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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:57 pm 
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First off when you take the jump come read others pain and how they got through it! it helped me at the moments i wanted to break.
When i really did not care about ppl's actual story as they are pretty much all the same and can be summed up in a long sentence.
Made money,dad dies,stepdad dies,girlfriend takes off, Go for oral surgery and get a script for perc's.
I got screwed around by the dr's 1 week ago for the LAST time. My pharmacy closed early and my flight was gone back to work that night. So i went to emergency and got a "ER Dr" to write me a script (triplicate script) for a month of suboxone. No one would honor this because he was not "qualified" to write me subs. At this point I am 1 day late already
and the anger,fear and panic rushes to my brain. Hell was on its way and i had no choice to deal with it. Lucky i had ween myself from 16 mg to 2-4 mg over the past 4 months or so. Right now its day 7 and yes i feel like shit, but no where near day 3-6. Day 5 i would say being the worst. What was worse then that 6 day trip of quiting subs was my freedom and my day was controlled by a little white pill. I will think twice before accepting any form of medication from a dr and remember this 3 year trip from out of HELL.
few days of pain for a life time of life.
sorry for all the bad spelling ect. Still sick but 100x better on my day 7
Dig deep and you can do anything and the moments again will be clear and free. Not cloudy and sedated.
Jason
I thank my Life partner Feona and my two children in which i have a shit load of repairs to do.
over and out!


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:18 pm 
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I think also one thing i missed out that might let ppl avoid the paws. Do you want to be a cripple after the 7 days are over? i went out side(last thing i wanted to do as my couch fits my body like a glove right now) and let the sun shine on my face and did push ups. Tomorrow i will skip and i will not be a victim any longer. Exercise is the key to a speedy delivery.
I want to do more then just live! i want to be alive!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 6:08 pm 
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today is day 8, i feel like i am in a post apocalyptic zombie survival movie. Yes today fatigue hit me full force. After doing my mini work out yesterday i was not sure why i could not get off the couch. The subs withdrawl was saying hello but also reminding me of the damage its done to not only me but everyone that loves and cares for me. Now i do not have pills to channel my anger away. This is where you need to learn new skills on beating this! (this is just my opinion no expert) So i started making the house pancakes and cleaned the kitchen. Then i found some really big stumps outside and i beat it with a axe for 15 min(i use it for heat no wasting) Then i did some arm curls and finished off with skipping rope for a whole 2 min :p
I use to warm up everyday with 35 min of skipping followed by my boxing. Today it did beat me until 230 pm where i turned it around. I can say i feel 100% better and tomorrow i will be stronger and go longer until suboxone is so far in my review mirror that i know its too far to ever get back there.
Thank god or the universe and support from my life partner and 2 kids. My neglect ,anger frustration is now fuel to get my body and mind to be one again. Its my fuel to punch this addiction bullshit right the fuck out!
feels good just to post here.
hope it motivates anyone to just fight back.
J


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:49 pm 
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That determination may very well be what keeps you on your path.

I also know what it feels like to have the realisation of how vulnerable we are on pills - if our supply gets cut for any reason, and that panic sets in, only then do we realise how dependent our lives really are. Because of how available and legal our supply is, it's easy to forget this. All it would take is for one conservative president to come along who sees Sub as being nothing more than a "drug for a drug", then we'll all be in your situation.

Your posts reminded me a lot of when I've been through opioid withdrawal, especially Sub withdrawal, and the emotional rawness that comes with it. Those raw feelings can definitely keep a person on the path through the acute period. Keeping that determination sustained in the long run is another thing entirely. You will need to have that same determination you have now to stay off opioids and keep it going for the rest of your life. I'm not doubting you can do it.


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 Post subject: Politics?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 9:45 pm 
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tearj3rker wrote:
All it would take is for one conservative president to come along who sees Sub as being nothing more than a "drug for a drug", then we'll all be in your situation.


Remedial history for you: A Republican president ended slavery, and it was Republicans who passed civil rights legislation over the protests of Democrats.

Remedial civics for you: Congress writes law, not the president.

Liberals in the United States are much better at taking citizen's rights away than conservatives. All one needs to do is read the 2800 or so pages of Obamacare to see how an avowed Marxist and his minions in Congress remove all traces of liberty left in this country.

If you like the thought of a bureaucrat making health care decisions for you instead of you and your doctor, support Obamacare. If you don't believe me, read all 2800 pages. Take note of how many times it says the details of your health care decisions will be left to the bureaucrats at the HHS.

I am opposed to politics being discussed on this board, but you started it.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:46 am 
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Funny you bring up how "someone/something" can come in and take our legal drugs away. I live in Canada and over night have banned the use of oxy's

The aftermath is still unknown, as Oxycontin is no longer being made in Canada, as of March 1.
The pain killer has been replaced with a new formula called – OxyNeo.
Marshall Phinney, executive director at the Westover Treatment Centre in Thamesville, says users of Oxycontin will no longer by able to abuse the drug.
“When it came in tablet form they were able to crush it, snort it, and inject it and get the euphoria immediately,” he said. “Now the drug is designed so they can’t do that. Which means those that were abusing it are going to struggle quite a bit to find that high or to get feeling back again. They will wither have to go to another drug like heroin, or another drug to substitute drug to help them through it.
Phinney said many Oxycontin abusers will experience withdrawal symptoms, and support systems will be needed.
“I see some of our services are going to be really pushed to the limit,” he said.
Phinney said he has seen an increase in the number of Oxycontin users at the Thamesville site over the last two or three years.
“Three or four of every 10 clients that comes into Westover Treatment Centre have been addicted or have been effected by Oxycontin,” he said. “That was becoming a major problem in treatment and in society around us. We don’t know how this is really going to turn out and what kind of pressures are going to be put on the system, but we are watching and waiting to see what happens.”
Without knowing the results or what kind of effects these changes will have, Phinney said he has some concerns.
He fears there won’t be enough support systems in place for users looking to go into detox, as Chatham-Kent does not offer any withdrawal management program, the closest are in London and Windsor. Phinney added he is concerned users of Oxycontin will resort to other illegal narcotics as an alternative.
“They might mix more drugs and get involved with things that they are not used to… and that could be serious for them,” he said.
Westover treatment Centre serves clients from all over Southwestern Ontario.

But its my day 9 and if these drugs were easy to come off i would be more afraid of getting back into it. Another thing i see is how much better my life was before and how being sedated can make all of life's ambitions fall at waste side. I never would pop a asprin before the dr gave me my first does. I had addiction lying dormate for 35 years and it showed me its ugly head with my first oxy. I caused damage to my family that will take years to fix and that will be what keeps me off and away from using ever again. Last night on my day 8 i went for a 45 min hike through the mountains and looked at all i missed being a oxy/couch addict(suboxone)
I wonder how many ppl in Canada were not able to snort oxys now and how they are dealing with it.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 1:57 pm 
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still day 9 but after 10 song of CCR blasting outside and my ritual chopping of wood with skipping and now 1/4 km jog with sprint at the end i feel that this is my cure. When i am working out i get really emotional not sure why?maybe i feeling what i missed so much and the pain of the work out feels so good. When i am spent i just think of the neglect i did to myself and family and i just push myself harder. Now i am 38 and can loose at least 20-30 pounds so i am still thinking not to have a heart attack but this is the only way i know to beat that bad feeling. And it works better then a pill. Now i am pouring sweat legs are pumped full of blood as the rest of my body. God it feels so good to feel again. 3 years on subx and never went to work out once! 9 days off and i have worked out the last 3 days in a row. Writing this out is just as much therapy i am starting to think. I kicked suboxones ass day nine.


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 Post subject: Re: Politics?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:33 pm 
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Jimmy wrote:
I am opposed to politics being discussed on this board, but you started it.


Seems I did. Apologies if I touched a raw nerve.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:31 am 
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deadaga1n,

Seems your doing great! Your thread got a lil touchy with the politics. In my opinion the drug corps would all rather have us taking this and that every time you walk into a Rite Aid, CVS, or Walgreens. There is buy this take that have this problem here's a cure all. Consumers buy into it. Vicious cycle. Government is trying to keep tabs on drug users. I am thankful that most insurance companies are approving these meds at lil to no cost. Which means help for the majority of the population that suffers. That don't have the options of rehab or expensive cures. They did formulate new oxys we all called them marshmallows because you couldn't snort or smoke those. So they couldn't be abused. Most the people I knew would fill their scripts where they new they wouldn't get that kind of product. Useless to sell and nobody likes them unless your a chronic pain person who wouldn't mind anything as long as it gets them through the days.

Anyhow... The feelings and determination will keep you going. I never really felt like exercising much on sub. However strangely enough I feel like getting up and going places, doing things. Not ready to run a marathon or anything... Maybe some jogging and bike riding :) ---- It's a start. I know exactly what you mean with the "couch fits the body like a glove" comment. I still like to rest and relax but its not where I wanna stay. Keep it up. :) for you and your family.

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 Post subject: Re: Politics?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:21 am 
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Jimmy wrote:

I am opposed to politics being discussed on this board, but you started it.


One thing that is important to note is that the HCR bill prevents people from being denied coverage because of Pre-Existing Conditions. This includes chemical dependency. If we lose that benefit, then its back to how it was. If we become uninsured then good luck finding someone insurance company to cover you with chemical dependency on the your record.

You show no real understanding of the bill and seem more interested in trying to claim that the President of the United States is a "communist" with "minions" (The Devil). You should respect the office at the very least.

Tearj3rker's post is borderline political... Your post is just repeating Rush Limbaugh.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:56 am 
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What have I done :shock:

And I'm not even American :lol:


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:11 pm 
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This is my day 10! I am finding when i get up i have to go and do my workout as this is my way to sort out not only the physical symptom's but the emotional. I feel uncomfortable in my skin when i wake up(1/16 of the pain day 3-6) but its still there. I needed a pill to deal with my problem's and now i have no way to mask what i need to go through and who i want to be in the coming years. So if exercise becomes my habit and way of dealing with stress i am all for it. So far this has kept my depression levels almost at zero (after the work out) and keeps the panic floods from entering my head. I cant stress how much exercise is helping me.
For anyone who might need idea's here are a few things you can do.
Find a park with a hill start a decent speed walk that gets your breath going. When you begin to feel tired and like this sucks shit hit that hill with strong big strides. Walk down the hill and go back up until your legs CANT bring you up anymore. Sit down catch your breathe and once you breath has slowed down get up and do it again. The part where you push yourself past the comfort zone will fire up things in your brain and body that we all need. Man was not made to sit in a chair in a office all day. We are long distance runners by design!! endurance is our one trade that separates us from the rest of life. I have a good year of training before i am back to where i am if not longer. I will get there.
Last night i looked at the 3 8mg pills of suboxone i had stored away. Then i threw them in the fire i had last night and it was emotional and freeing.
Everyday is a challenge in different ways and i cant wait till i never talk about pills again. Until then this is my recovery and how i get through it.Exercise and posting my feelings online.
I always feel better after i hit the post
yay day 10


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:33 pm 
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tearj3rker wrote:
What have I done :shock:

And I'm not even American :lol:


I know, that is what is even funnier about it. That is how things are in the US right now, everytime our President is mentioned, a small but very loud group of people cannot help themselves from throwing out idiotic insults about our own President. These are the same people who were questioning the patriotism of anyone questioning the last President.

I also like how he claims "you started it" when all you did was suggest that a conservative president is often not very friendly towards addiction issues. Well, in the past, traditionally the conservative party has not been very good when it comes to providing state help for addiction issues. Especially when it requires those "dope heads" from "just taking a different drug". That is not to say that the other side has been much better, things are tough nowadays that is for sure.

-------


But anyways, I myself am very close to making that final jump. I have tapered my dose very low. I am not nervous and I feel prepared. I do hope that I have your determination. I know when I used to taper myself off of opiates, I would actually almost enjoy the very end of the major withdrawal stuff, it feels so good to be free. But it does not always last and you have to watch the depression.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 4:08 pm 
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The depression is what i feel sneaking in and wanting to keep me on the couch watching the clock praying bedtime is almost here. When i feel at my worst i have been just pushing myself physically and it works but i yet to see how this battle will take me a week or three from now. Today i did my activity's but i do feel rather down but i have to just keep in mind why i have beat and do my best to keep my head as high as i can. I think doing a 30-40 min good thing for me a day keeps me from tipping into deep depression. As long as i keep doing it wont win 100% of my day.
This is my first trip quiting a addictive drug. One day at a time.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 5:14 pm 
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Hey deadaga1n, I finally started working out months and months after I quit Suboxone, I wish I would have started earlier. Vigorous exercise and weight lifting made a tremendous difference for me. At first, it was like all my opiate recpetors had little corks in them and they all came popping out when I started exercising. That flood of endorphins (?) is awesome, it's like it protects me from getting depressed.

In an earlier post, you said something about needing a pill to deal with your problems, that's what many of us addicts do. We rely on some kind of drug to numb us out. We've become so used to numbing ourselves out that when we do quit drugs altogether, we're like :shock: ......WTF is with all these emotions and feelings I'm having, how in the hell do I handle them? I know I was a basket case for a while, but thanks to my wife, daughter and some good friends, I'm making it.

Get yourself a support system if you can and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 6:14 pm 
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tearj3rker wrote:
What have I done :shock:

And I'm not even American :lol:


Bwahahahahahahahaha :D !!!!!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:37 pm 
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Thanks for the replys! i took 2 days off because i woke up and my back was hurting but yesterday i think was day 12 and i felt like i never been on suboxone at all. Except at night i toss and turn before i fall asleep. Tomorrow i will work out again(my muscles are still sore today but back is better) thinking of doing a 4 day on 2 day off for the first 4-5 weeks.
Its nice to have 90% of my day feeling good. Except the runs :(


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:05 pm 
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deadaga1n,

Glad to hear your doing so well! I also am still on this roller coaster. Be careful in pushing yourself too hard. I would say after day 12 I was feeling pretty damn good. So I pushed myself a little too hard thinking I was back to normal. Now it's biting me in the ass I hurt all over :( ... I am in so much pain lol It's ridiculous and their is nothing I can do about it! So for those stopping your still recovering physically and mentally. However I am learning to live with pain and not reach for that quick way out.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 1:58 pm 
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Well amber i have chosen for my exercise to walk 30 min one way then walk back (some hills on way back) low impact and i can take my time. THis with a change of diet over the next month should shed some pounds if the bears do not eat me! lol.

Today is DAY 14 woot. 2 weeks behind me all because of a pharmacy that closed the doors early on me.
My WD are constant going to the washroom 20 times a day pepto helps alittle i think. Sneezing and i do feel sometimes i get that feeling i cant get warm. But i sleep 7 hour right through the night and no sweats what so ever. I found myself skipping days coming here to read and that is a sign i am becoming more free everyday. Well pancakes tradition to off to cook some breaky. I watched a show where ppl who want to kick heroin can take this root from Africa and quit cold turkey. Many ppl went back to there dope and reason i think is simple. If you can quit heroin or oxy subs with out going to hell for a few days what would stop you from picking up that drug again. Its the week of hell that you need to endure and embrace and remember for ever from that point on. When i look at a pill i will weigh out the few hours of being number compared to the weeks/months it take to get right after being hooked. Not to mention being on suboxone i felt sick ALL the time!! every morning before the pill was absorbed and the MANY side effects listed on the paper work i was feeling ever day.
Write out your everyday on the forums as its help me so much. If it helps 1 person then bonus!!!
Birthday in 1 week!!!! it will be a good one.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:15 pm 
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:D I'm happy your doing good. Birthday coming up and sober to celebrate that is something to be proud of. I have some promises I have to keep here in the next few months and I plan on it and celebrating mine sober will be great. After over doing it I was fine a few later and decided Sat I would do a 4-5 mile hike up and down some hills. I know crazy right but I feel really good experiencing nature not on anything... I slept fine that night I wore myself out but not too much. I think I may be a few days ahead of you but for the most part its a gamble some mornings I wake up feeling normal and ready to take on the day and others I wake up feeling slow and that my mind just isn't at its full norm yet. Just keeping occupied helps alot. I find myself not on here as much. That's good and I agree with you there. I'm glad there is support and people to talk to going through the same thing and your not alone. After all this dieting and exercise we should come out lookin good lol some humor.....


I fully agree you have to get through withdrawal whether it be quitting any opiate and then think next time do I want to go through this again cause there will be a not so fun next time. At least with the other the withdrawal is shorter but cravings are high :/ With sub its different long drawn out. I have no desire to take the easy way out. They are right its a battle. Your in for a fight they don't lie. When I do feel good its amazing though... Worth it. Makes me realize what I have been missing and going places not having to worry about my meds is a great feeling. Letting those chains fall... It's weird cause I felt crappy on my low doses of sub as well.

Anyways,

Keep Going I hope your still pushing through. Wishing you all the best!

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