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 Post subject: Another update
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 10:03 pm 
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Well, I like to keep my story up to date bc I want other prego moms to have some personal experiences to read and hopefully know what to expect. Although I know every pregnancy and every experience is unique.
Today I went to a sub dr. In my posts above I was so excited to have an appt w this doc bc he took my insurance and he could make me "legal" in the systems eyes. Well, he has been the most judgemental person have met so far.
Let's just say I have been a bad person before, so I don't go around feeling like total crap about myself and my suboxone use. According to that dr "I just don't get it. And I have been exposing my neonate to naloxone and I have also caused the baby to probably withdrawal". That is prob an example of some of the nicer stuff he said.
Don't get me wrong people, I don't exactly feel like mother of the year. But I sure didn't expect to walk into this dr office and get talked down to so horribly. I feel as though I was.....WAS a bad person. And now sub's has given me life. I feel so far from the "junkie" category that I don't even relate to that in my own mind. But unfortunately the entire medical arena that I have encountered feels as though I am still scum. I really expected this sub dr to be on my side. To understand I am a better person now with 8 months of only sub maintenance. But doc didn't see it that way.
My first appt was today, Tuesday. And has prescribed me enough subutex until Friday. Bc he is insisting I come bk then....in 3 days. Come on!!!! But ofcourse I am at his mercy. I hope something goes right. I really do. This is so hard bc my husband and I both work. I just really wish I could understand why he would be so harsh after meeting me for 5 minutes. I will update again Friday I guess. I am hoping that he loosens up.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:35 am 
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(post continued from above)
Call me naive, but I expected this sub dr to be my knight in shining armor. Basically, he said I should be ashamed of myself and that I should go around in life knowing I am an awful person.
I am hurt and surprised a sub dr didn't understand.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:22 am 
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http://www.acog.org/Resources_And_Publi ... _Pregnancy

Print this link and take it to your new Sub doctor along with the other material that the other members have posted links to for you.
Your doctor is, excuse me, an a$$hole! He has no right to stand in judgment of you. You are doing the best you can! Is your situation ideal? No. Do you need this pompous a$$ to remind you? No.
If I were you, I'd say something along the lines of...."you know, doctor, this is all really difficult for me. I get a strong sense that you don't think very highly of me. You need to know that anything you say to me and any poor opinion you have of me is nothing new. I've felt it already...I've mentally battered myself enough for you and me both over the situation I'm in. I know it isn't optimal. I hate that I'm exposing my baby to these substances. But at this point, my options are limited. I've done the research and I know that if I stop opioid replacement therapy during this pregnancy, I could very well lose my baby. That is not a risk I'm willing to take. It's not because I don't want to suffer withdrawal....it's because I don't want my baby to suffer withdrawal en utero and risk a miscarriage, preterm delivery or intrauterine demise (stillbirth.). As I have learned, my options are the aforementioned stopping replacement therapy now, maintaining on Methadone or maintaining on Subutex. The research I've done leads me to believe that the risk of NAS may be lower with Subutex and that is the route I've chosen. I sincerely hope that you can support me in this. I very much need a physician who is willing to do that as I want a good outcome for this pregnancy more than anything. I feel guilty enough all on my own, without anyone else adding to that. I appreciate your willingness to take me as a patient and prescribe Subutex for me. I know that I've made mistakes, but I'm really trying to turn things around and do this right. I need your help and I hope you'll continue to provide it. Just please try to see me as not just another addict who has made lots of mistakes, but as a pregnant young woman who's trying to do the right thing. I have eight months on Suboxone with no slips or relapses....for me that's great progress! If there were any other better way, I'd do it. But I can't go back in time. All I can do is work with where I am now and continue to do things right throughout my pregnancy and thereafter. So please, don't feel you need to me to "get it." I do. I hope to have a good and trusting doctor/patient relationship with you and will do whatever I can to foster that."
Maybe even write something up along those lines and drop it off, along with the articles, for the doctor to review before your appointment. As you know, you're kind of at his mercy...you need his services. So in my opinion, you need to do whatever you can to foster the relationship....without having to put up with his verbal and mental abuse for several months!
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but you can be strong for yourself and your baby. Sadly, the stigma towards addiction is alive and well among many healthcare professionals. You just have to rise above it and keep doing the best you can. Hopefully eight milligrams a day will hold you for the entire pregnancy...personally, I think it should if you've been okay so far. You may even be able to taper a bit as time goes on depending on how you're doing. I've said before...it just makes sense to me to take the lowest dose of any drug that provides the intended therapeutic result. I think sometimes with Sub, we kind of convince ourselves we need more due to how we are feeling mentally. The truth is that the half life of Sub is so long that it is nearly physiologically impossible to have withdrawals if you're on eight milligrams of Sub, until you've not dosed for at least 2-3 days. Now cravings is another matter...some need higher doses to stave them off. But truth told, in my opinion, a lot of the time, the cravings could probably be pushed through without a dose increase if one is very dedicated to recovery and will use other tools to deal with those cravings.
Most important thing is to get through this pregnancy without relapsing. Stay committed to your recovery, follow doctors instructions and keep everything "legit." I hope you can enjoy your pregnancy. Keep posting!


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:49 am 
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Thank you so much boxed. I always think of a million questions I need to ask my dr/'s and then when I get in their office/s I can't get a word in edge wise.
Your response was very kind...and spot on with how I am feeling. I got the impression while I was in his waiting room that he mainly prescribes pain meds, and that caught me off gaurd bc I was expecting a "recovery" atmosphere. Not a drug house...
From the 3 day supply, to seeing the people in the office complaining about being called in 2 times a month for pill counts, I get the impression he doesn't even want people to survive his "program". I work, my husband works, so dropping everything to go to the pill house for a pill count isn't exactly reasonable. I have arranged to be at my appt Friday, but even that wasn't easy. I just really can't believe what I have gotten into, and weening myself off, is still looking like the best option. My husband and I are even struggling to get along thru all of this stress. This sucks so bad. Maybe I need to dodge insurance drs and find one that only takes cash. I hope this all works out.
Once again, thank u! This forum has made me believe that all of us in the sub community understand each other. I am so thankful for this forum. But out here in the real world, they haven't got us understood yet. I am going to print that off, and hopefully the doc will even read it.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 12:16 pm 
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Just another update: I went into the doctors office extremely humbled today. And that went over much better. To all the prego moms on sub without a script. When you find a sub dr that will even touch you with a ten foot pole make sure you approach them very humbly. Because chances are they are going to view you as a junkie. And unfortunately I guess that's what I am. I have just been away from that "crowd" and felt above them. I know in my heart I have been doing great. But being with child changes things. I no longer have a personal life. My business is their business. Keep your head up ladies I think we will get through this one step at a time. Fingers and toes crossed!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:02 pm 
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I'm really happy for you! And very impressed and proud of you!
It's really easy for us to get a big ole chip on our shoulder....Not in any way implying that we should be treated like crap, but we do need to keep in mind that when we approach healthcare professionals, they are entitled to their feelings sometimes. Often, we have abused the system...the doctors by abusing the meds they prescribe and many other forms of illegal or immoral activity related to our disease. Some of that behavior puts their livelihood at risk. So to approach with humility and respect goes a lot further than going in on the defensive.
Bottom line, as I mentioned before, you need a doctor who will treat you with bupe while pregnant and you've found one. You should absolutely not tolerate abuse from him or accept it, but having worked in healthcare for a long time, I know what works and what doesn't. ..what immediately puts doctors on the defensive, etc.
You keep up the good work! Humility is, after all, a big principle in recovery, as is accepting that we've made mistakes and hurt people. So I think you've got nothing but progress going on here.
So, did he write you for a more reasonable time period this time or do have to keep going back frequently for a while? I hope things just keep getting better for you. Especially so you can relax and enjoy being pregnant!


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:14 pm 
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This pressure is exactly what I don't like about sobriety. The no pressure sub method is better suited for me. Wish these doctors would all understand.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:24 pm 
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Hey Boxed!! Thank you so much for the encouragement! He wrote me for one week. Lol. Which is better. I am scared because I don't want all of this to start affecting my work life. Unfortunately, doc has the power so I have to hope my work just bears with me thru my "appointments."
In a lot of ways I believe I did have a better than a junkie chip on my shoulder. And that's just not how most professionals will look at it. And since I have been "buying them off the street" in their eyes....I am a junkie. He was a lot easier to deal with today. He sensed my humility and worked with me much better but his oppinion of me is still very low. I unfortunately truly need sub. And he looks at sub as just a tool to begin life of complete sobriety. I don't feel that strong yet, but I have to do what me and baby need rt now. And maybe I can find another doctor after giving birth that understands sub long term.
I am probably in a program that is going to require weekly visits. That really sucks with my schedule. Sigh. One day at a time :)


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 10:23 am 
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I wanted to follow up with everyone and let you all know how my pregnancy went. Unfortunately after carrying her 7 months I lost my baby. She just stopped moving 3 days after I had been to my regular ob appt. My doctor does not think subutex had anything to do with it, I was just very unfortunate to have experienced a pregnancy miscarry after so long. I hope to be pregnant again in a few months, and I hope my outcome is a happy one.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 8:08 pm 
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Please let me apologize on behalf of the forum that your most recent replies from people have been lost. None of the posts on your thread were censored or deleted! Dr. Junig, who owns this site, had to switch hosts and upgrade some aspects of the forum. For some reason that we don't know, a week's worth of threads and posts were lost in the process. Unfortunately, that included a lot of the responses to your thread.

I'm going to go ahead and edit the title of your thread again so people are reminded to check it.

I remain very sorry for your loss and even more sorry that no one here saw the post about your baby.

Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:03 am 
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I'm so sorry to hear about your tragic loss my husband and I recently lost a baby as well. I was completely heart broken I had never had this happen before to me I have only been pregnant three times and the second whic I chose not to arty through with after much diliberation and heartache but it wasn't my time to have a child I was still an active drug user at the time and I chose not to bring a baby into that sort of situation but then my most recent pregnancy which was in July when I lost the baby was intended to be carried through with. I stopped the drugs use once I found out and sought help, but after 5 weeks I lost my little peanut and no one can prepare you mentally for that but at seven months after the first trimester which can be nerve racking to lose a child I couldn't possibly imagine the pain my best friend had a miscarriage at this time and they forced her through labor which I thought must be a nightmare but my point is that my best friend was not a drug user and it could happen to anyone after I miscarried I kept asking why me why the baby why not some other mom who is an active user I was angry depressed and bitter about to say the least.so I did research Nd the fact of the matter there is no answer to the question it simply happens and it happens to about 17 % of women. It could happen to a perfectly healthy woman an upstanding citizen or even active users of drugs or women in recovery. The only thing that was different in mine is that when I looked up miscarriage after elective abortion was information that I was never told when choosing to have the abortion on the second pregnancy an the info was that there is a small chance that you could miscarry after having an abortion so maybe this was the reason why I miscarried maybe it wasn't but the fax of the matter is sometimes it does happen no matter what the women's situation is and that most times it is of no fault if our own. I'm sorry for your loss I hope m words give you guidance if not any consalation.


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