourself back on track but think that getting you back on Naltrexone could be a key piece to all of this - and staying on it this time. I'm so glad you are beating this all back at this point but you are really at a crossroads here, buddy. We are all here to make certain you take the correct path going forward.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:06 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
WOW, I mean WOW[sup]2[/sup]!! I woke up this morning and my attitude and my thoughts have improved to near 100%!! I FINALLY feel the strength of my convictions has returned!! My attitude and thoughts have returned to where I was well before this whole mess started and I have got to tell you all.....IT FEELS GREAT to feel strong again.

I had another member who kept telling me to be kind to myself, be kind to myself and I finally gave it a shot. I realized that to be kind to myself that I was first going to have to forgive myself though. Somehow I forgave myself and that paved the way for me to start being kind to myself again. I believe this is going to be one of the final nails in the coffin as far as this relapse and the circumstances surrounding it are concerned. I am stronger and wiser now that I have gone through it.

Thank you all for holding my hand during this difficult time. Each of you contributed so much to bringing me to where I am today. Most of all, I have to thank God.

Yep, it looks like I made it out of the ring without Mike Tyson biting my ear off too, that's always a bonus!!

I've been reading this forum throughout the weekend, to keep up on how you were doing, but hadn't said anything until now. I just wanted to say YAY YOU! I happend to be drinking a big fat sip of good old coke when the topic came up of bananas and water. I nearly spit it right out! Did you notice when you have a good old belly laugh you feel so good for a few minutes after you forget a lot of your pain and stress? So I say good for you, yeah you fell, but maybe you needed to, so that you could see how much you don't want to go there again. Before I committed to sobriety I would have so many ups and downs about taking them, and I'd go for periods where I'd wean off of them, then wham right back on. I couldn't fully commit until I just finally had enough, but those times when I was off them then on again taught me very valuable lessons. So take it for what it was, a lesson to never go there again. Sounds like your over the worst part now, and can move on to focusing on the good stuff. Oh yeah and eating banannas! LMAO! OR you can stick them in your ear and give yourself a good ole laugh, either way you'll feel better! Ok now I am reallllly going back to work! haha! I said I was going before and here I sit!
Good luck Romeo!!! You'll have good days and bad, but the good always outweighs the bad in my world. If you need anything let me know! We're all in this together as far as I'm concerned! :)

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:07 pm 
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donh, I'm sorry to hear that you were so sick, that's never any fun. I'm glad you're feeling better. As far as the Naltrexone, I had posted this somewhere else already, but I don't mind going over it again. I did get my Naltrexone in, it was about a month ago? I took it for several days and the side effects were too much for me. I tried cutting my dose in half and still got jittery and very aggitated while on it. I made the decision that Naltrexone was just not for me. I know your eyes are probably bugging out of your head right now, but that's the decision I made. If that last statement made your eyes bug out of your head, then your eyes are going to come flying out of your skull when you read this next sentence. I am still not interested in getting on Naltrexone.

As far as my story not passing the smell test, the only part I left out was that he was here looking for cardboard boxes. He knows that we're a manufacturing facility and he knows that we throw away a lot of boxes on a daily basis. He was getting ready to move from one house to another and he needed some boxes. That's the God honest truth. I did NOT go out looking for pills, they came looking for me at the worst possible moment.

donh, thank you very much for your concern, I honestly appreciate it.

Rainbow, Holy Smokes, did you ever make me laugh when I read about you drinking a coke while reading that post!!! I'm still laughing!! I'm one of those people who don't mind making a mistake, what bothers the hell out of me is if I don't learn from those mistakes, rest assured, I have learned a lot from this relapse. I agree, we are all in this together and knowing we can lean on each other like we do is priceless!! Thanks so much for your kind words Rainbow!!

BTW, I am still feeling very good. I'm going to hit the batting cage again tonight. I can't tell you how much fun I have hitting those balls. I had the guy speed the machine up Saturday and now it's a real challenge!! AND I'm still getting my daily walks in. Goodness gracious, I'm going to have to watch out, I just might get healthy if I keep this stuff up. :lol:

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:52 am 
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Love going to the batting cages, Romeo....wish i was there! I need to crush a few right now...And I can hit in the fast pitch cage....LOL...I like to brag about that one, being a girl and all. My son taught me actually. And he taught he how to play a mean game of basketball...

I'm glad you are doing better. You seem to have a sense of humor about this and that is really great. It's not funny of course and the process is not easy. But like Rainbow said we learn a lot when it happens...All you can do is one thing at a time, each day..move forward...and being honest with yourself is an absolute.

naltrxone....I hate it, too. I had terrible side effects and couldn't take it. It was a long time ago, before Sub, when I was required to take it in order to continue working. I hated it so I don't blame you for not wanting to be on it. I'm sure going back on Sub isn't what you want to do either...Recovery is HARD work. It took me so many years to realize that it was more than just quitting the drug. I went into AA/NA (I prefer to go to AA...for various reasons) and I thought I was just going to learn how to quit using. I didn't know that using was a symptom of something much deeper for me...that I had to change me. Not just my drug or alcohol use. It seriously took me many years to understand that my REAL problem was me. and the only way i would have sustained recovery is if/when I changed the things that needing changing about me. That said, i'm not saying I know you need to change....just that recovery is the hardest thing and finding out about ourselves isn't always a fun road...but if we are open and willing and honest with ourselves that is the first step to making those changes....

I like how transparent you are, Romeo...i think that is going to keep you on a good path. I like that you are able to hear difficult things from people here on the forum....and think about it, look at it and see if it fits for you. I have rarely seen you defensive here...you tend to say "Ok, I'll think about that" and in the end only you know what needs to be changed and if you are willing to change it. But i guess what I'm saying is I think you will be successful because you are willing to put it out there. I know a lot of people in AA or recovery that use a lot of defense mechanisms to deflect away from themselves...and what I look for when I go to an AA meeting is for the people who are honestly talking about what is going on with them....not the people trying to be intellectual, or witty, or pretend they have it all figured out. The people who talk in a way that is raw, real, and honest and who focus only on what they are experiencing are the ones I see who end up with happier lives and long term sobriety. So, good for you for coming onto the forum and being honest. It isn't easy in anyway.

I'm having a rough time right now. About a week ago or so I received some news that floored me. And it was the first time in a long time I had the urge to use. To actually use an opiate. I was so pissed that I had the feeling....but it was just a feeling..and luckily I did what I know I need to do..which is call someone. Even though I'm having trouble with my current sponsor I tried to call her first...no answer...then I called someone else i know in AA...no answer....then I emailed someone from the forum....and she called me soon after....it took a while but by the time I got someone on the phone the feeling had subsided quite a bit...but I had a lot I needed to process...and thankfully this woman took the time to let me talk. and I got better...and I found myself making more sound decisions over the next few days....but I'm up and down right now and hate being in that place. I know if I don't talk about it it will only get bigger. Why when we talk about something it loses its power over us is beyond me...but I do know that thay saying about secrets..."You're as sick as your secrets" is really true. I find power in my group of friends who are in recovery...and I'm really grateful for that because prior to making this move out here I was not really working any program. I was clean and sober but not doing all that well and getting much too much into my head without someone to bounce ideas off of. Not good...for me anyway.
So that's why I appreciate the forum even more....when i couldn't get a hold of someone in my town when I was struggling I was able to find a friend here to call me...and get me out of my head.

So, romeo....keep doing what you are doing...you ARE successful....the only thing that would be failure is if you didn't come back and if you kept it all inside...So good job!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:04 am 
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Mrs. Chinagirl,

Thank you so much for that reply. It always floors me how you guys hit me with such sound advice and at the same time provide such awesome support!!

I think my 'transparency' is critical to my success. This is really my first ever shot at sobriety. I used and abused drugs for 26 years straight. I'm a classic functioning addict, that's part of the reason I was able to continue using for so long. This past 10 months is the first time since I was 17 that I haven't been on drugs. I need all the recovery help I can get, thus the transparency. If I'm hiding shit from you guys, I'm not going to get good advice back. I so want to be sober, I like being sober, I'm a different person sober. My wife told me a few days ago that the last 10 months of our marriage have been the best ever. My daughter says I'm funnier and I laugh more. Why in the hell would I ever want to go back to who I was.....addiction....that's why, this I know and this is a battle I will continue to fight. I'm always open to suggestions and advice, like you said though, I evaluate the advice and find what works for me. Thanks again China.

BTW, I did hit the batting cage last night, had them speed the pitch up again and I had to swing so dang hard that I "pulled" my left and right ass cheek muscles!! Oh My Goodness, I'm getting old!! My butt cheeks are on fire this morning!! Actually, it's that good kind of pain, the one where you know you're getting back into shape.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:53 am 
Please dont take this offensively but i feel like your copping out blaming this situation for your relapse, it was your choice not because of a shitty situation, im sure you delt with situations worse or just as bad in that 9.5 months ya know. Whats gonna happen when you have a loved one die, or something worse happen, are you gonna relapse everytime. Please for me find the real reason you took them, maybe its because you always had reservations and thought if the situation was bad enough it was "okay " to use. Reservations are what makes us relapse, i hope you a succesfull recovery with no relapse, please tackle this problem head on and give yourself a break, your being hard on yourself which is a positive thing to a point, but we all fuck up. Just chill out with the excuses


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 9:47 am 
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Onniegrapples,

I can certainly see where you're coming from, I should have been more clear in my previous posts. I am the one who put the pills in my mouth, I am the one who continued putting the pills in my mouth. I, alone, take full responsibility for my actions, no one is to blame but myself, I've known this all along. All I was trying to say about the situation is how ridiculous the timing of it all was. I wasn't consciously trying make excuses, was I doing it subconsciously.....possibly?

By posting about my experience, I was also hoping to help others who might find themselves in a similar situation and maybe, just maybe, they would remember what happened to me and that might give them that little bit of extra strength they need to walk away.

Again, those pills did not jump into my mouth on their own, I put them in there. I am responsible. Like the awesome Led Zeppelin song says, it was Nobody's Fault but Mine!!

I appreciate your concern and advice. Thanks.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:18 am 
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Yikes, Onniegrapples, what is with the sour apples? If someone tells you what happened that put them into a head space that let a relapse slip into the picture, that doesn't mean they are copping out. It doesn't mean they aren't taking responsibility. They are explaining what happened before the relapse and that's crucial to understand, because we have to prepare ourselves to handle those same sort of things, only in a different way. I have to wonder if you even read the thread before replying, because if you had, you would know that Romeo is taking full responsibility and also learned a ton from this experience. So, give him some credit!!

laddertipper (Man....those people in glass houses just KEEP throwing their stones!!)

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:59 pm 
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Ditto, Laddertipper...

That was a bit of a harsh start up ending with a 'don't beat yourself up' from onniegrapples....paradoxical....

it IS hugely important to figure out what's going on in our lives that we run from and what feelings we are masking by using....but Romeo has been here talking about this for a while now...and the feelings started months ago from what he posted...and he's being accountable and looking at what's happened, talking about it in order to get it out and to also help other struggling addicts...we all get better by identification and I think we can all identify with what Romeo is going through. Romeo comes on here and is real about himself...others come on and have good things to say but are never very real about what is really going on with them...that's ok...but Romeo puts it out there and it takes courage.

I also wondered if the entire thread had been read before responding.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:24 pm 
Romeo wrote:
Onniegrapples,

I can certainly see where you're coming from, I should have been more clear in my previous posts. I am the one who put the pills in my mouth, I am the one who continued putting the pills in my mouth. I, alone, take full responsibility for my actions, no one is to blame but myself, I've known this all along. All I was trying to say about the situation is how ridiculous the timing of it all was. I wasn't consciously trying make excuses, was I doing it subconsciously.....possibly?

By posting about my experience, I was also hoping to help others who might find themselves in a similar situation and maybe, just maybe, they would remember what happened to me and that might give them that little bit of extra strength they need to walk away.

Again, those pills did not jump into my mouth on their own, I put them in there. I am responsible. Like the awesome Led Zeppelin song says, it was Nobody's Fault but Mine!!

I appreciate your concern and advice. Thanks.


Excellent post, i understand where your coming from more now. I guess something is lost in translation when we try to share our experiences for others. Cause if you left that out, it wouldnt have made sense, but if you put it in , its like an excuse lol. My bad makes much more sense now.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:25 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Onniegrapples,

I can certainly see where you're coming from, I should have been more clear in my previous posts. I am the one who put the pills in my mouth, I am the one who continued putting the pills in my mouth. I, alone, take full responsibility for my actions, no one is to blame but myself, I've known this all along.

Ofcourse you could blame the addict in you - but thats sort of part of you and me and everybody on theese boards:) Its funny how the addiction (or the subconscious) works you. It will try hard to find a way to make you use. Weird excuses, funny feelings, doubts etc etc.
Basicly its job is done, if someone offers you drugs and you go "hmmmmm" instead of "no". Slightly off balance and that demon will be there to give you a push in your back.
I dont trust that demon(aka myself) so i probally have to avoid friends who are using - maybe for the rest of my life.
I just dont know how i will react if i have to sit there, looking at a friend, using, getting high and wanting me on the wagon with him. So at least for the time being, because im still relatively fresh clean- i will rather say " dont have the time, bussy" if i should bump into a friend who`s packing drugs. Basicly get the hell out of there.
Dont give time for a "dry fix" - where you end up being just enough turned on, that you will feel dissapointed if you say no. Say no before that, and walk away:)

Once ive find the peace in myself i might be strong enough to deal with situations like that - hell i might even be strong enough now - im just not 100% sure, and because of that i will rather avoid them, instead of challenge them.

Btw, it sounds like you are doing really good, thumbs up - just be carefull with that "demon" who probally would like to put your relapses on a schedule - like " hey, no w/d`s, this might work if we find a 14days rotation".
If it does that, you could always try to say the words "casually use of heroin" and hear how stupid it sounds.:)


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 Post subject: Me AGAIN!!
PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 2:02 am 
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*sigh*, this shit is so hard to talk about. I would have done it earlier, but I thought I had things under control. I haven't posted a lot over the last few weeks because I feel like such a dang hypocrite to be offering advice while I'm sitting there using. My relapse in late March taught me a lot, I learned a lot of positive things from it, but I also picked up one major negative thing from it....the notion that using opiates for a few days at a time wasn't so bad.....wd wise.

Over the past three weeks or so I started using again. It was 2 pills a day to start. I got to get a good buzz, it lasted most of the day and I thought, "cool", I can do this. I skipped days in between, would do another 2 pills a day, get a buzz and I remember thinking, "yeah, I got this shit figured out". Well, skipping days didn't last long. About two weeks ago I got some kind of flu and I know from past experience that I can cheat my way through a sickness by taking opiates. Only thing is it takes upwards of 6 or 7 per day to work. Yeah, I went to 6 or 7 a day for a few days, got over the sickness, but then I quickly found other reasons to justify my use. Had a bad day at work, better take 6 pills today. At this point, any excuse would do......and I came up with some silly ones.

So, here I am, ashamed, feeling stupid, feeling like I have let many on the forum down AND I'm in withdrawal!!! Hitting the bathroom 15 times a day. Hot then cold, hot then cold. Depression of wd has been having its moments with me. Fucking RLS tonight and those wicked racing non-sensical thoughts when you awake. It's 1am....can't sleep.....blah, blah, blah......

Here's the silver lining. I have now convinced myself that I truly have no control over opiates. I foolishly thought that I was intelligent enough to "tame the dragon", it all started out so grand....2 pills every couple of days....things were cool, but as always, the wheels come off the wagon when we least expect it...then BAM, you're fucked.

Well, I for one am happy, in some strange way, that I am experiencing wd, it seems to be the only way I learn. This wd isn't killing me, but it definetly SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! It should serve as reminder enough to me that I truly have NO control over my opiate use. I pushed it to the point where I am now detoxing from a full agonist, I never thought I would let it get this far.....again, another lesson learned, of course with me, it has to be the hard way though.

I hope someone else who reads this can learn from my mistake(s).

Oh Yeah, I'm about 2 weeks away from my 1 year anniversary off of Suboxone. Honestly, for a guy who had a 26 year addiction to all sorts of various drugs and this is his first shot ever at sobriety, I think I'm doing OK. Have I made some mistakes, YEP, will I most likely make some more during the coming years.....probably......am I worried about it....NOPE!!!

Peace everyone and I love all y'all!!

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 Post subject: ya w/d.
PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 6:08 am 
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GEE! i think i'm w/drawling on 8 mgs subs so 8 hours ago i jumped back up to 16.
maby it wasent w/d but its to late now,oh i wish i could stop this fucking shit
i feel like i'm being punished from god so that i will lern. ah shiat romeo a slip is a slip,
but you got a lot of sobriety- behind you.are you thinking of going back to suboxone?


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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 6:35 am 
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Ah, Romeo, I'm so sorry. I can hear you kicking yourself in the ass. Well, cut it the hell out, because continuing to do that will only serve to keep you from dealing with this and moving on. Which, BTW, I know you can do. You learned something from all of this and that's the important thing. Have you thought about your plans? Are you considering sub or was it naltrexone? Just know that reaching out and being honest will help other people that are in your same shoes to know they are not alone. And that DOES help them! If you need anything, we're here for you, no matter what that may be, even if's it's just to help you think out your options. Hang in there and again, please, stop kicking yourself in the ass already. It's done and over with.
Be well.

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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 6:41 am 
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Ah, Romeo, I'm so sorry. I can hear you kicking yourself in the ass. Well, cut it the hell out, because continuing to do that will only serve to keep you from dealing with this and moving on. Which, BTW, I know you can do. You learned something from all of this and that's the important thing. Have you thought about your plans? Are you considering sub or was it naltrexone? Just know that reaching out and being honest will help other people that are in your same shoes to know they are not alone. And that DOES help them! If you need anything, we're here for you, no matter what that may be, even if's it's just to help you think out your options. Hang in there and again, please, stop kicking yourself in the ass already. It's done and over with.
Be well.

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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 11:35 am 
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I've read the entire thread and since I don't really post here too much any more, and because this is just how I generally roll, I'm going to just be blunt:

Romeo, I think your initial story about how/why you ended up using has more holes in it than a 5 pound block of Swiss Cheese. And like donh, my "smell" radar went off almost immediately upon reading it. And I'm writing this because I am trying to score some kind of cheap points nor am I trying to embarrass or otherwise harass you, but the whole story just doesn't really have a very solid ring of truth to it. Again, I mean no offense of any kind, but let's just put it all out there, shall we? We're all addicts, and we all know that deep down, this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful, and denial is just a part of this disease. It's a symptom. And about 3/4 of your posts in this thread are dripping with it.

Look, man, you need to get back on suboxone immediately. I've seen this pattern in hundreds of addicts and I've seen it in myself a million times. Until or unless you get brutally honest with yourself, you are in grave danger, and right now, I think you know deep down, that I am right. If you're not ready to admit it here in an open forum, so be it. I understand, I really do. But get the help you need before it's too late. Get back on suboxone and get your feet back underneath you and then get to work with a good substance abuse therapist and figure out what REALLY led to this relapse. It's going to require blunt, brutal honesty. Maybe not here in the forum, but at the very least, you're going to need to get ALL of it on the table with your therapist and figure it out, or you're going to end up like me...pushing 50 years old and STILL taking suboxone to stay alive.

I have no agenda here other than hopefully getting another addict to face his demon head on and do what I think he knows he has to do. I hope you'll take the plunge, man.

It hasn't been a perfect ride for me. But I'm still plugging away, working on it. It's a work in progress for me, and as such, and because I've already done the exact kind of relapsing you've described here hundreds and hundreds of times, I am, for the unknowable future, staying on suboxone, because the truth is, I don't want to die.

Pride isn't worth your life, Romeo. I know you were very proud of the fact that you quit suboxone cold turkey, but stop and think about where you are now.

I wish you the best of luck, and I truly hope some of this post gets through the inevitable wall of defense it probably kicked up.


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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 12:20 pm 
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Hey Junkie,

I'm not mad at you in the slightest. From what I read, you are truly concerned about me and that means a lot to me.

I can't, however, confirm your suspicions of my story being full of holes. Yes, I did change some names and alter some events to protect anonymity of those involved, but that's it. The basic gist of my story is true.

As for denial, I'm sure I have plenty of it. Shit, I'm not perfect, not even close. I'm sure I have a whole host of issues, but I'm trying to work through them. This being sober is hard work, no doubt about it, but I feel like I have to continue on the path that I'm on.....for right now anyway. Does the future hold Suboxone for me, possibly? I just don't feel I'm there yet.

I do try to be truthful in my posts, does my denial and my disease of addiciton get in the way sometimes, I guess so....I never really thought of it like that until you pointed it out to me though? Man, I'm a work in progress and I'm just trying to do the best I can. That's who I am and that's all I can be.

I know this recovery business is hard work, I'm doing the best I can.

Anyway, I appreciate your commenting Junkie and I know you're looking out for me.

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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 3:14 pm 
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Romeo- First off I want to say that your posts over the last couple of months have encouraged and helped me with my journey getting off sub and it is now 41 days. It was not easy and I pray that I never forget how miserable it was. This is a great forum with a lot of very intelligent, insightful folks helping each other.

That being said, we are all addicts and probably always will be. I read one report that stated the relapse rate at one year is 90%. I know that if I consume 1 pill it will put me back in again. I couldn't do that to my wife of 32 years after all I have put her through already. You have managed to stay clean for 9 months, so why not pick yourself back up, flush the pills and use this as a valuable lesson. I'm praying for you.


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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 6:52 pm 
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Romeo

Im so sorry your having a difficult time. I am glad to see you posting though, I've been thinking about you, and hoping that all was well. I still think that admitting to everyone INCLUDING YOURSELF that you're fucking up and that you HAVEN'T outsmarted the pills.....is one of the hardest aspects of relapse. Maaan! I know I convinced myself SO MANY TIMES that I "had it all figured out", like most addicts. I'd found A NEW WAY to use......that really wasn't using.....because Im skiping days, or because I only snort em in the morning (same as a cup of coffee, right?), or I have a great job and Im still productive (working even harder actually), I deserve this. BULLSHIT!!!!!!

And I don't wanna see the words "you've disapointed the forum " again, or Im gonna kick your ass myself! Nah, just kiddin. But for real man, its all part of this disease. I hate that your hurting, but what you've gone/and are still going through is a lesson to all of us. I think we CAN ALL learn something from one-another. That's one of great things about this forum. Just keep posting and be honest! I know how hard it must have been admitting that you're still caught up in it. But dosen't it feel better to get that weight off your chest? You know that old saying...."we're only sick as our lies".....it's true.
This is a life long battle man. Not that relapse is required, but it's pretty expected. Alot of addicts don't learn jack till they've lapsed at least a few times. So, this being your first attempt at recovery...I'd say Ur doing pretty good.

Have you thought about what you're gonna do next? Does your wife know? If you don't mind me asking, why did you get off the Sub? You just felt it was time, or was it because of financial reasons, or pressure from a family member/Sub Doc? Are you considering getting back on? What would make you get back on the Sub again? You're the only person who knows how you truly feel (obviously). But, maybe you should look at the reasons why you got off the Sub. That may help you to decide what your next move is gonna be. In any case, PLEEEASE keep posting! It's beneficial to the forum, and its definitely healthy for you!


If you have any pills left, flush em. Get some ammodium. Give yourself a break. Talk to you therapist. And get some type of safety net in place...whether it be Sub, Naltrexeone, Methadone, or going to meetings everyday....SOMETHING! We're all here for ya, but you've gotta have a prevention mechanism in place. Even though you stated that you have learned alot, YOU ARE IN A FRAGILE STATE. If you procrastinate, and stay in limbo, and make excuses....well, we all know where that can lead us. Please think about your options and stay in touch. You can do this!!!


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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 8:27 pm 
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Thank you all, I REALLY appreciate hearing from ALL you guys and gals. I enjoy the support as well as the pointed questions, I know I need them both.

Look, I'm an addict, I understand this. Does that mean that I don't trick myself sometimes into thinking that I can handle the odd pill, well, obviously not.....I just got done doing exactly that and look where it landed me.....wd. Shit happens, it's when I stop learning from these incidents that I'm in big trouble.

I'm trying to be a responsible member of this forum by posting my story, I want others who are contemplating quitting Suboxone to know that it's work.....it's hard work staying off of drugs.

The support and advice I receive are great, but I really want others to be able to read my story and hopefully learn from it, that would BY FAR make me the happiest. Well, never taking another pill would truly make me the happiest.

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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