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PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 1:21 pm 
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I've been on suboxone treatment now for over two weeks, it has helped me a lot I don't have any cravings for opiates and I really think if they started weening me off suboxone I wouldn't even start again with opiates.
However, I had another drug problem too. Which is my self-medication using sleeping pills (zolpidem mostly), and benzoes and sometimes I drink alcohol and smoke weed.
None of these are allowed if you are on a suboxone program, I'm really afraid they'll turn me off, because last few days I've taken benzoes (just one very weak benzo, oxazepam) and I once (yesterday night) smoked pot. I also drank alcohol on two occations last week. Now they found the benzo and the pot in my urine tests (you have to take unanounced urine tests every now and then if you're in drug treatment). They were kind to me and didn't turn me off directly even though they could have and should have according to the rules. They warned me that if there is ever again any drug besides suboxone in my urine they will have to terminate the treatment. I understand that they can't accept the use of drugs when you're in a treatment for drug addiction. But at the same time, it's not my main problematic drug (which was the opiate painkillers) that I am relapsing to. I really really think I will never take those again, I have nu urge to take them.
I'm really scared that I will be weak and full of anxiety and panic some night and I'll take some benzo or something to calm me down, when I get anxiety, I get it VERY VERY bad sometimes. So much that I cry and yell and break things in my home and I just want the brain to go quiet, there is so much self hate.
I am really really worried that I will fuck up everything now by having traces of benzoes in my urine again. I am almost sure I will do it again, and when they do they'll terminate the treatment and refuse to see me for a while at the addiction clinic. I wish they could just see it as I do, that I have improved I am more stable, I can work now and take care of myself, and I am not spending loads of my money on buying painkillers in the black market. If I self medicate my anxiety now and then it's still a huge improvement since I don't take the opiates. But the law is clear, participation in drug treatment requires total drug-free lifestyle, illegal or legal drugs including alcohol are not allowed during the treatment.
I undrestand of course why they need such rules, but it is just occational use when I feel really really bad from anxiety and it's still an improvement from earlier. There is no way a doctor will prescribe me benzoes or something as effective and thus also dangerous and addictive, since I have a record as a drug user, and even if I didn't have such a record, they rarely prescribe such to a male age 29 anyway, but if I had a prescription of a few very mild benzoes or sleeping pills like zolpidem (known as ambien in america, stilnoct in western europe), I could take them on these occations. I don't need them during the day, it's only in the evening and not even every evening.
I don't know how I am going to cope, and all this worry about getting terminated and getting back to my old lifestyle just makes me even more upset and prone to use that sort of drugs. I'm really panicking now. I'm screwing it all up.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 3:53 am 
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You don't have any cravings while on suboxone for opiates because your ON an OPIATE, suboxone is. Very strong opiate, this is why your not craving an opiate, it saddens to see people so uneducated as to what suboxone is. If your on subs your not clean or off opiates, it's just a substitute for your drug you were gettin illegally, if the doc prescribed you 60 roxy a month to it would be the same exact thing.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 4:14 am 
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oclafsti wrote:
You don't have any cravings while on suboxone for opiates because your ON an OPIATE, suboxone is. Very strong opiate, this is why your not craving an opiate, it saddens to see people so uneducated as to what suboxone is. If your on subs your not clean or off opiates, it's just a substitute for your drug you were gettin illegally, if the doc prescribed you 60 roxy a month to it would be the same exact thing.


Of course I understand that, but what I mean is that I don't even feel like if I were off suboxone I'd want to start with opiates again. I'd feel like shit and wouldn't be able to work if I went off suboxone quickly, but I would not start taking opiates again, I would however keep up my general addiction to anything, benzoes, z-pills, weed, alcohol, anything that changes the mind for a little while to let me forget.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 4:24 am 
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I no but go off subs for a day and what you think is normal you'll realize your actually high on the subs, they don't peak like heroin but it's a slow and long high, for me subs cure my anxiety and depression,like all opiates do, so if I were to stop, anxiety depression and insomnia would just come back and I'd go to the original cause of me using , like most people


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 9:38 am 
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oclafsti wrote:
I no but go off subs for a day and what you think is normal you'll realize your actually high on the subs, they don't peak like heroin but it's a slow and long high, for me subs cure my anxiety and depression,like all opiates do, so if I were to stop, anxiety depression and insomnia would just come back and I'd go to the original cause of me using , like most people (emphasis mine)


OK, I need to interject right now. There is no "your (sic) actually high on subs". That is NOT a fact and you are presenting it as such. That is inaccurate and inappropriate to post. Please stick to posting your personal opinions and make sure you present them as such, not as FACTUAL statements.

That said, to SWEDEN, oclafsti is right in that despite your determination, you feel so strongly right now BECAUSE your opiate receptors are saturated with bupe - an opiate (but a partial agonist that is NOT GETTING YOU HIGH). You feel "normal" and "fine" because you are an addict and your brain is "happy" because it doesn't have to crave opiates because it has them right now. When you remove the bupe (suboxone) from your system, you need to be prepared for that whole picture to change. Your brain WILL notice that the bupe was removed and it will likely react and 9 chances out of 10, you WILL start having cravings. And that determination you have could lead a relapse to surprise you. It's that idea that "I will NEVER touch that stuff again" that gives us a false sense of security when triggers occur and relapses hit. We're just not prepared to deal with them.

This is why when we're on suboxone, we use that time to learn new coping skills, change bad habits, figure out our individual triggers and how to cope with cravings, etc, etc. We work on OURSELVES and our lives so that if/when we decide to end sub treatment, then we will be better prepared to be successful w/o the suboxone on board.

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