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PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:31 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi there.. I am new here and have read a lot on this site and really enjoy it. I have been clean and sober since Jan. 10 thanks to suboxone. I feel that it has saved my life. Only thing is, Im obsessed and fixating over when I have to go off them in July. It is a strictly 6 month program and I do NOT feel like I will be ready then.. i know I wont. I started on 12 mg, and am now on ten. I am not doing well with the taper, and im terrifed. I just KNOW I will go back to that horrible deadly lifestlye. I was hooked on oxies roxies, anything I could get my hands on. I lied, stole, manipulated, and anything else I could do to get them. I have been abusing opiates for ten years.

I do not have cravings right now, but I know its coming. I have tried to change my lifestyle the best I can.. scary thing is I dont go to meetings.. even tho im supposed to. I just dont do it. I cant even explain why. I dont feel safe saying im clean in meetings cuz so many people in NA frown on that. The main point is how afraid I am. I also CANNOT handle w/ds. I never have been able to and usually last 2 days, and then thats it.. Right back on it. I am going to lose my family if I go back. I have had two VERY serious suicide attempts. One in which i took all my new refills Xanax XR i took 90 1mg pills. Instant Xanax I took 30 .5mg pills. Lamictal(thisone almost killed me, i was in a coma for days) i took 30 200mg pills, Seroquel, I took 60 300mg pills, Neurontin, I took 120 600mg pills. and trazadone 30 150mg pills. I am not lying about any of this. My skin blistered and scarred from the lamictal.

My dad found me just in time, but I almost died. and the docs said it was 50/50 and they would see if I made it thru the nite. I attempted again 2 months later with the same meds, just a few less. About 2 weeks worth instead of a month... Oh WOW Im rambling.. the point is, Im terrified, adn I KNOW i will go back. I just know it. Im not comfortable in my own skin.. I dont know what to do about this, and I wondered if anyone else might have the same fears? Or had a similar situation.. Im terrifed, scared to death and he wont budge off that 6 month thing. I guess I could beg him, or what could I say to him? Im mostly scared so bad of the w/ds and then the fact that I wont make it thru them, I cant stand it, and will surely go back.. Any responses would be welcome.. If its even a harsh post.. anything is welcome.. Please help me out if you can iwth any advice or experiences? Thank you for letting me be a part of this wonde[/font]rful forum..


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 Post subject: Hang in there...
PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 4:28 pm 
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Hi There tennlady9598,
First take a deep Breath and give yourself a break.... . Second welcome to the forum glad you are here. I am NO DR. Or Health Professional so what I say is simply the thoughts of a Recovering Drug Addict :) As far as your Dr. goes i am surprised that the program is One size fits ALL?? 6 Months for everyone.... The one thing I have learned about this disease is that everyone is different. So I would Definitely talk with your Dr. and tell them just what you have told us. That you are scared to come off Suboxone all the fears you have about w/d's and about your past. I'm not sure how old you are or what your family status is? But you need to share this concern with someone so you can get the help that you NEED. Don't sell yourself short! You can get thru this thing with some help. You have already started by reaching out in this Forum. Please continue to post so we can see how your doing that's how we help each other out here by sharing our stories our fears and our SUCCESS' when we have them...... :) I really wish you the best and hope that you keep us posted on your progress OK? Take care for now....

God Bless
TW


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:24 pm 
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Welcome Tennlady. I'm glad you found this forum where I'm sure you'll find alot of support. I'm also neither a doctor nor a medical professional.

I don't blame you for feeling afraid. I've been on suboxone since December 2008 and looking back, if I knew I had to go off in 6 months, I think I'd feel the same way you do.

If your doctor is completely inflexible, I say find a new doctor who is willing to keep you on it for maintenance. There are more than one doctor-patient matching programs online. I had success with one, but others not so much. You may have several to weed though, but it's worth a shot. If you want those sites we can give them to you.

Good luck and again welcome to the forum. I think you'll like it here.

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 Post subject: Thank you!
PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:58 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]HI there, and thank you for responding so quickly! I can already tell this is going to be a great place and a great support for me.. A little background, I am 36 years old. I was always the life of the party, very popular(not bragging just background info) a bartender, a great friend(the bartending started all of it off with the drinking)But, in a terrible marriage for 14 years.. (just to show you, he had a baby out of wedlock last year, and I have stuck by him, as well as countless affairs, mostly because I DO love him, but also, i NEED medical insurance and i have no job, and cant afford the insurance that comes with the little jobs I could get, my years as an HR coordinator are over, due to a seizure I had from tramadol a few years back, i lost my job and went into a 28 day rehab, which obviously didnt work, lol,

so anyway, without the insurance all my meds would be well over a grand a month.. so anyhow, is not a great marraige) and I have a 14 year old son and an 11 year old son, they are BIG boys, I am 6'1 and the husband is 6'4 so big kids! I felt like super mom, super wife on pills and I was able to numb the pain of my failed marriage. We have been married and divorce and i remarried him like a fool. He is wickedly jealous, very controlling. We used to have such fun, and were the ideal couple. That lasted about 4 years.. maybe less, i cant remember anymore. He has this habit of being a jerk, then crying and apologizing saying if i leave him he will go nuts(this is just after him screaming to get out of "his" house, that im a druggie, a thief, a whore and its a cycle. Right now I have no where to go.. My parents or my sister cant take me in. So im stuck until I can become independent of him.. Get a job, save up, get some INSURANCE mostly. I miss the old him.. I do love him, he is that father of my children and has a GREAT other self. thats how I look at him, his other self. Very generous, caring, a great lover(sorry if thats too personal for this forum?)my friend.. sadly, the other person mostly rules now... Im sorry for rambling on about this....

I started off with tramadol.. I had back surgeries to remove lipomas off my back when they kept blooming up.. Not major surgery but the chronic lower back pain yielded a "non narcotic, non addictive" pain med.. OH yea, .. It sounds crazy, but back in the day when I was suffering tram withdrawals from running out early(i was also spending a hundred a week ordering online and STILL running out, 25-30 a day, and then boom, the grand mal seizure at my sons baseball game, no less) I felt that the tram w/ds were WORSE than the oxy and roxie w/ds. the tramadol I stopped after I went on to tabs, then percs and vicodin and then finally oxies etc. I fell in love with the first roxie I snorted up my nose like a dummy I suffered this for ten years before starting suboxone.But anyway, the tram w/ds were worse. Is that weird? but it was true for me,the depression and the pain on top of the reg. w/d stuff. So, in January, my parents payed for me to start subs. They continue to pay for it, as I am unemployed, and my husband does not approve, or speak about, or anything about subs.

They also have to pay for my regualar meds as he disapproves of anti depressants, etc. I no longer take xanax or anything narotic or addictive. and he still thinks my meds are crap. So, my parents pay, and it has been a GODSEND.. I am FREE finally for once from that awful lifestyle. I drained our bank account (i stole his debit card, his account as i dont have one, and drained the whole thing. I lied to my parents and stole their money and pain pills when they were in pain. I am forever so so so horribly sorry for all of that, and will be feeling guilty forever.. I wish i could change all of that.. SOOO, I CANT go back to that, i will lose everything. My kids, my family, my parents would just die. i guess I could try begging but you have to sign a contract when you start, agreeing to a 6 month program.. I didnt know at the time, how well this would work for me... It has freed me, and given me my life back. I am not doing as great now, because im obsessing over stopping them. Its crazy, I know..

I worry when I lay in bed, I worry when I take my doses (I always save a crumb of my dose, for a "rainy day" I guess that sounds nuts too, and I think that may be addict behavior, protecting my supply, but I have read on here horror stories of doctors going out of town, or being sick, and these poor people have been stuck.. One ladies doc was wrong about the refill date and she was stuck several days, out of town, without her meds. So, I get scared. I like my doc, and trust him, but what if he is one of these that keeps you 6 months KNOWING you will go back out there and start again, so then you have to come back to him with the 300 dollar start up money. So he makes a ncie profit. There is only one other doc here in my tiny town licensed to prescribe subs. And his waiting list is LOONNGG. I fear if I go and get on that waiting list, that MY doc finds out and dumps me. He told me that this month alone he had dumped 21 people for failed UAs and seeing another doctor for subs, etc. So, Im scared, I need to quit obsessing but cant.

I am really really glad that I found this forum. I read up on the doctor and was so pleased to read about him. What a great man, and so understanding and patient. Anyhow, REALLY glad I found this. I am so tickled t have already gotten responses. I am going to stick around here, adn I will keep posting, and hopefully make friends. I look forward to getting to knwo you guys, and for the support. I am really appreciate and I can tell how you all care for one another.. I look forward to talking again real soon!!!! Becky[/font]


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 10:36 pm 
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Becky,

I am glad you are here and feel you have found some support. It sounds like you really need it right now and talking (writing) through it is a great way to feel your way through to the answers. I agree that 6 months isn't very long and you haven't even had a chance to really stabilize, let alone begin thinking of tapering. If he is having you taper already, your mind hasn't really had a chance to psychologically adjust. I also can understand about not feeling comfortable in NA as I quit attending for the same reason as you mentioned. If you think you are going to have to go off of suboxone, you may want to consider going anyways just to get a support system in place and learn everything you can about the steps and yourself. It will give you some foundation and support in the event you have to go off of the suboxone. Most people would agree you get involved in some kind of therapy while you are on suboxone. You could consider a chemical dependency program that has suboxone groups which may give you some support in attending the NA meetings as there would be other people in your same situation. (I am not trying to be a hypocrite since I no longer attend NA but if I couldn't be on suboxone I would have no other choice and trying to develop a support system when you are in withdrawal from suboxone or recently off would seem more difficult to me. Also, there is a lot to be gained from NA or AA in my opinion and I am grateful to have the knowledge I obtained from going).

Is there any reason you can't switch doctors? I may have missed that in your post and if I did I apologize. I did see that you indicated you signed an agreement to a 6 month program. Finding a new doctor wouldn't be a violation of the program in my opinion. There are many doctors out there who would understand if you explained your fears and that you are just simply not ready. There are several ways of finding a doctor including the NAABT site, the suboxone web site, and suboxone-directory.

If you feel this strongly about staying on suboxone for now, then you need to find a way to do just that in my opinion. It took you a long time to get to this point in your life and it may very well take a while to change things.

I am very sorry about your marriage. It is so sad when you are with someone who has been your best friend and when you know what the relationship could be, but just isn't. You are going through a lot of very stressful things right now and I can imagine it is hard to feel stable in the midst of all of this. If you stick with this I do think it will get easier and will get better as time goes on and decisions will become easier, life will become clearer, and it will all be much easier to manage.

Please keep posting and using the forum for support.

Meg


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:12 am 
Welcome Tennlady! Brighteyes and the others have given you some good feedback. I agree with what they've said, especially the part about checking into getting a different doctor who will allow you to continue on Suboxone indefinitely.
I've been on Sub for almost 9 months and I know I'm not ready to try going off it yet. When I started it, I thought I might be ready at the 6 month point. But that point came and went and I was not ready. Had I been forced to stop at that point, I think there's a good chance (almost certain) that I would have relapsed. With your complicated history as well as your current situation being so stressful, I can't imagine that you would do well going off Sub. So please consider looking around for another doctor or talk to your current doc about staying on Sub.
Thank you for sharing so much of your story. I hurt for you as I read it. I felt a lot in common with you. The part about the pills helping you to kind of be super-mom, wife, etc rang of truth for me. That had a lot to do with my addiction. The pills just seemed to keep me up and going when I should have been resting, taking care of myself, not just my family. I can relate also about having been the life of the party, having 'perfect' kids, being the 'perfect' couple, etc. That was kind of me, too. It's like your identity was created early-on, sort of who you are or how the world sees you. Then all of the sudden, you're not sure about all that anymore. Or you're just not able to keep all that up or something. There's so much more going on with your life that people don't see. And then you find yourself addicted to opiates and just as sick in addiction as you could possibly be. And everyone around you doesn't get it. It's tough.....so hard to navigate our way back to ourselves. Or realize that the 'old' self is just gone and we have to figure out who we are now. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but those are some of the thoughts that came to me after reading your post.
My other thoughts are more about your safety, Tennlady. If you are not in counseling, please consider getting in with a good psychiatrist and/or counselor. You have some major issues going on that you're going to need help with for a long time. Your previous thoughts and actions about wanting to end your life and your complicated family situation worry me a lot. You're under so much pressure and you have a lot of roadblocks to your happiness and stability with your tenuous marriage. There are no easy answers. Deciding whether or not to stay in a marriage is so difficult and there are so many circumstances that come into play. It's not just as simple as telling you you need to get out....I get that. But you must have some help with this. In my city, there is a Domestic Violence service that provides counseling and support. Even if your husband is not physically abusive, it sounds like he is emotionally and verbally abusive, and you need solid advice on how to deal with this. So please consider checking into the services in your area.
There's so much to think about with you. I can see how you'd be overwhelmed and have obsessive thoughts about your Suboxone. I'm so proud of the progress you've made over the last couple of months with all you've been through. Suboxone has really made a difference, it sounds like. That's what your doctor needs to know....how much better you've been doing. And he/she needs to know about your concerns about not being ready to go off. You never know....I've known of a few people whose doctors have let them stay on indefinitely even though they first said 'no.'
Try not to be discouraged. Enjoy where you are right now.....feeling good, not having cravings.....and try to work as much as you can on your recovery. Maybe you can begin to make planse for your future. Think about going back to school or back into the workplace, so you won't be as dependent on your husband.
I'm not a doctor or anything. I can just relate to some of where you've been and where you're at. This is real serious stuff as you know. You have to fight it as if you were fighting cancer or something else that could take your life. Tackle it from every single aspect available so you'll have a chance to live. To me, that may mean Suboxone for life and that would be a small price to pay if it gives you the best chance of having the life you deserve!
Once again, sorry for the ramble. Glad you're here!


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 Post subject: hello again
PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:41 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi there and I really hope everyone had a nice Easter. It was beautiful here, and the service was really nice and uplifting. I prayed really hard about my family and our situation. I am still just so afraid, and wish I could shake this. I am going to just beg when I see him on the 14th. I have been craving a little bit here lately, and it could be my mind already trying to plan what I will do when I stop. I just cannot do that, i would rather die than go back to that. I guess I am psyching myself out, but I am truly NOT ready!! I dont know but I doubt in three months that I will be anymore ready. He started dropping me by 2mgs and I begged to just drop a quarter. I dont FEEL ready, I just know that I am still not going to be "comfortable in my own skin" by this time. I want to be a healthy, productive citizen.

Not strung out on pain pills and an embarrassment to my kids, and my family. I have to admit at this point, in embarrassment also, that I have not followed his taper thus far.. not at all. only a couple of times and I couldnt stand it. He has dropped me two mg. each time, except for the quarter this last time. I am still taking 14 mg. I probably lied to you guys, I cant remember my original post. I am so so sorry if I lied to you good people, but I realize that I have to be fully honest to be in recovery. I must get my head straight!! I have stayed at 14 mg this whole time. So now, when July comes, I will be ni even MORE trouble than ever before. I will have to make an enormous drop! I am going to start dropping by 2mg starting tomorrow.

For absolute sure. It will help me, Im sure. And his next drop, I am going to follow also, even if I am behind in what he thinks, I am going to drop another 2mg. I just dont realize, also, how he plans to have me off of them by July, I am right now, supposed to be at 10mg. So in July, I will be at 4? if i figured right? and from what i read, you should NOT drop from 4 to nothing. Please please forgive me for not being honest, and I can swear to you, it will NOT happen again. I will understand, also, if you chose not to talk to me anymore.

Dishonesty is addict behavior, and I will not live that way. I suppose I should just be honest with the doc, but he is kicking people out left and right, so he may kick me out, and dropping from that large a dose would be horrifying. What would any of you suggest? I just made an appt. with my Substance Abuse counselor, and i am going to talk about this with her as well. I really like her and am comfortable with her. i am really sad that i wasnt all the way honest with you, and do ask your forgiveness. What a wicked thing, to lie. And its not me, honestly. I try to live a good life and I WANT to be the best person I can be, and I would love to be able to help other people in this situation, when I am more sound in my recovery. its a hard road, and almost impossible alone.

I am really thankful that I found this forum, and that you have welcomed me. even more reason for me to be sad about how I presented myself to begin with. Once again, never again, will I tell you anything but the absolute truth. What a great bunch of people, and I look forward to getting to know you better, and to meeting more of you guys. I have read so many posts on here, and feel like i DO know some of you. But would lvoe to know you on a more personal basis. Thank you for reading this, and I have more to post, more family things, and feelings I have. I just first wanted to know if you could forgive me? I humbly apologize again. That is addict behavior, lying I mean, and Im not going there again.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:11 pm 
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Tennlady,
It's OK! I appreciate that you came forward and set the record straight though. But please, try to stop beating up on yourself. What I'm sensing is that this doc is backing you into a corner. I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I think you said there was only one other suboxone doc in the place you live. What about in the next city over? But I'm getting ahead of myself. Talk to your substance abuse counselor and see what she says about maintenance and if she supports it also. Maybe have her speak to your doctor as well as you talking to him directly about staying on. Then, if all else fails I would start interviewing other doctors.

Try to take it one step at a time. When an end goal is overwhelming, try breaking it up into pieces instead of looking at that one, huge end goad. Make smaller goals to accomplish daily that go towards the end result you're seeking. Just a small bit of advice my own therapist gave me that I feel works really well. I feel like I'm not explaining myself very well today, so I hope this makes sense.

Try to hang in there and again, please don't be so hard on yourself. Thanks for the honesty and for apologizing. As far as I'm concerned, we're just fine.

Keep us posted on how you're doing. Remember one step at a time.

Melissa

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 Post subject: Take it Slow...
PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:04 pm 
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Hi There Tennlady ,
First let me say that you don't owe us an apology you do however owe yourself a Break! SetmeFree is right cut yourself some slack!!!! I think you are just trying way to hard to figure this thing all at once. As she said try to take small pieces of the problem on at a time the rest will come in time... I do think you need to get a Dr. that has the same End Game in mind as you do. It sounds like the current Dr. you have wants to eventually stop the Suboxone all together at some point. From what I have read you think that long term maintenance is better for you??? I think you need to get someone that agrees with you and that may help ease your mind? Whatever you choose please give yourself a chance. Take baby steps out of this madness and you will make it. :D Also please continue to post we would love to hear about your success that I'm sure is forthcoming. Best of luck!!!!

God Bless
TW


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 Post subject: thank you
PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 12:56 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi guys, thank you so much for your responses. Yes, I have to be done in July. Which makes this whole thing a pretty rapid process for me. He also makes the drops pretty quick at 2mg at a tme (maybe not quick, but it seems pretty quick to me) I am so worried about July coming that i just dont know what to do. I do need to slow down, and calm down, you are correct. There is the one other doc in this town, with a lonng waiting list, adn I fear if I were to get on that that either my doc would get mad(they communicate with one another) or that my turn being up for that doc might not be for a long time after July. I am such a dang worrier, and have always been so.

I need to go to more meetings, I think. I did not drop my dose today, like I said I would. And i think I am just setting myself up for pain later this week, when I will run out. My docs appt isnt until the14th. I do have some quarters left from when I only take 3/4 of the pill, and last time I ran out, those little quarters saved my tail. Amazing how even a little crumb can take the w/ds away. I dont like to think of it as abusing it (although I guess I am since Im not following his directions to a T) and I feel like I follow all his other orders very well, and am trying very hard to get my mind ready to be living a clean and sober life, a happy and full life. How many times have I cursed the day that i ever started pain pills.

I remember when I had to have a hyserectomy, and my tolerance was SO high, that the morphine they were giving me wasnt even touching the excruciating pain. My blood pressure was sky high from pain, and I was just rolling side to side in the bed,crying, and was wishing so bad that I had never seen a pill. I have a lot of substance abuse (alcoholism) in my family history, and I just always felt it wasnt fair, that I had to get hooked. I wondered why God let this happen to me? Why wasnt I strong enough.

I have learned that the "whys" wont bring my life back. And that I cant change the past. He has a reason, i believe, for everything and I am still trying to figure mine out, but hopefully I will. I am so glad that I have found you guys to talk to. I just hope and pray that I havent screwed myself on this. I cant take w/d, I mean, im never strong enough.So i fear if they get bad enough when i stop, or even BEFORE then, that I wont be strong enough. Im so fearful of w/d AND of that lifestyle. I am just afraid of everything right now. Nervous Nellie I guess. Is there anyone else on here that has not follwed the dr.taper plan? or had to stop suddenly before they were ready? If so, could you please respond? thank you in adv[/font]ance


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 Post subject: not a smart cookie
PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:56 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Im so STUPID!!! I STILL havent done the taper.. what the hell is wrong with me? Everyday that I plan to, this anxiety kicks in, I take my 14 mgs for the day (split into 8mg am and 6mg pm) and i say,"ok, tomorrow, i will do this no doubt for sure tomorrow) really smart of me, as I am going to run out before my appt. on the 14th.

I do have all the quarters I have saved out from teh 6mg dose, and that may help when I run out, I can use some of those quarters to get me through it. I have GOT to stop doing this!!! It is not helping me at all to be a good clean person, if I continue to use the incorrect dose.

I think I have zero willpower and that is something I have to change!! I am going to go to a meeting tonight, adn I am going to pray for the strenght to do the RIGHT THING!! If I continue on this way, I am cheating myself out of recovery. I am letting myself and everyone else down. I will not let this damn beast of addiction lead me around anymore. that lifestyle was hell on earth, and I didnt even enjoy being high at the end.

It was only to avoid being sick that i continued to use. Suboxone is a wonderful thing, and I count myself as clean even tho others dont count that when you are on subs (i wonder why those people post on this forum when it is a suboxone suppport forum??) but I do count myself as clean from all the stealing, lying, snorting, lying more, stealing more,etc. BUT I dont count myself as fully clean since Im not using the right dose. I am going to do this you guys!! I am afraid tho, if I tell him, he will kick me out. If that happens, I know im not ready and fear a relapse. NOT an option for me!!

I want so badly to have my life back (which I do at this point, things are wonderful for me) and to go back to school, (3 years college and I dropped out, smart move again, huh) mostly due to drugs. And get a JOB so that if things continue to be the way they are in my marriage, I can be independent of him). I think part of my not using correctly is stress, depression, fear, etc.

I cant blame it all on something else, since its ME taking the wrong dose, no one forces me, but I think it contributes. I really am glad that I found this fourum for support. I am hoping to post everyday, and keep you guys updated. I know you must be thinking "what a fool, Im not going to have anything to do with this, since she is still not doing the right thing" but if anyone doesnt mind "talking" with me on here,

I would really love to have a friend or two or many. I dont feel so alone talking with you guys. And you are all SOOO nice and supportive!! It means a lot to me. I am not going to let this disease kill me. I will not let it win. I really am commited to being clean, Im just behind in where i should be progress wise. Please believe that I dont WANT to monkey around with my dose, its just that damn anxiety... So, if anyone out there cares to respond, please do!! I look forward to getting to know more people! Love, Becky[/font]


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:11 pm 
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Ok, Becky, take a deep breath and try to relax. And stop beating yourself up. That's not helping the situation, in fact the worse you feel about yourself the less things probably will change. Easier said than done, I most definitely know that.

Now, your anxiety...I posted a thread not too long ago under "chronic pain"...here's the link: http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=1582. It's about meditation/self-hypnosis/guided imagery. I use it for anxiety and chronic pain. I know it's hard to believe, but it's powerful stuff. I used to be on 6 mg of xanax A DAY. Talk about not being able to handle my anxiety! Now I experience the anxiety, realize it's not abnormal to have it, and use meditation to calm down. I know, you're thinking "no way will that work, I'm too upset". I thought the same thing. My post tells how to do it step by step. Please try it, even when you're not anxious, so you can get the hang of it. I promise you it really can help.

Focus on the positives you've done, not the negatives. Give yourself daily goals, not huge, way-off-into-the-future goals, they are more attainable. You CAN do this. You've left behind an addictive lifestyle and chose recovery. Just because you're not tapering down doesn't mean you're necessarily in the throes of active addiction again or still. Please think about finding an out-of-town doctor. One you're comfortable going to. I think if you can find one you'll breathe a huge sigh of relief.

So take a deep breath, relax, try to meditate even if it's just for a minute, then go to the doctor locator sites and just get a list of doctors from out of town. Do one thing at a time - because you don't have to do it all right now, today. OK?

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 3:12 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]well, one little piece of good news, I got a job!! At the tanning bed where i tan. Its a really cool place to work, and with all the teeny boppers working there, im surprised they hired a 35 year old woman! I do look a lot younger than that (not trying to toot my own horn, tho) so maybe thats why. There are some long hours, tho. 12 hour shifts. and so, worry wart that I am...

Im worried NOW about kicking subs when I will only have been at my job for a couple months! And if I dont taper properly, and have to jump down off what Im taking.. i will indeed be sick. I HAVE to have this job! My husband gave me an ultimatim that if i didnt have a job by May 1st I was outta here, and i did find one, but If i lose it, not only will I be out of a place to live, but no money and no where to go... If there was nothing to worry about , i would create something.. lol.. But honestly, I think those are legit worries. I managed to get some neurontin from a friend the last two days, but tonight, I really will be out.. DAMN!!

I get these weird seizure like jerks when I am out, along with the regular w/ds. I tried to call the sub doc to see if he would call any in for me, but the answering service is continually busy. I really am not counting on that anyway. He doesnt "do" other meds. so I guess now i have to go ahead with it.. i hate how painful it is, but maybe not as bad physically from opiates, it sure does suck though. I hate that i always sound negative on here.

I really am tickled about the job, and its beautiful weather here, and my husband is going away to referee basketball games this weekend, so it will be nice and quiet. And if i have to go thru w/ds it will be better to do it without him here.. sounds weird i know but he has never helped me out with w/ds anyway, always made it harder on me and talked down to me and fussed about how i wasnt taking care of the house. Great guy, huh.

I dont even think he likes me anymore. iM sure he LOVES me, but not sure about liking me. I wish sooo bad that i had my neurontin, but i guess its not to be. I am def. going to ask him anyway when i see him Wednesday. i am not holding my breath though. Just thought I would share about my job and to see what you guys thought about how in the world i am going to kick the subs in July with a new job!! :( I hope to hear from you guys soon... Be[/font]cky


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 3:50 pm 
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Hey tennlady! Don't freak out, take a deep breath and check it out. Everyones body is different, everyones chemistry is different, however: I jumped from 16mg to 8mg and am experiencing no withdrawals except for anxiety in the late afternoon, but the good thing is I CAN STILL SLEEP. Sleep is the most important thing to me and is a drug to me in and of itself, i don't sleep all day or anything like that, but the end of the night is my chance to get away, shut off, relax, and go to dream land. I'm certain if you can just keep yourself busy the whole day like i've been doing you can easily drop from 14 to 8, or drop from 14 to whatever you are supposed to be at, i'm too scared to go down past 8, but an incredibly low amount of sub can keep you from going thru W/Ds from what i've heard. I've been at 8mg now for the past 12-14 days and honestly i feel fine except for the icky feeling in the late evening but i deal with it by keeping my mind occupied with the computer, videogames, music and cigarettes :P

I live with my parents and have an abusive man in my life, my father, he isn't physically abusive anymore, he used to be, but he is an alcoholic and is very mean and selfish and a big cry baby, he puts my mom thru hell sometimes as well as me. The physical abuse stopped about 8 years ago when he got off the methamphetamines. I understand what thats like and i think some kind of counselling would be good for you to deal with that.

Good luck


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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