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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 6:43 am 
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Hi all,

I'm quite ill at the moment (full details below) and am in desperate need of some help and advice please. It would be very much appreciated indeed.

I'll keep it as short as possible and to the point as much as I can.

1. I've suffered horrible dark depressions all of my life. My anxiety is also crippling.
2. 6 years ago I was given Codeine to help with severe pain from injuries
3. It was a miracle for me, my pain, but more profoundly, my mental health issues
4. I got up to about 20 x 60mg dihydrocodeine tablets per day when I realised I shouldn't be carrying on living like that. This is after about 3 years of use.
5. I stopped with a very short taper
6. I was extremely ill, not necessarily through cravings, but through mental health issues; severe depression and crippling anxiety (just as I was before I started Opiates, but FAR worse).
7. I couldn't function, at all. I was in tears daily, in bed, I cannot explain just HOW bad I was. I lost 3 separate jobs due to not being able 'to face people'. I simply resigned.
8. I maintained sobriety
9. I was so very ill I eventually asked my GP for help. I was given Bupe. Around 6-8 dosages of 0.8mg per day, or very similar dosages.
10. I was back in control
11. 3 months into Bupe, I decided to taper myself again. I stopped within a month.

This was all 3 years ago. From then until last year I simply lived in a hell deeper than hell. I could write so much about it, but I guess you all know what it's like. Again, I lost jobs, couldn't socialise, mix with family, and had no time for my kids.

About a year ago, I'd become so very ill indeed. Not through cravings, but because I just couldn't function. I was in daily tears. I was dangerously depressed.

So:-

1. We tried every anti depressant (Prozac worked for me 15 years ago) known to man.
2. We tried every combo, anti psychotics, anti depressants, EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. they all made me worse and pile weight on. Mood stabilisers etc.
3. I was finally put through 15x treatments of ELECTRO CONVULSIVE THERAPY! Guess what? They didn't help me in the slightest.
4. Since then, I've not been able to work, purely because of my lack of 'life' and severe anxiety/depression

So, 2 months ago, I got a prescription for DHC again.

I then faked addiction to my local drug team and on the verge of getting Bupe again, but I only want it for depression and energy and less agitations etc.

In the meantime, I've been up to 8/10 codeine again per day until my appointment. Trouble is, it's not working as well as it once did. In fact I'm feeling a but tired, sick, and scared to death about the 'road to nowhere' and 'self medicating'. Perhaps it worked so well before is because I was on an SSRI anti depressant medication as well.

I'm on nothing ad related at the moment, because I'm plainly and simply so frustrated that they don't work.

I've also tried Phenibut in the past few years which is quite good at calming me down. It's not sustainable long term though.

Could I have your views please, I have no idea what to do. I'm running out of options now, and I can't bear to see my kids' faces when my temper and agitation gets unbearable and I snap at them. There is no way out for me now.

Feeling really lost and a bit desperate really. Please don't jump down my throat as I really need some help.

Thanks


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 12:03 pm 
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Hi Mysterio, I responded to you on another post that talks about not getting relief. It is in active topics. Basically I said it sucks that it is so difficult to get treatment that works effectively. I will be praying that something works for you soon!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 9:02 pm 
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Mysterio,

Have you ever or ever considered checking yourself in to some kind of inpatient therapy? It may be helpful especially if you are at the end of your rope and in such a dark place. It may help to take a week or so and get some intensive professional help.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 3:07 pm 
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Im so sorry you feel so bad. I have dealt with depresson and bad anxiety too. I know its crippling at times- my family wants me to get moving, which i know i have to and im also in painwith fibermyalgia i can say they gave me effexor for depression and anxiety after i took xanax for years but it makes you want to sleep and now suboxone- im going to a counselar to get low dose suboxone and have to do 1 group therapy and that might be good for you too. we need to be out among the living lol i have 8 grankids that i want- see i want to be with- we have to get help to see what we can do to get better, so i understand what your going through- ill pray for too hang in there wenny


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:32 am 
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fluffy17 wrote:
Im so sorry you feel so bad. I have dealt with depresson and bad anxiety too. I know its crippling at times- my family wants me to get moving, which i know i have to and im also in painwith fibermyalgia i can say they gave me effexor for depression and anxiety after i took xanax for years but it makes you want to sleep and now suboxone- im going to a counselar to get low dose suboxone and have to do 1 group therapy and that might be good for you too. we need to be out among the living lol i have 8 grankids that i want- see i want to be with- we have to get help to see what we can do to get better, so i understand what your going through- ill pray for too hang in there wenny


Thanksand I hope you feel better soon.

Make no mistake, it's not an overnight thing.

I felt like dying this morning.

I'm going to get an AD alongside my Buprenorphine I think, Bupe alone can't sustain the job.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 9:16 am 
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I knows how crippling depression is. Been there a fair bit in my lifetime. Opiates aren't the answer though. Once they were prescribed for all kinds of psychiatric ailments, with huge success initially. But the patients became tolerant and their effects diminished, leaving them not only unwell psychiatrically but now dependent on opioids.

When you said you tried everything anti-depressant wise, is that really everything? MAOI's, tricyclics, SSRI / SNRI's?

I've recently been put on Brintellix. It's quite a good antidepressant. Not strong per se. But its side-effect profile is easy going. The strongest anti-depressant I've been on was Chlomipramine, but its side-effects were horrible.


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