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PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 1:42 pm 
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Well, I have been dreading this post for a while now. I feel the need to admit that I have had a few close calls with OC's and Lorcet (vicodin). I know I didn't fail in the sense that I relapsed, but I sure as hell felt like a failure for the wicked thoughts I was having and the obsession over possibly using again. I had been able to keep those thoughts at bay for nearly 7 months, effortlessly I must say.

The reason I'm posting about these experiences is to help myself AND to help others who have quit and have had a similar experience or may be getting ready to have a similar experience. I think this post will also help those considering quitting sub too. Maybe when they do quit, it'll help them avoid a few land mines. It is meant to be informational. It is personal and it is just my experience.

Quitting suboxone is hard, no doubt. But, the real challenges for me came as I started to feel better. I had a dream one night a few weeks back that I had got back on Suboxone and I was so pissed, I didn't know how or why I was back on suboxone, just that I was. Well it freaked me out and I talked to a couple of people about it and they helped pull me out of the bad head space I was in.

Then a couple weeks ago I find out that I am going to have to travel out of the country for business. The country I was to go too has OxyContin available everywhere. I couldn't get out of going. I was fucked! I knew going to this country meant I had a 50/50 shot of coming home in a body bag. I had a week to stress and obsess over this because I found out a week ahead of time that I would have to go. Long story short, a miracle occured and I found out with a day or two left that I didn't have to go.

But, by this time I had already got myself all psyched up to go and I was looking forward to some of those OC's. Then come to find out I didn't have to go and I was actually disappointed, honestly I was pissed! So here I am again in a way bad head space. I had been cheated out of my trip and I wasn't going to take it lying down. Yeah I know, that's some screwed up thinking there, eh!! ADDICTION!! Once again I had my family and some friends who were able to help bring me back to earth without crash landing.

Last one, this past Thursday my wife had arthroscopic knee surgery (damn, I had to look arthrosc.... up on the internet to figure out how to spell that sucker!). I knew ahead of time that she would be getting pain meds. Her and I had a good conversation about the need for her to put them up where I wouldn't see them. Well, she didn't. She was so zonked from the meds at surgery that she was out cold for 24 hours, other than to get up and puke 8 times. The whole time, there sat that little bottle on the nightstand calling my name. The bottle kept trying to convince me that I could just take one. Just to get a taste of what I had used to love. Just one and done. No more. Somehow, I was able to speak with a friend about it and I tried convincing them that all I would do was one. I had been a good boy for so long and I DESERVED A TREAT!! The answer I got back hit me like a two by four. Here it is, "if you go ahead and do one, you will soon realize that you have relapsed and then you'll say fuck it, I might as well take another and another becasue I've already relapsed!! That comment saved me, plus I went upstairs and asked my wife to hide the bottle. I once again got angry because I still wanted some of those Lorcet's. The anger passed soon enough though.

So, the moral of the story. 1-- Have a great support system in place if/when you quit sub.

2--The longer you are away from your last sub use sometimes means you are actually getting into worse shape, possibly getting closer to a relapse I mean.

3--Addiction is so much stronger and sneakier and conniving than we remember sometimes. That SOB never stops looking for a weakness!! For me, my weakness was exposed when I thought I was at my strongest!

4 thru 10---Have a great support system in place if/when you quit sub.

Thanks for letting me share.

Any insights or comments, as always, are welcome. Funny comments are always appreciated!

Oh Yeah, it's 60 degrees at noon here in Kentucky!! Yee Haw!!


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 Post subject: Romeo
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 2:24 pm 
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I'm so insanely proud of you!! And not just how you've handled those situations, but also how honest you are being about what you've been struggling with. I know I don't totally understand what an opiate craving feels like, but I CAN compare it to alcohol and when I think back on the power it had over me...well, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life to disentangle myself from those recurring thoughts of drinking. I thought the exact same way as you: "I deserve it because XYZ." I was on shaky ground for so long, Romeo, but time does heal things as long as you know in your heart you can never, ever, ever have 'just one'. NEVER!!! It's the iceberg that will sink the Titanic every single time. You have to believe that 100%. There's no room to play. You don't deserve an opiate, because you don't deserve all the hell that one opiate will lead to. Romeo, you amaze me because once I went through the thought process of setting up a relapse and justifying it and all, I NEVER once stopped it from happening. NEVER! I never called my sponsor like I was supposed to or told anyone else. You reach out and you get help and you stop it! That's a miracle. It's a true, honest to God, miracle. If I told you I was going to have one drink, what would you reaction be? you know how bad off I was. A 110 lbs girl drinking a gallon of vodka a day. You would freak out and tell me NO YOU CANNOT DO IT!!!! Right? And I feel the same way about you ever justifying another opiate. It could be the first domino that could knock you over to where you'd never get up again. Sorry for being a pain in your butt, but you know I care about you, so I'm gonna keep on being a pain in your butt and a wrench in the clockwork of your addiction.

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:55 pm 
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Romeo,

I'm glad you shared your experience with us. You really had a rough time..maybe still are as your brain gets out of that obsessive thinking. It is amazing like you said how cunning this disease is. How quickly our thinking can get all skewed and crazy. But your support system helped pull you through and thank god you have been smart enough to have one. Many don't. I am building one in my new city and I have actually had more support here than the past five years in my previous city. Your story only makes me more convinced that I need to get the people who have what I want and surround myself with them...I also believe in having a sponsor or spiritual mentor or someone very trusted who gets this stuff to help us.

God was doing for you what you couldn't do for yourself with the cancellation of that trip and the fact you had pretty much decided you'd get the oxy's. That's my belief, anyway...don't mean to do a god talk here...but it is pretty amazing how this all works at times.

using dreams also contribute to helping us feel more out of control I think...during these kinds of challenges. You reached out for help and talked about what you were going through and that is huge. It is difficult for many people to do that and it is not our nature to ask for help usually.

I'm glad you didn't relapse...that would have been horrendous. Also, and this is not a question that is my business or that you have to answer to me but maybe just for yourself...what has been going on with you the past month or so that contributed to getting your thinking into this place? As you know relapse begins long before we pick up the drug so it might be helpful for you to look at what is either a new or old stressor in your life and see if there are some things you can do to alleviate it or work on it...and ramp up your recovery program a bit more. This was def a wake up call I'd say! And having just gone through this relapse on the benzos last week i get it...I had to really take a look at what was causing me stress and in my situation it was new stress...and then I had to take action and deal with it, make some changes, and increase the healthy things that I do for my recovery. And so I'm not just "preaching" it to you, I am walking it, too.

Thanks for telling us and I'd encourage you to continue to talk about whatever is going on....


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:31 am 
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Thank you so much Ladies,

As always, the thoughts, the advice and the comments hit me squarely between the eyes. Now I just have to do something about it, that's the hardest damn part.

Ladder, you are so very, very right when you say I can't have just one. I had completely convinced myself otherwise. Don't ever apologize for being a pain in my butt, it's what I need to keep moving forward through recovery. Outside observers usually will see so much more of us than we think or know and your's and chinagirls insights are just what I needed to hear.

Chinagirl, I hate it that you brought up the fact that my 'close calls' started well before the 'close calls' actually happened. I had been trying to bury that real deep where no one would see it, but you found it and it's actaully kind of embarassing. I am NOT mad at you, that's not what I meant when I said I hate that you brought it up. I mean I didn't want to admit that I knew, on some level, that this had been building. Then here you come and see right through me and I just feel.......you know. Chinagirl, thank you so much for that insight.....I wasn't going to deal with it, but I will now. I have to.

You mention the obsessive thinking, that's a BIG part of all of this. I am obsessive, no doubt about it. I honestly need to work on that too, I just don't know how to become unobsessive yet. Ugh, here comes the part where y'all tell me to see a counselor....I just dread it so much. Having your head cracked open and having someone peer in there and see all the craziness going on is a frightening proposition. I will probably call my addiciton counselor today, see what he's up to.

I believe God had a lot to do with cancelling the trip, I told Him in no uncertain terms that I was going to fail miserably if I had to go. I don't believe He was going to let me go at all anyway, it was just a way for Him to get me off my high horse of thinking how good I was doing with my recovery and He brought me back to earth real quick.

Thank you both sooo much for the insight and the honest advice! I obviously have some work to do. Dang it, recovery is constant work, I thought I could ease up and take a break and I think that's where my thinking got out of whack which brought me to the 'bad' path I was/am on.

At least, through y'alls help, I now know I need to get off this here path and back to the 'good' path.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:06 pm 
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Did you think I was going to read these posts without jumping in?

Oh my dear Romeo. Think of how hard you worked to taper. How you fough to get off the subs. Would you throw it all away? Do you really think you were only going to take "Just One"?

You know that's not the way it was going to go. You would have said "Maybe one more" or "Oh well, I relapsed already, might as well keep on" Before you know it you are using everyday(Remeber how the mornings are?). Then our good buddy withdrawl pops it's ugly head up. Is that what you want? To feel so sick you can't get up? The nausea, the restlessness. Not to mention where the money is coming from.

No my sweet grandson, you don't want that. It's not worth it and I for one am glad that trip fell through. Too much temptation.

Stay on the golden path sweetheart. Don't let the devil lure you in. I will also continue to be a pain in the ass to make sure you don't blow this.

If you mess up, be honest and fess up to us. We will help you through it. But I think you will be smart enough & strong enough not to let it happen.

No matter what, Queenie loves you.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:34 pm 
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Romeo,

Seriously....anything I say is not to criticize. I have lived this, too. And I share your obsessive thinking. I think most of us can relate to that. It is a part of the definition of addiction. And it is very difficult to face our stuff. I had to do a lot of it last week and look at why I moved, what I am doing, what do I want, what am I feeling, who am I hurting, etc etc etc. You said it....recovery is daily work. That is why I said to another poster that stopping the drugs, while hard, is the easy part. The challenge is living in recovery....changing our thinking and our behaviors. If we just stop the drugs and do nothing else....we'll probably all kill ourselves! LOL I mean who wants to live like that? I don't. I can't. I know that for me I NEED to change a lot of things and I believe we get these lessons over and over until we face them. Sometimes we aren't ready. But you wrote this out to share your experience with us and I think you are ready now to deal with some other things. It does not mean anything at all about you or your recovery...it just means this is an area to look at. If we had to deal wtih everything right away we'd be in big trouble. You know?

Obsessive thinking....Its hard to change. Have you heard of thought stopping? It sounds simple but takes some practice. and it is just that...whenever you are thinking about something negative, or something that you don't want to be thinking about, like me and moving here for a guy LOL, stop yourself. And redirect your thinking into something positive,something you like to do, or want to do, or something that makes you happy, you know, your "happy" place. After a while it will get easier and you will be more readily able to stop the negative thoughts.

You might need a counselor, who knows....but I think you know what you need to do. It sounds that way to me anyway. You sound like you are open or you wouldn't have said ok bring it on...or something similar. I commend you for asking us...it takes courage. A lot of courage. And you don't have to take on what anyone says. What I do is try try try to not be defensive and hear what people tell me, and then own what I know is true. And it isn't all true...let go of the things that people say that does not fit for you. That's why I say things like finding trusted people to talk to...people who have what you want in recovery....it keeps it from being too many cooks in the kitchen.

I think you are doing great...the fact you talked so openly about what you were going through is huge. Thanks for sharing that with us and thanks for "man-ing up" and being honest with us about the feedback and what you need to do. We help each other by all of this stuff here. You're a good example of how to do that.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:20 pm 
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Just no doubt about it. You had a relapse in the making going here. Honestly, I have to tell you, I'm amazed that you were able to head it off. Now don't take that personally. I don't know you (not very well anyhow). I just know myself and I know addiction. What just happened to you is my ultimate fear. Your story is exactly why I am scared shitless to stop taking Suboxone. Now, to be honest, I'm worried about feeling sick, tired, depressed, not sleeping well, etc. But I am seeing more people, like you, who make it through that and do fine. It's just what happens when you turn that corner somewhere down the road? That's what really scares me.

Your story sounds a lot like SetMeFree's. The only thing is, she actually did relapse. For readers not familiar, she used to be a moderator here and was tapering off Sub and had pretty much the same thing happen with a relative's pain medication. Only she did "try just one" - one time that is - which turned into another time and another and well she is now back on Sub. She too hopes to still taper off someday but found out first hand what she and the rest of us already know - that stopping Sub is actually the EASY PART. It's staying stopped from all opiates that is hard.

I don't know Romeo, chocolate fetish or not, I really think you need to consider Naltrexone. It doesn't sound like you are battling the cravings. Or are you? It just sounds like addiction in its pure form that when the temptation is there, you can't resist. I just relate with that so much. I used Tramadol as my "Suboxone" for several years. It didn't get me high. It just kept me from getting sick. I was able to go months without taking anything else. Yet, if that anything else presented itself, I could not stop myself. It was like I was powerless over it.

Do you know how many people you are helping by talking about all of this? You should be beyond proud of yourself - not only having made it through the total makings of a relapse but then having the balls to disclose it to everyone here! Wow, way to go. See, that is the behavior that will get you through all of this. Something just tells me that Naltrexone might be the ticket for you. That just might be plan A. Plan B (or perhaps C) would be getting back on Suboxone. I've always said that if I ever relapse to anything I will "relapse" back onto Sub (talking one day in the future when I'm off of it). You are staying on top of this. That is clear. Just don't let up!


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:24 am 
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Queenie, thank you so much for the comments and the support, they helped a lot.

Chinagirl, I know you are not criticizing me, you are just trying to help me and I appreciate it, greatly! If y'all feel like you can't be honest with me, then we might as well not even post to each other, right? I want you to be completely honest with me, it might hurt sometimes, but it's what I need. I started practicing that 'thought stopping' a week ago without even realizing it I guess? I found it comes in handy in any situation where I start obsessing over something. I'll hold my breath for a few seconds, let it out then I start to focus on my breathing. What I had not done was try to go to my "happy place". I'll try that next time in conjunction with the breathing thing. I've re-read your reply several times and I keep finding something new. I truly appreciate the input. Chinagirl, I am so glad that your relapse was so short lived, I don't know if I told you this, but I was WAY impressed by how you admitted your mistake, owned it and moved on. Good girl!!

donh, thank you very much for you comments. They are from the heart and those are the best kind of comments. Don, I think what happened to me was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in time. I foolishly thought that I was 'immune' to having cravings. Honestly, I had really had few if any leading up to this shit storm. I thought I was 'healed'....hahahahahaha, I'm laughing at myself for being so stupid!! Now, knowing that I am just like every other recovering addict in the world, I understand I have to bring my 'A' game to fight this bastard called addiction. I got lazy, I got complacent, I got cocky and it almost bit me in the ass. I certainly don't disagree with you that Naltrexone would help, I have been looking for a doctor in my area who can at least spell Naltrexone, just haven't had any luck yet. I found tons and tons of web-sites that offer it with no prescription, but that stuff is so sketchy. I would love to try some Naltrexone and just see how things go, when I can find a doctor within a 100 miles of me, I will certainly at least give it a try to see how it treats me.

Oh yeah, I have certainly not ruled out going back on Suboxone. Do I want to, no. Will I if I have to, yes. My wife is completely up to speed with my addiction, my recovery, my everything. Her and I have talked about the Naltrexone/Suboxone and she, along with me, doesn't think it's quite time for those yet. Although I would try the Naltrexone, I'm just not sure if I would get on it steady right now? I'm getting back up on that horse and I'm holding on with both hands this time....no more trick riding! :D

I have learned so much through this damn painful experience and it has opened up some other painful things from my past that I had buried or forgot about. I am truly looking at it all as a learning experience and a chance to be even better and stronger. I know I have a lot of work to do, no doubt. One day at a time, right!

Thank you ALL again for everything, especially the honesty!


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:40 pm 
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Romeo,

Thanks for the "kudos"....it was well timed...today I have been feeling a bit like a failure. I'm looking around and wonder what has happened to my life? I feel like I have a lot and I'm grateful, and I feel like I have a lot to give sometimes, and I wonder why I am here, in this place (no, not the new city) without the 3 people I love most in this world (kids, father) in a sense starting over again. I guess it is just as I said to you, we are given these lessons until we get them and sometimes it takes a lot of loss and suffering to get them. Some things have been out of my control, obviously, like a vindictive ex who has no compassion or empathy and continues to try to hurt me 6 years after divorce, the judges decision....yet its even the little steps we take that can be so huge in the final outcome. I, too, have learned so much from this recent experience. One thing is I need to shut up, and to THINK before I speak/act. Another big thing is that I was doing this work and talking to clients daily about this so I think I felt I didn't need to do much more than that for myself. I have insight! I am guessing this happens a lot with psychologists, counselors, others around this field that in a sense live it daily. But without connecting with others, seeking wisdom I'm in trouble. That is what has really changed the most for me. I am going to about 4 meetings a week, have a sponsor now (and haven't had one for a few years...my previous sponsor got pretty sick with MS) and am going to listen for a while. As we all know here I love to talk....another change for me is (sorry, some god talk coming) relying on God, turning things over. For me, it helps. It makes a huge difference in my life. I remember thinking about a year ago that I was afraid to rely on God because I didn't want to be open to something that i didn't want to do....I still wanted total control and look where it was getting me? I was losing more and more...even though I was on methadone maintenance and doing recovery work. I thought I'd be challenged by God and I held on tight. I see how my life becomes much more manageable when I stop and let go and relax. Things will happen the way they are supposed to happen. And I know for a fact when I am fighting to make something happen it is not the right thing for me. Does that make any sense?

You have been courageous in this process...reaching out, talking about your truths, owning them and receiving, gracefully, some advice/feedback. Your gratitude is obvious. If we don't let these situations teach us something that is when we fail I believe...so maybe I'm not a failure exactly...I think I'm teachable, many on here are teachable, like you...its def humbling.

I believe something big is going to happen for you now, Romeo. Just watch. You have hit a hurdle and it sounds like you walked through it...you didn't go around it like we do in our addictions. You faced it and are facing it head on. Whatever is going on with your life I wish you well and continued courage in facing any fears!


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:04 pm 
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Chinagirl,

This is my first stab at no meds and I guess I would be silly to think I'm going to do it perfect the first time through. I absolutely do NOT think that you're a failure, not by a long shot. It's only when we fall and don't get back up that we fail.

I'll use the analogy of learning how to ride a bike again. When we first learn how to ride a bike, our parents tell us to keep on trying. They tell us if we fall off to get back up and get on that bike again. Why is it when it comes to recovery that so many, mostly non addicts, give us only one shot at mastering this most difficult task? This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, staying off meds for the long haul that is. I am, however, bound and determined to do it. If I do fall completely off that bike at some point in the future, I will get back on it, maybe with the help of Suboxone, maybe by trying Naltrexone. I'll cross that bridge when it gets here.

You said, "I thought I'd be challenged by God and I held on tight. I see how my life becomes much more manageable when I stop and let go and relax. Things will happen the way they are supposed to happen. And I know for a fact when I am fighting to make something happen it is not the right thing for me. Does that make any sense?"

Believe it or not, it makes perfect sense to me. In fact, it's crystal clear!! I try to live my life the same way, I try not fight it anymore either, but I know I still do at times. Dang it, all these friggin' lessons to learn! I feel like I'm back in school!! :D


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:34 pm 
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Romeo - Thanks for sharing man. Very helpful to read your experiences. How are you feeling physically? Any PAWS like effects? Or is it truly just the memory of the "good feelings" that had you tempted? I am about to post an update myself. I am feeling the opposite (I think). I have no interest in taking opiates but am still having some PAWS effects.

Keep up the great work. We're here for you!

Matt


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 3:39 pm 
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OK, so I obviously had been in a "funk" the last couple of weeks because of this near relapse crap. It really gets to you and makes you doubt yourself. Hence, the "funk" I was in.

Anyway, after posting this thread and reading the replies it made me stop and think about what y'all said and some of it was very hard to hear, but very necessary for me to hear. It kind of put me in a deeper "funk", realizing and accepting the truths y'all gave me. It's never fun to realize that you haven't been completely honest with yourself. It usually will take my brain a day or two to process something like that before I come to terms with it.

So, yesterday I was tired as hell. I mean I could barely keep my eyes open at work. I got off work, went home, ate supper and went to bed at 6pm!! I slept through until 7am this morning. Woke up twice to use the bathroom and went right back to sleep. Some of you know how much trouble I have been having getting to sleep, I've really only been averaging about 6 hours of broken sleep a night. Last night I basically slept through the night and got 13 hours of sleep!!

I woke up this morning and I could tell right away I felt a lot better. I let the day go on a bit before I posted this because I wanted to be sure it was going to last. I finally feel now like I did in the days prior to all this mess. I mean it's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm me again!! It might not sound like a big deal to some of you, but Holy Hell it's a big deal to me, I finally feel good again!! :D :D

What a relief to not feel crappy. I was getting tired of it.

A big thank you to everyone for all the support and the super advice. I appreciate it greatly!!!!


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 Post subject: YAY!!
PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:55 am 
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8 months off of Suboxone as of today!!


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 7:26 pm 
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And the most important part is that you are feeling really wonderful! Right? It gives me so much inspiration and and hope to know how well you are doing. And I am SO dang happy for you!!!!

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 7:25 pm 
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Well, my Naltrexone finally arrived today, I didn't know they were flying those things in from Mars? It took them a while to arrive, but there here.

I'm going to start them tomorrow and I'll keep y'all updated on how they make me feel.

It looks like my plan to test the effectiveness of the Naltrexone has been shot to shit. Thanks donh....you bastard!! hahaha

I'm enjoying my last great tasting chocolate right now!!


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:18 am 
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Speaking of Naltrexone, I just found a bottle of Revia from years ago in a cardboard box in my back shed!

Good luck with them man. Did you doctor prescribe them, or did you internet purchase? Just so you know, if you're using Revia brand, you don't need a whole pill every day. Actually, a whole pill will just give you more side-effects. Half is ..easily.. enough to blockade any opiate use.

Also, I didn't feel too much anti craving effect, but some people do. Good luck!


PS: What you went through was pretty normal :(

T


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:01 am 
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Hey T,

I ended up getting them off the internet, I couldn't convince my doctor to prescribe them to me. I checked around with other doctors in my area and most of them couldn't even spell Naltrexone, so I decided to give it a go on my own.

Thanks for the dosing advice. I've been researching online for the proper dose and the most consistent dosing information I could come up with was 50mg per day. I'm going to try 25mg instead now.

Because I couldn't get completely accurate dosing advice, I was going to take 50mg per day for a few days then "test" the effectiveness of the Naltrexone by taking two Lorcet Plus(hydrocodone 7.5mg), but a few people just had to piss in my cornflakes as far as that idea went!! I hate how addicts can see right through another addict...GRRRR. Seriously though, those people were right and I'm glad they called me on it.

I don't plan on staying on Naltrexone long term. It's my back up plan if I ever get forced to go to Mexico because of work again. I know I've had a few close calls here lately, but I've been able, with help, to work through them.....I knew if I ended up in Mexico that I would have been toast though.

PS----you have some of the funniest freaking posts on this website!! I thought I got silly sometimes.....man, you're the funniest though! :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: LOL @ Romeo
PostPosted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:34 pm 
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I just have to say I love this last post. You wanted to TEST the Naltrexone by taking Lorcet on top of it. Hahaha. Also I'm proud of you for resisting the OC temptation.. that's just the nature of the beast my friend. I know that for the rest of my life I'm going to have dreams about oxys, suboxone, heroin, and benzos. Finding secret stashes.... taking trips to mexico... having a bottle of norcos by my bed.. these dreams and cravings are something we will be stuck with for the rest of our lives. But of course you just have to "play the tape through" (another NA cliche, sorry) and fast-forward to the part where you wake up at 4 in the morning after two hours of seep, sick as a dog, having panic attacks, no money, and are out of pills, and have to deal with withdrawals ALL OVER AGAIN. That vision of Hell is the only thing that helps me stay halfway sober nowadays. Of course I'm doing a rapid Sub taper myself (you already commented) but after I get through this, my strategy is just to remember the withdrawals. The lies, the hiding, the shame, the guilt. All of the horrible pain that we go through as addicts.

Best of luck in the future.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 5:42 pm 
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Hey Matt,

So you liked my Naltrexone test, eh! :lol:

Hell, I thought it was an awesome idea until everyone started shitting on me about it, I was mystified as to why I was getting all this flack from people about it, then it dawned on me....I'm an addict and I can talk myself into doing some pretty stupid things with drugs sometimes!! It took a little while but the :idea: finally lit up.

To be honest with you, I really agree with your comment about the thought of going through withdrawal again keeping you from relapsing. My withdrawal was rather ridiculous because of the high dose I jumped off of and I've often said that my wd experience is like "relapse prevention." But those memories will only get you so far, you have to have some kind of support system in place too. As evidenced above with the Naltrexone test, our addict brains can talk us into doing some crazy shit and it's important to be able to bounce ideas like that off others.


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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