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PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2016 12:59 pm 
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Hello my friends, it's Queenie, Maybe someone can offer some advice or just comment. Ever since the election I have been so depressed and afraid. I'm not getting political, I just don't think Trump is qualified as president. I should be over it by now. It's like when the Mets lost the world series. 2 days later, who remembers? But this time it's not going away. The worst thing about this is that I was watching a show about trauma's in the hospital and I kept thinking "They are going to get pain meds. They are so lucky" It was like a craving. I didn't like that feeling at all.

Do any of you know something natural I can buy to lift my mood. That craving scared me. It was like "I want to feel better and I know what does it" I'm not going to do anything stupid but it bothers me.

I hope you are all doing well. Remember I love all of you very much.

Hugs, Queenie


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:40 pm 
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Dear miss Queenie,
Please know that the country will be alright. You will be alright. You have all of us to support you and if you keep the faith in your recovery you should be fine.
I do not have any advice for a mood lifting substance or whatever. If you are indeed having cravings maybe alittle more Buprenorphine could help temporary. .

I hate it that your in fear. Maybe stay away from all the news channels for awhile. The media slings fear.

Peace Queenie..


Razor


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:17 pm 
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Hi our beloved Forum Grandmother. I am so sorry to hear this has you worried. Please try not to watch so much of the news. (I know that's hard) How did Ghost word that the other day? Insufficient worrying is not good for you. It does no good. Try to stay positive. I am looking up in my Complete Illustrated Book of Herbs, St Johns Wart is the first one I found, but TeeJay posted before that it was not a good idea to take St. Johns Wart with Suboxone because it make the metabolism go too fast and you can never get stabilized. So I wouldn't take that one. Now lets see... Brahmi, or Bacopa monnieri Scrophulaceae- herb-In Ayurvedic medicine it is prescribed by herbalist to improve memory, learning and concentration. Brahmi is also renowned as an exceptional nerve tonic, so it's used during times of anxiety and nervous exhaustion.------------ Gotu kola- herbalist regard gota kula as an effective nerve tonic that exerts a calming and strengthening effect on nerve and brain cells, helping to improve memory and reduce anxiety. Hops- Well known for it's mild sedative properties and is commonly prescribed with other relaxing herbs for insomnia, stress and tension. Hyssop- posses a remarkable range of medicinal properties. Hyssop is often prescribed for colds, flu, feverish conditions, bronchitis and coughs. Hyssop is also reputable to have a calming effect on the nerves and can assist with reducing anxiety. This one would be a good one to try if you had a bad cold as well. I hope this help. Oh, of your pregnant, you can not take any of these herbs. I know your not pregnant, lol, thought I'd just make note of that. I'll look some more and post some more later, but am going to put this up here before I accidently erase it by hitting the wrong button again :wink: Queenie knows what I'm talking about. Feel better soon Queenie. Always check with your Dr. or look up any medication you may already be on before taking anything new. We don't want one messing up the other. Have a wonderful Sunday everybody.-----------Bamagirl


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:31 pm 
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This has been my thinking since the election. I'm in a weird place, quite frankly. On October 19th my best friend from growing up died of a sudden heart attack. He was 45 like me. His loss leaves a gaping wound that I'll never recover from.

When I went to his memorial in Vermont (where I grew up), I saw people I hadn't seen in years. Now, the place was packed and let that tell you about the type of guy my Scottie was. Friend to all. He was interested and engaged with others in a genuine and thoughtful way. He always gave people the benefit of the doubt. Always available to lend a hand. A common man and an uncommon man all at once.

Vermont is a strange mix of folks. There are the traditional Vermonters, the transplants, like Bernie Sanders, and folks everyway in between. People are private pretty much. Nobody wears their religious views on their sleeves if they've got them. (As a preacher's kid I was especially privy to this.) This entire mix was represented at Scott's memorial.

I've been supported by many people who were at the memorial and know how close I was to Scott. My friend, Keith, who with Scott was in my first grade class. I had a crush on Keith for several years in grade school, but also held his hand when he had a hard break up in high school with another friend of mine. Jen and Jodi, who came to the memorial as much to make sure that I was OK than to deal with their own grief for a well-loved classmate. My friend Jason, who has been in the military since we graduated, could not stand to come to another memorial, but he had a Private oversee all four flights that I took to get to Vermont and back to Colorado. And he texted me throughout those 5 days I was there to make sure I was making it through.

Let me give you a little close up into each of those friends...

Keith -a lieutenant colonel of the Vermont Air National Guard along with having a day job. He and his very conservative wife (I'm friends with her on facebook) just adopted a baby boy, to add to their 3 children who were born to them naturally. They advocate for kids on the autism spectrum because their older son is affected.

Jen -a producer of documentary films, who splits her time between Vermont and NYC. She is friends with Michael Moore and was a producer on Sicko, the movie about our healthcare system. She can probably be considered New York liberal, although she is undoubtedly more complex than that.

Jodi -a lawyer in a firm she runs with her lawyer husband. Jodi didn't go to law school, but she passed the bar by studying and being one of the smartest people I know. She is that mix of Vermont native, conservative in some ways, but liberal leaning.

Jason -is a Sargent First Class level 7 (I don't really know what that means) in the Army. He was special forces, a sniper, and lead plenty of men into battle in Iraq and Afganistan. He is newly religious, Catholic, drinks too much whiskey, hunts and fishes whenever he can, is convinced that President Obama has ruined this country and has gloated several times on facebook that Trump won the election. He wears Trump's election like a chip on his shoulder.

These people make up a microcosm of Vermonters. Scott, himself, was a 1980s republican like his Dad and Grandpa before him. He switched to being a democrat during the George W. years. He and I were very similar politically, except that I was raised as a democrat. In my household, believing in Jesus meant that you voted for the people who were for the government providing a safety net for the poor, the widow, the orphan, the sick, you get the idea. I voted for Bernie Sanders for House of Representatives before I moved to Colorado.

The benefit that I gained from growing up in Vermont was that I saw friendship and love coming from all corners. Scott embodied the kindness that I saw from my neighbors, who represented incredibly different political views. I will admit that living in the country is very different from living in the city. You get to know people better because everyone helps everyone else out.

So I sent in my ballot after I got home from Scott's memorial. I voted for HC, quite bitterly, as I am a Bernie supporter all the way. I figured that he would have had to change some of his policy stances after he got elected and had to think a little more realistically.

And I woke up disappointed on November 9th to the news that Trump will be our next president. He is a man who, I think, has pandered to the lowest common denominator to get the support of middle/lower class white people who have felt disenfranchised during the Obama years. He has used every terrible, base generalization of minorities and anyone other than the white male to get support. I don't necessarily think that Trump believes everything he has said, although I certainly don't think he's a boy scout either. What I think he is, is a wild card. And enough people were willing to gamble on the wild card when faced with the alternative, a slick political insider.

This is where I think the fear comes in, and it is justified in some areas. There has already been an uptick in hate crimes from the truly vile people who believe what Trump pandered to the people.

However, this is what I have been thinking. My friends who voted for Trump are not vile people who would turn their backs on someone in need. Jason, who thinks that God can never forgive the things he has done in wartime, has always treated me with tenderness and care, despite the fact that I am his political opposite. I know a good heart when I experience one, and I believe in his, even though he doesn't. He's probably the most extreme example that I have of someone who is politically pro-Trump and seems downright repugnant in his views.

But even the Jasons of this world have good hearts. My wonderful friend, Scott, believed in people, even the people with whom he disagreed. He gave them the benefit of the doubt at every turn. I often find that difficult to do myself. But I just have to believe that most people, even the most ardent supporters of Trump, have a part of themselves that is good hearted. I believe that God sees the best in us, the part of us that is drawn toward goodness and light. We are supposed to work on that part of ourselves and make that goodness a bigger, brighter part of ourselves and we need to pray for those who are having difficulty finding that part of themselves. I know I will be doing a lot of praying the next four years.

Queenie, I also need to acknowledge that I look out on the world from a privileged place. I am lily white, I grew up in a middle class family, and I went to a good college. I have never faced poverty, I've never been discriminated against, I've never had to be afraid while going about my daily life. So I recognize that I may be speaking from a place of naivety and a sort of Pollyanna-esque existence. I want to give as much credit as I can to those who have had to fight discrimination and walls the sort I have never had to deal with. I understand that my view of the world comes from a place that many people have never experienced. So I recognize that the next four years of Trump, with all of his anti-minority, anti-outsider rhetoric will look and feel different to people who haven't come from the same place.

The thing that we all here have in common is that we have become outsiders to much of our country. We are viewed as lesser and worse because of our addiction. Therefore, I think that this should be a safe space for all people who have experienced being an outsider, in whatever form. We, of all people, should be able to understand what it feels like to grouped into a "lesser" category. Many of those same Trump supporters and Hillary supporters look down on us and think that we are bottom feeders because we "chose" addiction. And I tend to think that it's the Trump supporters who tend to be the ones who say, "Let's keep the naloxone away from them and let them die out. Let them overdose. If they can't stop their drug use, then they don't deserve to be saved!"

So let this be a place that we can all come, unafraid to be ourselves and having experienced at least some discrimination from others who think we are lesser. Whether we voted for Trump because we couldn't stomach Hillary, or we think his business sense will bring us better economic circumstances. Whether we are idealistic Bernie supporters, or folks who think that Hillary was the only one who can lead the country forward. We have to stick together as addicts, as people who know what it's like to be seen as worse because of a disorder that is extremely difficult to control. We need to see the goodness in each other, because we are a microcosm of the country. We are diverse in background, experience, and politics. If we can keep supporting each other despite our differences then there is hope that others can too. Let's be the good we want to see in the world in this space. Scott's example will guide me forward knowing that there is always some good in people.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2016 1:48 pm 
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Well geez! I didn't mean for my novel to stop the conversation! I feel a little bit exposed, but I guess I didn't have to be quite so personal either. Thinking of erasing....

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2016 3:19 pm 
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No Amy ,don't delete. I think it was very well written and im sure many others do as well. You needed to get those words out .
You are in great pain . Have suffered and are still suffering a great loss.

We as a country are full of Fear. Full. Imo . Never did I imagine just how 911 would effect this country and its people. It seems were afraid of everything today. Social media, the evening news, the talking heads all evening giving doomsday statements every night. Its no wonder.

Politically its the next sides turn. It swings back and forth, always has. Changes will come but this some of can be a good thing. Some maybe not .
Like I say, keep the faith, we still live in a great country.

Your post was excellent. Imo.

Razor


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2016 3:54 pm 
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Amy I'm with Razor, don't delete. I haven't posted on this because I know who I voted for would be criticized in this thread. But honestly, it should not be because everyone sees things differently. I decided to post to tell ya to keep ur post and don't delete it. I'll feel exposed right with ya talking about this election.

We will be ok queenie. I know it's scary and I know as addicts, we tend to think of using when we're upset or especially worried. But we will be ok like razor said :)

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2016 5:30 pm 
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Amy, Agree w Razor on your pain, the stress facing the nation and yet to keep the faith for our great country! I hurt for you and clearly feel your wrenching grief on the death of your loved friend and for that reason, I held back to comment. The last sentence 2nd to last paragraph was especially tough to read, yet I was concerned w any comment, I would appear disrespectful to your grieving. Or to anyone of us grieving - no matter the reason. The grief process is plain difficult and writing/journaling can be an effective aid. My half a penny thought now is to focus more on when life hurts or disappoints us - no matter the cause - when we hurt, how do addicts - on or off bup, get thru what for us are tough times? Wishing you all my best because this is all so hard, P

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:17 pm 
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Pelican, you are so thoughtful. :) And it's not disrespectful in the least. I love talking about my friend.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2016 9:42 pm 
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Being this is a recovery and Suboxone I think it's great you mustered up the courage to post your feeling even though you knew the political nature of the subject at hand might raise a few, if not many eye brows. We want people to know we support each other here and don't stoop to petty bickering over nonsense and stick to the matter at hand, which is being there for each other. I thoroughly read every word you posted and I see where your heart's pain is here. I say Write what ever you need to, to get your feeling out there so as not to stuff them and cause yourself major trouble down the road. I feel like I know you better and the citizens of Vermont, and that my dear, is a blessing all it's own. Love you Amy :) Your forum friend, BAMAGIRL


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 9:45 pm 
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Wow, where do I begin? Razor, Bamagurl, I love you. Amy, bless you and bless you my friend. Thank you so much for pouring your heart out to me and this forum. I learned so much about you. The loss of your friend has deeply hurt you and I want you to know I understand that kind of pain. Be strong my friend. I am so glad you did not delete that extraordinary and beautiful post. I'm sure I will read it a few more times.

I know we lived different lives, but in my black/hispanic world, I was very fortunate to have parents that loved me so much and gave me so much more than I needed. I was thier only child and was raised to be proud, well mannered, educated and to give and demand respect. I was, as they always said, thier "Princess". They both passed away from cancer three months apart from each other. My mother passed away first and my dad said to me "Your mom & I have been together since we were teenagers and after 45 years with my only love, I can't live without her" He proved it and passed away 3 months later at 11:55 Dec 31st.(I remember people yelling Happy New Year, outside the hospital) That is when my world crumbled. There you see the beginning of my path to addiction. Although it was pills and IV medication in my many hospitalizations, it's still addiction. I'm glad I never resorted to street drugs but it could have happened.

This election took it's toll on me because the word "racism" scares me just as much as the word "withdrawal". When I was 7 years old, we went to Florida to visit relatives. My mother forgot to pack my bathing suit and I went with my dad to buy one. Boy, it's hot in Florida and in the Dept. store there were 2 water fountains. One was electric, clean and the water was cold and crisp. The other one was made with dirty colored tiles and the water was warm and tasted terrible. As I sipped the cold water, a voice scared the hell out of me. "Little girl, you cannot drink from there!!!" My father ran to me and pulled close to him and explained, "She is from New York City, she doesn't know any better. She is only 7." To which the woman replied, "Well, teach her to read Colored and White and teach her what the real world is like" I am 74 years old and I NEVER forgot that.

I will try to cope as best I can with this election. Thank God I have calmed down and I lost the craving. I would never go back to that hell.

Thank you all for being my 2nd. family and may God bless and take care of all of you. Don't give up and don't give in to temptation. It's not worth it.

Love, Queenie


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:04 am 
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I'm sure that's something no little girl would ever forget and would stick with her for the rest of her life Queenie. That would have been heartbreaking.

My parents have been married 51 yrs come January. I often wonder how they'd ever deal with being without the other. My mom married my dad when she was 16 (bk then that wasn't looked down on really I guess) and my dad was 18. I'm blessed to still have them but my dad's been sick with type 2 diabetes, kidney problems, low blood, he had open heart surgery a few yrs ago and survived cancer about 10 yrs ago. He's been through a lot and I worry. Anyway, sorry about rambling, just got me to thinking about them.

Have a wonderful day Queenie ♡

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 12:37 pm 
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Hi All, This is a great post, thank you so much Queenie for starting this conversation here! As a white, female, social worker married to a black man, I was devastated by the outcome of this election. I am an east coast liberal and most of my world thinks the same. There are a few exceptions, the most disturbing being my amazing niece and Goddaughter who is married to a guy who works for Fox and has turned into this right winged Christian conservative. She is young, 30 I can only pray she will swing back to the other side! lol Anyway, Queenie, I do take comfort in the fact that Mr. Trump now seems to be walking things back. Only time will tell! Amy, your post is amazing and I could not agree with you more! So grateful that you did not take it down! I agree with you 100 percent! Almost all of us have love in our hearts and I have to believe that it is what bonds us, it is what makes us good people and a great nation. Just think about this forum! The love we have for each other without even meeting! And, it is addiction that brings us all together! Now, as my husband would say " that is deep!" I was so fortunate to have volunteered after 911 at the family assistance center in Jersey City. There were people there from all over the world who came to help. I would take families over to ground zero so that they could mourn and try to have some sense of closure. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. And yet, I continue to be touched by the love and good nature of people everytime I think back to my work there! Have a wonderful Sunday all!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:53 am 
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Hi beloved forum Grandmother! I haven't been on here near as much since getting my new phone. I'm glad you pm'd me. I love when you visit the forum. It's always a treat for everyone! And I'm glad to hear you calmed down and like the herb information. I have much more, and if you ever need ANYTHING, you can post here or pm me as well. Queenie, when you told the story of about you at the water fountain, it brought tears to my eyes. That had to be traumatic to ANYONE, but especially a 7 yr old. Good gosh... Please try not and worry, ok. I think Trump is coming around, and I think he is going to get a lot of help too, now that he is in office. I love you Queenie and I'm so sorry you had to ever go through such a thing. You know I live in Alabama where some of the most racest people in the world live. My daughter is married to a black man, which we love to death. We have witnessed racisism first hand and it is very ugly. I think we are going to be alright though. I'm praying for you tonight and our country. God bless you, your beautiful daughter and grandsons. Love you Queenie, Your forum friend Angie AKA Bamagirl


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 9:22 pm 
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Hi grandchildren, Boy, I'm glad we all got to know each other a little better here. It's so good to know that we can talk to each other and vent our feelings. Yes, we all share addiction. Isn't it amazing how we can support each other no matter what the problem is? Even an election brings us together to help each other.

Let's keep each other up and out of temptation.

I love each & everyone of you. Really I do.

Bamagurl, you are such a sweetheart. I'm hugging you tight right now.

Happy turkey day to you all

Love, Queenie


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