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 Post subject: Possible trouble ahead??
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 11:26 pm 
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Well, it's that time of year. My wife's family is due to come over for a cook-out over Memorial Day weekend and my Opana using brother-in-law will be here.

My wife reminded me of the visit yesterday and within an hour or so, I started having those 'secret' thoughts of getting me a little Opana. Right away, I told on myself and let her know of the thoughts I was having. That alone helped to minimize the thoughts.

The thoughts aren't completely gone yet, they're weaker and less intense, but I want them even weaker and less intense still, so I figured I'd really piss of my disease and tell on myself to the whole forum. (my addiction is gonna SCREAM when I hit the send button!! GOOD!!!!)

Instead of running head-long into another relpase, I'm actually practicing my recovery this time. I went ahead and went to an NA meeting tonight, I haven't been in 3 months, but I knew I needed it. I'm also "centering" myself regularly, this calms me and gets me back in the moment. I'm trying to see the end result of my using, instead of just the getting high part....this one is tougher because my mind wants to focus on the whole ritual of using the Opana, I don't just pop an Opana in my mouth when I use it, I do it another way. I'm closer to not reviewing the ritual, just a little more work to do on that one.

Oh Yeah, and the visit is scheduled for my 6 month clean date!! My 6 month clean date and my 2 year anniversary off of Suboxone are within days of each other, I am NOT buggering all this up!!! The "cravings" I've been getting are really not very strong, but I'm not taking any chances, I'm putting my game face on and winning this one!!

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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 11:34 pm 
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YOU can do THIS romeo...............


look, YOU already told on yourself, its gonna be different this time, cuz YOU already made it different!!!!

OMG, you ARE Learning somethin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wink:


We all know this is not easy, ever. Even when we think it is, its just a lil easIER, but in no way easy.

Keep your eye on the prize, tiger, , , , , ,

you can get thru this ,,,,,, without opana

Look at all that support you've got too!! I know THAT pisses of your/our addiction as well.


Good luck man, try to enjoy yourself,

keep doing what your doing, I think you really are catching on to this whole recovery idea :wink:

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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 11:54 pm 
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Just a thought cold You reward Yourself with something that is better for you. You know splurge on something for yourself ? I know we all enjoy that High, I was on Opiates for Pain Management, but let me tell you when I was taking my Norcos, I could kick butt at work and it did feel GOOD. Can you make yourself Feel GOOD with something else, something that is not a BAD thing but maybe a GOOD thing ? A Vacation, A new fishing Rod, Hell I don't know what you do for Fun, maybe tie it in with Family somehow. Be creative, Use that Head that is up on those shoulders for more than Crave something that is Not Needed in Your Life. Just a Thought, I may be way off base. But thru-out my life I have always rewarded myself for doing good things, working hard, making good money etc.....My Toy of choice was cars, I have an Monster sitting out in the garage that I can drive cause I can't afford it right now, because of my PROBLEM. Hope this at least get's You to Thinking !


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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 11:55 pm 
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You broke the pattern! It's a great step for you and it's terrific. I'm very proud of you, just as you should be.

Is there some kind of positive reinforcement you can set up for yourself to help get you through the day? Some kind of special reward? I honestly don't know if that's a good or bad idea, but in this case, I can't see how it can hurt.

OK, this is going to sound like a crazy idea, but here goes. Maybe on that day your wife can promise to do some very special intimate favors for you that night if you're a very good boy during the day? I know, it's funny, ha ha ha, but seriously, that would occupy your mind, remind you of your wife and daughter, and keep you laughing. What do you think?

I'm trying to think of some kinds of positive reinforcement/reward that would work in such a situation. You need something to look ahead for. And you need to STAY out of that pattern of yours that you managed to successfully break.

Keep up the good work. You ARE progressing forward - and that's what counts.

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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:52 am 
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Hey I'm new here but how about asking the brother in law to leave his "stuff" at home for the cookout? However you seem to be getting strouger as your recovery grows. Trggers are tuff to handel at times. Enjoy your family and the weekend.


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 3:30 am 
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Romeo wrote:
The thoughts aren't completely gone yet, they're weaker and less intense, but I want them even weaker and less intense still, so I figured I'd really piss of my disease and tell on myself to the whole forum. (my addiction is gonna SCREAM when I hit the send button!! GOOD!!!!)


Can posting on an anonymous forum really piss off your disease like that? IMO we are way too distant from each other for a measure like this to really have much bearing. If I did what you're doing now, I can't really imagine myself thinking in the throws of cravings when the time comes "ohhh but I told everyone on Suboxforum I wouldn't use" ... And even if you did, the addiction would respond with "how would they know anyway?"

If you really wanna piss off your addiction, tell your wife. . . Or even better, tell your brother in law... actually, tell both!

Only telling the forum is a cop-out Romeo and you know it.


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 9:36 am 
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I did tell my wife, I told her immediately. My brother in law knows too. He knows full well I'm a recovering addict.

Telling on myself to the forum is only 1 of the things that I'm doing. I really don't mean to sound snotty, but did you read my original post?

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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 9:42 am 
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If you're being snotty, then I guess I am, too, because I was thinking the same thing. LOL.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 9:46 am 
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ahhkay ... I did read your post, but I read it wrong. For some reason I read "I told on myself" as telling yourself off, like slapping yourself on the wrist or chastising yourself, then I skimmed over the rest of the line.

Carry on! :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 10:09 am 
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Amber, I think I am catching onto this recovery thing.....can ya believe it?? :lol:

One day ata Time, I think the best reward I could give myself is to not use. That alone would mean the world to me and be a huge reward for me, in and of itself. Thanks for your support.

Hat, I am pretty proud of myself. Most every other time I've had a situation like this, I would sit there alone and try to struggle through it.....most of the time I would fail. This time, however, I saw the problem coming and I decided to do something DIFFERENT.....that is progress for me. I showed my wife your reply about the intimate favors and she said "ahh, just go ahead and use drugs Romeo" LOL!!! Just kidding!! She whispered in my ear what she was gonna do, do to the graphic nature of the whispering, I can not share what she said!! :D

razor53, that's a great idea, I can't believe I never thought of that. The only thing is this, I'm so tired of having to run and hide whenever pills are present, I'm sick of it and I'm ready to move forward. I think I've reached the point in my recovery where I can stand up to them, even if they are near. This situation has been a long time coming and I think I'm ready for it. I really think if I can get a couple "close encounters" with pills under my belt that it'll move me and my recovery forward nicely. I'm not going to go out of my way to seek to be near pills, but I need to build up the strength to resist them when they are near.

Tear, how dare you skim over my carefully written words, you're supposed to cherish and savor every word I write, chew on them like fine morsels and......hahahaha!!

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 Post subject: Memorial day
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 1:29 pm 
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Oh and please don't jump over the fence to fetch a ball.... lol!!!!

Awsome that you told your wife.
Hat~ Awsome idea. If only we could plant that seed into Mrs. Romeo's head.

~I wish you much luck. Too bad you couldn't take a naltrexone that morning or a sub.... I have had to do that for insurance... anyway. Have yourself a great 3 day weekend Romeo. Make it count! (and do not give up your sobriety, it (and the fam bam) is worth A LOT more than that dirty nasty drug)


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 Post subject: You can do this !
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 6:12 pm 
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Romeo,

Oh, man, you said the "O" word. I know how your feeling. That was one of my DOC.

Since I am still new to this. 4 months on Suboxone. (I really gotta put my story up), You gave me some great tips.
First was telling your wife. I'm sure that alone with help. She will back you up like no one else.
I think even though you told the forum and your anonymous, your addiction is still pissed.
Addictions rather us keep them secret, so I see your point in pissing it off.

You CAN DO THIS !
Stay strong, stay focused. Take a good look at your BIL. I'm sure he will have a far away, F'd up look in his eyes. And you, you will have clear, focused eyes.
Stay clear of him ! He's not on the same road you are on. He's on the highway to hell !


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PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2012 7:08 am 
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I think what u did is quite admirable.. Just confronting ur demons can only help IMO. Good luck with ur get together with ur family. Stay positive and keep us all posted. Congrats on all the bench marks with the sobriety aswell.


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PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:19 pm 
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congratulations on how youre dealing with this Romeo, youre an inspiring person


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PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2012 5:38 pm 
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Go Romes! I'm thinking about you this weekend. I know you can do it!!!!

I'm really learning from your mistakes and experiences. I'm still on sub now, but there will come a day when I need to use other tools to stay off my DOC. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your real-life struggles to us!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:57 pm 
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SUCCESS!!! I made it through the get together with no major issues. Once or twice, I had some fleeting thoughts, but that's all they were....fleeting thoughts.

Thank you ALL for the kind words and support, it's much appreciated.

The decision to start this thread was a difficult one, I honestly felt like a complete dumbass when I posted it because of the nature of the original post. "Telling on myself" sounded so.....childish?? Childish isn't the right word......maybe humbling is a better word. I had to humble myself.....and it was difficult, but I'm glad I did it because I was having some serious thoughts of using, but once I posted the original post, those thoughts really quieted down.

This recovery crap actually seems to work!! :D

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PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2012 11:20 pm 
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Well done for opening up Romeo...

I guess what I was trying to get across was that it's all up to you on the day. While it's commendable and a good move to open up about it on here, on the day if a craving were to surface this forum may be the furthest thing from your mind. So what's most important isn't what happens here, but what practical measures you put in place. It's great you've told your wife and your brother in law is aware. If you think it's at all possible you might act out and use, ideally right now it'd be best if you could somehow make it impossible for you to use that day. Maybe make sure your brother in law only brings enough Opana for his own requirements? Enough people in the family are aware now that it MUST be possible to come up with a solution.


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PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2012 12:58 am 
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You are the shiz! You da man! You are amazing! Congrats Rome!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:16 pm 
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Well done Romeo. You need to congratulate yourself on a big win. We are not always able to avoid the scenarios that get us in trouble. Quick story- I was working at a Walgreens a while back and we were redoing the pharmacy. I actually laughed when I got the paperwork for the job. When moving a set of shelves, I found about 4-6 norco. I quickly pocketed the pills and kept working, but when I got home I just threw them in the toilet and flushed them. That may not sound like a big deal to a normal person, but for me it was a major turning point in my addiction and the feeling of pride stayed with me. The beast is still in the corner, but is less influential as time passes. I think you should congratulate yourself at the end of every good day. It's not easy and you deserve it.


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