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 Post subject: PRE-BABY BLUES??
PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 7:15 pm 
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Hi Gang

I've been trying to cope with some depression and anxiety that I've been experiencing for a couple of weeks now. I wasn't alarmed by these feelings when they first arose, because Im pregnant (DUE ANY DAY NOW) and I know that my hormones are probably all over the place. But, the past few days, I've found it harder and harder to manage my blues. I guess the most annoying/concerning aspect of my depression lies in the fact that since I've been on the sub (a yr1/2 now), It's been EASIER to deal with my depression and anxiety. Like most addicts....before beginning treatment, I would self-medicate to stuff down these negative feelings. After I got on the Sub, I learned to address my feelings by talking about them instead of ignoring them. This, along with the sub and working with my therapist, I was able to manage my depression (w/out anti-depressants).

Also, I had hoped to reduce my Sub dose (at least temporarily) before the birth of my son. This has become very difficult. I even find myself feeling like my current dose-12mg, isn't adequate. I've had using thoughts and dreams, and this TERRIFIES me!! I usually feel confident that I'll never be in acitve addiction again. But, all of these new thoughts and feelings are really frightening. Im scared that if I have any type of post-partum depression, it may send me over the edge.
Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions? I realize that most pregnant women get a little crazy toward the end, but I take pride in my recovery and I wanna be the best mommy I can be. Any help is appreciated.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:47 pm 
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Hi Marie,

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Depression can be so insidious. Add to that the feelings, thoughts and dreams you've been having about using and it does get downright scary. Do you plan on upping your dose again after the birth of your child? If so, try to focus on the fact that this is temporary. Try meditation and self talk... "I can do this...I don't want to use again..." . I know it sounds odd, but it might help.

Your other option if things don't return to normal is to speak to your doctor about going on an antidepressant. There's no shame in needing or taking one. For me, it's improved my quality of life more than I can even express. You do have some options. The meditation might help you to relax. See, when our emotions are high and intense, our rational thoughts are low. So if you can use meditation to keep your emotions in the normal range then I think you'll be better able to address some of these feelings you're having.

You're doing great! Talking about it is so healthy. I just wish I had more concrete help to offer to you. Hang in there.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:53 pm 
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Thanks Hat

You know, I've felt this way for awhile, but never said thank you.....THANK YOU for taking so much time to reply to posts on this forum. It means ALOT to me, and to so many others, that your so dedicated to this site. Im sure there are instances in which you don't have any suggestions for the poster, but even then, just having someone show their support by replying....makes such a difference!

Im not sure about my dose after my son's birth. I had been on 16mg for a few months, but I was trying to reduce to 12 and possibly even 8 (at least for these last couple weeks). I know when I see my Sub doc next Tuesday, he's going to cut me to 12mg. The last couple times I've seen him, he's mentioned that HE wants me off by the end of the year. Personally, I don't feel ready to get off the Sub anytime soon. And, 16mg has been a good dose for me. I started out on 24-32mg (which is probably a lil too high FOR ME as a maintaince dose). Im gonna try whatever dose he suggests. But, if I continue to feel this depression/anxiety, I don't want to go any lower. If I have to find a new Sub doc, so be it. The last thing I want is to feel UNSTABLE and have an infant to care for at the same time. As far as anti-depr, Im not against them, I've just had bad experiences w/some of them in the past. Also, I don't have insurance and because of my husband's income don't qualify for most assistance. So there's a $$ issue as well.


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 Post subject: My $.02
PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:52 pm 
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Pregnancy absolutely can be an emotional roller coaster. To the max!!! And I'll be honest, after you have the baby, you are very likely going to experience some increased mood swings. For me, they were quite significant with all three deliveries. I started bawling my eyes out for no reason....maybe because someone said something...maybe I just looked at my baby and thought how much I loved him/her and 'WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!'

You cannot go back into active addiction. You are a mom now. You have so much more to lose, and just how much is going to hit you when you see that baby. You have to safeguard your sobriety, and I mean this!! I would hope your doctor would not force you down on Sub right after having a baby. Not only is there the post-baby blues, but you don't get enough sleep, you are at home more, it's a big life adjustment. I'd think that's probably NOT at all the time to be going down on Sub, and frankly, from what you said, I'd be more inclined to think you'd need to go up on your dose, at least until you get into the swing of being a mom. You need to be able to fully dedicate yourself to being a mother, and adding cravings could really throw you off track. Please stay very honest with your doctor, so he knows where you're at emotionally. Be open to an anti-depressant...just keep it in the back of your mind. If you feel you are being forced down and you are not ready, stand your ground and, if you have to, try to find a new doctor. I'm that serious about it, because of all the times in your life, right now is when you have to care for your mental and emotional stability before everything else!!!

Good luck, sweetie. Take care of YOU. I cannot wait to hear your birth story.

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:47 am 
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Marie----I am so sorry you are dealing with some depression right now.....I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! First of all, good for you for recognizing this. That's always the first step, and shows how far you've come in your recovery. Second, what to do? Being a mother is one of the hardest things to be (right up there with dealing with an addiction!) It is so trying, exsausting, exhillirating, etc. Take a deep breath and just ride with this. I know the using dreams are so very scary, but remember...YOU AREN'T USING! You have got to get yourself the right support. I would mention to your Sub doc that this taper down to 12 mg is really not going well with you. I dealt with post partum depression with all my babies, and it is seriously dibilitating. Especially when you have other children to deal with besides the newborn, and a husband, not to mention! You have go to make sure you have your support lined up for post partum. Ask to be upped on your suboxone after delivery, there is nothing wrong with that. It is a hell of a lot better than dealing with a relapse...as a new mom..depressed...and a lot of responsibilites. We don't need to go there...for YOURSELF and your family! As far as the anti depressant goes, I too, was not all for them. I have been on them before, but since getting off the Suboxone, I decided I needed to be off every med I was taking, so got off the anti depressant. Now, almost a year later, I have been dealing with some serious depression, and tried to wait it out. Even after exercise, therapy, healthy eating, vitamins, etc, it still didn't lift. I wasn't enjoying my children, which was so heartbreaking, and made me depressed and guily even further. Finally, I decided that I was not going to get a medal trying to deal with depression without an antidepressant. So I got on Wellbutrin, and it has been a couple weeks, and I see so much improvment in my daily life. When you are mother, it makes it so much more important to take care of your mental health, because you have so many responsibilites with children and everything else they entail!

You can get through this. Really consider your options, before this baby comes! Ask for help in the hospital, do not be afraid! Trust yourself, trust your body, and you will make this.

--Sarah


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