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 Post subject: Thanks Romeo!
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 3:07 pm 
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I really appreciate the video, anything to inspire me to keep pushing through is a true blessing. The part about being spoiled really resonated with me as well. I have always had my family there to catch me and I know some people have no one. I Thank God for my Family everyday. If it were'nt for them I do not know where I would be today. I learned some real lessons in the past few years and Those are what I will take with me once I put this Pain of wd behind me.

I do feel a lil better today and yes it is encouraging. Yesterday was the worst day so far. It could go back or forward, I am not sure, but I do know I will fight my way through it. Whatever this brings is nothing compared to the pain my brother is going through everyday, He has acute myeloid leukemia. He is seven years older than me, He was so healthy, He is a Preacher. He is my world, Thank God for people like my Brother. His name is Terry so if anyone would like to pray for him please send one up. I went two years ago to Houston Texas Cancer Treatment Center and gave him my stem cells. I had my pelvic bones punctured 114 times in order to get out enough bone marrow to draw the stem cells from. We were a PERFECT MATCH, but He still got Graft vs Host diesease and I Hurt to my core, down in My bones the pain goes so deep because we had prayed so hard that my gift would be the cure, and things just did'nt go that way. It is a miracle He is still alive, and I have no idea how much time I have left with Him. So I think about Him during the roughest times in my own life and it humbles me. He has been suffering for three years now Everyday, (imagine that). This is NOTHING compared to the pain He endures and pushes through with a smile no less. He is a true inspiration.

Today my wds are sweating of course, and yawning a lot, I feel run down kinda like I have the flu. I laughed out loud at you Romeo, baby wipes on a raw butt, priceless! Love it! You guys really help me, Thank you Beautiful and Romeo. You guys are the best. For you to still be helping people now that you are off subs is really awesome Romeo. You are doing a wonderful thing, hope you know that!!! Check in with you guys later!


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 Post subject: Closer n closer to day7
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 8:40 pm 
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Today I got outside, put my earbuds in so I could listen to some music and I walked down our long driveway and back then walked around our 2 acre yard. I sat on the porch a lil while, other than that I have been kinda down and just laying around. I hope tomorrow is a lil better. I need to clean my house, I am ocd about cleanliness. I grew up in an imaculantly clean environment and I want to live in one now too. It is hard to find motivation, but everything I can do feels like a small victory to me. Yesterday I could'nt have thought of walking outside today I did so thats progress.

The clonidine does help a little, it is certainly better than no relief. I have a feeling tonight is gonna be another insomnia crazed night for me, but I get lil naps here n there which is also better than no sleep. I am going to take a hot bath before I try to lay down to sleep tonight n see if that helps any. stomachs still actin funky off n on. The cramps only leave for very short periods of time then come roaring back. So I guess you could say I am going back to the wax and wane phase, Yesterday there was no wane, just wax wax wax.

The aches are not too bad, tolerable. RLS stinks! Another day..... day 7 tomorrow. I hope it is better, we shall see. I will update.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:58 am 
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I got some sleep last night. I took a bath and layed down around 11pm woke up at 12am took my clonidine, went back to sleep finally and made it till 5am. It is weird sleep though, like im stuck in the first stage and the slightest things will wake me. NO dreams, no REM as they call it. At least the little sleep spells are a relief period were I do not have to feel my wd pains so I am not complaining, just explaining. I hope the wd eases within the next few days. Stomach still Bonkers. I get these really bad pains in my back like gas pains, they suck! The clonidine helps and seems to be helping more as I adjust to it.

My goal today is to clean my house and mop. It is'nt bad, my Dad has been here everyday to help out, and My Husband has been very supportive throughout. At this point I really want to get through this and make everyone proud. I would really like to get my accountability all back, already got some of it back during sub treatment, but I want it all back, lol! May take some time, I will prove myself though. I am determined. Day 7, I will update on how it goes later!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:20 pm 
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That is the same kind of sleep I get. Everything wakes me! And when I wake, I have a hard time getting back to sleep. Sometimes I don't ever fall back to sleep. And I wake up with my jaw killing me, like I have either been grinding my teeth or clenching my jaw all night. Here's hoping we both have a better night's sleep soon.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:21 pm 
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Hey Greatest,

A lot of us experience pretty severe sleep issues during wd. The issues you're experiencing are completely normal. In fact, I remember early in my wd telling my wife how my sleep never seemed to get out of that first stage and how easily I would wake at night. I swear, if a mouse farted, it would wake me. Anyhoo, keep being patient with yourself. You may not feel like it, but you're totally kicking ass. You have a great attitude, you're determined and I'm proud of you!!

Freedom, I know you're in the thick of things too. I think you're doing great and I'm proud of you too!!

This shit does get better, I promise you.....it just takes time.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 7:20 pm 
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So earlier this am I was doing fair still in wds but tolerating things. I took my clonidine which got me a two hour nap and I woke up to Hell.... My monthly beast came early. It is part of the very reason I got hooked on opiates to begin with, I have terrible periods, the cramps will literally bring me to my knees, in wd guess what it is even worse. My stomach got so wacked out I did give in and take imodium, had to or I was gonna dehydrate quick. I have been down ever since in severe pain. I have been taking advil, It helps a lil. Usually within a couple days the worst of my monthly is behind me so I hope it isnt as bad after tomorrow. Freedom, you are in my thoughts and I hope you start feeling better soon. Keep me updated. Thanks Romeo for hangin with me through this. You are a blessing to me.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 7:37 pm 
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Hey GIL,

I have been reading your posts daily. You have been getting such great advice and support I just haven't had much to add. I just wanted you to know I'm reading and sending you a little prayer for comfort. The sleep issues suck, and the RLS and anxiety are driving me batty too. I'm down to .25mg now, and will be making my jump sometime in the next few weeks. I'm only getting relief from symptoms for about 6-8 hours during the day, so I guess I might as well just jump and get it over with. I'm working up the courage! LOL.

Does the clonodine help with the RLS at all? My sub doctor refused to write it for me, so I'm trying to decide if it's worth the effort of going to another doctor to ask for it.

Hang in there girl! You are doing so great!


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 Post subject: Day 8 im still fighting!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:28 am 
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Hello Horsegal, I LOVE horses. My Mom has two. I grew up riding, had a palomino (spelling??) anyhow her name was Goldie. I ended up liking my fourwheeler more so my Dad sold her when I was a teenager. So you have tapered way low.. You have a lot more patience than me. I could'nt keep tapering once my dose started wearing off and depression would slam me like a big rig. I have no idea how bad your wds will be because my jump dose was so much higher. Since you are at such a low dose that could be why your doc does'nt want to prescribe the clonidine. You may be one of the lucky ones and have very little wds. You did say the anxiety has been bothering you though and the clonidine does help with that. I did'nt get mine till I was in the thickest or height of my wds, thats what me and my Psychiatrist discussed before I jumped so I asked when it got pretty bad for me. You may wanna jump and just see how you feel first, if it becomes overwhelming then you could always go see another doctor. I guess that is just up to you. It may give you a little more courage to make the jump if you already had some on hand. Again. it's up to you. I hope things go really easy for you. Thanks for the post and encouragment. You will be in my thoughts. Keep me updated!

So today is day 8, wds seem to be easing a bit other than my stomach feeling like a wild animal has been clawing its way out the other wds have eased. Yawning, watery eyes, still sweating and chills here n there, but they don't seem to be quite as bad. If it werent for my period cramps I would feel much better. Gotta take it as it comes! Another day, Im alive! LOL! Pushin...... when you jump keep pushin.....


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:32 am 
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Yes the clonidine does help the RLS a lil bit. You may not have RLS though. .25 wow You go girl!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:57 am 
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Thanks for the reply GIL,

I totally get what you mean about not being able to get lower. Once you get to a certain point you are dealing with WD symptoms throughout a big portion of the day anyway, so jumping just becomes a viable option. The main thing I'm dealing with is the RLS and tension/anxiety. That's why I asked about the clonodine. I do think my WD's will be pretty minimal though. If RLS and not alot of sleep are my only symptoms then I'm sure I can push through and make it out the other side pretty easily.

Thank you for posting your progress, it is comforting to see the process and see you doing so well.

Hope today is a good one for you!

Q


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 Post subject: Horsegal...
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:26 am 
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Yep you hit the nail on the head. My pdoc wanted me to jump at 4mg, I was scared so she said she would keep me on them till I got my courage up and realized I CAN instead of thinking I CAN"T! Thats a huge deal when you are trying to jump. It sounds like you have been riding the sub rollercoaster as I call it, for a long while now. You will know when you are tired and just ready to get off that crazy ride. For me it only took a couple weeks of being below the 4mg full saturation point to say to myself, THIS IS CRAZY! I could'nt stand it. I am the type to be like Either throw me down and let me suffer or let me just feel steady. I hate ups n downs. Broken merry go round is what it reminds me of. Thats a song hope I did'nt confuse you. I was married and divorced before I got married again to my high school LOVE! Awww right! Anyhow, my first marriage I was abused mentally and physically, but mostly mentally and I would have much prefered the physical abuse so I think that may have something to do with me hating ups n downs. I have no patience for the crap. I admire your patience I believe it is really going to work in your favor when you do finally jump. If you want to hear one of my absolute favorite singers go to youtube Kascey Musgraves and listen to some of her songs. :D


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:59 am 
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Wow!! We are on the exact same day! How much suboxone were you taking before quitting? I was at about .25 every 12 hours. It seems my WDs spiked Day 3. Just goes to show how different we all are! Though I have no Clonodine and I love bedtime when my son goes to sleep(as badly as that sounds), but I HATE the no sleep!!! It seems you and I are in the same place. Though thankfully my "beast" won't be here for about 5 more days! Yes! Lol.

I can tell you that my husband did not WD all throughout Day 10. He's done. He's woken easily still at night, but he can sleep all night if nothing is bothering him (ie: me kicking him all night long.) this may be selfish, but I can't sleep on the floor. So I refuse.

Anyway lets keep each other at it!!! I'm sitting around watching The Lorax with my 17 month old. I feel so guilty when I can't be more active for him. For me, suboxone made me extremely lazy. I hated naps before opiates and suboxone. Hated them. So I'm telling myself just a few more days and I'm going to be back to my OCD crazed self and my son will benefit!


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 Post subject: Musiclover
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 12:34 pm 
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Hello, I jumped from 2 to 3 mg daily. My wds peaked on day five. I noticed a post you put on another thread, that you were using vicodin to ease the withdrawals from subs, I hope you stopped! To me that would feel like backing up on myself for real! It's good that you have your partner to go through this with so you have someone who understands and knows exactly what you are going through right now. My family is super supportive but they have no clue what this feels like for me, they can watch me suffer and I can try to explain it but you gotta be one to know one.

I totally get how you are feeling about not having the motivation to be much fun for your kid. I have three, if it were'nt for my Dad coming over everyday to help me I could'nt have done this. Luckily with him here they get all the attention they need and I do as much as I can which has'nt been a lot the past few days. I feel a lil better today so I hope tomorrow is even better, may be, may not, but I am opiate free and I am pushing through this. I would puke if I saw a pink white blue or yellow pill right now honestly. I am lucky because a lot of people have really bad cravings, I'm not. I just want to get through this and feel better again.

It is a definate that sub wds are easier to manage than full agonist wds. I never got past day four trying to stop pain pills. I would relapse, did it several times before I finally picked up the phone and found a Psychiatrist to prescribe me subs and walk me through the steps of addiction and recovery. First day I saw her I was in terrible wds from oxycodone. First question she asked was "Do you want to be on maintenance for life, or do you want to eventually taper the subs and be totally clean?" It was my choice. I made the choice to taper and she held me accountable for that decision. I was in therapy for lil over two years. So here I am today, day 8 totally opiate free and pushing through the wds. It is NO FUN but gotta pay the piper some time right? I hope the best for you and your partner, keep me updated.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:03 pm 
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Oh yes I quit them! Lol. I only took a 5mg every 6 hours. For me, 5mg is nothing! I did 120mg or more at a time before suboxone. But I only did that through Day 3. I do feel it prolonged the WDs, but made them easier to manage. Now that I've gotten up off of the couch(only 10am here), I feel a lot better than I did yesterday! The problem is, I'm in Washington and its been gloomy! The first 2 days this week were sunny and I was doing stuff all day. Surprising what some sunshine does for us. :)

That's lucky you have your dad! My mother in law is the only one I have and she isn't too keen on watching him but for a couple of hours maybe once a week. It's all fine! I think it makes the days go by faster, honestly. They're dreadful, but the faster the better.

I completely agree about this being easier than opiate WD. Though like I said, if I were coming off of opiates, it was probably 180-300mg a day. And I rarely lasted longer than 2 days. Suboxone(and my son) totally saved my life. I believe that wholeheartedly. If it weren't for suboxone, I could never have gotten through a year of waking up every hour with my son! Or been even a fraction of a good mom to him. He knows sign language and always eats home cooked meals, all day. So, it was great for me. But, like you and many many others, I want everything to be 100% drug free. Until 4 years ago I swore I'd never touch a drug.

This too shall pass... :)


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 3:14 pm 
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This thread is full of a bunch of quitters......Suboxone quitters!!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:28 pm 
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:lol: YES MY NAME IS SHANEH AND I AM A QUITTER! hahaha Romeo, I saw on another post where you had said your doc tried to get you to go back on subs after you had been off for several days and you said ARE you threatening me? I am the GREAT cornholio, I need teepee for my bunghole!!!! I woke up this morning after actually having this really strange ass dream about Paula Dean lol.... and when I woke up I thought about you saying that and I laughed out loud. My Husband looked at me like What the Hell...Ha! I told Him He thought it was funny too. What is really crazy is that a few days before I jumped I was on facebook and saw a post that has your avatar pic and says WHO NEEDS SWAG WHEN YOUR THE GREAT CORNHOLIO? and I posted it to my facebook page because I used to say I am the great cornholio a Lot in high school and everyone would laugh. I was a bit of a class clown. Just thought I would share that with you.

musiclover, I am glad to hear you did quit those pain pills. I could see that easily messing you up on your road to sobriety. I hate that you don't have more help with your baby. I have a big family and lots of people love watching my kids so they have a lot of great relationships outside of just Mom and Dad. But my Daddy worries, he will also worry the warts off a frogs ass, but I am a Daddys girl and if I am sick you can bet your sweet pickles He is gonna be right with me till I get well. He stayed in the hospital with my Brother for months while he was having chemo treatments. Thats justhow Daddy is. I am super blessed. I try to think of all the positives because that really seems to help me. I live in Mississippi we do wear shoes and we are literate, hahaha The sun has been shining here about everyday and yes it does help. I can remember my drug free days too. I would look at people who were doing them like WHAT are you doing to yourself geez, then I went and did it to my own self. What a dumb ass I feel like for that, but yeah like you said.... This too shall pass!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:13 pm 
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Your dad sounds AWESOME!!! I try to be the same kinda daddy to my daughter. If my daughter was ever in trouble, I'd fight off the 5th armored infantry by hand (and win!!) to get to her.

You made me laugh when you said you're in Mississippi, but you wear shoes. HA!!! I'm in Kentucky, they haven't invented shoes here yet. Mullets are still the in thing too!! :lol:

And yes, "WHO NEEDS SWAG WHEN YOUR THE GREAT CORNHOLIO?" :wink:

You sound like you're doing well today, that's nice to hear. Remember, at the end of pain is success!!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:33 pm 
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Everyone has trailer baby feet here, too. Yes I mean they to barefoot. Bahahaha. I got out of the house for a whole 4 hours today! Lol. It felt great! My husband will be home in an hour and we're ordering pizza. I have lost 10lbs since WD'ing. Ahh!

You do sound good! How're you feeling today?

I'm a huge daddy's girl, too. But my daddy got very sick 4 years ago. He now stays in his cabin up in te mountains in Idaho for 6 months of the year. It's very sunny and right on a river. PURE BLISS! I'm thinking I need to pack up my little fam and head out!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:39 pm 
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Today has been kinda up n down, My stomach has completely gone nuts. I am taking the imodium now, it helps for a few hours at a time. Still all the same symptoms wd sucks.... they are up n down like I said. I'm tryin real hard to stay on the positive! I think thats key because our mind can play tricks on us if we let it. I personally believe In GOD! He is my salvation. Thats just me though, I know not everyone believes the same and I respect that too! But I gotta give Him a Shout out!!! You know Made me feel better just typing that! See that's exactly what I mean about our minds. You gotta believe in a higher power than yourself. Cause we are all just little tiny specks compared to our Universe.

Romeo, the way you obviously have a great big heart to be helping so many people going through this struggle, I KNOW you are a Great Dad. I can tell and I totally believe you would fight the world for your Daughter. I feel the exact same about my two boys and one girl. They are the reason I breathe, they give me HOPE and show me the beauty in the little things, the things we forget when we get older. Everyday is a new experience when you have kids, gotta love it!

Anyway, still pushing through. Wds still going, but at least I do get small breaks here n there where I feel pretty normal. And I will never forget, Pain is temporary!


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 Post subject: Day 9, Here I AM!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:56 am 
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Woke up around 6:30am this morn. Today the first day of Summer. It is suppossed to be in the 90's here today so it's gonna be a hot one. The sun is shining and that is nice.

My stomach is still punishing me for holding it back for so long, it's like bam how you like that shit. lol! Sorry so far today I feel a lil fruity, maybe I will laugh today even if it's at myself. Or I may hear Kid Rock sing Amen and cry who knows.... Maybe both! I wanted to say something because I think it is important for anyone else who may be reading my thread. Everyone talks about the anxiety during wds and I have'nt said much about that but I am feeling it, but I am always anxious, It is a normal thing in my life daily. I have panic attacks, but I fight them and talk myself out of them. They only last for a minute at most usually then my heart slows back down and I do ok with it. So me feeling anxiety just kinda seems normal to me. On opiates off opiates, whatever I have had panic attacks since puberty. Somedays I run off the anxiety I feel, I let it push me rather than scare me. I know that is hard for someone who has'nt learned through years about how to deal with anxiety. I have done the benzo thing a many of times and I always wean off at some point and have been through wds from them a few times. You DO NOT want to go through that, I Promise! If you need them short term, less than three months and do not abuse them then you usually won't have any trouble stopping them from my experiences. Right now though I feel it's best for me to just try to stay off of them. I have a few and take small pieces here n there, but I do not want to add another problem on top of a problem if you know what I mean. Just thought I would add that. Benzo wds are dangerous, where opiate wds are'nt gonna kill you unless you just lay down like a dead dog and give up. What I mean is if you let it eat at you and stop taking care of yourself like drinking and eating when you can. Taking vitamins just anything you think will be helpful and good for you. I have seen a lot of people end up in the hospital because they did'nt take care of themselves in wds. They get dehydrated and everything goes terribly from there.

I guess what i'm trying to say is if you are in wds do everything you can to take care of yourself. Drink lots of fluids even if you can't eat. Take a multi-vitamin it does help. Try not to let the anxiety control you, you try to control the anxiety. FIGHT! Get Mad if you have to. Clonidine does help with the anxiety too so if you can try that rather than benzos. Romeo has said it over and over benzos are worse than opiates and He is sooo right. I just felt like saying all this was important. We are all addicts here and benzos are the most addictive right along with alcohol. The wds from those two substances kinda go hand in hand, they are cross tolerant meaning they pretty much both do the same thing in your brain. Think about DT's from alcohol if you have ever heard about that and remember, benzos xanax, klonipin, valium they will do the same thing to you if you get addicted to them.

Today my wds are still going, my stomach is the worst of it. I wish my appetite would come back because I know if I could eat more it would help. I'm still fighting, this has to end at some point so I'm gonna keep on pushin through. Good Morning everyone! I hope your day goes well.... Will update on mine a lil later. SMILE :D


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