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PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:47 pm 
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Thanks for being protective. That is the way I took your post. I felt that you were defending me. I appreciate it. You do a good job, a VERY Good job at defending the forum members! My hat is off to you! And Yeah I'm a girl who likes hats LOL!


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 Post subject: Day 28
PostPosted: Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:58 am 
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I have my moments. LOL! I feel really good considering what my body has been going through all these days. Today I have a major headache. Maybe that means something is getting right UP stairs. I hope anyway! I find that I am quicker to apologize these days, I take full ownership of my mistakes and have no problem landing a "Sorry I was messed up" where It is due." I am patching up some long lost friendships and seeing the error of my ways a LOT these days. I am also having Flashbacks all throughout the days of memories I had tried to bury. They are surfacing! Some are pretty bad, but I take them as they come and deal with how they make me feel. Then those storms seem to rest and I feel a peace about them where I had them pent up for so long. It is healing! Thank God I have someone to vent to! Thank God for this forum and the support I have been receiving because of it. It is a wonderful thing indeed! Physically I feel much better than I did a few days ago. I still get sweats here and there, and I have my good moments and bad moments. LIFE right! I am taking it day by day, and feel that I am making progress with each passing day at this point. I still take Xanax to sleep at night and I sleep around 6 or 7 hours. I am not sure how my sleep will be when I do not have an aid, but I will just have to see when I get there! Other than my head hurting and sweats off and on and some minor aches and pains I am doing fine. Just moving on along pushing through. Learning life without opiates! Learning a LOT about myself. Loving myself a whole lot more now. Feeling a lot better, but just not quite there yet! I will have a sneezing spell now and again that reminds me this storm IS not over, but progress is happening! Hope everyone is hanging in and Hanging on! Have A Great DAY!


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 10, 2013 12:04 pm 
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One thing that tripped me up during my recovery was coming to realize just how many things I fucked up during my drug days. It also seemed like a lot of those memories hit all at once, too. I was attending NA during this time, one of my friends in the program saw what I was going through and they said the most beautiful thing to me, they said, "our character defects do not define who we are" and with that comment, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I had been letting the mistakes of my past and the guilt from those mistakes crush me until my friend said that to me. That comment allowed me to start forgiving myself and to move on.

You sound like you're doing really good in this department, but I wanted to mention what happened to me in case you find yourself where I was.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 10:05 am 
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Crazy site mess, LOL I cannot see a thing beyond the 10th of this month. FABULOUS! I had a message from someone wondering if their account got deleted because of something they posted I assume their entire thread is missing. That can be a bummer, I hope this gets straightened out, or I have just time traveled 7 days back. Just kidding! Ahhh, I'm still alive and still going! Hope everyone else is too!? I wouldn't know..............


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 4:16 pm 
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Please see my announcement in the Miscellaneous Suboxone Issues section.

Nothing has been censored but we did lose some posts and threads.

Amy

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 Post subject: Day 36
PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 9:10 am 
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Temper temper temper! I have graduated to this guy :evil: . I try to keep it under control. It is healthy my temper these days. Headaches ARG! Keeping myself busy is KEY these days. Anxiety is pretty bad too...... I am hanging in and hanging on! Time time time!


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:13 pm 
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Today was pretty brutal. I saw my Psychiatrist today, She was hard on me today. She asked me a lot of tough ass questions. I wasn't answering them to her liking either. Oh well, This is ME a person she has never met before, A person off opiates. Maybe that threw her for a loop. IDK It was not fun. I was thinking she will be proud of me, I made it 36 days already. HA HA! She wasn't proud of shit LOL She was on me like white on rice and I didn't do anything wrong lol. I don't know maybe she is trying to keep me tough or something. I laugh now, at the time I felt I was strapped in an electric chair, I walked out having a nervous breakdown LOL! I feel better now but geez, I was thinking Doc take it easy I'm fragile SHIT! Just thought I would share that.

Saturday night will be my first NA meeting. Wish Me luck!


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:19 pm 
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Congrats on 36. While I did not see a physch. I did go see my Suboxone Doctor and handed it my last prescription which I never filled and the rest of my films. He was crazy excited for me and can't wait till our next group meeting because so many people are afraid to come off. I will be pointing to lot's of tough people here including you. Keep it up!


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 9:57 pm 
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I wonder why she took such a hard line with you. After all, you've followed the instructions to taper off sub. I'm sure she wants to make sure that you don't take any steps backward in your recovery, so maybe she is being "bad cop" to keep you from feeling complacent.

Here are some of the things the psychiatrist should have said to you! Great job, GL! I know this process hasn't been easy on you and you've done a remarkable taper and cessation of suboxone! I'm proud of you!

Is that better? Because you deserve it!!!

Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:01 pm 
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Good luck at your NA meeting....try not to do anything stupid!! :lol:

That's interesting about your psychiatrist being hard on you. When I went to see my addiction counselor (I was 17 days off of Suboxone), he and I got into a huge fight. He kept pressing me about this, that and the other and I just wasn't in the mood, I guess? He was talking to me about recovery, but everything recovery related he was saying to me was sailing right over my head. I was like you, I went in there thinking he'd be proud of me and all I wanted to hear was how proud he was of me, BUT NO, he kept jibber jabbing about recovery. I think my counselor and your psychiatrist knew/know what we were facing by living completely drug free and they're actually trying to help us.....even though it pissed us off!! lol

Oh yeah, I went to my Suboxone Dr. 30 days after getting off Suboxone for a follow up. I was still feeling pretty crumby and she suggested I go back on Suboxone. I believe it was at this point in time that I made a snide comment about her family tree having only one branch. I was in rare form back then!! :wink:

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Last edited by Romeo on Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:09 pm 
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Fuck your doctor she should have waited for like a month when you ain't gunna run out of the office all pissy and go do something stupid. I hate that shit, when you go to great lengths to change your life, cuz you're trying to be like society, the good people, because you admire them and want to be good like them, and then once you make the plunge they give you tough shit right away, that makes me run right back into the doghouse like Fuck you if you're gunna be a bitch, I knew I left stupid-ass society for a reason, and you just reminded me of it.

But you aren't gunna do that, cuz you're smart. And you know there's plenty of good people out there, doing good things, working hard to stay away from temptations and being greatly rewarded in the end, and these are the people you are fighting for! You will find these people some day, and live with them in harmony, and get to bitch about your stupid-ass doctor and your friend's stupid people they have also encountered, and you will live together and say We will not let these people ruin our happiness and good lives! And you will be proud, because you defeated the evil psychiatrist and her mean tricks because she is SOO jealous that you are a million times more mentally strong than she is, you defeated her at her own little game, she always felt like hot shit knowing she was more mentally sound than her patients, will HA she got a snake bite up the ass today cuz Mama's in town Now!

So yes, you will look back at your low-life doctor, and realize Hey you don't need a professional to tell you you are the most strongest mentally-talented person ever, because you have proved it to yourself. And you will look back at overcoming her stupid-ass attitude, and laugh at how much of a bitch she was. And you and your new societal friends will have similar stories of telling them how they stuck it to the man too, but without putting dirty drugs in their bodies.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:55 pm 
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36 days is tight yo! I'm still 24 days away from where you are. Good work and bitch-slap that psych would ya! I've found that doctors don't know shit, especially if they haven't been through the trying times with addiction that folks like us have. Hang in there!


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 Post subject: Day 37 Thanks everyone!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 7:55 am 
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Invisible Movement I straight cracked up reading your post. It is true, So true, But damn you went off LOL! Good stuff...

UH ROMEOLIO I will try my best not to do anything stupid at the NA meeting. LOL I will likely be scared to death and staring at everyone like a fruitcake. Silent and observing and hoping I am invisible LOL!

Amy Thanks, That was so simple Right LOL! That's all I wanted to hear! Yeah, I believe she is just trying to keep me focused. She is using her methods (I guess)!~ I can see where others may get frustrated and upset. Wait actually MOST people would have been very upset and maybe that is why she kept drilling me. Maybe she wanted me to cry or show remorse or something. I guess what she doesn't realize is that I have plenty of remorse for my active using days. I show it to the people I am around daily. A few days ago before the site crash I posted about landing Sorry's where they are due and seeing the error of my ways with good friends who are not addicts. The people I pushed away when I was on full agonists. They have all forgivin me so for that I am grateful. I am simply not one to let a Doctor of any type push me around or make me cry BOO HOO whatever, They are no different that anyone else HUMANS We all make mistakes and they are not exempt. Lee said He was glad he wasn't there with me, He said He would have LOST His shit, LOL. He isn't fragile like me right now either, He has never been an opiate addict recovering... So yeah, a lot of people would have taken that meeting to heart and possibly screwed up because of it. I REFUSE! I was just thinking Wow You really do not know me, and why should she? She has never even seen me off opiates before yesterday. So I forgive her.

Day 37 learning to deal with life without opiates. My pits still sweat here and there. I get headaches. I am doing better, anxiety sucks. I am just hanging with one end of my rope frayed, but the other end is intact now, just gotta keep climbing out of this hole.


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