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PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 5:20 pm 
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i was just browsing the forums and came across this one, heres a brief introduction as to my story.. im 36 weeks pregnant, and was prescribed subutex in my 5/6 month of pregnancy, by the way godsend compared to what was going on beforehand... but actually this question is more about my b/f.. i am prescribed 8mg/day but i only take 2mg/day, ive been giving my bf the remainder to help him stay clean, well i just recently found out he had been injecting his, which highly concerns me, cuz like a few of u have said, its still the addict mentality, especailly with him using a needle still... he does it in his neck.. which really concerns me since u mentioned about the lungs, ive tried to mention it to him, my concern that is, and he kinda gets defensive, which i know is total addict behavior, we are expecting a baby soon, i cant have him doing this kind of stuff, i guess my question is, how do u bring it up and suggest things with out the person getting angry, i usually come off mean when i say things to him about addiction, or anything lol i dont notice it, but thats what he says, so i just want a way to show him im not judging him im just worried and want him to take them the right way.. and continue to stay clean, for himself and our baby! thankyouuu :)


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 6:46 am 
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mishka88 wrote:
i was just browsing the forums and came across this one, heres a brief introduction as to my story.. im 36 weeks pregnant, and was prescribed subutex in my 5/6 month of pregnancy, by the way godsend compared to what was going on beforehand... but actually this question is more about my b/f.. i am prescribed 8mg/day but i only take 2mg/day, ive been giving my bf the remainder to help him stay clean, well i just recently found out he had been injecting his, which highly concerns me, cuz like a few of u have said, its still the addict mentality, especailly with him using a needle still... he does it in his neck.. which really concerns me since u mentioned about the lungs, ive tried to mention it to him, my concern that is, and he kinda gets defensive, which i know is total addict behavior, we are expecting a baby soon, i cant have him doing this kind of stuff, i guess my question is, how do u bring it up and suggest things with out the person getting angry, i usually come off mean when i say things to him about addiction, or anything lol i dont notice it, but thats what he says, so i just want a way to show him im not judging him im just worried and want him to take them the right way.. and continue to stay clean, for himself and our baby! thankyouuu :)


I think this post is deserving of it's own thread, and I'm going to move it out so you can get as many answers as possible to your question...otherwise people may not pay any attention to your question, and I almost didn't check this post because lots of times when people post a reply in a REALLY old thread (the last post was April 26, 2012)...lots of folks look at it and think its a discussion they were finished with and they may not have anything else to add, so they don't click on it.

Being in it's own thread, you'll have lots more people who see this, and maybe more answers.

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October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 8:28 am 
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Hi Mishka88...Thanks for sharing your story with us. I feel for you. You are in quite a spot right now. I was in almost the exact same position when I was 36 weeks along. (my son is 16 months now). Every bone in my body wanted a family. I did not want my son to grow up without both of his parents in the same house. My desperation for this "family" completely blinded me to the reality of what was going on and what truly needed to be done.

I believe that you love your boyfriend, and I also believe that you want to help him. Giving him your sub to help him stay clean, isn't enough, if he doesn't want it. I know that you have probably heard this a million times. But there is nothing you can say to him that will get through, if he isnt' ready and willing to clean up his life. I foolishly believed that having a baby would be enough to straighten my sons dad out. I knew in the back of my mind that it doesn't work that way, but I guess I was just so consumed with wanting a family so desparately. When I went into labor and we were in the delivery room, he said he was going to go smoke, he came back 6 hours later high as a kite on percocet and xanax. He missed signing the birth certificate, and his birth. (which turns out was a blessing in disguise).

You said that he accuses you of coming off as "mean" when you bring up anything about addiction. EVERYONE who brought up my addiction was "mean". It's easier for him to blame YOUR approach, than to take responsibility for his own behavior. I did the same thing and so did my sons dad. It was always me.

Once my son was born, he immediately became more important than my bf. What he did, no longer mattered to me. I had a baby to take care of and wasn't about to take care of 2. He continued to get high and jump from er to er and doc to doc, while I was the only stable parent. I eventually told him that he had to leave. This REALLY pissed him off and he ended up choking me. He just got out of jail for that on the first of July.

Since he has been gone, my life has been so much easier. It's all about me and my son now. Of course he's harrasssed the hell out of me since being released, but I just changed my number and haven't heard from him since.

I didn't mean to make this all about me, I just wanted you to understand that YOU and YOUR BABY are the two most important people right now. When this child is born, you aren't going to have time to try and fix your bf.

My only suggfestion to you is to try writing him a letter. That way you can't come across as "mean". Start by saying how much you love him etc... and then you need to decide what you are and are not willing to tolerate in front of your child. Let him know that you support him IF he gets the help he needs, but that you wont enable him if he decides not to. I really am hoping that this all works out for you. It took me until my son was 6 months old to get it together as far as "dad" went, but it was so worth it in the end.

Whatever your decisions are, stick to them. If you decide to give him a month to get on the right path, stick to that month. Or whatever time frame you are willing to accept. But if you don't start laying down some boundaries, and following through with them, he's going to think it is ok to keep doing what he is doing.


This response was meant to be supportive and compassionate and I hope that you read it that way. I truly feel for you and the position that you are in. It is SO much harder than anyone will ever understand, unless they have been there. If you need someone to talk to who has been there. I am here for you. You can send me a private message if you wish, or just post it out right here. I am certain you will get more feedback on this though too.

Best of luck to you in this time of your life. This should be a wonderfully new and exciting experience for you... I hope it all works out for the best!

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 3:17 pm 
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You need to kick his ass to the curb. Seriously. I know I'm being harsh, but REALLY, you are about to have a baby. A tiny human being who will be totally dependent on you for everything.

Your boyfriend has clearly demonstrated that he is in no way ready to be a father. His baby is almost due and he is injecting Sub into his neck. WTF? There is the potential for so many things to go wrong in this scenario. And can you be sure that's all he's been injecting? Does he always use clean needles? Has he exposed you and the baby to any diseases? If he's using other drugs or if he does use them again in the future, are you prepared for what might happen if he gets busted? You might be inviting CPS into your life. What if he uses around the baby? Is that safe?

If he thinks you're being mean...well, that's just too fucking bad. In my opinion you couldn't be mean enough for what he deserves right now. He needs to get the hell out and get his act together and then beg you for another chance to be in your life and his child's life.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:03 am 
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Ya know what Diary?? IF someone would have said to me, exactly what you just said to her, there is a good chance that I would have woken the hell up A WHOLE LOT SOONER! You are so very right in everything you just said. To hang out and wait for this guy to change, is insanity. This baby needs, and deserves, to be raised in a home free of drug use, and destructive behavior. Thank you so much for your post. Really, I hope that Mishka or someone else who comes along later and reads this, takes your advice. Because this truly is the only way that her baby will be safe. Thanks again.

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