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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:13 am 
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THE DEMON INSIDE
BY A YOUNG GIRLS MOTHER

THERE'S BEEN A DEMON CHASING MY DAUGHTER,
MADE HER FORGET ALL THE GOOD THINGS I TAUGHT HER.
HE'S CLEVER, QUICK, SMOOTH AND SWEET,
MAKING HER SICK, AND TO LIE, STEAL AND CHEAT.

BEFORE WE KNEW IT, HER LIFE HAD CHANGED,
IT GOT ALL SCREWED UP AND REARRANGED.
THOSE SHE ONCE LOVED DON'T KNOW WHO SHE BECAME,
THEY MISS HER AND CRY BECAUSE SHE JUST ISN'T THE SAME.

THEY MISS THE HAPPY GIRL THEY ONCE KNEW,
GLIMPSES OF HER BECAME RARER AND FEW.
tHE DEMON HAD HER LOCKED INSIDE,
FORCED HER TO GO RUN AND HIDE.

BUT PRAISE TO GOD, THINGS GOT CLEARER,
THE DEMON SAW THAT HE CAN'T COME NEAR HER.
HE CAN STOMP AND MOAN AND THROW A FIT,
BUT LISTEN HERE DEMON, WE'RE DONE WITH IT!

WE HAD HER FIRST AND WE LOVE HER MORE,
JUST GO ON NOW THROUGH THAT OPEN DOOR.
BACK TO THE STREETS FROM WHERE YOU CAME,
SHE'S NO LONGER A PLAYER IN HEROIN'S GAME.

SHE'S STRONGER AND TOUGHER AND SMARTER THAN YOU,
SHE HAS PEOPLE WHO LOVE HER, BEST KNOW THAT WE DO!
WE ALL STAND TOGETHER AND ARE FORCING YOU OUT,
NO LONGER WORRIED AND HAVE ERASED ALL THE DOUBT.

SHE NO LONGER NEEDS YOU AND SHE NEVER WILL,
YOU JUST GOT IN HER HEAD, TO A PLACE YOU COULD FILL.
BREAKING DOWN HER EMOTIONS, HER SOUL AND HER HEART,
BUT THAT'S OVER NOW, YOU CAN'T TEAR HER APART.

YOU'RE A THING OF THE PAST, GONE FOREVER FROM HERE,
DON'T TRY TO COME BACK, DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR.
SHE HAS HER WHOLE LIFE TO LIVE AND SO MUCH MORE LEFT TO DO,
SHE WILL BE HAPPY AND FREE FROM THE CLUTCHES OF YOU.

NOW GOD STANDS BESIDE HER AND ME AS HER MOTHER,
YOU'LL NEVER TOUCH HER AGAIN, COUNT ON IT BROTHER.
SHE'S COME BACK HOME AND LEFT YOU BEHIND HER,
AND I THANK THE LORD FOR LETTING ME FIND HER.

SHE IS SAFE HERE AGAIN, UNDER MY LOVING WING,
YOU'VE BECAME NOTHING MORE THAN A DANGEROUS FLING.
GONE FROM HER YOUNG LIFE, THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG,
OUTCAST AND FORSAKEN FOR NOW MY DAUGHTER IS STRONG.

SHE WILL NEVER SURRENDER TO NONE OF YOUR CHARMS,
SHE IS BACK BESIDE ME AND IN GOD'S LOVING ARMS.
FINALLY AND FOREVER SHE HAS BEATEN YOU DOWN,
SHE SENT YOU PACKING ON BACK TO YOUR OWN PART OF TOWN.

SO JUST LEAVE HER ALONE AND FORGET HER SWEET NAME,
SHE'S NO LONGER A PLAYER IN YOUR DEADLY GAME.
MY GIRL WILL LIVE TO GROW UP NOW, HEALTHY AND STRONG,
AND YOU GO TO HELL, BACK WHERE YOU BELONG.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 8:48 am 
Wow!! Thats an awesome poem!! I've always like poems. Im pretty good at writing them myself. Although i havent wrote one in awhile. I rate it an 11 on a 10 point system. I loved it!! Im hope things will keep getting better!! Take care!!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:00 pm 
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That is totally awesome! How heartfelt, how beautiful. All of your love is reflected in those precious lines you wrote.

I must admit to a knot in my throat and a tear. That was so moving. I am saving it and showing it to my daughter. She has been so supportive in my recovery, I'm sure she will love it.

It takes someone special to be able to express thier feelings like that. It truly shows how much she is loved and how a positive outlook is the only thing you see from now on.

God bless you & your special talent. It is truly inspirational and I'm sure we can all relate to it since we are going through our own struggles.

Love Queenie


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:44 pm 
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Jeez, now thats a poem we can all relate to! I love this, and I am usually not so in to poems but this speaks to me. It not only shows the demon and what it has done to a daughter but what it does to the families of those that are loved and sometimes lost forever. Thank you for sharing this, it is really good. I just recently kicked the demon from my life and it's definitely no walk in the park and he's always waiting for me to mess up. :x It's so easy to do the wrong thing, so much harder to do the right thing. I'm glad you'r daughter took a walk down the right path.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:59 pm 
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it was a short trip down the right path. I guess I wrote the poem too soon. I picked her up from rehab last night and she bolted immediately. She traded her suboxone for 20 dollars and a 20 rock of THE DEMON. What the hell. Now I am lost again. I told her either she lets me control the sub that is left and I put it in her mouth personally or she leaves my house. I can't take this shit no more. I had such very high hopes. she said the rock she got for someone else and it was strangely untouched and when she did come home she was 100 percent sober. I don't believe that line of shit though. If she so anxious to be clean why is she even around someone with H. I can see this turning ugly. She says she wants to get on methadone and not the sub. I am against this as in she can just get high and even use on top of it. I am all the way back to ground zero. This Demon has all but destroyed me, let alone her. But on a brighter note I am glad you enjoyed the Poem. I rolled that out in 15 minutes flat. Those types of feelings flow pretty easy.


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 Post subject: I am that daughter
PostPosted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 12:54 pm 
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Let me start with that was a very good poem with alot of truths. It really speaks to me because I am that girl through and through. I remember always disapointing my mother whenever I relapsed. I am still fighting the battle. I have only recently been on suboxone and yet it has worked well thus far I am still scared that it will not be enough. It is hard for someone that is not an addict to understand. The demon gets in your brain and consumes every thought, every dream, EVERYTHING! And that is not even the half of it. In your case if your daughter is using again try not to be to hard on her atleast she wants this madness to stop. Or I think she does. Did she get clean because she wanted to? Or because someone forced her to? That makes all the difference. If she dont have it set in her own head than getting sober at this time is out of the question. But if she is the one that wants to than that is great because she knows the pain and suffering which only us addicts know. Your daughter might win she might lose but as long as she is trying and wanting this change there is not much more you can do. It seems like everytime my mom tells me she is proud of me, not long after I seem to do something else to disapoint her. She is now scared to tell me she is proud of me. She did tell me she was proud of me the other day. I told her that I had been clean for a month(longest time ever). Now I am scared because I am so used to screwing up its almost a ritual. Anyway needless to say I know you love her and want what is best. But you cant force anyone into sobriety. And if she is clean right now that is the best she can do at this time. Any clean time is better than nothing. Your best help would be to be supportive about the addiction and know it cannot be cured anytime soon. It takes time alot of time. Yeah we say one day at a time and when them days turn into weeks then months even years we are still not cured. We are in remission. Like cancer this demon can flare up and mess up any clean time we have in. But as long as we admit are mistakes and try again thats best anyone can do that is suffering from this illness. I dont if I shed any light on the sugject but in my mind if she wants it she will come around. If this is her first time trying than you are in for a ride. I have never met any addict that did it on there first try. Some may but most have not. With that good luck and be supportive thats really all you can do the rest is up to her. Take care and Happy New Year. :wink:

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 Post subject: about that methadone
PostPosted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 1:02 pm 
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I have a friend going to the methadone clinic and he says that they raise your doses so gradually that you dont get high you just feel normal. I also thought about going on methadone but where I live I would have to drive 100 miles everyday to dose. I just dont have that time or money. Which now I am happy for the subs but some prefer methadone over suboxone. and vise versa. I used to take methadone to get high and so did my friend that now goes to the clinic. And like I said he is just at a normal point not high. And hes clean for the first time in many years to me that is better than nothing. He has been going for about 2 years he no longer has to go daily but goes weekly and is doing fine. I hope this helps good luck. :wink:

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 Post subject: just wondering.
PostPosted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:27 pm 
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i am a recovered addict myself momofateenaddict. and i was just wondering in mind if you have a boyfriend or anyone in your life that is willing to stand by you in any of this? i see you said you was not with either father of your kids. but do you have a person in your life as a boyfriend or a person you are seeing that would be willing to give you the love and support you need in this because im sure it could help you if you did? im not trying to butt in. but i wondered because sometimes not only us as addicts need someone by oursides.. its the ones that have to deal with the hard issues of doing it alone as in your case that also needs that support in things like this. you all need someone to lean on and to have hold in times like this im not getting personal just asking if you have support of someone that loves you and is there for you thru this?


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:29 pm 
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I am glad you liked my poem. Your story did help me yes. and NO this is not her first time trying and no, I think she does it for me. This time she did it to avoid jail and if you read any of my old posts you will see we been traveling down this path a long long sad time. I KNOW there is nothing I can really do. I KNOW she has to want to change. I KNOW that it is all up to her and that the DEMON has her by the short hairs. All this I know and much much more. But as her Mom, and being enabling codependent idiot that I am, I so want her to be ready. Her health is declining and at age 21, well, her veins need fixed, her kidneys have stones which came back as drug residue deposits, her liver is in all kinds of Hep C illness. And still she won't stop. I am just so scared and it is hard to sit back and watch.

Thankyou for the information on the methadone. I've not done my research on it as I have the Sub and the H. I didn't know she wanted this but when she came out of rehab the clients told her she could go get on it and that they would give her a check...for gas I assume? We also live a 180 mile round trip away from any clinic and with gas prices I just don't see how I'd do that. No she does not work, she couldn't hold a job right now if the job held her. So, hust between a rock and a hard place as usual. I can't believe she is refusing to take the sub. It makes me double mad when I know how many people would give their right arm to get the sub and here she is refusing it?? She just isnt ready...I hope not to be planning her funeral. Her tolerance is super high because of the sub being taken then not taken, doses all wacked out....I am afraid she gonna overdose. I wait continually for "The " phone call. I know...it's extremely unhealthy for me but I can't detach from this child any easier than I could rip the beating heart from my chest!!


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:30 pm 
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and very nice awesome poem!! very touching i will that.


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 Post subject: very touching-
PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 6:16 pm 
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Hi momofateenaddict

I just had to say your poem was very touching to me.Your daughter reminds me of how I was at her age.That was when my whole addiction got started.I met up with an old boyfriend from high school,hadent seen him in many years and he turned me on to herion.It's exactally like you describe. A DEMON! I put my mom though this same crap. I lied,I stole I went in and out of various rehabs just to replapse as soon as I got out.You have to change your life.You can't hang around those same "friends" anymore!! It took me many years but I figured that out.I ended up going on methadone for 3 years and just so ya know I WAS using H on top of the methadone and I was still getting high.It took me just getting tired of the whole thing.I cut myself off from that boyfriend, moved and statred a few job.I was 21.I was on methadone matainence I taperd slowly down to 1 mg from 75 and finally quit.This took a couple years.

That was 6 years ago-I had soberity until last year.During that time I got my life straight.Got married,had a child.Thought I was "recovered"I was very wrong!! This is a lifetime battle. It all started back with 1 script and before I knew it I was back in my addiction but now with a new drug called oxycontion. Different drug,same demon. Suboxone is the only thing that has keeps me sober. I realize I need more than that too. I'm in therapy and I attend meetings.Probably will forever. This diesease has to be managed for the rest of your life. Theres no easy cure.I really hope your daughter can find soberity.I really do.I think suboxone would really benefit her the most...Just my opinion from what you've told us.Please keep us updated.If you ever need to talk I'm here.Take care-


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 7:49 pm 
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Well , Your story is very tragic indeed. I am beginning to see for my girl that the Demon will always have her to some degree. If she knew even one smidgen about addiction like I do, then she would maybe fight a bit harder. It is me who chases her recovery and sadly, as I know now and as all of you have told me, that just will never work. I try to get her on the forum, I try to get her to go to meetings, she goes to group because she has to....if only if only....

She said she wanted to try the methadone and I guess if it will take her maybe one tiny inch in the right direction I support her. I just am really shocked that she refuses the sub. Now that is someone who just isnt ready. I tried to accept that. It's just hard watching the person you love more than you love anything go downhill at that young age. I have to wonder if she even knows she will deal with this the rest of her life. I wonder if she thinks one day she will just wake up and say "I'm done." That would be nice. Yes, this DEMON has many faces and disguises. Thanks you for the encouraging and some not so encouraging but honest words of wisdom!!


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