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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 10:09 am 
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i am not stranger to medication assisted therapy. i was on methadone for a couple of years and quit cold turkey because i was in a situation where i could no longer go to my clinic. i was also 25 when i stopped going and in my mind i figured i'd owed it to myself to try and see what sort of plasticity my poor little nueroreceptors had left and give it a whirl.

unfortunately post acute withdrawal symptoms reared there head as they do with many of us i am sure. rather than going back to dope and pain killers, i became quite the little alcoholic party girl. finally i got my sh*t together and got myself on suboxone and under medical care.

i'll be honest, i went to a pill mill. the doctor now (five years later) cannot write for any controlled substance. i don't know if this is legal action or if it is because he came under some heat. i did mention to my current practitioner he had to be way over the 100 patient limit.

anyway, i have gotten off suboxone a couple times as well. it ended up with me at the pain clinic again and immediately on a healthy dose of oxycodone and eventually escalated back to full on intravenous usage. i went through ambulatory detox and intensive outpatient twice before i accepted that i need to stay on suboxone.

just like i have to take my lamictal for my mood disorder and the occasional xanax for my PTSD (i use it like an anaphylactic uses an epipen, trust me!). suboxone keeps me safe, healthy, and i do believe that there are profound effects on my mood, especially when it comes to depression.

when i was trying to find a purely psychiatric cure to my addiction issues i was on over 20 different psych medications, not at once, but over a couple of years. every time i ran back to the pharmacy with my lovely little c2 script or back to a dope house. i put on over 100 lbs from the side effects of meds. i lost my job. i ended up in my late 20s and living at home with my parents. i got into legal trouble (DWI, 2.5 years probation... completed finally). now, i was always the good kid. i graduated 4 year college around age 20, smart as a whip, and shot out of the gate really quick.

i knew i was screwed when i took that first vicodin at age 14 because it made me feel normal.

anyhow, i know i really digress, but i wanted to give some background about how now i am on suboxone and it is the reason i am not dead. i agree highly with the dr. that runs this wonderful site that it is much safer for an addict to be on bupe than off.

i have posted on here before about how i was living in a situation where i was with another addict in the house, my mother, and it was very problematic. i finally managed to make a lot of progress. i got a lot of clean time under my belt, started working again in medical information technology, and got off of probation. i moved in to a sober living house, an oxford house. essentially this is supposed to be a democratically self run affordable housing option for those that want to be in a sober environment.

i was doing well, even taking on the responsibilities of managing the finances for the house. after about a month though, several of the roommates came at me. while they knew i was on subutex, had my doctor's number, a HIPA release to talk to him and I had consented to having pill audits, they were not happy.

one night i was up late doing things around the house, cleaning, organizing and such and they assumed i was high on my bupe. one of the girls had the audacity to tell me that i am still not clean because she, as a coke addict, didn't have some wonder pill to take and keep her out of trouble.

i never really thought other addicts felt this way, then again i have never voiced that i am on MAT at any sort of twelve step or recovery meeting. i understand addiction of any sort is a horrid thing and wouldn't put my worst enemy through it, but jealousy over medication assisted therapy is a new one to me, that's for sure. i am well acquainted with the mentality of 'oh if you're on meds, you're not REALLY clean...'

anyhow, the disagreement escalated so profoundly i was on my way to the hospital to go get a drug test to prove that i was not on any substance other than my rx'ed drugs.

when the doctors treating me for the panic symptoms i was having saw the subutex in my purse they immediately got a court order and had me thrown in a psychiatric hospital because i had to be detoxed off.

this place was a joke, let me tell you. but that is beside the point. the doctors immediately took me from 3x8 a day to 2x2 a day. i was so violently ill from that reduction. i was also complaining of severe back pain because i have fibromyalgia and arthritis. i was not trying to seek pain medication, but keep in mind even to get a tylenol in a hospital setting a doctor has to order it and i thought what the hell, let's go ahead and get back on my lyrica. anyway, the doctor looked at me and said you shouldn't be in any pain on that dose.

i just sort of stared at him blankly. he started the lecture about crutches and i'm sure everything we have all heard. i just left and went back to my room sobbing. the next day i looked him dead in the eyes and said if you don't keep my on my medication, you could have blood on your hands. if it's not me overdosing when i get out of here with my mu receptors free and clear and an urge to get well at all costs, it will be from my severe history of bipolar disorder and self medicating during a mixed episode. dramatic? yeah. but it's happened before. every time i have gone off my bupes, i have ended up planning to take my life via overdose and acting upon it.

i realize this pattern. i value my life and i can overcome this. however, i need my medication. obviously sober living didn't work out and i have since been sprung from the psych hospital after a court hearing (which by the way the judge agreed having a functional member of society on medication versus a doped up criminal waiting to happen was a much better option).

i am still on my suboxone. i have a good support network i am staying with at this time and working on getting my life back on track.

i just wanted to share some of the perceptions of the anti-bupe crowd i have run in to lately.

one other thing of note, i take the subutex formulation rather than suboxone because the naloxone causes severe swelling in my joints which is very hard with my arthritis. you seem to get even more of a stigma from that one because people seem to think it gets you high where somehow the naloxone in subutex prevents it. i just sigh, shake my head, and don't even go in to the fact that it's not even orally active and buprenorephine in high dose for maintenance treatment remains the same, no high for me.

it will be about 7 years since i started my journey towards recovery and about 5 years this december when i started my suboxone experience. i must say the most happy, productive, and forward moving time of my life has been the past year and a half where i have been completely stabilized on the bupe and my other comorbid mental issues controlled as well. but the bupe is apart of that and unfortunately some people will just never understand.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:17 am 
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wow powerballad, thats CRAZY!!!!

not YOU, of course, all that CRAP you went thru. over taking your perscribed meds!!!!!!!

jeez.

It just sucks that there is so much misinformation out there about suboxone therapy, and subutex, it only takes a couple people like dr. drew for instance saying that the 12 step program is the ONLY way to go.

and Im totally with ya, that living without drugs, and suboxone, doesnt really 'fly' with me either. I tried plenty of times too, just to fail in the most epic of ways.

It really does go to show everyone how strong you really are now, to have been thru the 'ringer' on this subject, and still come out the other side, on bupe, and living as a 'normal' person, right????
I mean, that says alot to me!!!!

So anyways, good job. Keep it up. We can all beat the odds, but its definitely not easy.

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:40 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:47 am
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Location: Southeastern US (Alabama)
I've had the hostility toward Suboxone from my own mom..who's addicted/been addicted to every form of drug, illicit or prescribed that there can be an addiction to.

The last time she gave me any lip over suboxone (which I only allow via the telephone since she lives 400 miles away and i don't make any special "trip" to see her) was a couple of weeks ago...I found out she's been smoking CRACK and during one of her "episodes", she started on my Suboxone again...

I just turn it off like kids tune out parents...I pay absolutely no attention to her bullshit about Suboxone, because in ALL of her addictions, she's never tried suboxone as a method to help her, and until she knows what the drug is, she doesn't have room to tell me ANYTHING about it. She doesn't even know what it looks like...so her room to talk about it doesn't exist at all...

I play ignore...and pretend like I don't hear it.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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 Post subject: Come on now everyone
PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 9:02 pm 
Oh come on everyone.. Lets stop hiding behind the phrase "prescribed medication" and admit to ourselves that we're getting high from Suboxone, and thats why we like it. Thats the reason it curbs cravings for crying out loud, not because it magically takes away the craving for opiates, but because it gets you HIGH.


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