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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 10:20 am 
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Hello everyone! I just wanted to take a few minutes to introduce myself and tell you a little about my story. My name is Amy and I am 34 years old. I have been addicted to pain pills for the better part of five years, with the past two years getting pretty intense. I am a mother to six children (two of my own and four of my boyfriends - they all live full time with us). It is because of my kids and my relationship that I knew I needed to stop. My entire addiction was a huge secret -from everyone except my connections and my brother - and it was only after I began taking Suboxone (just over a month ago) and being clean for a few weeks that I was actually able to tell anyone that I had a problem. I am so very thankful to have found this forum. It was by reading so many of your stories that I learned about Suboxone and learned that there was a way out - a way away from those devil drugs that were slowly ruining my life! So for that I want to give a gigantic THANK YOU to all who post here and tell the real deal when it comes to opoid addiction, recovery, and life after pill popping! I have spent alot of time here already, and now that I have joined, I look forward to sharing more with you all, and to learning more about you. We already have one thing in common - we fight the same demon.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:05 am 
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Hi Amy!

Your story and title made me chuckle...not because I'm laughing at your circumstances. Just because it seems so familiar to me. This stupid addiction doesn't discriminate just because we are mothers and "good girls" does it? I watched myself secretly descend into depravity and NOBODY except my mother and my connections had ANY clue for a long time.

As you are now discovering, there is life after active addiction. It's a long and mulit-faceted journey that can make your head spin at times...but it is so worth it to find yourself at the end of it healthy and stronger than you ever thought possible.

I look forward to hearning more of your story! I feel a kind of bond with other mothers here...the guilt of what we have done to our family tends to be a little different for us. Keep in mind that you have done an amazing thing by admitting your addiction and seeking help. That takes a kind of strength that is unimaginable, revealing the secret is a big step. Huge props to you for having the courage to do it!

Again, welcome! Hope to hear more from you soon.

-Q


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 Post subject: Thanks for the welcome!
PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:22 am 
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Q,
Thanks for taking the time to welcome me! The fact that I found myself addicted to pills surprised even me! I did keep everything secret and that in and of itself wore on me something fierce. I HATED lying because I am NOT a liar, but it was so much easier to say I had to run to the bank than it was to say, "Hey, if you all want me to do the dishes, vacuum, and make dinner, I gotta go visit some place you would never expect to see me go. And while I am there I am going to spend that money you asked for for the book fair next week! Hope you don't mind!". Ugggggh! I am so so so glad that is all done and over with. Even if I have to take this yuck-orange-tasting film for the rest of my life, I will never again spend my kids' book fair money!!! -And THAT makes me happy 8)

What I wonder is WHY- WHY on earth is it not advertised that there is help out there for people like me, like US? It is so frustrating that so many people know there are methadone clinics in the crappy part of town, but no one tells the average soccer moms or softball moms that there is help to get away from the pills that consume so many lives. It truly disturbs me.

~Amy

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Believe in yourself. Have faith in your abilities. Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy =)
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 Post subject: A mothers guilt
PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:05 pm 
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I can relate so much to your story Amy. The guilt, the lying, the hiding, the shame. It's hard when everyone on the outside has the image of you that you think you have to live up to. I too was the good mommy. The one who always volunteered. I worked so hard day in and day out to keep my addiction a secret from everyone. I was so ashamed of what I had become I think that shame only fueled my addiction more. What a vicious cycle.

Anyway... It feels good not to have to lie and hide anymore doesn't it? It feels not to have to tell your kids you can't take them to the park right now because your sick (from withdrawals)

I wish you all success in the world on your sobriety. It may not be easy but it is sooooo worth it!

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"always be at war with your vices, and at peace with your neighbors."


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 3:54 pm 
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Welcome, Amy! I too can identify with your story. I reached out for help on a day that I was withdrawing, miserable, and thinking about what I had become, which was so different than the wife and mother I wanted to be. Suboxone gave me a new start and a normal life. It felt so good being honest to everyone and asking for forgiveness.

I've spent the last year and a half working toward normalcy and healing. My next step is to become an addictions counselor myself! I start my first class in a few days.

Amy, we're happy to have you here! There are so many wise and caring people here who truly want others to succeed. Keep posting and letting us get to know you better!

(Another) Amy

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