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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 4:23 pm 
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Over 5 1/2 years I had gone from one hydrocodone to 12 or 15. They didn't give me the high I simply had to have them in order to function. Be normal. Not WD. I was doing other drugs too, pot, speed, Xanax, I was a disaster. But somehow still functioning. My husband was diagnosed terminal 6/14. I got him Disabilty approved first time NO help in Dec 14. So in the midst of dealing with the reality of losing him sooner than later, it was time for me to step up to the plate. My family needed me. I was 38 and he was 58 and we had a 14year old almost 15. I went into a methadone clinic after countless hours of research and knowing financially, it was the only way. I went in there 11/7/14, I was a train wreck. They took my broken pieces and repaired me. I was able to feel so proud of myself it was encouraging enough to stop everything else I was doing. Cold turkey. No problems there but it would occasionally bother me that my husband was taking dilaudid like candy and Xanax too plus smoking pot. But he was/is terminally ill. We were scraping by with no insurance off his Disabilty. And I would do the work I could in the company we had run for 18 years. Around month 6 I maxed out at 80mg Methadone and started tapering. Anywhere from 3-5mg every other Monday. I was spending 40+ hours searching for a job. A GOOD job plus another 20 doing some work for what was left of our business. I knew me and i knew when I did find that job I wouldn't want to be dragging myself up to that clinic daily no way. So I had studied and learned to get down to 30ish mg prior to transferring. So I guess it was first of January I was in upper 30's. Still no job in site. It was looking grim. But I had come SO far. I was a completely different person. It was amazing. End of January, early February I finally made it to 31mg. I stayed there 3 weeks not feeling ready to change. I had had none, ZERO, issues during the taper. Suddenly out of no where the last 3x I took methadone, that same 31mg had me sedated beyond anything if ever seen. I almost wrecked countless times and just slept the other days. I didn't go back because I knew I couldn't be asleep all day but also couldn't just stop, I called them and told them everything and they didn't understand.
They told me to see the dr in 2 weeks with no solution for the 2 weeks in between. I was very put out. I found a suboxone dr who took me on almost an emergency notice after no Done for 3 days. I got there, a sweaty shaker mess, to find my BP up to 190/160 HR 120. I was scared to death. I knew I had to come In in WDs tho. I watched as it unfolded before me. I took the suboxone, 10 mins later I saw the BP change to 147/92 HR 100. I started to calm down. The WDs were fading away. 6 min later 130/80 HR 70. I felt "normal". It was so crazy to visually see the change in my HR and BP not to mention my body and mind. I knew then I had made the right decision and was so proud of myself for yet again, crossing a hurdle that was in my way. When I went to get on Methadone 11-7-14 I was a disaster. That day changed my life. I never have taken another pill, during that same time I stopped smoking pot and meth, and worked 60+ hours a week job hunting and interviewing. It took more than a year but my reward was the most amazing job I could have ever been given. I had worked all summer to get my Methadone down to 30mg so I could switch to Sub when I got a job. Oddly enough, during the transition to suboxone and the sedation and all the S*** in my life- my phone rang. It was my dream job. A Fortune 500 company. They WANTED ME. The job found me. I was one of 4 out of 1000 resumes picked to interview. When I learned I got it I just exploded into tears. It was over. The hunt, the horrible feeling of constantly being told No.. Wondering if we would ever have $ for "life". It was over.. I had yet to convert to suboxone but with the $ I was making it was the first thing I did. i will stay at my current Sub dose of 8 then 4 for 2-3 weeks and I'll began tapering off it as well. I have an amazing story. I'm proof of what can be done when you want to. I have amazed myself. And continue to each day. And because my story is SO unique and such an uphill battle and despite the fact rock bottom for me fortunately still included my home and our cars we hadn't lost all this time. But it was still rock bottom. I'm on my way back up - every day - I'm a religious person so I know why things happened like they did but if you aren't I don't know how to explain it. But I put it some of the hardest work in my life, FOR my life. And the last week I have been the happiest and had the most fun that I've had in over 5 years... I think I'm a great example and I'm so happy that if my situation helps someone, which it already has, we saved each other's lives really, but it's worth it - because you can do it. I totally hated being told that. But I understand it now.[/size][/color][/color][/color]


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 7:55 pm 
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I'm glad that things are going well-- as I'm sure many people here are. Believe it or not, your story isn't that different from most of the people here-- good people who lost a great deal, and then at some point found their way back. Some of us revisited the misery after years of doing well. Some are still struggling to get to a stable place.

Thanks for sharing your story-- I hope you'll stick around, and help the people who stop by looking for encouragement.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:29 pm 
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So much congratulations!!! I'm glad you have shared more about your life and I feel so happy for you about your success! I won't ask what company you work for, but what is your position?

And how is your husband doing? If it's not too much to ask, what is his diagnosis? My husband and I have been trying to figure out his own diagnosis right now. He just got through radiation for an early prostate cancer, but now we're focusing on the fact that he has had numbness and weakness in his hands and has for a year. His neck is very compressed, so the nerves could be impinged there. He just had a lumbar puncture last Monday and he laid flat for 24 hours afterward as he was told. When he got upright on Tuesday all of a sudden his legs lost their strength and he had to go lie down. Since then they've gotten stronger, but they're still not totally right. His neurologist told me during a phone call with her that if the decompression surgery scheduled at the end of the month doesn't work he could have Lou Gehrig's Disease! So I'm pretty scared. How did you find out about your husband's diagnosis? And how are you handling that? My husband is older too. I'm 44 and he is 61. The idea of losing him is terrifying!

I hope your family is just as proud of you as they should be. You've really turned your life around! It's really admirable!

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 2:19 pm 
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I'm glad to know my story isn't too different. I know I always sought encouragement and seemed to find mainly frustrated people. Which I was one of. So I wanted to share some happiness. I do feel all the external forces I dealt with made it all the more amazing for me. TO me. Fortunately I never got in any legal trouble of arrested even. Allowed me to get the job I got. Which, Amy, I am an executive Assistant to senior vice presidents of legal There are 7 of them!! It's a travel/IT company.

My husband is so so. Good days and bad. More bad than good. His story is a long horrible nightmare. He had high BP when we met and 1.5 years later had Triple Bypass. In and out of hospital because he couldn't always keep it down... Speed up to 2010 he was diagnosed with stage 4 neck and throat cancer. He found a lump. He went they chemo and radiation that was a total nightmare. This is when I took my first hudrocode for recreational use. He had to be fed via a tube and it was the hardest 8 mos of my life living with him having a feeding tube and withering away to nothing. Took close to 2 years to return to normal. He had to have a neck dissection to remove remaining tumor. Which was still walnut size. It caused them to have to cut one of the largest muscles or nerves I forget, in the neck/shoulder area which he has constant pain 24/7 and limited movement of left arm. He had a wreck soon after full recovery of cancer. He apparently had flatlined - care flight to ER and they put a pacemaker and difibulatur in. He was a mess. His BP continued to spike like it always had and when it would soar to 220/120+ and nothing he had at home lowered it or the angina was too intense we would go to er. It had been very high for 2 weeks or in june 2014. He was so sick of hospitals. During cancer he spent probably 50% of his time in one. But he's always had lower back pain off and on and it seemed to be easy to aggravate. But in June he said he was bent over pulling a weed and as he stood he said it was the sharpest pain he'd ever felt in the low part of back down into legs. For 3 days he was in excruciating pain not wanting to go to er. Pain had drive BP to 240/130 for more than 24 hours and I was done. I called 911 and they took him. It took a bit to get a diagnosis. Then they hesitated even giving it to me (the family was there we were all emotional as it was) he was on liquid nitro for over 16 hours and a lot of pain Meds finally the BP dropped. We were told that he had an aortic aneurysm. They gave us a visual of what that was etc. they moved him to a hospital with a higher trauma level. He was kept under intense care. Apparently the back pain correlated to the anuersym which usually the back pain represents dissection or rupture. In his case it didn't. I researched and researched. I had learned it was bad. I learned mortality rate was VERY high. And if it starts to rupture you have a 10% chance of survival. There was surgery for it but it had to be 5.5cm. His was at 4x4. Which IMO grew fairly quick as it was t there in a 2012 pet scan. Then the doctors all came in to basically tell us they couldn't do anything for him. He was unable to be operated on due to his health being so poor. So we were sent home after 10 days and basically told "hang in there until you die". This is what jack Ritter died from. So he has hung in there. But the past 3 months or so we have watched him go further downhill. He's visibly worse each week. He has a second anuersym now in his abdomen. It's sad there's no help for him. That's why the pressure was more than just pressure to find a job and income and insurance. And it was a miracle. It's sad to know at any moment you could pass away. As could we all but the odds are very much in his favor. So he was diagnosed by me studying his symptoms BIG TIME IN DEPTH using support groups and input from others relaying that info to doctors and surgeons. And his hospital records over time were like a puzzle and it all led up to the anuersyms. He has several issues that all could cause him to pass away sooner than most. But this one was considered so bad especially with the combinations of kidney disease having had cancer etc he got disability the first day they could approve it. Which was a relief but also a sign. That he was worse off than we wanted to believe. So.. I suggest md junction.com for great advice on all health issues. And document document document. Read read read. Do the things you fear a doctor won't take time to do. I feel like I could be a physician by now. A pre-cardiologist. But it also kept me busy and focused on looking for answers rather than on death. Please keep in touch. I can give u my email or you can PM me whatever. I'd like to talk with u more.


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