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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2014 8:12 pm 
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I have been on 4 mg of BUPRENORPHINE for the past 6 years. I have been religious about being careful. Several times I overtook it a bit due to dental pain. My DOC was ok with this, etc. I am not sure what happened this time, but I am short THREE WEEKS! I have enough, 2 mg for the next week. And then, "THIS IS THE END, MY ONLY FRIEND, THE END." I called today. I thought he would be understanding. I was VERY HONEST. He said he could not help me. I asked if he had any suggestions. He snippily said NO and hung up. WHAT A JERK, first of all. I feel heartbroken. I always knew he was sort of icy, but... I am SCARED. Any suggestions? I want OFF to be honest. But it would be a VERY different story if someone handed my a bottle filled with pills right now. Prett sure I could get some on the street until my next appt., but I have no idea if he'll ever write me a script again. I feel like I am in a medical jail. I want to be able to sleep right again. And I want the ability to concentrate again. PLUS, I have always paid out of pocket. This will add money to my pocket.

Has anyone on here gone off without wanting to commit suicide? I am a mom, but my son is older and prety low maint., thank goodness! Thank GOD I work from home and my spouse is retired, so it's not like I have to leave the house during this nightmare. Not even to go to the grocer. I have tried to taper before. I am a BABY when it comes to that wretched back ache we prolly all know very well here. I would rather be knifed in the face than deal with what is coming. TRYING to be brave. THANKS.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2014 9:37 pm 
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hey Violet,
To answer your question, yes many people go off sub and live to tell about it.
Many right here on this forum.
However, they were prepared to do it. Made a plan. Picked up
comfort meds. Most weren't forced off there treatment.
They also had other ways of support.
Are you really ready? The one statement you posted
about "someone bringing you pills" is a bit bothersome.
If you really want to stop you could taper with what you have left, but
relapse could be right around the corner, uno?
Sorry your Dr wouldn't help. I know mine wouldn't hand out more to me either and I have almost 4years
withojt any problem.
Three weeks short, did someone raid your pill bottle? Some Dr's are very ridged but hopefully
he will help you out next appointment.
.
So, ya it can be done, but maybe a better plan should be considered..
And I'm not judging here just my opinion Violet..

Hang in there and look around in this Stopping forum an see how a few of them did it...



Razor..


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2014 10:47 pm 
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razor,

it is a shitty plan, i realize.
a few weeks ago, had i read this message, i would have thought, MAN< GOOD LUCK. GLAD I'M not her. But I now have to look at this in a very real, pragmatic way.

but i don't seem to have a choice. OK. SWIM (?) COULD potentially get them off the street if he or she were in this same situation. But this SWIM could be a mom. And could be someone who likes to obey the law a bit too much.

what other choices do i have other than to just deal with this?

someone could have raided my pill bottle; yes. but i think i over took them. miscalculated my appt. and yes,this is a silly reason, but those teeny tiny subutex pills they sometimes give me make it hard to tell how much i am really taking.

bottom line, i have 14 mg total left.

i am facing withdrawing no matter what.

i just need support in this sucky, no way out, situation. i have not gone thru withdrawal in a VERY long time.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2014 10:50 pm 
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four years off or fours years into the sub. ? thanks razor. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2014 11:39 pm 
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Hey V,
My biggest nightmare is to come up short or be told I'm off...

Feeling bad for you Vi.

But, you know you sound like a strong person to me, and there is great support here.
I'm not a jumper nor have stopped.
3 years /9months on. I've tried to work some kind of program all this time. The last 3months or so not so much.

I do wish you the best and other jumpers should come by too with suggestions... Razor....


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 12:26 am 
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it's been a nightmare for me, too! i'll keep the forum posted. i've already red some great, hopeful stuff on here!


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 5:53 am 
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Hey Violet,
Firstly, relax, and breath- you are going to be ok! :D
I'm also a mom (my kids are 10 and 12yrs), and was on 12mgs for 8 years. I tapered and succesfully jumped about 4 months ago. At no time did I want to commit suicide. It was not nearly as bad as the "fear" of wdls, honestly! I was never bed ridden or so sick I could not "put on my mom face" and do what I needed to do.
I was uncomfortable, yes, and very tired. But I have lived to tell the tale and it is not a scary story at all.
Of course I really WANTED to be done, and was mentally prepared.
Good luck!
BF

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 9:20 am 
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violetburroughs wrote:
razor,

it is a shitty plan, i realize.
a few weeks ago, had i read this message, i would have thought, MAN< GOOD LUCK. GLAD I'M not her. But I now have to look at this in a very real, pragmatic way.

but i don't seem to have a choice. OK. SWIM (?) COULD potentially get them off the street if he or she were in this same situation. But this SWIM could be a mom. And could be someone who likes to obey the law a bit too much.

what other choices do i have other than to just deal with this?

someone could have raided my pill bottle; yes. but i think i over took them. miscalculated my appt. and yes,this is a silly reason, but those teeny tiny subutex pills they sometimes give me make it hard to tell how much i am really taking.

bottom line, i have 14 mg total left.

i am facing withdrawing no matter what.

i just need support in this sucky, no way out, situation. i have not gone thru withdrawal in a VERY long time.


Hi. Saw your message. I'm hear to help out in any way I can.
Can I just say, though, this shit pisses me off so bad. These arrogant doctors. Grrrr. I know someone who, after 2 years of no issues, no pos drug tests, no running out, walked out of his doctors appointment and somehow lost his paper script. He called and they basically told him to fuck off. He panicked and the next day took a few xanaxs in fear of the imminent withdrawal. Well, he still had sub left in his system and died of an accidental overdose. The doctors office, in my opinion, has blood on their hands. He had a wife and children. Such a shame.

So....ANYWAYS...you have 14mg left? If you're determined to do this and get off sub, take the lowest possible dose right now. 1mg at the most. You may not feel perfect but you shouldn't feel sick.

Day 1. 1mg
Day 2. 1mg
Day 3. .5mg
Day 4. 1mg
Day 5. .5mg
Day 6. 1mg
Day 7. .5mg
Day 8. .5mg
Day 9. .5mg
Day 10. .5mg
Day 11. .25mg
Day 12. .5mg
Day 13. .25mg
Day 14. .5mg
Day 15. .25mg
..... And continue .25mg until you're out, skip days if possible.

This is a fast taper. No doubt about it. But it will be much more doable than jumping from 6mg. You're not going to feel amazing, but you'll manage it. Break your small into doses into two doses throughout the day if you can. Drink lots of water, exercise, meditate, yoga, listen to music, be confident in your decision.

Keep us posted!

_________________
Spent too many years hooked on oxycodone
**OUT OF ACTIVE ADDICTION SINCE 7/18/13**
**OFF SUBS SINCE 11/1/13**

"the only way out is through"


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 11:57 am 
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There you go..
Great plan I think. It's a start.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 12:31 pm 
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Thanks guys. I took a tiny bit less than 1 mg today. I think. They are the miniature Subutex pills, so these things are RIDICULOUS to cut up. Legs feel a bit heavy, back hurts a bit. I feel like a wireless keyboard with low batteries. Not sure if this is "REAL" or if it is imagined. But I am doing errands, etc. I cried a lot yesterday (a lot for me--I'n not really someone who cries). It was out of anxiety and fear.

I love this drug, to be honest, as much as I hate being a slave to it. I hate the way the United States--with its ridiculous war on drugs (aka the War on People and extended Jim Crow-ism)--has made it so difficult to obtain substances that make us into higher functioning people.

But I know it has really messed up my sleeping for the past six years. And the year I started taking it, I started getting, and still get, terrible migraines, one or two per month. My doc told me he does not think the migraines are related to the Bupes, but I think they are. I am trying to think of money saved, more sleep (when I get out of the woods), etc. Positive things about not being on it.

I do LOVE opiates though. For me, opiates are like other ppl's PROZAC. All I can do here is try my best and see what happens. Not to get into an "ANTI PROGRAM" discussion here (I actually go to meetings once in a great while; I used to go almost daily...), but if I start thinking I'm powerless, I am screwed. None of us are powerless. Well, I'm not anyway.

Thanks again for the responses. Being on this stuff has made me feel a bit isolated. Not something you can bring up with "the other moms." Haha. xo


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 4:15 pm 
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Sorry to hear you are having trouble. I guess the question is do you want to stop? No one can decide that for you. From what you are saying it sounds like the answer is no, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have definitely been in your shoes, especially when tapering down and mishandling the amount of suboxone I was taking. Unfortunately it isn't the doctors fault if we take too much- they are under strict scrutiny and can risk losing their medical license if they take too many risks. I can't imagine how many times a day doctors hear "i have no idea how my pain medicine got flushed down the toilet!"

Some doctors will give you a refill if you have been a long term patient with a great record of responsibility but they certainly don't have to do that. I can tell you that this can be a blessing in disguise- take it as a sign from above that maybe its a good time. Withdrawal doesn't have to be as bad as you have read, you are already on a lose dose (but admittedly i took suboxone nut subutex so I don't know if the doses are equivalent). For me one of the greatest parts about being free of suboxone is no longer hanging around at pharmacies and doctors offices begging for more, always at the mercy of the pharmacist. I dreaded the days when I went to the pharmacy and my regular person wasn't there.

Talk to your doctor and see if he/she will prescribe some "comfort meds" like clonidine or a benzo. If not, stock up on Imodium, ibuprofen, fill up your Netflix queue and just take a week off. Good luck to you!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2014 5:57 pm 
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violetburroughs wrote:
Thanks guys. I took a tiny bit less than 1 mg today. I think. They are the miniature Subutex pills, so these things are RIDICULOUS to cut up. Legs feel a bit heavy, back hurts a bit. I feel like a wireless keyboard with low batteries. Not sure if this is "REAL" or if it is imagined. But I am doing errands, etc. I cried a lot yesterday (a lot for me--I'n not really someone who cries). It was out of anxiety and fear.

I love this drug, to be honest, as much as I hate being a slave to it. I hate the way the United States--with its ridiculous war on drugs (aka the War on People and extended Jim Crow-ism)--has made it so difficult to obtain substances that make us into higher functioning people.

But I know it has really messed up my sleeping for the past six years. And the year I started taking it, I started getting, and still get, terrible migraines, one or two per month. My doc told me he does not think the migraines are related to the Bupes, but I think they are. I am trying to think of money saved, more sleep (when I get out of the woods), etc. Positive things about not being on it.

I do LOVE opiates though. For me, opiates are like other ppl's PROZAC. All I can do here is try my best and see what happens. Not to get into an "ANTI PROGRAM" discussion here (I actually go to meetings once in a great while; I used to go almost daily...), but if I start thinking I'm powerless, I am screwed. None of us are powerless. Well, I'm not anyway.

Thanks again for the responses. Being on this stuff has made me feel a bit isolated. Not something you can bring up with "the other moms." Haha. xo


I don't agree with the powerless statement either. It's why I decided 12 step meetings weren't for me.

But based on your other comments, I'm thinking you're not ready to be off. I know you're in a jam right now and tapering is still your best bet, but I think I'd try to stay on maintenance, just maybe at the lowest dose possible. 1mg maybe? I know it's a scary thought, to be off, but I think my personal success was because I was done. I had no desire to continue my medication. Ya know what I mean?

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

_________________
Spent too many years hooked on oxycodone
**OUT OF ACTIVE ADDICTION SINCE 7/18/13**
**OFF SUBS SINCE 11/1/13**

"the only way out is through"


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2014 12:42 pm 
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It does not matter if i am not ready to be off. my doc wont help so what can i do? i mean, he did not even pffer to gimme a script for ambien or anything. i am trying to get some (ambien) thru other means right now. if i could just live in a country with socialized, smarter docs, this wouldd never have happend ! ugh! the anger i feel towards my doc is pretty unblievable. i do have an appt. with him in like two weeks. i dunno if i will be kicked of or if he'll ever prescribe this to me in the future. all i know is hat i have a fever (wd like fever) and i seriously think it'll be a chore to go take a shower.


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